Alternate headline:

Jeter outshines A-Rod yet again
Selfish Rodriguez goes 0-4, bangs Madonna, is reprehensible

The subtler version that made it through editing:

Jeter clutch as Pettitte, Yanks blank Rays

Playing smartly, and perhaps with a sense of urgency, the third-place Yankees avoided falling 9½ games behind Tampa Bay.

Message loud and clear: Because darling Derek played well, the Yankees' performance was "smart."

Jeter lined an early go-ahead double off All-Star Scott Kazmir, then made a stellar, spinning play in the seventh inning that preserved a two-run lead and prompted a sellout crowd to chant his name.

Hold the shit up. EARLY GO-AHEAD DOUBLE. STELLAR PLAY IN THE SEVENTH INNING. If anyone can cite an instance when A-Rod had a third-inning double or seventh-inning defensive play called "clutch" on camera, in an audio recording, or in print, I will give you a hundred rubles. Also, if A-Rod ever had a slugging percentage below .400, like The Captain currently does, Yankees fans would have him captured, quartered, and braised in a giant pot in the middle of Times Square.

Also, I haven't seen the replay, but I'm guessing Jeter's backhanded stop in the hole--like all of Jeter's backhanded stops in the hole--was really overrated.

(Side note: Look! A "Spanky" LaValliere mention!

Yankees C Jose Molina had thrown out 12 straight runners trying to steal until Upton swiped second in the seventh inning. Molina's streak was the longest in the majors since Mike LaValliere also caught 12 in 1993 ... )