A message from Uno

>> Tuesday

Oh!!! Best in Show, bitches!

You think my name is too brash? Well, go eat your own shit, other dogs and bitches, as you are wont to do anyway. It wasn't my choice to have that name, dogs and bitches. It was my fag owner, ok? So fuck you all. Eat my shit, ok?

You think I give a bastard about your dog show awards? Think again. Yeah, I did my little strut and pose for that fag judge. You think that's me? That's not me, you gullible homos. I like licking a good nutsack as much as you do, but you can't contain it enough to fool some old man with a PhD, and that's why I'm better than you. You can all lick my nutsack. Lick my nutsack? That sounds mighty fine right now, actually.

That's right--I can lick my own nutsack! You jealous? Of course you are, chumps. Especially you, bitches. I saw you all eyeing me. I'd look your way; you'd turn your head just in time so that your bag trainer wouldn't see you and whip your bitch-ass. Like I'd touch a toy poodle with my ten-foot pole. (I'd probably kill you before I even got off, but that's neither here nor there.) But I saw ya. You want my dick, don't you, bitches? Your trainer wanted that shit, too. Old bag hasn't had a good screw in fifteen years, and that's why she put all her hopes and dreams into your bitch-ass, and now she's lusting my huge doggie-wang.

Well, suck on this: I'm off to Hollywood where Hollywood bitches will lick my nutsack all day while they feed me filet. You remember "Eddie" from Fraiser? Ameteur... total pawn. And your fag owners and that fag judge are just as jealous because they all wanna lick their own nutsack too, but they CAN'T! Not without years and years of Yoga, bitches! Yeah, I'm off to Hollywood, where I'll lick my nutsack all day.

You think you can stop me, Caroline and Ed and Jon and Kathy? I'd like to see your homo legs keep up with me for twenty yards. Good luck. I sold you, and now I'm selling out. I've got youth and dog-ness on my side, and you can't touch this shit. You think I'm trained? HA! HA! HA!... And.... HA! You can't train perfection. You can't train a god. You can't train that. Sainara, Asian bitches. I'm off to the bigtime.

Shit... You inferior dogs and bitches are wearing me out by boring me with your inferior competition. This gloating is too fucking (I'd say "doggone," but I'm not some hack-bitch longhaired dachshund who finished a distant second to me) EASY. So sit on it, Chachi.

And I'm out!

7 comments:

Paul 11:08 AM  

This is your single-most sophomoric post to date. I didn't think you'd ever sink this low.

Vinnie 12:20 PM  

Ah, but I'm capable of so much worse.

Unknown 12:59 PM  

You can't sink much lower than a post that contains implict "inter-species erotica"

Vinnie 1:08 PM  

Is that a challenge? Because if that's a challenge, I could easily make you regret it.

Unknown 5:55 PM  

No one wants the hear the story about how you got banned from the zoo, circus, pet store, the county pound, or the pet cemetary.

Anonymous,  8:05 AM  

best. column. ever. and quite frankly, that's all you need BROTHA!-Stephen

Unknown 10:29 AM  

Ha, take that Paul and Iain! Some guy named Stephen liked it.

And Stephen, you really shouldn't encourage me.

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