The Other Side of Darkness

Guest author Ted, a man who's been in a coma since spring of 2001, weighs in on the early NFL free agent moves:

Oh man... I think my Vikes are really gonna make a run next year. I just hope they can convince Robert Smith to come back another season and then trade up to draft David Terrell to replace Chris Carter when he calls it quits. He'd be the perfect complement to Moss--I know it.

Wait--what?! Randy Moss is a free agent? How did that happen? Great! Typical Vikes... we finally have a star player, and we let him walk as a free agent after three seasons. Unbelievable. Denny Green needs to be fired. The Vikes are the only team dumb enough to employ him, and I guarantee he never works again once they finally can his ass.

And what's this--the Rams cut Isaac Bruce?! But what'll become of the greatest show on turf?? They have such a good thing going.

Jevon Kearse was cut too? He's one of the best young ends in the game. What are they SMOKING in Tennessee? Whatever it is, I bet it comes from Afghanistan or whatever that country where we get all our drugs. Or is it Khazakstan? Whatever--like anyone knows them apart anyway.

This is unbelievable... Ty Law was cut too?! Wow. The Patriots. What a mismanaged franchise. I don't know why they would ever get rid of Pete Carroll to hire some retread who couldn't win in Cleveland. And I bet those dumbasses let Bledsoe walk after the season. Have fun in last place next year.

Shit, I'd better get going. Busy day at Arthur Andersen tomorrow. Accounting--it's a bitch sometimes, but at least I know I have stability.