Turn that frown upside-down!

Cheer up, campers! Don't cry or pout! The birds are singing; the sun is out... It's a beeea-utiful day!

Actually, it's grayer than a bastard here, and the birds are all dead or down in Ecuador. But that wouldn't rhyme, would it? And those are unhappy thoughts! We only care about happy thoughts!

So what your team lost last night? To the guy who came here by Googling "I feel depressed after superbowl lost"--first of all, that's terrible writing, but it's okay because we're all special--remember that it could always be worse. You may be sad that your Pats didn't win, but at least you don't have smallpox or live in Burma! At least I hope you don't; otherwise, that might be a problem! :)

Are you depressed that football season is over? I promise there are still a few things to live for, like warm weather and baseball and dafodils and the 4th of July! Sure, you'll have to wait through several torturous weeks of crippling malaise before any of those things comes around, but in the words of Dido, "It's not so bad... It's not so baaaad." If you start feeling down from football withdrawl during the offseason, here are a few tips:

1) Open up your wallet you cheap bastard, and get the NFL Network. They re-run full games during the offseason!

2) Go buy a puppy and a football-shaped chew toy, carpet a room in your house to look like a football field, and watch the puppy run around it for no less than three hours at a time.

3) Reach for a cocktail, cigarette, or comfort food. They all give you a quick mood boost with absolutely no potential negative long-term consequences!

4) Buy yourself something nice but practical, like a faberge egg, and leave your wife for a younger, hotter one.

5) Get revenge on someone.

6) Balloons!

Most importantly, keep a smile on your face! Research shows that smiling releases neurochemicals in our brains that cause the muscles in the corners of our mouth to go upward, thereby causing us to feel happier! And above all, remember--sadness is a sign of weakness!