Philadelphia woman arrested after offering sex for World Series tickets.
After Craigslist ad reading ""DESPERATE BLONDE NEEDS WS TIX (Philadelphia)"Diehard Phillies fan--gorgeous tall buxom blonde-- in desperate need of two World Series Tickets. Price negotiable--- I'm the creative type! Maybe we can help each other!"
In the past few days I've seen a number of postings, read a few articles, and heard commentators ranging from Sports Illustrated to the Wall Street Journal opining on the early season dominance of dome teams, in particular, the undefeated starts for the Vikings, Colts, and Saints. They say that the Domes are giving them the advantage. I could argue that Brett Favre, Peyton Manning, and Drew Brees might have something to do with it as well.
So, before anyone gets carried away on a "Dome-inant" headline pun-writing bonanza, I'd like to point out that the Rams are winless, the Lions are 1-5, and the Cardinals, Cowboys, and Texans are either .500 teams or just a hair better.
Jay Mariotti on Around the Horn this afternoon claimed Yankee Stadium was a "Cathedral of Baseball" despite the stadium only being open for the past six and a half months. Given this standard, one can only conclude that Great American Ballpark is a wonder of the ancient world.
Seconds later he was given a shaving cream pie by my friend Frank from Section 8 Chicago, who works as a program coordinator at ESPN in Chicago. The revolution is coming.
A great clipping from today's New York Post:
Reader Gary Cicio, NYC podiatrist, did the research, and asks us to choose one of the two options to see a Mariners-Yankees game this season, and from the very best seats:
Option 1: Two tickets to Tuesday night, June 30, Mariners at Yanks, cost for just the tickets, $5,000.
Option 2: Two round-trip airline tickets to Seattle, Friday, Aug. 14, return Sunday the 16th, rental car for three days, two-night double occupancy stay in four-star hotel, two top tickets to both the Saturday and Sunday Yanks-Mariners games, two best-restaurant-in-town dinners for two. Total cost, $2,800. Plus-frequent flyer miles.
"Yankee Stadium has seen no-hitters....perfect games...dramatic home runs...and countless World Championship celebrations...." ~Yankee Stadium farewell pregame ceremonies.
Countless = 9.
26 if you assume they threw a celebration after each title back at the stadium regardless of where it was clinched.
Jeter outshines A-Rod yet again
Selfish Rodriguez goes 0-4, bangs Madonna, is reprehensible
The subtler version that made it through editing:
Jeter clutch as Pettitte, Yanks blank Rays
Playing smartly, and perhaps with a sense of urgency, the third-place Yankees avoided falling 9½ games behind Tampa Bay.
Message loud and clear: Because darling Derek played well, the Yankees' performance was "smart."
Jeter lined an early go-ahead double off All-Star Scott Kazmir, then made a stellar, spinning play in the seventh inning that preserved a two-run lead and prompted a sellout crowd to chant his name.
Hold the shit up. EARLY GO-AHEAD DOUBLE. STELLAR PLAY IN THE SEVENTH INNING. If anyone can cite an instance when A-Rod had a third-inning double or seventh-inning defensive play called "clutch" on camera, in an audio recording, or in print, I will give you a hundred rubles. Also, if A-Rod ever had a slugging percentage below .400, like The Captain currently does, Yankees fans would have him captured, quartered, and braised in a giant pot in the middle of Times Square.
Also, I haven't seen the replay, but I'm guessing Jeter's backhanded stop in the hole--like all of Jeter's backhanded stops in the hole--was really overrated.
(Side note: Look! A "Spanky" LaValliere mention!
Yankees C Jose Molina had thrown out 12 straight runners trying to steal until Upton swiped second in the seventh inning. Molina's streak was the longest in the majors since Mike LaValliere also caught 12 in 1993 ... )
Since we've all been too busy/lazy/indifferent to post much lately (though I don't think anyone else has noticed anyway), I figured I'd refresh the page by ripping off Pat's signature recurring post by tossing out a bunch of lazy one-liners about recent happenings in sports. Here goes...
Word today is that the Mariners fired hitting coach Jeff Pentland, who will be temporarily replaced by former Cubs manager Lee Elia. Wow--between manager John McLaren and Elia, I expect more unnecessary profanity in the Mariners' clubhouse than in Dennis Leary's standup act.
If we don't see better starts out of Joba Chamberlain soon, we may see Brian Cashman lose his joba.
Federer lost to Nadal again in the French Open. That Nadal is one fine-looking tennis player. And I do mean fine-looking.
Think Rafael Nadal bears any relation to former Marlins catcher Bob Natal?
Now that Dominik Hasek is retiring, he should have a lot more time to spend with his beautiful family and also, this guy.
Did you see Big Brown fall apart at the Belmont? Man, I haven't seen a horse choke that bad since that episode of Mr. Ed where he bites off Wilbur's arm.
That was some NBA Finals game last night, with L.A. nearly erasing a 20-point fourth quarter deficit. Man, I haven't seen Celtics choke like that since the Roman army won the Battle of Mons Graupius in 84 A.D.
More overdramatic: Paul Pierce on Thursday night or Cher in Moonstruck? Discuss.
...And I'm out!
(P.S.: I'll be going out of town tomorrow, so don't expect any new posts out of me until at least next Monday. Which is to say, don't expect any new posts out of this site until at least next Monday.)
No, it isn't football season (anticipated rebuttal from Mike: "What about the EURO?"), but I'm bringing you a special baseball edition of the Shoe-in of the Week, where I share my expert gambling advice with odd-defyingly terrible results.
However, this time I'm putting my money where my ass can't cash. Wait... I think I did something wrong there. Anywho... My dad, who's in Nevada, called me to see if I wanted to bet on any of today's games. So I put a fin (five dollars, for you squares) on two of this afternoon's games.
I'm calling the Royals (+155) over the Yankees. The still-adjusting-to-starter's-innings Joba Chamberlain is going up against the excellent Zack Greinke, and the Yankees' bullpen has been horrible.
I'm also putting a fiver on the Orioles (+210) over the Blue Jays. I'm completely banking on the power of the unfamiliar, as the O's will be sending Radhames Liz to the mound to make his sixth major-league start against Roy Halladay (hence the lopsided line).
So if you happen to read this in the next twenty minutes before these games start (almost 100% sure not to happen), follow my advice. I'm never wrong!
So last week, some prankster construction worker, who's evidently a big Red Sox fan, burried a David Ortiz jersey in a concrete pour that would have been part of the Yankees' locker room in New Yankee Stadium.
Only in New York!
And when word broke of this practical joker's mischievous hijinks, it caused panic among Yankee fans everywhere and prompted an official statement from the Yankees on the matter--roughly, "Posh! That never happened and there's no such thing as a 'jinx.'"
Only in New York!
And then this weekend--after a grueling 18-hour interrogation with the construction crew that involved (I'm guessing now) waterboarding, water deprivation, Chinese water torture, and a bunch of other water-related stuff--the Yankees' brass learned that the prank actually occurred, as well as the whereabouts of the jersey, and ordered the jinxing agent unearthed from the stadium's foundation.
Only in New York!
Seems a little ridiculous, huh? These are grown adults with well-paying jobs? I mean, I'd love to see that change-order, am I right? Well--wait, what? Oh weird... someone just emailed me a scanned copy of it. How do you like that?
Wow, organized labor is expensive in the Bronx. $57/hour for a jackhammer guy?
Only in New York!
That's the price you pay for falling behind 3-1 on Billy Crystal.
Ok, fine, so he rallied back to strike him out. Maybe it's too early to give up on the kid.
At least he didn't go to 3-1 on Jack Palance. There'd be no forgiving that. Especially since I think Jack Palance is dead.
We write a lot of brilliant commentaries, pithy observations, and hilarious gags on this blog, and we're proud of them all. But what we pride ourselves most in at YCS is our hard, investigative reporting.
And tonight, we really pulled it off again, getting access to the Yankees locker room to bring you Joe Torre's postgame speech to his players. (Pretty amazing how we went from zero press credentials to covering one of the biggest sporting events in the world overnight, huh? Oh, and don't ask us why we didn't just record it and re-wrote it instead. It's just how we do things.)
Here's the exclusive transcript of his speech:
Read more...Well, boys. What can I say... This one's tough to take. I don't know if any of us can take much positive out of the way this season ended. We were built to win it all, and we didn't do that. It's as simple as that.
This is hard to say, but I just wanted to leave all with these last parting words before we get out of here: I hope you all die.
You guys really screwed me this time. Thanks. No, really. Thank you for getting me fired... Thanks a million... Thanks a hundred and ninety-six million.
My God. You can't give me one series. Not one damned series the last three years to save my ass? Now that batty old turtlenecked schmuck is gonna put me out on the street because after 97 years as a business man, he doesn't know the term "diminishing marginal returns."
Ok, I know; I know. The postseason takes luck. We've been through this talk. But you don't think just one time, for good ol' Joe, you could've actually made all that "winning when it counts" crap work? For me?
So fuck you.
Fuck you guys for getting pasted in game one. Fuck you guys for being dominated in game two. Fuck you guys for only scoring two runs off Paul fucking Byrd tonight! I mean... My God. It's Paul Byrd. Just look at him throw the damned ball. He looks like "Fat" Freddie Fitzsimmons out there. You guys remember "Fat" Freddie? Huh? No! Of course you don't! ...I don't! ...Because he pitched in the goddamned thirties!
Derek... You have got to be kidding me. Three times on base in four games? You know George already has Eckstein on the line, don't you? Where was the underhanded cut-off flip to the plate play this time? Hell, I'd have even taken one of those famous deep-in-hole backhanded stops that almost any major league shortstop can make but that people make a big fuss about when you do it. But you gave me nothing, Derek, and now you're dead to me.
Jorge... Hoo-ray on the career year! Best year of your life at 36! How about that? Round of applause, everyone! ...Quit clapping, dumbshit! I was being sarcastic! For the love of God, Jorge, where was that career year crap the last four games?
And Manishevitz--or whatever the hell your name is--when I say I have you in there for defense, that does not mean you are exempt from hitting the ball. I know you're usually terrible so I shouldn't be surprised, but I had you pegged as my "poor hitter who has an inexplicably awesome series." You were my Brosius. You were my Leyritz. And you did nothing.
And Kim Jong. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Waing. A big shibal nom to you. Three outs? That's all? Three outs? I mean, what happened? Too much math? Too much communism? Tell me something else your country does, so I can make fun of that too. Cram it!... Taiwan... I don't care where you're from. You couldn't give me-- wait... You speak English? Well good. Then I don't have to translate: Die, asshole.
Alex? Hell... mad as I am, even I can't rip you. You've been pissed on enough, and I already know they'll be saying that home run wasn't "clutch" enough or early enough or loud enough or some shit in the Post tomorrow, so you get a pass.
And lastly--Villone. Nah, don't worry. This has nothing to do with your pitching. What the hell am I gonna say about a third of a damned inning? Nah... It's your voice. It makes my skin crawl. I don't know why; it just does. Always wanted to tell you that. So please don't let me hear you speak again until I'm out of here.
As for the rest of you--well, not you Mo--but most of you: I hope you all get injured. You're the reason I got fired, just as much as I'm the reason we've lost in the first round the last three years. So if that's how how Big Stein's going to judge me, that's how I judge you. That's just how it is.
Now all of you get the hell out of my sight. Except for you, Mo. I love you.
If you missed it, Craig Sager was just interviewing Jon Bon Jovi, who revealed that Bon Jovi will be opening their next tour with ten straight dates in New Jersey. Um, yeah, like the post title says.
Also, Jon really knows his baseball. He should quit music and go into broadcasting. Just kidding. But he should still quit music.
Sonic Trivia Question from tonight's Yanks-Indians game:
What happened on this date in MLB history that never happened before and has never happened since?
What??! I think that's one of those questions they'd ask people on the gallows to save their lives back in the old days. I mean, seriously, without any bounds, that could literally be anything. Lonnie Smith homered off Bob Welch on a 1-2 count with two outs in the fifth? Willie Mays called Leo Durocher "daddio" in the dugout?
Answer: Don Larsen pitched a perfect game in the World Series. Wow. Did he? Never heard that one before. Imagine that. A perfect game. In the World Series. I'm surprised no one's ever mentioned this rare occurrence before.
YAWWWN.......
And yes, I actually watched The Bronx is Burning. What can I say? The Ramones soundtrack sucked me in. Ok, so I didn't actually watch the show so much as caught few-minute blips during commercials of tonight's Seinfeld rerun. (It was the one where Kramer sets up George with the bald woman after George starts wearing a toupee, and Jerry fails the polygraph test and admits to watching Melrose Place.)
But I did pick up this much from the episode. Billy Martin started a big hubub by deciding to bench Reggie Jackson for the deciding Game 5 of the '77 ALCS in favor of Paul Blair. As the episode portrayed it, Martin chose to bench Reggie because he'd been producing poorly in the series (1 for 14) and, according to some player's sketchy anecdotal recollection, Jackson had never hit Royals starter Paul Splittorff.
Tip of the hat to Joe Torre. Wag of the finger to every other manager in baseball!
Bottom of the ninth, tie game.
Most managers' approach to this situation: "There's no way I can use my closer here. What if it takes my team a couple innings to score and I need to close the game out in the bottom of the 11th? Then I'm completely fucked because I don't have my closer. That's what closers are for! To close games! Why would any sane person use them in any other situation?!"
Joe Torre (who, remember, was threatened with losing his job earlier this season): Duh, the Angels' best hitters are up in the bottom of the ninth, so I should use my best pitcher to make sure I get to the next inning, with A-Rod leading off, and give myself the best chance to win. Seriously, is this that hard to understand?
I apologize that this post is a day late, but I'm in the process of a move (from my mom's basement to someone else's mom's basement, where I'll write for this blog, play RPG games, and eat salty snacks all day), so I didn't have time to touch on it last night.
If you missed it, Seattle Mariners manager Mike Hargrove quit baseball, purportedly for good, because his "passion [had] begun to fade."
The Mariners--at the time of the announcement--had won seven in a row and nine of ten. They were 44-33 after starting 19-21 and were just four back of first in the division. So, as best interpretation of Hargrove's words would imply, the Mariners were playing progressively better as their manager was growing less and less capable to manage--something we must assume if we consider motivation a primary role of a manager.
By no means am I insinuting that the Mariners couldn't have played slightly better had Hargrove been at full capacity. But the coincidence of the two events does reinforce the idea that managers are nowhere near as important as mainstream media outlets and casual fans tend to believe. If they were, how could a manager who, by his own admission, was going through the motions lead a team to a .670ish mark over the course of six weeks?
Sure, Hargrove was but one small factor in the streak, and that's the whole point. I wouldn't even be jumping this soapbox again were it not for this line in this blog post on the Yankees:
It's time for a new Joe. Sorry Mr. Torre, all good things come to an end. This team's lackluster play unfortunately will be the end for Joe Torre. The Yankees better not be stupid and make Don Mattingly their next manager, everyone knows that the next star manager is Joe Girardi. Lock him up, let him do whatever he wants with the coaching staff, this guy can manage. (emphasis added)
Based on what??? I'm not picking on this one random blogger because he's only sharing an opinion that seemingly every baseball fan holds true--that Joe Girardi is a great manager because his only season as an MLB manager happened to be with a wildly talented team that outperformed popular expectations. That's ludicrous.
It's a tired argument, and I'm really sick of making it. I understand that natural impulse to assign results to a sole source--especially one dictated by rational human thought and not frightening out-of-our-control things like innate ability--but I expect better out of baseball fans.
I am a baseball fan. I love baseball. I love just about anything related to or resembling baseball. Normally, I can sit and watch any game involving nine players a side, some kind of bat (or broomhandle or tree limb or prosthetic leg, a la Lenny on The Simpsons... or anything else bat-like), and a small, roughly spherical object and be happily entertained. Shit, I could watch two teams of Catholic nuns play stickball with a fish head in quick sand and... Well whatever, I think I've done enough exaggerating for effect.
But goshdarn, if I watch another ESPN Yankees-Red Sox broadcast this season, it just might be my last... you know, because I'd stop watching them. (Whoa, chill out, dude, I'm not gonna do something crazy.) It's just... too damned many.... too much hype... too much east coast-edness. I mean, is a Rockies-D'Backs game too much to ask for?!
Well instead of getting angry about it, I decided to take action. So if all of you in YCSNation will join me, for this Sunday night, I'm proposing a one-week boycott of ESPN's S
unday Night Baseball. And to prove I mean business, I've already taken written action... by making a tongue-in-cheek internet petition!
So if all of you will indulge me, please sign our petition. If we all band together, I bet we could have ten, maybe twenty signatures in no time!
Come on YCSNation--fight the power!
P.S.: Don't ask me to explain why each paragraph in the petition is spaced a mile apart. That just happened. I'm also aware that there's a typo or two in there, but you can't edit it, so shut up.
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