This post should take as long to read as it took for me to lose complete faith in the Bears this season. The last 11 seconds of today's game exemplified the Bears' two greatest weaknesses right now:
1. Lovie Smith
2. The Cover 2

Today Lovie solidified his position has a horrible decision-maker, and the Cover 2 is now clearly outmoded. First, let's talk Lovie. I stopped supporting this guy in 2006 even though we went to the Super Bowl. The "Rex Grossman is our starting quarterback" mantra was enough to make me dislike him. He has lost my respect continually since late 2006.

Now, the defense. Over the past few years, whenever a couple of defensive starters have been out of the line-up, the Bears bite the big one on defense. Perhaps the Cover 2 is suited for the Bears' 11 defensive starters, but it continues to fail when the defense is banged up. And it tends to fall off in the second half even when our guys are healthy.

Any thoughts from people that actually understand football?

Labels: Chicago Bears, Lovie Smith

I'll take my mind off baseball for a few minutes here to bring you my weekly dose of fail-safe gambling advice.

Unfortunately, this week's pick forecasts more bad news for hurting Chicago sports fans. The Lions are 3.5 point underdogs at home against the Bearsss, but I expect them to win this one straight-up. Assuming I'm right--which I always am--this could be a very dark Sunday in Chicago if the Sox can't extend their LDS series.

Sorry, fellow Bears fans. I hope I'm wrong, but again--that's impossible. Better days are ahead, though. I mean, not anytime in the foreseeable future, but eventually I assume.

Labels: Chicago Bears, Detroit Lions, Lock of the Week, NFL

Of course, it will again be another criticism of Chicago Bears management (this time our fearless head coach Lovie Smith). Here are Lovie's genius comments about Matt Forte's crazy workload through three weeks and why Forte will probably get hurt later in the year and has already had years shaved of his career:

Just because he's getting a lot of carries, I don't think that's necessarily affecting what happens later on [in the season],'' coach Lovie Smith said. ''We're trying to win a game each week, and it so happens we've gotten that many touches for Matt.

''It's not like we're talking about a 10-year veteran. He's young right now with a lot of energy. Whenever Matt isn't on the field, it isn't really good for us.''

No, Forte's not a 10 year veteran, and thanks to Lovie he will never make it anywhere near ten years in the NFL. Conventional thinking in today's NFL (where running backs already have an average life span of just four years) is that a running back should be a limited to 300-320 touches a season. Through three weeks, Forte has an astounding 86 touches (on pace for 459 touches if he makes it through all 16 games). I think Lovie needs to research what happened to the careers of Jamal Anderson, Eddie George, and Larry Johnson after they received that type of workload in a season (hint, it's a not a happy ending).

Labels: Chicago Bears, Lovie Smith, Matt Forte, Why is all Chicago sports management retarded?

If you think a surprising week one win over the Colts will get me off of Bears GM Jerry Angelo's ass, you've got another thing coming. The reason for this is Angelo's continuing baffling moves like the re-signing of Fred Miller (cutting promising RT Kirk Barton in the process). Besides the fact that Barton is probably a better player than Miller as we speak, this is the type of backward thinking move that keeps a team stuck in mediocrity (personally, I'm sick of seeing 7-9 win teams). Unlike our lock of the week posts, I recommend that you look back at this post in a few years when Barton is a starting OT in the NFL and Miller could be found at your local doctor's office getting treatment for his achy ankle.

Labels: Chicago Bears, Fred Miller, Kirk Barton, my continued hatred of Jerry Angelo

On holding out from camp:

"You should pay me like I'm one of a kind,'' Hester said. "It's like dating a girl. When you find somebody who is real special, you're going to do whatever it takes to keep her. You might cut back on what you're giving your mom to give to her. And that's how I feel they should treat me.''

Wow, Devin. Is that what you do to your mother? The woman who bore and bred you? That's disgraceful, skimping on your mom's gifts like that. And for what--to impress some floozy you met at the roller rink?

I know I'd never do that to my mother. I'm a good son. Right, Mom? See, I know my mom reads our blog because she supports me and is proud of what I do, like any other mother. That Tony LaRussa post was hilarious, huh Mom? Devin, you need to realize that your mom is your number-one supporter, and it's not some new squeeze you took out for ice cream a couple times. Your mom deserves nice, thoughtful gifts. Speaking of which--what do you want for your birthday, Mom? Whatever I get, it'll be something real nice, I know that! See, Devin? That's how you treat your mother.

And guys--Don't go dating Devin Hester, even though it seems like a good idea because he's really popular and you think he's cute. He's just a gold-digging hussy who's only out for lemon phosphates and carnival tokens. Go find someone who's nice and sweet and reminds you of your mom. That's my advice.

Labels: Chicago Bears, devin hester, NFL

Labels: Brett Favre, brett favre is a deity, Chicago Bears, I bet the YCS staff is pretty split on this one

"I was there when Gayle Sayers hurt his knee. I have great memories of Soldier Field."

-Brad Childress, Vikings head coach on his homecoming to Chicago on Sunday


(context: The previous sentence, Childress mentioned watching games at Wrigley Field. Sayers hurt his knee in 1970, a year before the Bears moved to Soldier Field. Still hilarious.)

Labels: Brad Childress, Chicago Bears, Minnesota Vikings

That's my prediction. And I'm 100% sure on it (+/- 90%, 0.5% level of confidence). Everyone will realize that the offense, not Grossman, is crap, and they'll all be like, "At least we have a chance at a passing TD with Rex... Get 'im in there!"

Here's my biggest problem with this: Why not give Rex one more chance against the Lions, a team that gave up something like eight passing plays of 90+ yards this past week? Why replace your guy who does have an arm and who can take advantage of a seemingly weak secondary with a guy who could go 16-28 with 105 yards?

I don't know. I just think the dude can really play. Put him behind an offensive line that isn't horrible, and give him receivers who don't cut their routes short and actually know how to fight for a jump ball. He'll be fine.

Oh, and while I'm on this, I have to ask: Why do so, so many people care whether Rex Grossman is Jewish? (He's not, by the way.) Go to our Sitemeter referrals. It's just loaded with "rex grossman jewish" Google searches. Seriously, what gives?

Labels: Brian Griese, Chicago Bears, NFL, Rex Grossman the gentile

Bullet-point style, motherfuckers.

• Whether or not you can read anything into Grossman's somewhat lousy start, I don't know, but Zuch is right -- the Chicago media will eat this shit up tomorrow in the papers and on the radio.
• That said, it's a relief to see Rex in midseason form already, apparently picking up right where he left off in the Super Bowl (hah!).
• Why, yes, I'm aware that the Packers may not be great this year. Your point? While my primary rooting interest is the green and gold, you'll be pleased to know that I also root passionately for the misfortune of my friends.
• Ruben Brown sucks.
• Aren't the Colts supposed to have a shitty run defense? What, they add some white guy in place of Bob Sanders at safety and suddenly they think they're all that?
• Nothing is as funny or timely as using the phrase "all that."
• If you see one movie this year, make it Gattaca!
• Ron Jaworski: "Grossman dropped that one because he didn't ride Olin Kruetz enough on that play." Gaaaay.
• The difference between Jaws and Theismann? When Jaws said "Bill Polian let me wear his ring for a while," Kornheiser responded with, "What, are you two going steady?" Whereas Jaws laughed at the line, Theismann would have sulked and probably tried to stab Kornheiser during the next break.
• Wanna get totally, and I mean absolutely bombed during a Monday Night game? Take a sip of beer every time Jaworski says "The National Football League." You'll need roughly 4 cases per half to make it through the game.
• Grossman just fumbled again. Jeezum crowe.
• Hahahaha, he did it again! Jaws just said (empasis his) you have to ride that center. Twice. Good lord.
• I don't know which is funnier: that the Bears' QB coach's name is "Pep Hamilton" or that Pep Hamilton is a young black guy and not some crusty old white guy that used to mentor Bear Bryant. Pep Hamilton being black is like Joba Chamberlain being white. Baffling.
• Hahaha, Jaws gets gayer - after Grossman's sneak TD: "Olin Kruetz created a liiiiittle seam for Rex to wedge his way in."
• As Tirico talks about Bears fans calling for Griese, Griese responds by gunning one 15 yards past Olsen into the end zone. Poetic.
• Nice toss to Bernard "Boysen" Berrian for the touch. You'll recognize Berrian when Zuch drafts him in the second round next week, right around when Danny picks the Bears defense and Brady Quinn (i.e., round 2).
• Immediately after Griese's td, I get a text from Zuch: "God damn dont give the Chicago morons any ideas." We should make these things into their own post category (see the previous 2 NBA drafts).
• I'm really proud of Bernard "Boysen" Berrian.
• Sorgi!
• Description of the ideal third receiver in Tony Dungy's playbook: "Must be white enough to have played for the 80's Celtics."
• If I were a tall, skinny and completely generic-looking white guy in the Indianapolis area, I would rock the hell out of telling women that I was Jim Sorgi while in bars. Who's gonna know I'm lying? Nobody, that's who. Then, sit back and watch the 2nd string QB ass come rollin' in. If the plan worked, you'd have a life that might actually be better than Jim Sorgi's.
• Is there a team in the NFL that would be more fucked than the Colts if Manning got hurt? Seriously, Jim Sorgi was lousy at Wisconsin, where the measuring stick of a QB is how well they hand off and get the fuck out of the way of whatever fat guy is playing running back that year. The Pats? At least they have a guy that could, in theory, have been good in college, and you know he's fresh, cuz he never played at USC and he hasn't played in the NFL. How has an NFL team not picked up on this? If I'm a dirty player (and believe me, I would be), I'm gunning for Manning's knees like they're a juicy Christmas ham. Although, you have to be careful because it's completely possible the Roger Goodell would literally murder whomever takes out the Gump.
• What are the odds that by midseason Greg Olsen is actually longing for the days of catching passes from Ken Dorsey or (insert recent Miami QB that I don't know here)?
• Despite that miss, I'm convinced that 14 Karat is still Solid Gould, baby.
• Ahhh, and there we have it, the epitome of preseason football - 'balls' jokes. From the announcers, not me.
• A fair warning to AP and ESPN headline writers: If Anthony Gonzales has a huge game at any point during this year and one of you assclowns uses "Speedy Gonzales," I'm coming for you.

Vinatieri's FG ends the first half, and I'm off to watch the Brewers definitely stop the slide and fight their way back into the race. Right?

Labels: Chicago Bears, hilarious puns, Indianapolis Colts, jokes about boysenberries, preseason football

The man whose charm, talent, and wild nights spawned an internet cult and inspired YCS's own Pat to grow a fashionable neck beard seems to have steadied his ways. And he has the guy who's bogarting his reps to thank.

"You won't get me to say a bad thing about Brian," Orton said after Saturday's 20-19 exhibition victory at Houston. "Brian's been the most important person on this team for me, trying to get me through everything. He's helped my game dramatically in the last year and a half. He's a pro. He's taught me how to be a pro and how to approach the game."

Labels: Brian Griese, Chicago Bears, Kyle Orton

Need any more be said on the subject of Rex Grossman for the next six months? Absolutely not. Am I gonna say it anyway? You betcha.

I wouldn’t even write this were it not for a post I saw last night on the blog Rumors and Rants that more or less summarizes the opinions of the anti-Grossman contingent. So you can thank/curse them and their readers for providing the inspiration.

I won't rehash the entire high-risk, high-reward argument I made back in November, but again, I think that theme persists in the post-Super Bowl Rex-bashing as much as any other.

I understand what a lot of people argued all season: The Bears had a good enough defense and running game that any substantial reward from the passing game was unnecessary and, as a result, the Bears ought not have incurred any risk by way of their passing game. Fine. That's your argument? Leave it at that and be done with it. I don't necessarily agree with that, but I could be convinced.

I do, however, have a huge problem with people who extended this logic--as many have--into assertions that Rex is incapable of ever winning a Super Bowl or that he's one of the worst QBs in the league. Those are not well-formed evaluations. They're bullshit knee-jerk reactions to obvious blunder plays.

First of all--and yes, this argument is relevant--let's keep in mind how many other QBs have been not just mediocre, but downright terrible at the age of 25. I know people will wanna say, "But yeah, look how much more Rex had to work with!" Did he really, though? Granted, the team went 15-4. But how many times did we see Rex Grossman retreat into a seven-step drop with almost no protection this year? And did we ever see one of his receivers win a deep ball from a defensive back when the placement wasn't spot-on perfect?

Again, I think the whole anti-Rex mindset stems from impatience and an intolerance of failure in the interest of long-term reward. Is it better QB rating you want? That's fine. I will GLADLY trade Mark Brunell from my hypothetical NFL roster to yours in exchange for Rex Grossman. Gleefully, in fact. Come on; 86.5 rating! Way higher than Grossman's!

Grossman's rating was, in fact, below average. No one can deny that. Of course, NFL statnicks rather roundly agree that QB rating overrates completion percentage, which, in itself, is a pretty overrated stat--yards-per-attempt being far more telling of a QB's performance.

Having said that, I don't think QB rating is a meaningless indicator. While its meaning within that 70-87 gray area is up for tons of debate, performances that push its extremes are very telling of a QB's performance. And yes, Grossman had those few awful, awful games. But as Rumors and Rants reader Patrick (not our own Patrick, for the record) astutely points out, he also led the league with seven 100+ QB rating performances. ...Seven!

Say what you will about those BadRex games as they relate to this past season. But if you're trying to evaluate Rex's abilities and ultimate potential as a QB, I'd advise you to look more at those seven excellent games. (I think most of us will agree that a 100+ QB rating is definitively excellent by standards of most, if not all, football fans and players.)

Seven excellent games out of sixteen are probably not a fluke. Nor are the many times this year when we saw Rex throw passes that we normally associate with all-pro QBs. There were simply too many of these throws to brand Rex a hopeless cause. Will the wider trend of inconsistency always predominate the more isolated trends of excellence throughout Grossman's career? This is possible. But how can anyone possibly assume this?? Remember--Twenty. Five.

Now here's where I go on a bit of a tanget, but I promise it's relevant. So bear with me. As our regulars know, most of my generalized sports-related opinions stem from my knowledge of baseball, as I'm admittedly a baseball guy far above all. And really, this post isn't so much about Rex Grossman or football as it is about short-sightedness and rash evaluation of talent.

So let's take a baseball example--Roy Halladay. Just like Grossman, Halladay was highly-touted entering the pros. In his second start ever, the dude took a no-hitter into the ninth. But his rookie year was eratic--only three more strikeouts than walks and a 1.57 WHIP. His second year was worse. Much worse. 10.64 ERA worse. But he had talent, and everyone knew it. It came in flashes only, but it was palpable according to those who followed the Blue Jays that year. Six years later, Roy Halladay is very, very awesome. By contrast, we so often see a pitcher post consistently good numbers in his first 15 to 20 starts in the bigs despite any notable raw talent. We wait with skepticism to see whether the trend can last, and three years later, it's "Hey, what ever happened to Jason Simontacchi?"

Yes, this is just one example. There are plenty of Rick Mirers and Corey Pattersons to disprove me. On the whole, however, I tend to be more encouraged by guys who play like Grossman or Halladay or Wily Mo Pena early in their careers than by guys who play like Tony Romo or Scott Podsednik. Real talent exhibited does not lie, and Rex Grossman has exhibited real talent. The tidal pattern may be hard to stomach right now, but giving up on it so soon would be insane. Ask Packers fans or '70s Steelers fans how they feel about being patient with a high-risk QB.

To be honest, I'm fairly annoyed and also surprised how much the reputedly more learned blogging fanbase has approached this topic like talk radio callers. Grossman's stats are practically the definition of inconclusive, and the wild assumptions about his future development are nonsense speculation. We've already seen the raw talent. And the psychological ticks that work against a young player tend to steady with time, as the positive ones are reinforced by experience. Why so many people are convinced that the opposite will prove true for Grossman makes no sense to me.

We know the press and the talk radio callers will persist with the polar extremes on this topic because, well, "Rex Grossman continues to play inconclusively" doesn't make for as good a headline as "Train Rex." But hopefully, the rest of us can drop this topic for a while and let time give us better results before we draw any sweeping conclusions about Rex Grossman's abilities as a quarterback.

Of course, I'll be ready when that time comes with some fresh know-it-allism, as clearly, I'm obsessed with this debate.

Labels: Chicago Bears, Jason Simontacchi, Rex Grossman

It's today's column by Len Pasquerelli, which basically affirms the optimism of the drunkards in Bears jerseys on last night's local news.

Now here's where I contradict myself yet again. Though I'm usually critical of Chicago sports fans for crying poormouth all the time, I think in this instance they're behaving too optimistically. And I'm not trying to be irrationally pessimistic. I don't claim to get the cart with the one bad wheel any more regularly than the average grocery store customer. There are just a lot of good reasons not to expect a repeat of this season in aught-7.

1. It's like that song "Spinning Wheel" by Blood, Sweat, and Tears. You know--"What goes up must come down." Come on; it's the 45 all the kids are buying right now.

Anyway, that principle usually proves true in salary cap-era NFL. Being in the Super Bowl is kind of like being on the cover of SI. You got in the Super Bowl because your franchise is at a peak. And peaking by definition implies the start of a downturn. There's no SI cover curse, and by the same token, the post-Super Bowl hangover is overblown. Much of it is simply the NFL's natural cycle turnin' its turn.

So drop all your troubles by the riverside. Hop a painted pony on the spinning wheel ride that we call the NFL, Bears fans. After two straight division-winning seasons, chances are we'll see leaner days ahead.

2. Don't Super Bowl losers have a particularly horrendous season-after track record? I should really take the time to look this up, but I'm just gonna lazily throw the question out and let Zuch or statboy Mike answer it in the comments.

I guess I'm sorta disagreeing with what I said three paragraphs ago now. But if I'm not mistaken, haven't Super Bowl losers historically fallen off way more than players-as-robots performance trends should dictate? Sure, the past trend is no guarantee the Bears will suffer the same falloff, but forty years is a lot of data.

3. Old guys. Every team has them, and admittedly, the Bears don't have all that many. In fact, they have plenty of young impact players (like Rex Grossman who's still gonna be awesome, and yes, I'm being biased but he's still good so shut up). Mostly, I'm talking about the offensive line. They didn't pass protect very well this year, and none of them are all that young. Fred Miller and Ruben Brown are pretty old in fact.

Also, Thomas Jones is at that point in a running back's career when the persistent beatings slow a guy down considerably. Yeah, I hope he's like Curtis Martin and keeps it up into 30s, but that's rare and unlikely.

4. Devin Hester. I hope everyone enjoyed the exploits of the Windy City Flyer a.k.a. Anytime a.k.a. Hurricane Hes this year because that will no way happen again. That's 30 regular season points you can't at all count on for next year or any year thereafter. Guys like Hester (Dante Hall, Desmond Howard) tend to be one-year wonders--at least in terms of such palpable results. Eric Metcalf is the one modern exception I can come up with.

Maybe I should attempt some research before throwing out these generalizations, but I'll leave it up to you readers to tell me I'm an idiot. All I'm saying is that it's very unrealistic to expect Hester to perform nearly as well or for the return unit to stay in tact, let alone give Hester such good lanes.

5. Robbie "Vinnie's gonna resist the intentionally hokey pun this time" Gould will probably lose some shimmer. (Ha, I lied!) Keeping with the theme of "the special teams were unusually special," Robbie Gould was atypically awesome as well. Kickers are funny creatures. And while Gould could end up the next Gary/Morten Anderson/sen, he could also be the next Mike Vanderjagt.


Hey, sweet. I ran out of talking points at five, a nice round number. I'll pretend that was intentional. Anyway, I'm not predicing anything radical like the Bears finishing behind the Lions next year, but it's crazy biased for Bears fans to think this team is so much better than your average 9-7 team. Such is the way of the NFL, where a couple guys passing their primes or one big free agent loss (i.e. Lance Briggs) can pull a franchise to earth in a quick hurry.

Remember, Chicago--Someone's waiting just for you. The spinning wheel, spinning true. Chew on that.

[Carnival music] Doooo, d-do da-da doo doo, doooo da-da doo doo [brass riff, carnival music, fade out]

Labels: Blood Sweat and Tears, Chicago Bears, fat Italian columnist, Super Bowl

Labels: Chicago Bears, local news, Rex Grossman, Super Bowl

How could he break some random construction worker from Crystal Lake's heart like that? How utterly devestating and newsworthy!

Oh, phew! The story has a happy ending, as it affected me--nay, affected everyone--tremendously. With so much going on in the world, I'm grateful for local journalists taking the time to pursue such an important story to its end.

And by the way, if one more week of "Woooo, Bears! We're going all the way!" won't satiate your thirst for wild interjections screamed into cameras, CBS2 reminds us what we can look forward to if the Bears win.

"The fans took to the streets. And they're still out there; they're, uh.. in very high spirits. As I look down the street, I can say they've turned over a car, so they're up to, uh, some of their hijinks."

Wooo!!!

Labels: Bears, Chicago Bears, Chicago media, local news

It's YCS's first foray into music!

Click to listen: "The 3,468th Super Bowl Shuffle Parody" (now featuring sound)

Consider this our Under-construction Website Launching Extravaganza. (Keep yellowchairsports.com bookmarked, however, as it should be mostly complete in a few days.)

This was intended to have a release date around Week 16 or 17, but when you're blessed with our level of ambition and organization skills, these things tend to slide. Fortunately, it managed to stay pretty current, minus a few references to the Bears playing poorly. Anyway, the lyrics are below. Enjoy!

We are the Bears, hustling you
Say it's for the fans, they think it’s true
We’re so good, we don’t need friends
We’ll blow this town when the season ends
We’re not just sitting by
Hearing your stories of ‘85
We don't find your hints too subtle
So here's your goddamned Super Bowl Shuffle

Thomas Jones
They call me “T.J.” and I like to dance
But the injury risk is too big to chance
We set the goal in Bourbonnais
To make it past the divisional game
We’re not doing this out of devotion
We’re just doin' it for self-promotion
The next few games might be a little trouble
So let's just do this Super Bowl Shuffle

Muhsin Muhammad:
This is Old Man Moose, and I'm second rank
I like playing but I love the dank
I wake at ten; I toke by noon
I've gotta think my drop-sies will be back soon
I once got called a “chocolate fairy"
I don't forgive, so watch it Kerry
But should I ever get another Class B
A Super Bowl win oughta get me free

Hunter Hillenmeyer:
I’m Tennessee Hunter, of modest game
Part of the defense but only in name
I've been hidden on most of our plays
Blending in and getting a raise
Give me a chance, andI’ll do alright
Nobody cares if our cap room’s tight
Whatever I’m worth, I think I make double
I'll gladly do this Super Bowl Shuffle

We are the Bears, backing in
Shufflin' our roster and getting thin
We once looked tough; now unsure
Maybe we are who they thought we were
We’re not just getting stuffed
We're giving up yards to everyone
We're not feared; we're in trouble
Better enjoy this Super Bowl Shuffle

Uh-huh
Uh-hhhuh….

Rex Grossman:
I’m the fickle QB known as King Rex
When I take the field, it's “Oh, what next?!”
I throw that rock and say a prayer
I can't tell it where to go from there
My first five games were such a tease
We went with Griese when we could've had Brees
So Sunday I’ll still be in that huddle
Let's hold off on the Super Bowl Shuffle

Brian Urlacher:
I’m Choir Boy Brian, I'm one of a few
The old guys love me ‘cause I’m white too!
I'm slick with my image as one can be
No PSA ever got past me
Some guys get jealous of me and Briggs
But as long as we're tight, I’m in with the [whistle]
So don't bring up my custody trouble
And I will do your Super Bowl Shuffle

[Harmonica solo]

Kyle Orton:
They say Grossman is our guy
But if no one else could, I guess I’d try
This is Kyle, I'm no Marino
But I look like Jesus and drink like Deano
So bring on the Irish! The maize and blue!
Oh shit; hold on—This isn’t Purdue
Well I can’t play when I’m seeing double
So I’ll just sleep through the Super Bowl Shuffle

Devin Hester:
I'm Hurricane Hes, I play both ways
They don't get on me 'cause I run like Hayes
When I flew off the board in the second round
Everyone wanted to put me down
But I can shake it, break it, any kind of kick
I like to score it and shake my dick
But please don't try to put me on D
My Wonderlic score was a 1.3

We are the Bears, stumbling through
The Sheriff's words are proving true
We looked so good, we started fast
Everyone wanted to crown our ass
But we're not just lying down
We're training dogs and storing up rounds
We promise if we get in trouble
We'll get off in time to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Tank Johnson:
The fat man's comin’, I’m your man Tank
If the quarterback's lippy, he might get shanked
We stop the offense, we force a punt
We'd like to get Brady and kill that [whistle]
I'd love to beat on my neighbor's face
He'd better stop filing those noise complaints
So don't get close, unless you want trouble
And we'll give you a Super Bowl Shuffle

Ricky Manning Jr.:
Ricky here, I’m Mr. Intense
If they called me “Hit Man”—that would make sense
Eye me wrong, better run
I’ll beat you, faggot, just for fun
Lovie’s guys fill the ICU
That’s why they call us the Cover 2
So come on everybody let’s drink and fight
Then Grand Slam Breakfast at midnight!

Cedric Benson:
You’re looking at The Ced, the bonus baby
We may have Jones, but they should still play me
You’ve seen me sulk, You’ve seen me pout
Thirteen wins, but I've felt left out
I’ll be awesome; you will see
But the others have it in for me
Until my carries at least get doubled
I’m holding out of this Super Bowl Shuffle

We are the Bears, hustling you
Anything we want, you'll gladly do
We’re so big, we have our way
From East Chicago to west DuPage
We’re not dumb; we know your kind
You'll abandon us when we're 7-9
You're lucky we went through all this trouble
To give you clowns a Super Bowl Shuffle

"The 2,754th Super Bowl Shuffle Parody" is the intellectual property of Yellow Chair Media, Inc., and should not be reproduced or redistributed without the express written consent of the authors, the National Football League, and Chicago Bears Football Pesented by J.P. Morgan Chase BankOne Corp. and Governor Rod R. Blagojevich. Unlawful sale of copyrighted material is strictly prohibited. Not that this is copyrighted or anything, so if you can turn a buck on by ripping us off, you won't get arrested but you're still a scumbag. And you won't make any money. Voices are not those of the actual players, and if you couldn't figure that out yourself, you might qualify for a handicapped sticker.
All rights reserved, bitches.

Labels: Chicago Bears, parody, song, Super Bowl Shuffle

This story has already been all over the Chicago media, but I think these imbeciles deserve to be humiliated through any outlet possible.

Labels: assholes, Bears, Chicago Bears, classlessness, dickheads