Showing posts with label barely sports. Show all posts
Showing posts with label barely sports. Show all posts
Iconic
>> Tuesday
Congratulations, Kansas City! Not only do you have the lowest-paying tech sector in the nation, but your city's defining image is... Larry Johnson. Pret-ty lame, Milhouse.
Read more...Passing thought
>> Saturday
--barely related to sports.
Though I don't think it's been used in this context yet, I'm pretty sure that over the next year, "Heads Will Roll" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs will be blaring over roughly 30% of all NHL faceoffs, MLB on FOX promos, and ESPN post-commercial highlight interludes. It just has that... feel.
Maybe I'll be totally wrong and this song never pops up in a sports context ever, but I figured I should at least hedge my short-term Derby prediction with something long-term that no one will remember unless I'm right.
Read more...
A three-non-post night
>> Wednesday
Airing now on AMC:
Julia Roberts and Patrick Bergin star in the 1991 classic Sleeping with the Enemy.
I trust that no one is confused.
YCS: Your Home for Fifth-Grade Homework Help
>> Sunday
Today's hilarious Google search referral comes to us from a middle-schooler trying to find the answer to an extremely specific math question:
i'm having trouble answering these question A Volleyball team wins 52 of its 65 games during a world championship. (a). What is the ratio of wins to games played?
Don't schools these days teach kids how to use search engines before they learn how to add? I guess this kid home-schooled. Also, what kind of volleyball world championship requires teams to play 65 games? Doesn't that seem excessive? Maybe I just don't understand volleyball.
Not to make fun of a dying guy...
>> Friday
...But something about the sight of Castro in an Addidas track suit cracks me up.
Oh crap... I need to somehow make this about sports. Ummm... That's right! Castro used to play baseball! And he is, after all, wearing a track suit. Oh, and how do you think Dayan Viciedo will do for the White Sox?
Relevance: salvaged. *blows on finger like smoking pistol*
We Might Have a Winner for Dumbest Story of the Day
>> Wednesday
Steelers to wear white for Super Bowl.
Psssh. I can't believe they're wearing white. They've played with a loooooooooot of football teams if you catch my drift.
The author tries to draw a parallel between Pittsburgh wearing white in Super Bowl XL despite being the "home team" because Pittsburgh that year was a wild card and had won all three of their playoff games on the road.
This year, Pittsburgh played two playoff games at home, and Arizona is the "home team" so they got to pick. So the Steelers didn't pick white because they thought it was lucky again. The will wear it because they have to.
Long story short. Aside from the color of the Steelers' shirts, the parallels between the jersey selection process for Super Bowl XL and XLIII end there.
From the "Pictures I Never Expected to See" File
>> Friday
An excerpt from the show:
Morgan: You just don't see any great movies these days.
Clooney: Well, I beg to--
Morgan: You used to have movies like The Sting that had great actors in them--Paul Newman, Robert Redford... guys like that. But all of today's movies have holes and weaknesses. There just aren't any great movies anymore.
Bench: ...Or great actors. I don't think any actor from today's era should ever get a star on the Walk of Fame.
Clooney [incensed]: Now just one minute...!
Ellen: Boys--
Clooney: It's just that I finally agree to come on this ridiculous show, and this is what I get? Listen--You guys were great ballplayers in your day, but could you do us all a favor and leave your retarded opinions on movies to yourselves?
Bench: No, you listen to me--
Ellen: Hey, everyone--Let's dance!
["The Groove Line" begins to play; Morgan pops up and starts shuffling around in a small circle while Clooney sits silently, forehead in hand.]
Morgan: Come on, Johnny! Get down with your bad self!
Boys, We Could Have All Been D-1 Athletes
I think Sever mentioned this a while back, but it bears mentioning again since A: nobody listens to what Sever says and B: I just saw a commercial for it on Fox Sports Net during the Brewers game.
Apparently, there is now such a thing as the "National Collegiate Bass Fishing Championship." Ladies and gentlemen, I officially welcome you to the first high-level college sport where the most important aspect of participants isn't speed, athleticism, height or coordination but willingness to participate. Seriously, that's gotta be like one of at most 4 things you have to do to be in this thing. The other three probably involve filling out the necessary paperwork in triplicate.
Also, isn't fishin' a 'sport' that relies almost entirely on luck? I know there are a few things that you can do in order increase your chances of success, but would there really be anything separating your average Joe College from the competitors in this thing other than, again, willingness to be called Collegiate Bass Fishermen? I mean, isn't the only thing preventing me from being called a world class angler the fact that I think fishing is boring as fuck?
Regardless of my above confusion, I'm on board with this thing wholeheartedly and will gladly donate money to Marquette if they decide to start a Bass Fishing team (ed. note: no I won't) provided they add one provision. Since this is college, they should let - nay, demand - the kids get shitfaced drunk during the whole thing as an homage to the true spirit of fishing/recreational boat drinking. Also, every boat carrying a competitor should be manned by a mysterious fishing guide from either the bayou or some other colorful backwoods locale. The swarthier, the better.
If you play for Everton, you are getting laid tonight
>> Wednesday
Proof slutty women don't just love the Champions.
Everton, the 5th-place finisher in the EPL last season is in Chicago tonight for a friendly match against Chicago Fire.
Friend of YCS Doughboy sent us this ad on Craigslist that he found.
(We're not sure what Doughboy was looking for on Craigslist in this section, but we figure that's none of our business...)
I for one certainly wish this lady the best of luck in hooking up with one of the Toffees. Because after that love child gets born; with genes of a world-class footballer and an American passport, the US will totally cash in at the 2026 World Cup.
Read more...
"How about 'Loser' by Beck or 'I'm a Loser' by the Beatles or 'Even the Losers' by Tom Petty or--" "Hey man, get off the stage! You suck!"
>> Monday
Last March, I highlighted one Chicago radio, NCAA Tournament-themed polling gimmick. And now this year, I direct your attention to this--a 16-song "bracket" established by several Chicago radio stations to determine what will be played when the Cubs take the field opening day.
Let's--for a second--put aside the fact that these are possibly the most cliched choices that these radio stations could have chosen (with apologies, perhaps, to "Welcome to the Jungle"). But I'm more than a tad perplexed by Ron and Pat's offering. "Margaritaville"??? As a make-some-noise, on-your-feet, raise-the-roof, it's-game-time-woo! song? I can only imagine the conversation that led to this nomination.
Pat: Well, Ronny. What song should we enter into the "March to Opening Day" contest?
Ron: Aww, gee, Pat... Gosh... I don't know...
Pat: Boy, Ronny, there are so many good songs and artists to choose from.
Ron: You know it, Pat.
Pat: Perhaps "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones.... Or a Buddy Holly tune... maybe the Electric Light Orchestra... Of course, "Blitzkrieg Bop" is always a ballpark favorite.
Ron: Gee... I'm not sure I remember that one...
Pat: Well, it's a bit more recent, Ron. It's by a band called the Ramones.
Ron: The Ramones, you said?
Pat: That's right... Like the man's name "Ramon" but with an E-S at the end.
Ron: Huh... I don't recall them.
Pat: They wore leather jackets and tight blue jeans... white t-shirts typically... sunshades... long-ish hair--"shaggy," as it is often referred to nowadays...
Ron: What about the one... umm.... what is it, Pat... uh... Sinatra...
Pat: "Summer Wind"?
Ron: You got it! Boy... Nothing gets past you, Pat.
Pat: Well, Ronny... One of our listeners emailed me and suggested "Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffett.
Ron: [intrigued] Ohhhh.... Well, I'll be... I didn't think of that one.
Pat: Of course, Jimmy was the first artist to perform live at Wrigley Field few summers ago.
Ron: Yep.
Pat: That's always a fun song.
Ron: You've got that right, Pat!
Pat: Well, how about it, Ronny? Should we go with the listener's suggestion?
Ron: [spills his glass of grape Crush] Oh, GEEZ!
And Len and Bob--the two broadcasters who performed at the House of Blues and talk more about music than about baseball on their telecasts--went with a Semisonic song. I do give them a thumbs up for being less predictable, but--beeeee-ewwwwuuuurrrrrr [rotating my wrist to thumbs-down position]--on song choice.
Most of these radio stations are shit, and I expected nothing better. But I must say, I'm very disappointed in WXRT, which--if you don't live in Chicago--is easily the best FM radio station in the city (at least under the umbrella "music of the common man"), if not the entire country. "Beautiful Day"? Come on Lin Bramer and co.--You coulda done way better than that.
I guess if I had to make a choice between a giant douche and a turd sandwich (and fourteen other options) in this bracket, I'd endorse "Stronger" even though it's in that awkward no-so-new, not-so-old limbo stage where it needs to be shelved for a few years to let it replenish its appeal. But at least it sorta has that stadium energy-generating quality that pretty much every other song in the bracket lacks.
You know what--forget that. Vote for "Margaritaville," if for nothing else than to see the look of disgust on Carlos Zambrano's face when that comes piping through the PA as he trots to the mound.
Problems in Graphics
>> Saturday
Looking for Marquette stuff on eBay.
Came across this item. A giant Marquette mat that from the looks of this picture put out by the seller, is used for tailgating. However, it's obvious these fans are not Marquette fans, and the logo was just superimposed on some template.
- Conspicuous absence of Marquette gear.
- Marquette doesn't have a football team. Who tailgates in shorts in Wisconsin in January?
- Where are they tailgating? On the roof of the Bradley Center parking garage?
- If these people are Marquette fans, why is there ONLY ONE COOLER?
Minor League Dumbasses Don't Think Things Through
>> Thursday
Yes, it's a tad old, but forgive me, I haven't exactly been up on my minor league baseball news recently. That being said, this is just as worthy of YCS's classic brand of ridicule and armchair-quarterbacking.
The Colorado Rockies affiliate in Casper Wyoming, the Casper Rockies, changed their name to the Casper Ghosts (rimshot), and also have claimed to have created the first glow-in-the-dark baseball caps. If the suits are to be believed, the logo will be nearly invisible on the hat, but in the dark, the logo will glow.
Which is funny, because aren't baseball games sunlit or floodlit? Soooooooo you've created this great first in baseball, but no one will ever see it on the field.
(sarcastic applause)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
