Thoughts on the Bears/Colts First Half

>> Monday

Bullet-point style, motherfuckers.

  • Whether or not you can read anything into Grossman's somewhat lousy start, I don't know, but Zuch is right -- the Chicago media will eat this shit up tomorrow in the papers and on the radio.
  • That said, it's a relief to see Rex in midseason form already, apparently picking up right where he left off in the Super Bowl (hah!).
  • Why, yes, I'm aware that the Packers may not be great this year. Your point? While my primary rooting interest is the green and gold, you'll be pleased to know that I also root passionately for the misfortune of my friends.
  • Ruben Brown sucks.
  • Aren't the Colts supposed to have a shitty run defense? What, they add some white guy in place of Bob Sanders at safety and suddenly they think they're all that?
  • Nothing is as funny or timely as using the phrase "all that."
  • If you see one movie this year, make it Gattaca!
  • Ron Jaworski: "Grossman dropped that one because he didn't ride Olin Kruetz enough on that play." Gaaaay.
  • The difference between Jaws and Theismann? When Jaws said "Bill Polian let me wear his ring for a while," Kornheiser responded with, "What, are you two going steady?" Whereas Jaws laughed at the line, Theismann would have sulked and probably tried to stab Kornheiser during the next break.
  • Wanna get totally, and I mean absolutely bombed during a Monday Night game? Take a sip of beer every time Jaworski says "The National Football League." You'll need roughly 4 cases per half to make it through the game.
  • Grossman just fumbled again. Jeezum crowe.
  • Hahahaha, he did it again! Jaws just said (empasis his) you have to ride that center. Twice. Good lord.
  • I don't know which is funnier: that the Bears' QB coach's name is "Pep Hamilton" or that Pep Hamilton is a young black guy and not some crusty old white guy that used to mentor Bear Bryant. Pep Hamilton being black is like Joba Chamberlain being white. Baffling.
  • Hahaha, Jaws gets gayer - after Grossman's sneak TD: "Olin Kruetz created a liiiiittle seam for Rex to wedge his way in."
  • As Tirico talks about Bears fans calling for Griese, Griese responds by gunning one 15 yards past Olsen into the end zone. Poetic.
  • Nice toss to Bernard "Boysen" Berrian for the touch. You'll recognize Berrian when Zuch drafts him in the second round next week, right around when Danny picks the Bears defense and Brady Quinn (i.e., round 2).
  • Immediately after Griese's td, I get a text from Zuch: "God damn dont give the Chicago morons any ideas." We should make these things into their own post category (see the previous 2 NBA drafts).
  • I'm really proud of Bernard "Boysen" Berrian.
  • Sorgi!
  • Description of the ideal third receiver in Tony Dungy's playbook: "Must be white enough to have played for the 80's Celtics."
  • If I were a tall, skinny and completely generic-looking white guy in the Indianapolis area, I would rock the hell out of telling women that I was Jim Sorgi while in bars. Who's gonna know I'm lying? Nobody, that's who. Then, sit back and watch the 2nd string QB ass come rollin' in. If the plan worked, you'd have a life that might actually be better than Jim Sorgi's.
  • Is there a team in the NFL that would be more fucked than the Colts if Manning got hurt? Seriously, Jim Sorgi was lousy at Wisconsin, where the measuring stick of a QB is how well they hand off and get the fuck out of the way of whatever fat guy is playing running back that year. The Pats? At least they have a guy that could, in theory, have been good in college, and you know he's fresh, cuz he never played at USC and he hasn't played in the NFL. How has an NFL team not picked up on this? If I'm a dirty player (and believe me, I would be), I'm gunning for Manning's knees like they're a juicy Christmas ham. Although, you have to be careful because it's completely possible the Roger Goodell would literally murder whomever takes out the Gump.
  • What are the odds that by midseason Greg Olsen is actually longing for the days of catching passes from Ken Dorsey or (insert recent Miami QB that I don't know here)?
  • Despite that miss, I'm convinced that 14 Karat is still Solid Gould, baby.
  • Ahhh, and there we have it, the epitome of preseason football - 'balls' jokes. From the announcers, not me.
  • A fair warning to AP and ESPN headline writers: If Anthony Gonzales has a huge game at any point during this year and one of you assclowns uses "Speedy Gonzales," I'm coming for you.
Vinatieri's FG ends the first half, and I'm off to watch the Brewers definitely stop the slide and fight their way back into the race. Right?

7 comments:

Matt 10:03 PM  

Fuck yeah I was right, 9-0 in the 4th. F'n a. Everytime I get out, they pull me back in.

Zuch 10:56 PM  

At least this game helped nix my idea of taking Greg Olsen in the 3rd round of Saturday's draft (more like the 5th now), although I wonder why the fuck they're delaying the inevitable and starting Des Clark over him. Also, Fred Miller is the Bears lineman that tremendously sucks (Ruben Brown is still pretty good despite being 85 years old).

Nathan 2:29 AM  

Post = Not.Worth.Reading.

It's fucking preseason.

Matt 8:26 AM  

Ruben Brown was the one that I singled out because of an absoutely god-awful block on a screen, where his guy just ran right pas him and tackled Benson. Brown looked slow, disinterested and old as shit.

Vinnie 9:55 AM  

I think Pep Hamilton played shortstop for the St. Louis Browns back in dickety-six.

Zuch 12:54 PM  

Brown gaffed that play, but he's still pretty good at opening holes for the run game. Meanwhile, Miller might as well be a turnstile the way he lets pass rushers into the Bears backfield. Any team with a competent left defensive end scares the shit out of me with old man Miller at right tackle.

Vinnie 1:03 PM  

Someone should punch him in the face.

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