Debate: Is Brady Anderson a Hall of Famer?

>> Monday

The deadline for baseball's Hall of Fame voters to submit their 2008 ballots is Dec. 31, and for the first time, they must consider the candidacy of Brady Anderson.

Should the long-time Orioles leadoff man be a first ballot Hall of Famer? YCS's Vinnie Bergl and Matt Bechtel offer opposing points of view during an e-mail debate that we've excerpted below.

FROM: Vinnie Bergl [candy_gurl69@yahoo.com]
TO: Matt Bechtel [partyboy4eva@gmail.com]
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?

Hey! Happy New Year! How's the family? Good? Awesome.

In my mind, Brady Anderson is a no-doubt, hands-down first-ballot guy, bar-none. Care to attempt to dissuade me, sport?

FROM: Matt Bechtel
TO: Vinnie Bergl
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?

Are you serious? Brady Anderson? The guy that played for the Orioles, that Brady Anderson? You're on, phallusface.

FROM: Vinnie Bergl
TO: Matt Bechtel
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?

Absolutely serious. Listen--When that guy stepped into the box to lead off the first, he just had this presence that said, "Ballgame, on!" He was the consumate leadoff man. It's as if God said, "I am going to send my second son into the world to hit leadoff for the Baltimore Orioles," and then created Brady Anderson from Richie Ashburn's rib bone. The upright stance, so svelte and verile, perfectly in balance, bat erect, sideburns glimmering in the sun... It was the sight of pure baseball.

FROM: Matt Bechtel
TO: Vinnie Bergl
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?

Wow. That's just...wow. You know what's amazing? See if you follow me here. I know that right now you're at work, and you work at least like 150 miles away from where I am right now. Despite that fact, I know - based only on that paragraph you just wrote, mind you - I am absolutely certain that right now you have a rigid and absolutely triumphant erection that you acheived solely from impure thoughts about Brady Anderson.

I mean seriously, I can't tell if you were describing a baseball player or writing up a rough draft of an M4M No Strings Attached post for Craigslist that you plan on posting later tonight. "Wanted, svelte and virile sparkplug to jumpstart my offense. No fatties!!!!1!!11!!"

You are exceptionally gay, and your deeming Brady Anderson a HOF candidate isn't even worth my time.

FROM: Vinnie Bergl
TO: Matt Bechtel
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?

Me, gay? From the guy who watches Top Gun like once a week and leans noticeably toward the TV whenever Iceman comes on screen? (Seriously, dude, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you loving dick, but you're way too into Val Kilmer. Guy hasn't made a movie since The Saint, and even that was like 10 years ago.)

But anyway, I see you're not buying it just yet. You want to look at numbers? Alright, fine. Consider this: Of the 13 players that have had 210+ HRs, 315+ SBs, and 760+ RBI in the history of baseball, only nine aren't in Cooperstown. That's pretty exclusive company, I'd say.


FROM: Matt Bechtel
TO: Vinnie Bergl
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?


Of the 13 players that wha wha what? What the hell did you even just write? That's the most completely cherry picked analysis I've ever seen, and I read Woody Paige and DVR Skip Bayless EVERY DAY. Did you know that of the 40 players with a career ERA+ of 140 and above, only two aren't in the hall? You didn't? Of course you didn't, because I just made that whole line of bullshit reasoning up right now.


But no, perhaps I'm being too hard on you - and by association, the And man. After all, far be it for me to criticize someone who's reached the hallowed plateaus of 210 HR, 310 SB and 700 RBI so commonly associated with immediate hall of fame induction. Excuse the fuck out of me. Apologies to Brady Anderson and the rest of the 210/310/700 club, including the illustrious Devon White and Mr. 310/700 himself, Amos Otis. Screw it, put them all in the hall. Put every single player who ever played in the hall. The Hall of Records that exists to prove conclusively that Vinnie Bergl is a dipshit.

FROM: Vinnie Bergl
TO: Matt Bechtel
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?

Amos Otis isn't in the Hall?!?! I'm losing my balance...

Ok, I can tell you're still not convinced, which is a shame, because I always thought you were more level-headed than this. Well, consider that he had more career homers than Phil Rizzuto, more career steals than Yogi Berra, and a higher batting average than Steve Carlton. And those guys are all in the Hall. How, in good conscience, could you leave him out?

FROM: Matt Bechtel
TO: Vinnie Bergl
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?


That's all well and good. True, he's in some elite company there, and any time you start putting a guy in the same sentence with the Rizz, Yogi and Carlton, it's obvious that he deserves HOF consideration. But, he's still short to me on a couple of points. After all, he struck out more times in his career than Richard Hidalgo! I mean, come on, what's next? You're going to tell me Richard Hidalgo needs to be in the hall? Get serious.

FROM: Vinnie Bergl
TO: Matt Bechtel
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?


Ok, stat boy. I know how much you number-crunching, Moneyballing, Sabernometric stat geeks love your walks. Well, Brady drew 960 in his career. That's more walks than you could shake a stick at. Unless you were Brady Anderson, in which case that stick would be a long, sleek wooden shaft, and that walk total would be a baseball... And you'd use that bat to knock it the fuck out of the park, just like Brady did 50 times in 1996. Yee-ah.


FROM: Matt Bechtel
TO: Vinnie Bergl
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?

Nice. You still can't go ten minutes without making some reference, veiled or otherwise, to Anderson's junk. Good for you. I hope it's nice for you living in a world where your every waking moment is spent fantasizing about the day you and ol' sideburns retire to that cozy little italian villa and drift off into your golden years.

And my, it's funny that you should bring up 1996. Are you talking about the same 1996 in which Anderson's career high home run total went from 21 to 50? Really? Not going to mention that the next year it went back down to 18, and was never again higher than 24? Hmm...sure, nothing suspicious there. Nope. Clearly Anderson was a man that liked his vitamins, and lived the good life of hard work, discipline and good ol' fashioned clean living.

Or, he was roided out of his mind to a point that even Ripken openly accused him of being on the juice. Yeah, maybe you let that one slip by, didn'tja?

FROM: Vinnie Bergl
TO: Matt Bechtel
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?

Steroids? You can't be serious. Did you see Anderson's name in the Mitchell Report? Good, neither did I. Proof positive that he was clean.

FROM: Matt Bechtel
TO: Vinnie Bergl
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?

Did I see his name on the Mitchell Report? I don't need to. Just like I don't need to see your name on the list of dudes that are obviously contemplating or have already started stalking mediocre ballplayers from the 1990's to know you're up to something. The facts are, Anderson doesn't stack up. Live with it.

FROM: Vinnie Bergl
TO: Matt Bechtel
SUBJECT: Brady Anderson -- Hall of Famer or not?

You can "fact" me to death all you want, but I know what my instincts know. He's way up on the SDI list--that is, Shaggy Dome Index. Just read that name--Brady Anderson. That's the name of a baseball player. Blyleven? Raines? No way. Bra-dy An-der-son. Base-ball.

But I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. To me, Brady Anderson is a Hall of Famer. And I'm in love with him.


(P.S.: In case you don't know what we're spoofing, here it is.)

5 comments:

Patrick 10:33 PM  

I don't understand why we are talking about Brady Anderson...what about the illustrious Scott Servais?

Matt 10:46 PM  

Because Brady Anderson is actually on the HOF ballot this year.

Vinnie 9:00 PM  

And despite my attempts... Zero votes...

So sad. So sad.

Vinnie 9:00 PM  

And despite my attempts... Zero votes...

So sad. So sad.

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