Does Miller Park have adequate drainage? A rudimentary lesson in hydrology (or our most interesting post ever)

It's not often I get to use my professional expertise in the environmental sciences to write about sport-related topics, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to hear that the Brewers may be displaced for their upcoming series against the Twins due to severe flooding at Miller Park. As for you Milwaukee-area fans and friends / YCS co-authors who may have flooded basements or--at a minimum--are pissed off at the prospect of the Brewers losing three home games: Sucks to be you. Ha-haw. Etc.

Like any normal person, my first reaction upon reading the story was to check out the USGS website and look up the severity of the storms that caused the flooding. The result: It was a lot of friggin' rain.

The table below shows the Thursday night / Friday mornng rainfall totals and river stage data from the USGS gauge on the Monemonee River in Wauwatosa, about three miles from the stadium. The gauge height in the second column is the water surface elevation relative to a datum of 628.86 above sea level (i.e. a reading of 0.00 = 628.86 above sea level). The rainfall column is the measured rainfall over the given 5-minute interval, and the final three columns are running totals for the time interval given in the column heading.

As the table shows, the rainfall was extremely intense over a two-hour period that resulted in 4.40 inches of rain--just over half of that falling in the first half-hour. In all, from the time the rain began at 11:15 Thursday night through 11:15 Friday night, 5.40 inches of rain fell on 'Tosa.

Without spending the time to look up the rainfall frequency distributions for the Milwaukee area, I'm going to assume that they're only marginally different than those for the northeast Illinois region, which are shown on the following chart pulled from the Illinois State Water Survey, Bulletin 70. The colored lines plot the 30-minute, 1-hour, 2-hour, and 24-hour peak rainfall totals from Thursday / Friday storm that's left the Brewers homeless for the time being.

[For those unfamiliar with the term, a "recurrence interval" is the theoretical period of time that will ellapse between one random event and an event of equal or greater magnitude. For a full explanation, go here.]

By any measure, this was indeed a very rare downpour, and--contrary to popular belief--all that water doesn't just disappear when it hits the ground. If you go back to our table, you see that the Menomonee River crested at 15.35 feet above datum, which, according to NOAA, is expected to occur once every 15 years (roughly) and has been exceeded only three times since 1973. That, my friends, is what we in the biz call a "flood."

Now, none of this answers the question posed in the title. Was Miller Park properly designed to handle severe weather events? Unfortunately, I resold my Standard Design of Stormwater Drainage Systems for 50,000-Seat Baseball Stadiums, 4th Edition textbook for booze money once I got my D in the college course, but I'll guess that a project as costly and conspicuous as Miller Park would have been designed for a 100-year storm and 100-year flood.

If I'm right (probably not the case), it doesn't necessarily signal failure on the part of Miller Park's architects because, after all, it does not sound as though the stadium underwent any permanent damage. Also, my experience has taught me that stormwater management is a highly empirical and highly imperfect art that's very difficult to get "right." (Or at least that's the line I use at work.)

Pretty cool stuff, huh? Well, I hope you've learned something valuable. (Disclosure: You have not.)

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Patronizing defense of the ladies

In case you didn't notice--which I assume you haven't unless, like me, you have a raging lesbian fetish--the WNBA season begins this afternoon.

Sadly, I suspect that this could be one of the last WNBA opening days, if not the last. Without knowing the details of the league's financial troubles, the signals are plentiful. Consider:

1. More so than NBA players, many women's basketball players have been looking to Europe (I recall an ESPN feature a year or so ago about Diana Taurasi and Sue Bird making big bucks in Russia) for larger paychecks in recent years.

2. The league trimmed its roster size from 13 to 11 coming into this season.

3. The Phoenix Mercury will have the name of their primary corporate sponsor, LifeLock, an identity theft prevention service, emblazoned on their uniforms this year.

4. Although today's Detroit Shock-L.A. Sparks game will be broadcast on ABC, there is absolutely no mention of it currently on ESPN.com's homepage, and we all know that ESPN hypes the mother-loving shit out of every sport (and non-sport) that it broadcasts, even ones that generate little interest outside of a tiny niche market.

5. As I've just discovered, ESPN.com does not have a WNBA page. Although the dropdown "ALL SPORTS" button at the top of the homepage has a link for WNBA, it actually takes you to the general "Women's Basketball" page that covers both college and pro women's hoops. 

Speaking of said page, check out the "girly" color scheme they use for it:

So who's doing the patronizing now?

Of course, that perfectly represents the way that ESPN's marketing of the WNBA--not to mention the league's marketing of itself (see: pretty much every team nickname in the league)--has, in my opinion, gone great lengths to undermine the credibility of the league. Year-in and year-out, ESPN promotes the WNBA (and the NCAA Women's Tournament for that matter) with some trite "feminist anthem" to play up the image of WNBA players as selfless, wholesome role models and not--just like the menfolk--the highly competitive animals they are. (Last year, I believe the promotional tune was Liz Phair's "Extraordinary," which--as a huge fan of Exile in Guyville--I find cruelly appropriate. Oh, Liz... Once so gritty; how you cheapened yourself!) God forbid ESPN would use a song sung by a man or that actual WNBA players might, you know, listen to. 

To size up this effect, look no further than the dual "Oh, heavens, no! The ladies are fighting!" / "Ooh, catfight!" reaction that last year's Detroit-L.A. in-game brawl mainly received. It was one out of the roughly two instances--the title clincher possibly being the other, though I wouldn't be so confident--that an out-of-market WNBA game was covered by local news outlets, and ESPN, of course, milked the "controversy" of it. I remember Jamele Hill wrote a great commentary on the incident, which I think may have been the only occasion where Jamele Hill trumped Bill Simmons's assorted ramblings and Rick Reilly's hacktastic drivel on ESPN.com's home page.

While I do credit ESPN for bringing women's sports to their market--without which, they'd hold even lower status--the fact that the network has simultaneously undermined the WNBA's credibility for the vast majority of that viewer market has, I think, cut significantly into their efforts to promote women's basketball. And as a man with a raging lesbian fetish, I think that's a damned shame.

So who's doing the undermining now?

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I'm Crazy Pickle Moustache. I have a pickle for a moustache... Now give me some Kendeigh!

Via Shysterball, my attention was drawn to this article by WISN sports anchor Andy Kendeigh (pronounced "ken-day" I hope, or else my title is even dumber than it already was). In it, he argues--nicely, I might add--that the Brewers need to ditch the sporadic throwback uni nights and just make a call, one way or another, whether to readopt the popular "MB" ball-and-glove logo. 

However, he closes by suggesting that if the Brewers were to readopt the ball-and-glove logo, they should retain the current color scheme, giving "the current players a look of their own with respect to the past." Unfortunately, there's a simple reason why Kendeigh and everyone else who suggests this is wrong: It's called branding.

By abandoning the ball-and-glove and the old blue and yellow team colors for subsequent monograms and navy-based uniforms, the Brewers traded in a unique, timeless brand for a generic, transient one. In my opinion, it was, and continues to be, a horrible business move, and--without having any way to prove this--I would hypothesize that the Brewers would have made more in merchandise sales since 1993 had they never replaced the old color scheme and logo. And that assumes the uniform changes since then caused a temporary bump in merch sales--an assumption I don't have time to research but would proabably hold true.

The problem with simply bringing back the old logo while keeping the current color scheme, script, and uniform is that it would create an unholy marriage of those two branding alternatives--simple/timeless and fashion-forward. As an organization, you have to make a call. Either choose to be the Yankees--shunning any notable alteration to a classic look--or the Astros--constantly rebranding to keep pace with fashion trends, no matter how outrageous the results.

The ball-and-glove represent timeless values of simplicity and cleverness. Metallic gold trim and odd-shaped, shadow-effect numbers (Matt--you know how I HATE THOSE FANCY NUMBERS) represent acceptable aesthetics circa 2001. The two have nothing in common, so why try to marry them up? At worst, they'd end up like the Nationals, whose 2-D / 3-D mashup serves as a fantastic tribute to Who Framed Roger Rabbit? but sucks as a baseball uniform. At best, they'd end up like the Padres--a team that chases every fleeting fashion trend yet stubbornly holds onto a monogram that doesn't particularly go well with any of the team's multiple rebrandings. That said, the Padres' "SD" is generic enough not to clash with anything. The ball-and-glove is too distinct, I think, to get away with this.

The Yankees approach and the Astros approach are both perfectly acceptable, but the in-betweens are rarely pretty. If the Brewers' marketing people were smart like me, they would opt for the timeless look, primarily because it jives better with midwestern values of stasis and being homely. Not only does this approach carry intrinsic advantages of familiarity and resistance to early obsolescence, it would also--in the Brewers' case--come with an instantly recognizable, one-of-a-kind logo and rarely-used color scheme.

So I hope you're reading this, Brewers front office people. And if you are, my consulting fee is $130/hour. Pay up.

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If only the NFL Draft were more like a fantasy draft

Commissioner Goodell approaches the mic stand, licking wing sauce off his fingers and hastily wiping his hands on his shirt.

Goodell: Alright, guys. Let's get this thing started. We'll cut the suspense... Lions take Stafford #1.

"Bust!"... "Shoulda taken Crabtree"... "Ballsy pick... not!"

Goodell: Ok, second pick... the Rams take Mark Sanchez.

"What?!"... "Are you retarded?"... Chiefs GM Scot Pioli forces robust guffaws and dramatically slaps the table.

Rams GM Billy Devaney: Whatever... I'm gonna look like a genius for this. You watch.

49ers GM Scot McCloughan: I'll bet you $5 million in cap space that he never throws more than 10 TDs in a season.

Devaney: You're on, chump.

Goodell: Come on, guys... No side bets. At least not this early on.

***

Goodell: With the 22nd pick, the Vikings select...

Goodell pauses, walks from the podium over to Vikings Director of Player Personnel George Paton.

Goodell: [whispering] Dude... didn't you hear? He messed up his knee last month. You sure you want him?

Paton: He did?! Oh, shit... Nah... Give me... Everett Brown then.

Falcons GM Thomas Dimitroff: Hey, what the fuck?! Don't help him out!

Goodell: Chill out, man. You know his mom's been sick, and he hasn't had a lot of time to research this stuff lately.

Dimitroff: So what? That's his problem.

Goodell: Dude...

Dimitroff: This is bullshit! I was gonna pick Brown.

Goodell: Sure you were.

Dimitroff: I totally was! Look, I even checked him off on my depth chart!

Goodell: Tough.

Dimitroff: This is so gay.

***

Goodell: With the 46th pick, the Texans select [snickering] Ki-Jana Carter, from the... [starts cracking up, spilling some of his beer]

[laughter]... "Ooh, ooh, I want Tony Mandarich!"... "Is Akilli Smith still available?"... [laughter]

Goodell: Ok, ok... Shit, what pick was this? Oh right... the Texans take William Moore.

Broncos GM Brian Xanders: Who the hell is he?

Texans GM Rick Smith: A safety... from Mizzou.

Xanders: Ah... Oh, yeah, now I see him on my draft board. I put him as third round if he was still around.

Smith: Yeah, I don't know. One of our guys says he's good. We'll see.

Xanders: Sweet. Yeah, at this point in the draft I'm just going off Kiper's cheat sheet.

Smith: Same here.

Xanders: Well, good luck.

***

Goodell: [stumbles to the podium] Ok... before we get to the 67th pick, we've got a trade... [glances over toward Saints GM Mickey Loomis and Chiefs GM Scott Pioli, whispering fervently] I think. Shit... hold on.

Goodell walks over to them, listens to some whispers and walks back to the podium. He pulls the mic to his mouth, hesitates, walks back over to the toward the two GMs, stops--"Nope, nope--I've got it"--and returns to the podium.

Goodell: Ok... I think I've got this now... The Chiefs trade Jamaal Charles, cash, and their 2010 first round pick...

Pioli: Second round pick!

Goodell: Shit... second round.

Loomis: No, wait! You said first!

Pioli: What the fuck are you talking about? We settled on second!

Goodell: Jesus...

Loomis: Like hell we did!

Goodell: It's getting late... Do you idiots have a trade or not?

Pioli: Fuck it... He's being an asshole. No trade.

Goodell: Goddamnit.

***

Goodell: Ok, before we get to whatever pick we're on...

"74th!"

Goodell: Right... 74th pick, I'm imposing a two-minute time limit from here on out.

McLoughan: What??

Goodell: Come on, it's late. I wanna get home in time for SNL. If you don't know your draft board by now, that's your problem.

Packers GM Ted Thompson: Yeah, he's right.

McLoughan: Fine, whatever. Ok, I pick... Shit... Hold on.

Goodell: [sighs] Forty-five seconds...

McLoughan: Don't rush me!

Goodell: God, you're such a bitch.

McLoughan: Stop calling me a bitch!

Goodell: You're not gonna start crying again are you?

McLoughan: For the last time, I wasn't crying!

Goodell: Fine, fine... You weren't crying. Now pick!

McLoughan: Forget it! I pass! [storms out of the room]

Goodell: McLoughan! Come on... Don't... Don't be like this! [sighs] Son of a...

***

Goodell: Ok, for the 90th pick...

Cardinals GM Rod Graves: Fuck!!

Goodell: What?

Graves: I just spilled beer all over my laptop. Can someone get me some more napkins?!!

Goodell: [massages forehead] For the love of God, someone get him some napkins.

Art Rooney brings him some napkins.

Graves: Thanks.

Rooney: Least I can do.

Goodell: Ok, I'm gonna be making the 90th pick for the Falcons. Dimitroff had to pick up his buddy from work.

Graves: Can you do that?

Goodell: I think so. Why not?

Graves: I dunno... go ahead.

Goodell: The Falcons get... hmmmm... How about... Ka-loo-ka... May-vuh? My-uh-vuh? ...Mulva? [slumps over, cracking up]

Thompson: [sober and unamused] Kaluka Maiava, USC.

Goodell: [straightening up] Yeah, him.

***

Goodell: Last pick, thank God.

[tired cheers]

Goodell: It's to you, Giants.

Giants GM Jerry Reese: Is Jarius Byrd still available?

Thompson: [annoyed] He was taken twenty picks ago.

Reese: Christ... I was just asking. I guess I forgot to cross him off my list, okay?

Goodell: Guyyys.....

Reese: Bradley Fletcher from Iowa.

Goodell: Brady Fletch, it is.

Reese: Fletcher... Bradley.

Goodell: Whatever. Fletcher. Let's get the fuck outta here.

Goodell flips off the mic, trips on the corner of the podium, and begins laughing hysterically.

Goodell: [waving to the exiting execs from the ground] See you motherfuckers tomorrow!

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A look back on Jay Cutler's possible future with the Bears

Santa Claus is coming to town!

[Before I get rolling, I'd just want to share the "modern technology is amazing, isn't it?" way I heard about the Jay Cutler trade. As I understand it, the news broke at about 3:30pm CST Thursday. At 4:23pm CST, YCS pal Iain sent me a text message across 3,500 miles from his home in Anchorage, AK to my suburban Chicago cubicle--located about 45 miles from the Bears' headquarters in Lake Forest, IL--telling me to "have fun with [my] new QB!" Before I could finish typing my reply, "Cutler???" I heard one of my coworkers yell, "Oh my God!" and then relay the details of the trade to another coworker. After exchanging a couple texts with Iain and glancing through the breaking story on espn.com, I sent Matt (Pack fan) the obligatory braggadocious email at 4:38... just as he was sending me his obligatory "congratulations but you still suck" email. So basically, what would've once taken the Pony Express and a family of Eskimos riding yak-back several years to communicate took just over an hour, and the news was beamed to Alaska and back before it could even reach the proverbial water cooler. I know it makes me sound like I'm 150 years old, but stuff like that makes me smile.]

Let me start by saying--I'm as stoked as anyone about J.C. in a Bears uniform. There are few things I love more in sports than the so-called gunslinging quarterback, and for once, the Bears have one who's tall enough to succeed in the NFL. (You're still the man, Rex!) But if the first few months of Commrade Barack's regime have taught us anything, it's that honeymoons are short-lived and that the executive branch of our government can do pretty much whatever the fuck it wants.

Of course, Chicago sports fans are especially bipolar, with inflated optimism so often and so quickly giving way to a baseline fatalism. In addition, Bears fans are characteristically skeptical of star power on offense, and considering what Jerry Angelo gave up to acquire Cutler--from a team with compromised leverage, mind you--it's conceivable that the Soldier Field crowd could turn on Cutler as soon as next year and highly likely that they will do so at some point within the next five years.

***

November, 2009... It's a dreary Sunday evening in Chicago after a late Jay Cutler interception caps the Bears' third consecutive loss, dropping them to 5-7, effectively ending their playoff chances. Meanwhile, the Denver Broncos, led by a strong defense and the conservative passing attack of Kyle Orton, lead the AFC West with a 9-3 mark.

Ed O'Bradovich: Welcome to the Score, Chuck.
Chuck: Thanks, O'B.... Huge fan. You too, Doug.
Doug Buffone: Thanks, Chuck.
Chuck: I used to love watching you guys play... You played the game the way it was meant to be played.
Doug and O'B. Really appreciate it, Chuck.
Chuck: I tell ya guys... I'm sick over this game today.
O'B.: We know the feeling.
Chuck: I know I'm a little mad right now, but it's just... It's just what the hell did we give up all that to get Cutler for?! What value has this guy brought to the team? He's putting up these big yardage numbers and all these touchdowns, but this guy just doesn't win! Look at what Orton is doing out there in Denver with a good defense. You don't win because you have a quarterback trowin' for 300 yards every game! You need to play defense and run the ball, Doug and O'B.--You know that.
Doug: Totally agree, Chuck.
O'B.: It's always been that way and always will be in this game--The only way you win is if you get up the line of scrimmage, and you hit somebody in the damn mouth!

***

Angelo, Smith out in Chicago
Associated Press
December 30, 2010

The Chicago Bears fired both general manager Jerry Angelo and head coach Lovie Smith today after failing to make the playoffs for the fourth consecutive year.

The primary reasons for the firings, according to team sources, were the failure of Angelo to complement high-priced quarterback Jay Cutler with offensive weapons and Smith's inability to craft a gameplan around Cutler's strengths, a failing that often led to tension on the Bears sidelines.

Marty Schottenheimer, Wade Phillips, and Dennis Green are considered the top candidates to take over Smith's position while rumors continue to swirl that Bill Parcells may be offered a chance to serve in a dual role as both head coach and GM...

***

Chicago Tribune
January 24, 2013
Bears' loss proves Broncos' gain
By Rick Morrissey

As I hover over the smouldering embers of what was once my oak desk to keep warm here in Tribune Tower (since we can no longer afford to turn on the heat), there's only one thing that has me feeling more bitter than the obsolecense of our once-proud newspaper industry. And it's the Bears.

As we come upon Super Bowl XLVIII, I can't help but think of the fateful trade orchestrated by former GM Jerry Angelo in the 2009 offseason and that the core of the favored Denver Broncos--quarterback Kyle Orton, [the three guys drafted with the Bears' 2009 and 2010 picks]--all were once, or could have been, Bears.

Meanwhile, Jay Cutler will be watching the Big Game from a hospital bed as he recovers from his fourth knee surgery in the last two years and contemplates whether he will ever play again...

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The daunting task of raising a child in these warped times

I'm glad to see that some parents get it.

The Gullos can still share some fun moments when Joe plays his video game, but they had stopped going to Seattle Mariners games before moving from Seattle to Oregon last August. Gullo says that as much as it pains him, he is pulling away from baseball.

"Frankly, I am reluctant as a parent to really push baseball as a passion right now," he says, "because I don't know what's going to come out next, or how this is all going to shake out, or who else is going to be named."

Parents everywhere should learn from--and applaud--what Mr. Gullo is doing for his son. Unfortunately, the parents of our generation never knew about the steroid use taking place around the majors when we were tykes oiling up our new Jose Canseco-signed baseball glove. I don't blame them for their ignorance, but I hope to learn from it.

We may be hopelessly entrapped for life by our interest in baseball and the moral dilemma it presents to us, but our own children need not be. I, myself, am not a father yet, but should I become one someday, I hope to shelter little Vinnie Rasheed from the ills of the sport I cherish. Sure, I'll let him stay in the room with me while I take in a Cubs or Sox game on a weekend afternoon, but never without tethering his forehead to a Kindle filled with nature books and 1950s children's adventure novels first.

I am, myself, the product of this type of attentive parenting, and I thank God every day that I am.

Though my own parents were victimized by the duplicitous ways of 1980s and '90s baseball stars, I have to give them credit for having the wisdom and discipline to shelter me from the evils of their generation. You see, my mother adored the Rolling Stones as a youth, but she realized early in my life that her love of the band and her denunciation of their insidious messages of promiscuity and drug abuse might engender a sense of moral ambiguity in my frail young mind.

Of course, mom couldn't just stop loving the band, so she continued to listen to their records while she raised me, but she was careful. Mom would always tweak the speaker balance just enough that the lyrics were unintelligible. And just to be safe, she changed the name on the LP covers to things like "Johnny and the Tumbleweeds" and "Mr. Joe's Dolphin Show." If my ears made out a bad word that I didn't recognize, mom always did the right thing and lied about it.

Thanks to mom's diligent parenting, I refuse, to this day, to listen to music by anyone accused of taking illicit drugs, having sex out of wedlock, or speaking to Jews. I have also never seen a naked female body, hash pipe, Quentin Tarantino movie, or homeless person. And most importantly, I have little to nothing in common with my mom or with my peers, all of whom are depraved idol-worshipers.

I know it can't be easy for parents like Mr. Gullo trying to protect their children from the shame game they were raised on, but I applaud him for doing his best. I hope I can do the same someday. Unfortunately, the attachment is strong, and the allure is always there.

It's as Johnny and the Tumbleweeds said, "Love--it's a pitch."

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Bogus Stats: On the Countercyclical Nature of the Strikeout and How Willy Taveras May Have Ruined the Global Economy

These days, it seems that every social trend is somehow explained within the context of the current economic recession, whether it be people drinking more Clamato, more kids going to grad school, or increased sales of Ayn Rand books.

Of course, no one has adequately answered the question that really matters: How will this impact baseball?

Now, when I say "baseball," I don't mean salaries or naming rights or concessions prices--I'm talking the on-field action. How will the recession afftect the way the game of baseball is played?

Fortunately, I took the time to answer that question using the best statistical tools I have--limited data and improper methods.

I was specifically interested in the relationships between the four most stylistically distinct plays in baseball--the walk, the strikeout, the home run (a.k.a. the Three True Outcomes), and the stolen base--and three economic indicators that are simple enough for me to grasp--gross domestic product, consumer price index, and unemployment rate.

Unfortunately, my lack of access and/or inability to find year-to-year league-wide rates in each category forced me to adopt the highly inadequate alternative of summing the totals of the two league leaders for each year. This works ok in general--at least in getting a vague sense for major shifts in strategy trends, such as the Astroturf-inspired go-go '80s--but it's really, really misleading when a guy like Ruth (HR) or Bonds (BB) comes along and totally laps the field in a particular category for a few seasons. But... I am only one man with only one hour lunch break per day, so rampant imperfection is what you get.

Below are the results. In each of the time series graphs, unemployment rate (red) and the statistical baseball category (blue) are expressed as ratios relative to their mean over the course of the available data years. As you can see, unemployment statistics do not date back to the Great Depression, which is convenient in terms of axis range and in generating a mean unemployment rate (5.6% for the years available) that is less distorted by outlying values.

(Note: I made no adjustments for season length or strike-shortened years, and I don't really feel like going back, and correcting it now. With the exception of the 1994 home run total, there are noticeable downward spikes in 1981 and 1994 for each category.)

The scatter-plots pair the statistical category (x-axis) with unemployment rate (y-axis).
Observations:

1) There's not much to be gathered from the walk totals, as there are really no major long-term trends or large fluctuations, other than the Bonds-boom in the aughts.

2) Beginning in the late-'60s or so, a countercyclic trend between unemployment and both home runs and walks seems to emerge. Of course, this makes perfect sense: As the economy begins to sag, people become more risk-averse and, consequently, adopt more conservative behaviors, such as investing in government bonds, driving more slowly, and cutting down their swing with two strikes.

3) While the correlation between stolen bases and unemployment is relatively large--considering the null hypothesis is r^2=0--all this really shows is that both happened to sag in the '40s and climbed together for a spell in the '80s. Of course, if we had the unemployment data during the Great Depression, there would be a smattering of points way in the upper left (few stolen bases, historic levels of unemployment), which even more proves why the apparent correlation is a mirage. In fact, I have no idea why I even bothered with these scatter-plots.

4) If you look very closely / trick yourself into seeing things, there does appear to be a lead-lag effect with stolen bases and unemployment, with unemployment rising and falling in response to stolen base totals. If you buy this, then we can blame the rebirth of the stolen base's popularity the last five years for putting this recession in motion.

5) On the other hand, if we had unemployment data from the roring '20s and the Depression, we'd be inclined to say that unemployment is the lead, and stolen bases are the lag. Note the drop in stolen bases in the '30s and subsequent years of low stolen base totals--again, a possible indication of a risk-averse society.

6) Beyond the volatile Depression / WWII / postwar eras, there is one distinct period of time when the CPI (yellow) grew appreciably faster than GDP (green) over the last seventy years--the early- to mid-'70s. What could be the explanation? No, not some silly policy initiative or international trade law. Free agency! Baseball free agency caused an unusually rapid influx of millions of dollars of money into the consumer economy without any productive growth--hence inflation, hence jump in CPI.

Anyway, that's the extent of my nonsense. Would anyone else like to distort their senses and offer up other conclusions? And Matt--"You're an unconscionable fag" doesn't count this time.

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YCS in 2008: A not-so-flattering retrospective

So we've come to the end of the Year of Our Lord 2008, and boy, what a fantastic year it was! Just kidding--2008 was horrible. Political scandal, economic collapse, racial progress, the death of the great Russian author Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn... There's no two ways about it--2008 really sucked.

Admittedly, things haven't been going much better here at Yellow Chair Sports. Bucking the global trends, us YCS authors actually spent more time in the workplace in 2008 than in 2007, and when we haven't been working, we've been going to grad school, training for 10-K's, raising children, or in my case, launching a social networking site for DuPage County single Italian vegetarians. The result: infrequent, lazy posting and all-time low readership.

Excuses aside, we always came through with the timely reporting and clear analysis that you've all come to rely on. So without further ado, I give you the Best of YCS in 2008, a.k.a. Links to All of Vinnie's Posts and a Handful of Others from 2008.

Back in early January when the BBWAA was getting ready to rock the Hall of Fame vote, we discussed the credentials of one of its most hotly debated candidates.

The opening round of the NFL Playoffs was more thrilling than a helicopter ride through the Gaza strip.

How good were the 2007 Patriots? The answer lies in this simple and probably bogus statistical exercise.

A heartbreaking Packers loss in the NFC Championship gives us all a chance to reflect on losing.

It took more than 18 months, but we finally got to 100,000 hits.

In advance of the Super Bowl, we offered a few viewing tips to all the skirts and homos.

In soccer news, the EPL announces an ill-conceived plan to take games overseas.

After a thrilling Westminster Dog Show, we were treated to a guest post by the Best in Show.

All the baseball world waited in suspense for the transcript of the Clemens-McNamee testimony.

Societal epidemic du jour: fans rushing the field at professional sports events.

Societal epidemic du following jour: fans taunting athletes at collegiate sports events.

The tale of R.A. Dickey raisies an interesting question in the realm of sports medicine.

NFL offseason cuts sometimes make you scratch your head--especially if you've been in a coma for seven years.

Expansion of the MLS to Philadelphia: Good idea or bad idea? I wouldn't know because I probably didn't read this post, but it looks like Mike put a lot of effort into it.

Bar room discussion: What athletes of yesteryear would you have most liked to watch?

Every March, offices buzz with the sound of NCAA tourney smalltalk.

It was obvious from spring training that the Cubs' choice of Ryan Dempster in the starting rotation was the wrong one.

The confounding and memorable Tennessee Volunteers bow out of the NCAA tourney.

Even for the biggest college hoops junkies, sometimes the haul of the NCAA tourney is too much to handle.

The only thing certain about Indiana's choice for head basketball coach was his skin color.

In advance of MLB opening day, God dropped by to share some thoughts.

Everyone in Marquette nation had something to say about the departure of Tom Crean.

CBS would ultimately appease those lobbying to get Billy Packer fired.

Our college hoops expert evaluates the Buzz Williams hire.

The Pope desecrates hallowed sports ground with a bunch of tired one-liners.

A Bob Costas-hosted HBO segment got a lot of bloggers in a tizzy.

Nothing beats the splendor and excitement of the Kentucky Derby.

As a service to White Sox fans, we do some surrogate blogging for Hawk and D.J.

The NBA Draft Lottery outcome demonstrates the power of prayer over totally random physical events.

It was a sad day in Wisconsin when everyone's favorite Packer retired.

Not everyone wants instant replay in baseball.

Following a difficult few weeks, Tom Crean reassures the Indiana fanbase.

When the dust finally settled on the Democratic primary race, Dick Vitale offered his thoughts on Barack Obama's victory.

It was an exciting MLB ameteur draft for YCS, as one of our own (sort of) became a major leaguer.

YCS MLB Road Show: AT&T Park.

Candace Parker slams her way into WNBA history and into the heart of a very special fan.

Rumors that the Red Sox are eyeing George Costanza begin to circulate.

The Olympic Games in China were threatened by an environmental hazard.

Milwaukee rejoiced when the Brewers scored C.C. Sabathia.

Did any of 2008's MLB All-Stars make the most egregiously undeserving mandatory team representative all-time All-Star team?

Old, crotchety commentary: What ever happened to the good old days when people actually lived up to a contract?

The soccer hooligans invade.

YCS MLB Road Show: Wrigley Field.

Every season, NFL training camp is a time for feel-good stories.

Not everyone is equally impressed by Michael Phelps.

The Olympics are marred by perverts gawking at underage female gymnasts.

Baseball and softball are not the only Olympic sports that need to go.

The Olympic games inspire a Quixotic three-part attempt define the term sport.

The 2008 L.A. Angels of Anaheim challenge the merits of Pythagorean win-loss.

Daunte Culpepper reminds us why agents are a necessary evil.

Asian golfers are targeted by the racist LPGA.

Packers fans were challenged to let go of the past and accept Aaron Rogers as the future.

Francisco Rodriguez sets the all-time saves record, but it comes at a cost.

For the Brewers to win the Wild Card, they needed some help from the Cubs.

After an agonizing month of twists and turns, the Brewers finally clinched the Wild Card.

Despite all the promise of the 2008 season, it was more of the same in Chicago and Milwaukee.

Few were more excited about Tampa Bay's surprise World Series appearance than the folks at Ray's.

Game 5 of the World Series was an all-time classic, despite the umpiring crew's best attempts to ruin it.

The blog that inspired our own decided to call it quits.

The pressure-cooker NHL coaching environment is reinforced when Barry Melrose got fired.

Another season of Notre Dame football, another season of speculation about the security of the head coach.

The long arm of the MLB reaches India.

After an 0-11 start, an improbable losing streak ends.

Who should be the 2008 NFL MVP? Why not Chad Pennington.


And boom. There you have it--2008. We at YCS hope that 2009 brings better returns for everyone, and we hope to do our part by bringing you a more productive year of sports blogging. Then again, if we're all eating our boot leather on New Year's Eve 2009, don't come blaming us.

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YCS in 2007: A Retrospective, Part II

Part I

Moving onto July...

So you wanted to play in a city with more Chinamen? Too bad, Yi, you're playing in Milwaukee... despite ESPN's wishes.

Carlos Zambrano and Chris Young campaign dirty for the final All-Star spot.

Paul joins the team and examines the A-Rod's chances to crack 800 career homers. ...Then he decided to watch some pro wrestling.

What are you saving that closer for?

Pedro Gomez's never-ending assignment finally brought him over the edge. (P.S.: We got word from a seemingly reputable source that Pedro Gomez himself read and loved this piece. Take that, Busted Coverage.)

Think Bonds's homerun record is tainted? We found the solution. Of course, you could also just get over it and take it for what it is.

Old NBA stars without rings keep talking comeback. But where's the accomplishment in that? And speaking of which, here's where some of them live.

Shhh.... Michael Vick never existed!

Was Tom Glavine the last ever 300-game winner? Doubtfully.

Is it Tony LaRussa or just dumb luck?

Another preachy baseball editorial from the school of Bergl-Bechtel.

In the wake of Beckham's first season, Mike analyzes what went wrong.

Everyone had something to say about Spygate... including Nate.

Who's the best beer-league softball team in the MLB? It's Ray's, of course.

The story that gets me super upset for no good reason.

Bill Wirtz dies; Mike rejoices.

The morning Donovan McNabb wanted to replace his offensive line with children.

At long last, the NL Central race ends, leaving some of us happy, some of us sad, and some of us torn.

God sent Mike an early omen that it would not be the Cubs' year.

The question on everyone's mind this year: What famous athletes are Jewish?

The long-suffering Rockies fans were left to ask, "When will it be our year?"

Pat rolls out his new regular feature. ...And I roll out another one of my lame theories.

Honestly, though, who are we to analyze Andy Reid's personal life?

We get it! Boston teams are good!

The 2010 World Cup draws might renew some old political hostilities.

A post on the BCS... and another... and another.

Should high school players be able to go straight to the NBA?

I don't care what anyone says: Vince Young sucks.

Are the Chicago Cubs moving?

You can tell a lot by the way a man signs his checks.

The fallout from the Mitchell Report was worse than most expected.

Well, that does it for 2007. We promise better in 2008. Actually, that's not true. There's a good chance this blog gets much, much worse in the coming year.

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YCS in 2007: A Retrospective (i.e. a bunch of links to our own posts), Part I

Ah, 2007. What a year it's been for us at YCS. We sure have come a long way. No, wait--That's a complete lie. In fact, we've regressed quite a bit--slippage in our readership, sporadic and uninspired posts, further reliance on links and Youtube videos to cover our laziness...


But hell, it just wouldn't be New Years Eve without a bunch of indulgent, rehash crap, and since we're such suckers for tradition, I thought we should revisit some of the highlights of this blog over the past year.


We started 2007 with a bang. Mike's post "The Joy of Becks" instantly became our most commented-on post to date (with all of 26 comments, which is pretty sad since comments sections on legitimate blogs sometimes become like blogs unto themselves, but hey, we'll take what we can get).


The NFL playoffs were a fun time, as we were witness to the unfaltering heroics of Tom Brady. And as part of our short-lived attempt to launch a multi-meida website (something which, in retrospect, we'd have been too lazy to maintain), I made my first foray into the recording arts with this frighteningly prophetic parody of the "Super Bowl Shuffle" (see third-to-last line), which was roundly praised by critics everywhere. (Audio now only available by email request.)


From music, it was onto complex process flow diagrams, as we had a little fun with the NFL coaching carousel.


After that, it was hoops season, which brought us some quality Zuch rants re: bad selection criteria for the NCAA Tourney, and ultimately, the blatant favortism shown by the selection committee in picking the '07 field. Then, of course, it was time to fill out those office pool brackets.


As late March rolled around, Nate began to contemplate how he could exploit his unborn son. Then he wrote filthy limericks about Pokey Chatman, making us all wonder whether he was fit for fatherhood.


Then in one of our proudest moments, we actually broke a scoop! ...Too bad it wasn't true.


Famous person encounter #1: Pat meets former Cubs president Andy McPhail.


And we know music too!


...And more artwork!


Famous person encounter #2: Kirk Hinrich likes sandwiches!


Finally, spring came, and that meant fun at the ol' ballpark... And you can't have fun at the ol' ballpark without a twelve-person beer bong and public urination.


When Dan Shaughnessy went on the offensive against bloggers, everyone, including us, responded.


A golf post? Golf?!


No one was more upset about the Don Imus / Rutgers basketball controversy than Matt.


In mid-April, Zuch shocked the sports world when he declared for the NBA Draft.


By early May, Danny's heart was aflutter with fond remembrances of New York Rangers glory days.


Turns out this post was a touch off-base, but it was the launching point of our email correspondence with Keith Law, the fine ESPN baseball writer, whom Matt and I turn to when we need someone to tell us what to think about a baseball topic.


Also scoring 26 comments was this post by Nate, one of the seemingly hundreds he's written on why he hates Steve Nash.


The Trail Blazers hope that Greg Oden will someday exhibit the heart shown by the ping pong ball that landed him in Portland.

Matt was lucky enough to walk the hallowed grounds of one of baseball's most storied ballparks. As was Mike.

At long last, YCS (more specifically, Nate) welcomes its first child into the world.

In case you didn't already know the incredible bias of Hawk Harrelson...

The rivalry that nearly sent us to war.

How did your team do in the '07 NBA Draft? Let's call it a C.

That wraps up January to June. Stay tuned for the other six months! (Ten bucks says I don't remember to do it!)

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This post brought to you by insomnia

Things that might have come to mind when you first heard the name of Oaklahoma St. guard JamesOn Curry:

• A gay porno featuring New York Knicks big men Jerome James and Eddie Curry


• A really horrible one-on-one basketball video game featuring Jerome James and Eddie Curry, a la Atari's Jordan vs. Bird


• The horribly lopsided matchup of LeBron James guarding retired sharpshooter Del Curry


• Baseball stat guru Bill James discussing the win shares of turn-of-the-century St. Louis Browns pitcher George "Soldier Boy" Curry


• The song "Laid" played on Brookings, Oregon's 95.3 FM radio station KURY


• Ninteenth century author Henry James's scathing critique on the French scientists who discovered radium (only if you slightly misheard his last name)


• Young songwriter James Morrison in a special primetime interview with Katie Couric (only if you badly misheard his last name)


• Rock and roll legend Tommy James sharing recipies using his favoirte Indian spice

(Sorry...I know that was horrendously lame. It's not my fault. This post should've never happened. I can't sleep, so shut up. And go to hell.)

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Famers on the Fringe, Part V

Alright, let's get the last act of this worn-out gimmick out of the way. (Thankfully, it's 60% copy and paste.)

With this year's Hall of Fame ballots due on Dec. 31, ESPN.com takes a closer look at four hotly-debated cases: Jim Rice, Andre Dawson, Bert Blyleven, and Goose Gossage--all players who received more than 50% of the vote last year.

So while they waste their time doing that, we at YCS lalalalala lalala la something something something something la la.

December 26 -- Scott Brosius and Paul O'Neill
December 27 -- Eric Davis and Devon White
December 28 -- Wally Joyner and Dante Bichette
December 29 -- Bobby Witt and Harold Baines
December 30 -- Jose Canseco and Ken Caminiti

December 30--The Whisteblowers

Ken Caminiti

The case for Caminiti:
Four words: No lengthy induction speech!

The case against Caminiti:
Ugh. The beard. I mean, did he really think that was a good look? Gag. Other than that, I can't think of any reason he wouldn't've gotten in.

Jose Canseco

The case for Canseco:
You talk about an athlete! Man, the muscles on that guy were just something. That sculpted physique he had when he first broke onto the scene--no one had ever seen anything like him before. It was almost like it couldn't be real. Plus, let's look at the name literally: "Baseball Hall of Fame." Did Canseco not play baseball? Is Canseco not extremely famous? Is there not a hall where we honor these famous baseball players? Well, there is. It's called the Baseball Hall of Fame, and that's exactly where Canseco belongs.

The case against Canseco:
Canseco was good, but to me, when I hear the name "Jose Canseco," that doesn't say Hall of Famer. To me, you know a Hall of Famer when he walks in the room. To me, a Hall of Famer looks like a Hall of Famer. Waves like a Hall of Famer. Smells like a Hall of Famer. To me, I should be able to watch one swing from his game action and be able to say "Hall of Famer." To me, I should be able to look at a zoomed-in, black-and-white photo of a player's cornea and say with certainty, "That's the magnified, black-and-white cornea of a Hall of Famer." To me, Canseco just wasn't one of those guys. To me, he's not a Hall of Famer. To me, he doesn't get my vote.


So that concludes our five-part series "Famers on the Fringe." You'll all be receiving your laminated hard copy as a special insert in our next issue.

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Santa Claus, Indiana--Hometown of Jay Cutler and the Place to be this Time of Year

It's less than two days until Christmas! So in the spirit of melding the holiday season with the general subject matter of our blog, I thought I would write a little piece that almost vaguely relates to each.

So if you'll join me, let's all take a trip to the most Christmas-y place in the world--Santa Clause, Indiana, the hometown of Denver Broncos quarterback Jay Culter.


An exotic locale

Santa Claus is located in the greater Evansville area in southern Indiana, just up highway 162 a piece from Interstate 64. It lies immediately east of Lincoln City, north of Lamar, and straight west of Bumblefuck. If you ever need to locate it with a GPS or launch a torpedo at it, here's the more precise info from Wikipedia:

Santa Claus is located at 38°7′8″N, 86°55′17″W (38.118870, -86.921422) GR1.

According to the United States Census Bureau, the town has a total area of 14.4 km² (5.6 mi²). 13.4 km² (5.2 mi²) of it is land and 1.0 km² (0.4 mi²) of it (6.82%) is water.

Sweet. Moving on.

A Storied Legacy of Pride and Tradition

From the purely factual Santa Claus, IN Wikipedia page:

The community of Santa Fe was laid out in 1846. The story of how it received the name of Santa Claus has roots both in fact and legend. In January of 1856 the town applied for a post office to be installed. They submitted their application under the name of Santa Fe. The application was returned to them with the message, "Choose another name than Santa Fe." The process of settling upon the name of Santa Claus has been lost to legend.

Allow me.

[Santa Fe, IN village hall, December 21, 1855]

Mayor: Now looka' here! This meetin’ will come to awrder right now! [dodges slung pitchfork, laughter ensues] Now you a-list'n here, you! I ain't a-kid-- [dodges clump of mule feces, grows angry] Didn’ I says I ain't a-kiddin'? [randomly fires gun, silence ensues] Tha's better. Now I'm glad ye all could make it, with 'n the cold winds a-blowin' and all.
[grumbling]
We's a gotta sitchy-ation on our hands.
Drunk yokel #1 [comes to feet, wide-eyed]: Is they a-gona cancel Christmas this yar?
Mayor: Naw, naw, nuthin’ like that.
Drunk yokel #1 [sits back down]: Good... cuz I's a-gona keell 'em up good.
Mayor: Naw, we gets a-Christmas, but the legisla-chun says we cain't call ourself Santy-Fe no mahr.
Drunk yokel #1 [rising to feet]: Well I’s a-gona keell ‘em dubbly now!
Mayor: Don'cha worry, we's a-gona keell 'em. But in the mean-tide, we ain’t gona cull us-selves Santy Fe no mahr.
Drunk yokel #2 [forlorn]: Well ain't that a kick in the craw.
Mayor: So we’s a-gona haf’ta vote on a new name. Does nobody got any ide’ers?
Drunk yokel #1 [angelically]: Well, seein' as i's comin' on Christmas and all... How's about Santy Clauwse!
Drunk yokel #3: Yea-ah! Santy Clauwse!
Mayor [bewildered]: But that’n won’ make a lick a’ sense the res’ a’ the yar!
Drunk yokel #2 [furious]: Santy Clauwse?! Now tha's the stee-oop-idest--
Drunk yokel #3: Yea-ah! Santy Clauwse!
Mayor: Ain’t ye got any mahr ide’ers besides Santy Clauwse?
Drunk yokel #3: Yea-ah! Santy Clauwse!
Mayor [disgusted]: All right. All in favor of Santy Clauwse, say "Ay."
Drunk yokel #1: Ay!
Drunk yokel #3: Ay!
Mayor [resigned]: Well tha’s a-two. Tha’s a majority.
Drunk yokels #1 and #3: Whoop-eee!
Drunk yokel #3: Yea-ah! Santy Clauwse!
Drunk yokel #1: Now le’s a-go git drunk and hunt down some n---

[End scene.]

After a bit more research, I found this account of the name change from Access Spencer County:

Local lore tells of a town meeting around a wood stove in a little log church on Christmas Eve in 1852. The residents were deliberating over what to name their community when a winter's gust blew the doors to the church open. Sleigh bells could be heard in the distance and the children started exclaiming it must be Santa Claus! The residents decided the town should indeed be named Santa Claus.

Without any further facts, I guarantee that my purely conjectural account is much more accurate.

Now fast forward several years in Santa Claus's history to that magical time known as the Great Depression. Courtesy of Wikipedia:

The town’s unique name went largely unnoticed until the late 1920’s, when Postmaster James Martin began promoting the Santa Claus postmark. The growing volume of holiday mail became so substantial that it caught the attention of Robert Ripley in 1929, who featured the town’s post office in his nationally-syndicated "Believe It or Not" cartoon.

The town's new national fame had caught the attention of Vincennes entrepreneur Milton Harris. Harris created Santa's Candy Castle, the first tourist attraction in Santa Claus, Indiana, which is also purported to be the first themed attraction in the United States. Santa Claus Town attractions included a red-brick Candy Castle, sponsored by Curtiss Candy and dedicated December 22, 1935, and the Toy Village, a series of miniature fairytale buildings sponsored by prominent national toy manufacturers. Santa Claus Town led to the creation of the town’s first newspaper, "The Santa Claus Town News", and the Santa Claus Chamber of Commerce.

Wow. That's a lot of Santa Claus. But here's where the story gets really, really good:

Harris’ project caught the attention of a rival entrepreneur, Carl Barrett, the Chicago head of the Illinois Auto Club. Disliking what he called Harris’ materialism, Barrett planned his own tourist attraction "Santa Claus Park". On December 25, 1935, Barrett dedicated a 22 foot tall statue of Santa Claus that was erected on the highest hill in town. The statue was promoted as being solid granite, although it was subsequently revealed to be concrete when cracks formed years later.

Years of lawsuits between Harris and Barrett were costly distractions for the two entrepreneurs. The lawsuits centered around land ownership and went all the way to the Indiana Supreme Court. National news media covered the ongoing story of "Too Many Santas". Over the years both entrepreneur’s visions became vacant and neglected.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

God, I hope that's all factual. And if it's not, I'd rather go on believing that it is. Just priceless.

A changing community

More from Access Spencer County:

In the late 1950s Bill Koch developed Christmas Lake Village, a rural residential community, in Santa Claus. The 2500-acre development is situated around three lakes: Christmas Lake, Lake Holly and Lake Noel. A property owner’s association was established in 1968 to manage the properties within the development. The private, gated community includes tennis courts, clubhouse, pool and championship golf course, Christmas Lake Golf Course. All the streets in Christmas Lake Village have Christmas names. Over 800 homes are located in the Village.

Oh, so that's where Mr. Private College Star Quarterback comes from. And all this time I'd guessed Jay Cutler grew up working grandad's farm and shooting at the interstate. (That's a horrible joke and I take it back.) Sounds like little Jay's idea of "working the land" was greenskeeping at Christmas Lake Golf Course. John Mellencamp would never write a song about that. What a bummer.

Well at least he still looks like a total Gomer.

A diverse culture of many colors

Just kidding. Everyone's white. Check it out:

As of the censusGR2 of 2000, there were 2,041 people, 732 households, and 620 families residing in the town. The population density was 152.1/km² (393.8/mi²). There were 818 housing units at an average density of 61.0/km² (157.8/mi²). The racial makeup of the town was 99.22% White, 0.44% Asian, 0.20% from other races, and 0.15% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 0.69% of the population.

By my calculations (done in my head, in very little time, and most likely with pinpoint accuracy because I'm a genius), that makes exactly nine Asians, fourteen Hispanics/Latinos ("nah...not really black but darker than us...but not as dark as a black person...and with different hair" as they're refered to locally), four "others," and three multi-ethnics. With figures like that, I bet Jay Cutler had lots of awesome receivers in high school.

A legitimate tourist destination (and not at all a laughingstock)

Again from Access Spencer County:

On August 3, 1946, Evansville industrialist Louis J. Koch opened Santa Claus Land. This was the first theme park built in the world. (Disneyland opened nine years later.) The original Santa Claus Land included the Santa Claus Land Train, toy displays, a food and souvenir shop, plus a special place to visit Santa Claus. In 1984, additional holiday themes were created and the park was renamed Holiday World. In 1993, Splashin’ Safari water park was added. During the summer months nearly a million guests visit the family parks, which have been repeatedly voted the World’s Friendliest and Cleanest.

And what's more, Amusement Today ranked Holiday World's rollercoaster "The Raven" the #5 Wooden Roller Coaster in the World! And why wouldn't you trust the structural integrity of a 60 year-old wooden roller coaster in a small Indiana town?

Plus, at Rudulph's Reindeer Ranch, the little ones can enjoy riding Prancer's Merry Go-Round and--when the ride is done--getting molested by the ride operator.

Holiday World--It's fun for the whole family!

The other eleven-ish months of the year: Suicide rates through the chimney

From my only source on this piece:

Most of the businesses in Santa Claus have Christmas-themed names such as: Santa’s Lodge, Lake Rudolph Campground and RV Resort, Christmas Lake Golf Course, Kringle Place and Holiday Foods. Many of the establishments display Christmas lights and decorations year-round. Nearly all the streets in Santa Claus are holiday themed as well; there’s Christmas Boulevard, Candy Cane Lane and Mistletoe Drive. There are eight larger-than-life Santa statues located at various locations throughout the community.

And after about 2:30am each night, visitors can often spot a sauced, disgruntled Holiday Land employee hurling verbal abuses and rocks at one of these statues while cursing their life in a tourist trap. It's the magic of Christmas, 365 days a year!

Also, I wonder which of those streets was home to Jay Cutler. (You know, because I have to relate this to sports again somehow.)

Santa Claus is very much real and lives among us (according to this one lady who volunteers to read mail from crazypeople)

There's no way I can do this story justice. You have to read it. Just priceless.


Alright, well I think I've milked this Google search enough. Hopefully you enjoyed this informative look into Santa Claus, Indiana, the world's most Christmas-y little town outside of Bethlehem itself... or perhaps Christmas, Florida.

And most importantly, to all of you in YCSNation, have a most excellent Christmas (even if you're Jewish like Danny or wiccan like Matt), and go Jay Cutler!

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Why Are We So Quiet?

At last count, I have attended home games in person for 33 different professional, college, or international teams, in 8 different sports (#34 is coming in 12 days). In this time, I've been able to see a lot of fans. They range from passive (Cubs) to pretentious (Notre Dame Basketball) to completely shit-drunk off their gourd and full of the most foul-sounding whiskey-tinged profane misogynist comments I've ever heard and sometimes partaken in (MU Women's Soccer).

However, one thing has always puzzled me. Why are North American (USA and Canada) fans so.....sedate? Not to say that North Americans are bad fans, but it seems to be a phenomenon unique to the northern half of the New World. Why are we so quiet? At least untill the guy on the PA tells us to "MAKE SOME NOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!" and plays the first few bars of "Welcome to the Jungle." Just think for a minute. If someone stands up in front of you at a game to yell support for the team or to hurl a derogatory insult about the sexual practices of the opposing playmaker's mother, what makes most people think or say "Down in front!" instead of joining in? Remember that one Tennesee fan who was reprimanded for cheering the whole game? Think about how quiet the stadium is even when the national anthem is being played.

At first, I thought the reason for the difference was just the sport and the pace of play. Sports that have fewer stoppages would seem to lend themselves better to extended fan support. Soccer is likely the perfect example of this. Almost no stoppages for 90 minutes result in flag-waving, songs, and everyone on their feet to support the team.

Likewise, look at football. Pause. Play. Stop. Pause. Play. Stop. Pause. BIG PLAY! EVERYBODY WAVE THE TOWELS! Touchdown. ROAR. The game set up kind of makes any sort of continual support difficult. But this can't be the answer because what sport has more stoppages than basketball? Dead balls, fouls, violations, out-of-bounds, free throws, coaches' timeouts, TV timeouts, intentional fouls, the lot. And college basketball fans go bananas during the course of a game, the sound doesn't stop. The chants may be simple (Let's go Duke! Let's go Duke!) but that enables them to catch on quickly. Then I see a video showing fans in Greece going completely bonkers. It looked like something out of the World Cup, untill I looked in the background and saw a basketball court, with the run of play going on. These guys are going completely fucking mental and making the Cameron Crazies look like the barflys watching Tuesday league night at the local bowling alley.

Is it a cultural difference inherent in our national sports? If you're from the U.S., the first sporting event you probably went to was a baseball game, where you sat back in the bleachers with your parents, ate hot dogs, peanuts and cracker jack, maybe kept score, hoped for a foul ball to come your way, and if you're Vinnie, came up with a new kind of sabermetric to determine whether or not the middle reliever was worth his pay. If you're in Greece like in the above video, the first thing you probably saw as a kid was a soccer match, with drums and flags and flares and smoke and everything. Then do you just bring that mentality over into every other sport? I don't think so, because during the World Baseball Classic, teams from the Dominican Republic had fan support that I can best describe as "Soccer-ish" while fans of the US team sat back and chanted "USA USA" whenever the Stars and Stripes loaded the bases (which must not have happened often). The Dominican Republic's standing in the admittedly-flawed FIFA rankings is 160th, and even then, baseball makes a stronger case for being the national sport of La Republica. That kind of performance doesn't really get the passion out that would carry over across sports.

My other theory for the difference could be the lack of a community involvement with the team. People will support a crap team if they're considered a part of the community, and sometimes that isn't the case in North America. Just think about how many teams have relocated cities since 1990. Remember any of these guys?
The Winnipeg Jets, The Minnesota North Stars, The Quebec Nordiques, The Hartford Whalers, The Charlotte Hornets, The Vancouver Grizzlies, The old Cleveland Browns, The Houston Oilers, The Montreal Expos, The Los Angeles Raiders, The Los Angeles Rams? How many teams wear commemorative patches every 5 seasons, as if staying in the same city for 10 and then 15 years was a milestone to be struggled towards?

With competition in North America based on a franchise model (where teams pay a fee to operate in an area and can relocate at will), rather than on a club model (For instance, 6 of the 20 teams in the English Premiership are based in London, while no league in the US has more than 2 teams in one city in any league), there would appear to not be as much local attachment to a side as is seen elsewhere, where a club represents your neighborhood. As such, they couldn't think of moving anywhere.

But the franchise system can't be the reason either, because Mexican and to an extent Australian sport also operates on a franchise system as well where teams pay a fee for the right to exclusively operate within a given area, and its fans can always be counted on to go completely batty at games.

Is it because teams abroad are often associated with strata in society as well as neighborhoods? For example, in Scotland, Celtic is the Irish-Catholic team, while archrival Rangers are the Protestant-Unionist team. In Italy, Livorno is the socialist team and Lazio is the fascist team. This can't be the reason why either; look at baseball. The Cubs are the "Rich, North Shore Yuppie team" and the Sox are the "South Side Working Man's team." Those teams are a part of their neighborhoods' culture.

Why do people hate the Yankees? The first thing out of people's mouths usually isn't "Because they've been so successful" it's "Because they have so much money." Notre Dame's a bunch of snobs, Louisville's a bunch of rednecks, UWM's a bunch of slobs, UW's a bunch of pinkos, Marquette is the shining light of the world. We've all heard this, so self-identification with a movement or social class is no stranger to North American shores, and as such, can't be the reason for the disparity.

Then it hit me. Money. After all, the ultras fan support movement in Italy began when top clubs lowered the prices on select sections in their stadiums. When the "working man's spirit" enters the fray; someone who is more likely to go to a game with his beer buddies than to entertain clients, does the support for the team increase? Perhaps, but tickets for bottom-feeders in European top flights can still go for about 60 bucks to sit in the cheapest seats, and the stadiums are rocking.

I'm at a total loss. What is it about North American culture that seemingly shuns fans who overtly support their team. As Vinnie put it "An uptight Joyce Center fan scolded us for cheering too proudly--not even for using profanity or taunting ND players--but for cheering on our own team."

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