Definitive proof that there are power rankings for EVERYTHING

>> Wednesday

Are you psyched about the Olympics potentially coming to Chicago in 2016? Imagine all the overly priced items to buy. Yeah, neither am I. But for those who are, Ed Hula of Around the Rings has some good news for you.

According to his by-all-accounts bullshit 2016 Olympic Bid Power Index, Chicago is leading with an impressive 79 bullshit points--two ahead of both Rio and Madrid. Wooo, Chicago!

Well, I thought it might be fun to see how the authors on this blog would stack up against each other using this type of system, and here's what our research found:

As you can see, I'm the runaway winner with 95 points--10 points better than any of you and a full 16 points better than the city of Chicago. The difference-maker was financial assets since the rest of you are either broke or in school. And I'm sorry, Mike, but apparently our ratings experts weren't impressed by your looks or ability to do stuff, and you scored the lowest. On the bright side, you're quite skilled with swords, which was news to me.


Patrick 1:05 PM  

Sorry Vin, but I gotta call bullshit on a couple of things:
1.) Matt gets a 10 for Steering and Handling? Lets not forget a certain incident down South where Bechtel isn't allowed to enter...and I think your driver side mirror might have an objection to this score.

2.)I think you vastly over-rate our intelligence, I mean a 6 for me? Come on!

3.)Vinnie, when was the last time you shaved? Got a haircut? Washed those faded jeans? Got laid? I think a 10 might be a bit much in that category. And what about Bechtel? Remember that freshman chick he hooked up with when he was completely shit-faced? That deserves at least a 9 on my scale. (I think that was the night when I was genuinely worried if he was okay).

4.)Being Awesome??? I think the fact that we even have a blog says more than enough.

5.) I only got a 7 for intangibles? I mean isn't my nickname "Mr. Intangible?"

Patrick 1:09 PM  

And I love how Chicago gets a score of "8" in the Transportation category. Has anyone ever tried getting around Chicago at 4 in the afternoon?

Mike 3:14 PM  

Pat's rating of 4 for swordsmanship seems about right remembering that time he sent a golf club flying across the apartment causing the coffee decanter to explode.

As for me, the scounts aren't that impressed with my stats now, but I plan on wowing them at the combine.

Nathan 5:26 PM  

How did I get a 9 in "Taste in Women, Clothes and Music"?

I'll give you Music, because my taste in music is flawless.

But the women I've dated have all been crazy, and my wardrobe consists almost entirely of clothing from Steve & Berrys, giveaway T-Shirts, and items I bought from thrift stores.

That aside, coming in third place makes me feel like a winner since coming in third to two Bergls is like being second to Tiger Woods.

Nathan 5:51 PM  

Also, in the same category, how did Danny get ANY points?

Women: Domers, and girls that hadn't hit puberty when he began college.

Clothes: Stone-washed jeans, old man sneakers, and generally clinging to the 80s.

Music: Some 300 terrible CDs that sat in my garage for a year and a half.

Justify Danny getting a single point.

Matt 7:45 PM  

At least Danny got a 0 in "Ethnic Stock," demonstrating Vinnie's obvious anti-semitism.

Also, this whole thing is bullshit, because when it comes to sense of humor, I get a 15 and the rest of you get a 2.

I also have qualms with the 7 I got in intelligence and don't trust any system that gives a guy who voted for W Bush a "10."

I will, however, graciously concede that I deserved that 0 in "intangibles," as I am clearly the Adam Dunn of this blog.

Vinnie 8:04 PM  

You guys assumed I put way more thought into this than I did, other than making sure to give myself tons of points and giving Danny zero for being Jewish.

And I finally cut my hair two weeks ago, so there.

Zuch 9:02 PM  

If liking fake blonds with big tits, Journey, the Eagles and warm-ups/sweat pants/lounge pants is wrong, then god damn it I don't want to be right.

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