Coming to theaters everywhere March 2012...

>> Tuesday

V/O: From the people who brought you The Gameplan...

[shot of a young Indian man throwing javelin]

V/O: ...comes the story of two teenagers out to make a fortune...

Dinesh [reading a newspaper ad]: " million dollars..."

V/O: ...brought together by a contest...

TV Announcer: We welcome you to the final round of Million Dollar Arm...

[alternating shots of Dinesh and Rinku throwing baseballs and a radar gun lighting up]

V/O: ...that would take them on an improbable journey all the way to the major leagues.

MLB Scout: Boys... How would you like to come to America and pitch for the Pittsburgh Pirates?

[Rinku and Dinesh turn to each other stunned]


Dinesh's mother: Oh, son. We'll miss you so much!

Dinesh's father: You'll make us proud, son!

Dinesh [climbing into a cab]: I won't let you down!


Dinesh: What is this?

American baseball farmhand: Wait... You don't know what a baseball glove is?

[cut to Dinesh trying to catch a soft toss and getting hit in the stomach and doubling over]

Dinesh [catching breath]: I'm okay!


Minor league manager: Where the heck did we get these guys?

[cut to Rinku flailing awkwardly in a batting practice cage and Dinesh bouncing a very wild pitch]

Assistant coach played by George Wendt: This isn't cricket, son!


Announcer played by Eugene Levy: That's another walk for Patel, and it looks like he's headed for an early shower [covering mic] ...back in India I hope.


[shot of Rinku spinning around to watch a homerun fly out of the park]

Announcer: Another gopher ball, and the Hillcats trail 6-2.


V/O: But hard times would test their will and form a bond that would last a lifetime.

[sad music]

Rinku: Dinesh--We can't give up now after we've gone this far. What about your mother and father?

Dinesh: You're right. We're both going to make it... Together.

[Dinesh and Rinku fist-pound and clasp hands]


Hey now
You're an all-star
Get you're game on
Go, play...

Announcer: Another strikeout for Singh! And that's ten on the afternoon!... [] ... Swing and a miss, strike three! Patel put some curry on that one!

All that glimmers is gold...

[collage of Dinesh pumping his fist, Rinku clicking his heels on a sprint off the mound, the bumping chests in the dugout, clubbing with teammates and beutiful women, carousing on the team bus]

Karl Ravech: Welcome back to Baseball Tonight. We have late breaking news that the Pirates have called up top pitching prospects Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel...


PA announcer: Now entering... for the Pirates... number 68... Dinesh... Patel... [shot of packed PNC Park crowd screaming and waving Indian flags]


V/O: They started out as two teenagers from tiny Indian villages and ended up an international sensation.

[shot of a crowd of Indian people around a tiny rabbit-ears TV watching a Pirates game]

Old Indian woman stereotype wearing a Pirates hat: Go Pitts-burgh Pi-rates!

[collage of Dinesh and Rinku on a billboard, disembarking a plane to a crowd of screaming Indian people waving Indian flags and Pirates banners, posing with Bud Selig, cutting tape for the Singh-Patel Indian Baseball Academy, appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live, getting mobbed by autograph seekers]

V/O: From Walt Disney Pictures... It's the true story of Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel, the first Indian-born players in American professional sports... Kal Penn stars in... Indian Summer.


Mike 9:00 AM  

The only way this could work better would be if their rights were traded to the Cleveland Indians, and the Eugene Levy Announcer (or hell, even bring back Bob Uecker as Harry Doyle) exclaims, "Yes sir, they're feathers!"

Vinnie 1:26 PM  

Yeah, I might need to reconsider my casting decisions. I also can't figure out who should play the manager. He has to be grizzled enough but also enough of a sellout to play in a Disney movie.

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