If you play for Everton, you are getting laid tonight

>> Wednesday

Proof slutty women don't just love the Champions.

Everton, the 5th-place finisher in the EPL last season is in Chicago tonight for a friendly match against Chicago Fire.

Friend of YCS Doughboy sent us this ad on Craigslist that he found.

(We're not sure what Doughboy was looking for on Craigslist in this section, but we figure that's none of our business...)

I for one certainly wish this lady the best of luck in hooking up with one of the Toffees. Because after that love child gets born; with genes of a world-class footballer and an American passport, the US will totally cash in at the 2026 World Cup.


Vinnie 12:02 PM  

So uh, Mike... You have an Everton kit in that jersey collection of yours? You know how much I love those "attrictive in a cerebral way"-types. Though the "look at least a decade younger than my age" leads me to suspect she's about 55 years old.

Vinnie 12:04 PM  

Also--Who the hell are Everton? When I heard that game advertised, I assumed they were a beer league team or something.

Mike 12:24 PM  

Sorry, no Everton shirt.

Everton are pretty much, "the other club in Liverpool" and as such are much less famous and successful than their crosstown neighbors. American goalkeeper Tim Howard starts regularly for them.

Anonymous,  6:06 AM  

it wouldn't take much of a google search guys to find out about the Grand Old Team that is Everton Football Club. vinnie i will excuse your ignorance as you are asking a question of mike, but "beer league" surely the only ale house league is the one in your homeland. As for you mike, if you are touting yourself as some kind of expert on the game that is association rules football then you really should check out facts before you start to post comments like you have. Everton Football Club where in fact the original team in the city , they have spent more seasons in the top league in the world than anyone else, they were the 1st team in the world to complete 100 years of top flight football, they have ammassed more points in the league than any other club, Dixie Dean scored 60 league goals in a season.....a record which has stood for 80 years. our home "goodison park" was the 1st purpose built stadium in the world. i could go on and on but i really dont feel you are worth the effort, go back to watching tv, eating hot-dogs, drinking shit beer and scratching your arse in your trailer whilst wearing your "chicago yankees" top whilst oggling the cheerleaders and playing with your nether regions. you are an uneducated worthless piece of shite.

Anonymous,  7:15 AM  

Ignorant American pricks, why dont you go and invade, sorry "liberate" another 3rd world country.

We dont care what the yank shite say.....

Mike 8:57 AM  

I gotta applaud you guys for supporting your club so well, even in the aftermath of a 2-0 loss to a "yank" MLS team from an "ale house league" that played their scrubs the entire second half.

Yes, you are correct in that Everton was founded before Liverpool FC. However, the two teams' history in the last 20 years is markedly different.

Everton has won only one major trophy since 1987 (1995 FA Cup).

In the same stretch of time, the red half of Liverpool has celebrated the winning of 11 trophies (2 Leagues, 4 FA Cups, 3 League Cups, one UEFA Cup, 2005 UEFA Champions League).

Spreading the timeline out longer, LFC still has reaped far more trophies than Everton.

LFC: 18 Leagues, 7 FA Cups, 7 League Cups, 5 European Cups.

EFC: 9 Leagues, 5 FA Cups, 0 League Cups, 0 European Cups (Unless you count your one Cup-Winners' Cup, in which case Liverpool also has one of their own, plus three UEFA Cups)

So I stand by my earlier comment of Everton being "the other club in Liverpool." For the record, I am not a Liverpool fan. I support Chicago Fire and Celtic.

Congratulations on 100 years in the top-flight. You are correct in that Everton have spent more seasons in the English top flight than any other. That's certainly no small feat. However, the relative dearth of trophies in recent years (Only two league titles since 1970) just means that in that stretch Everton were consistently mediocre.

If you're going to bring up Dixie Dean as a legitimate argument as to how I've somehow slighted your club, I'm sure we can track down some Army Football fans or some Red Grange fans or who are still alive that you'd get along great with.

Vinnie 9:53 AM  

"It's like your American lollipop, only... superior."


Anonymous,  11:26 AM  

Nice one Mike, doesnt stop you being a bit of a tit really though does it?

Nice use of setting the time limits to start SINCE 1970 (when we won the league) or SINCE 1987 (when, you've guessed it, we also won the league).

Great research though. Why dont you look up the phrase "you're one bad ted you lid".

Oh, and ye mar.

Azul, Mr C

Anonymous,  3:43 PM  

well i think all those blue lads are well fit, and i cant wait to get spitroasted by a couple of them, when my steeeeeevie is out at the match i'm gonna ger'a'few of 'em round to give me a pint of mixed. i just love playin' away and takin' it up the chuff i do

love ALEX

PS you american guys put an image in my mind of that stadler and waldorf, you pair of muppets.

Mike 4:41 PM  

Yes, our new Toffee friends, you got me. I started my measuring from 1987, which as you point out is when you won the League.

Personally, I thought my way of writing it was a nicer way of saying "YOU HAVEN'T WON THE LEAGUE IN 21 YEARS."

But in the interest of credit where credit is due, before we become the least popular blog among the blue Liverpudlians, here are the years Everton won the League.

1891, 1915, 1928, 1932, 1939, 1963, 1970, 1985, 1987.

So four League titles since the Third Reich invaded Poland.

You're gonna hang your hat on that?

I'm going to point out that LFC has won twice as many Leagues as you and you're going to quibble with where I started measuring from?

Sure, Everton are a GOOD club, but I'd be surprised if the lock to the trophy case wasn't rusted shut at this point.

To me, I gotta love the support you have for the team (As a Cubs fan, I certainly know about teams that haven't won anything in a long time).

However, I have to laugh at your attempt to justify your club's relative inferiority to the red half of town. Especially since every statistic I have said is true. I know you probably get it every week from your red neighbors so you're probably used to it, so you figure the Yanks don't know shit about football. But talking to a Yank vs. talking to a Red Liverpudlian won't make a 5th League title from 1939 to now magically appear.

So enjoy another 5th-place League finish and another star-studded season of UEFA Cup football.

Anonymous,  5:22 PM  

so , celtic eh, obvious where your ignorance originates fron now,The greatest soccer mind to ever come out of Southwestern Cock County, thats some claim that is fella although i have noticed a spelling mistake on your profile. we dont deny that our murderous neighbours have won more silverware than us, but then as a celtic fan you will be all for singing the praises of murderers, you would sit well on what is known as the hill of piss at analfield as you are obviously as big a knobhead/gobshite as they all are, come onto our forum at grandoldteam.com and become educated then maybe we can forgive you for your ignorance, hey bring cousin vinnie along too, by the way his profile says he hates the fighting irish, how does that fit with a celt ?

Matt 8:31 PM  

Man, these guys are worse than fucking Boston fans. Or maybe Cubs fans.

Slog off, limeys. We kicked your ass in WWII and we'll do it again.

Mach,  11:15 PM  

No worries Mike, the blue half of Liverpool won't be in Liverpool much longer.

I wonder if anyone will notice?


Anonymous,  1:54 AM  

kicked our ass in ww11 ? i was under the impression that you came in on our side....after being attacked, you then embarked on a campaign of funding terrorists who wished to blow our country to bits and now you have a war on terror you have us doing your dirty work, and yes you are kicking our ass there too.
*definition... kick ass
kill more of your allies than the enemy do, due to being incompetent trigger happy shithouses who think that every country on earth should go along with all they say.

bet you voted bush as well.

Anonymous,  10:38 AM  

Mach you sir are a grade A bellend.

No 1. Why are you checking the blogs of news that is of no concern to Liverpool fans? are you that obssessed with your blue neighbours that you have to trawl through the internet checking every little piece of news that is about Everton?

I mean how sad do you have to be your checking a Blog that's entitled "If you play for Everton, you are getting laid tonight" If it was Liverpool I wouldn't give a shit half of the Everton fans on here wouldn't give a shit so why don't you fuck off back under your rock in Norway you bellend.

Oh and who says we're leaving the city? We were there before you bunch of inbreds and we'll be there long after your gone.

Vinnie 12:36 PM  

I can't remember the last time I was so entertained by something I didn't understand at all.

Anonymous,  4:24 PM  

when you was last in your little box watching kermit and miss piggy vinnie thats when. you seppo's really are a gang of belters and whoppers, nort all i might add as there are quite a few blues over your side of the pond who will no doubt be dropping in here now that a link has been posted, just to let you all know what a shower of tw@s you are. prepare to learn some new english phrases, sayings and vocabulary. and hey , you know what YOUR MOM !! AND YOUR SISTER TOO FOR THAT MATTER !!

Mike 9:20 AM  

Shoyne yer shews, Gubnah?

Anonymous,  6:11 PM  

I'm not entirely convinced this isn't just someone trying to take the piss out of you, Mike.

Still, a few comments (that they won't read) in case it is serious, I decided to actually be polite. It was hard.

- Don't bring politics into this. George W. Bush got less than 50% of the vote in 2000 and barely 50% in 2004. His approval rating in June 2008 was 28%. Basically, most Americans didn't vote for him and don't like him. A lot of that has to do with the war in Iraq that millions of Americans protested. Please stop stereotyping, thanks.

- But it doesn't matter anyway! Who cares if someone voted for Bush or not. We're talking about sport, not politics....

- Obviously, Mike's statement about being "the greatest soccer mind in Southwestern Cook County" may be true, but it's mostly a joke, because as you may have gathered- it's not a big area.

- When did "less famous" or being "the other club" in Liverpool become insulting? You should be happy that a lot of glory-hunting posers don't follow your team. "Less successful" hurts more, but at least you've got more real fans, and fewer glory-hunting posers that fill up the stadium when you can't get tickets.

In conclusion, insulting people on the internet is fucking lame. Whether you call it soccer or football, it is "the beautiful game". Let's just all agree that Tim Howard is a pretty great goalkeeper- and then consume lots of beer.


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