My grades for every team in the 2007 NBA Draft

>> Thursday

Atlanta: C
Sure, they got Horford and Law IV early, but they had no second-rounders. Don't they know that Moses Malone was drafted in the fourth round? They missed out on a player twice as good as Moses Malone. Gotta dock 'em for that.

Boston: C
They drafted Jeff Green but traded him. So does that really count? Honestly, I already forgot who was in the trade, but it probably won't work out. They really should've drafted Oden.

Charlotte: C
Jared Dudley at #22 was an interesting pick, but the Bobcats have a problem on their hands if he shoots free throws anything like Chris Dudley. Fortunately, he does not.

Chicago: C
Noah and Gray give the Bulls some much-needed height, and JamesOn Curry gives them a really kickass name. But the question remains: Will Jordan return to persue that seventh title?

Cleveland: C
The Cavs had no picks, so it's kind of hard to give them an A. But they couldn't screw up the draft either. Let's call it... a C!

Detroit: C
They got stuck with Stuckey at 15, and Aaron Afflalo might put Flip Saunders in AA. As for Sammy Mejia, will he end up in D-troit or D-league?

Indiana: C
Just like Cleveland, they had no picks. Even still, they did way worse than the Cavs. They get an F. Aww, shucks... They tried hard. C sounds fair.

Miami: C
They drafted Jason Smith, but I think they traded him for somebody. Good move. As for second-round pick Stanko Barac, I've already got the "Stank Love" and "Barac in '08" t-shirt designs made, so he'd better make the team. Otherwise, I'll be clothing many a third-world child.

Milwaukee: C
Yi was a value pick at #6, but he's liable to give his teammates poison toothpaste and toys with lead paint. He'll mean well and all, but that's the nature of the beast.

New Jersey: C
Sean Williams is a character risk, but it's not like he got kicked out of school or something. What? Oh...

New York: C
Wilson Chandler is a fine talent, but will the Knicks' draft-night trade hurt his value? Zach Randolph could accidentally sit on him.

Orlando: C
I like Reyshawn Terry's value in the second round, but I'm not so sure he'll like playing in Stan Van Gundy's system. Of course I'd say that about anyone they drafted.

Philadelphia: C
The Sixers started strong, drafting Thaddeus Young at #12, but they accidentally used their two second-round picks on Petteri Koponen and Kyrylo Fesenko, who are hockey players.

Toronto: C
Another no-show! Well, I guess I have to grade these consistent, or the school board will be on my ass tomorrow.

Washington: C
Nick Young is good, but unfortunately, he'll never get to play because he plays the same position as Gilbert Arenas. Even if he does, he'll never get to shoot because he plays the same game as Gilbert Arenas.

Dallas: C
Nick Fazekas has by far the easiest name to pronounce among the Mavs three picks. Man, these foreign guys are just ruining the league.

Denver: C
They had no picks either. I mean, seriously, who did participate in this draft? (As it turns out, every team except Indiana, Cleveland, Toronto, and Denver.)

Golden State: C
I've never really heard of any of their three picks. But they look like a C class to me.

Houston: C
If this were an NFL fantasy draft, Aaron Brooks at #26 would be a horrible pick. Since it's not, I love this pick. But it's really hard to overlook that name.

Los Angeles Clippers: C
Second-round pick Jared Jordan played for the Marist Red Foxes, which is appropriate because Red Foxx once lived in L.A. too. Sorry folks--this is what passes for analysis nowadays.

Los Angeles Lakers: C
I can't wait to hear Reggie Miller try to pronounce "Javaris Crittenton." I bet it'll sound real choppy-like, and he'll make really hard "T" sounds.

Memphis: C
Mike Conley's dad was an Olympic medalist. I bet you've never heard that before.

Minnesota: C
Corey Brewer and Chris Richard are leaving sunny Florida to play in frigid Minnesota. If I were them, I'd feel like shooting myself right now. But mostly, I'd be overjoyed that I got drafted.

New Orleans: C
Julian Wright is no Julian Tavarez, but he should do fine with the Hornets. I've clearly given up trying.

Phoenix: C
I hope Steve Nash and Shawn Marion like competition. Watch for D.J. Strawberry and Alando Tucker to steal away their starting spots this season.

Portland: C
The Blazers drafted guys from the Big Ten, Big East, SEC, and ACC. It's like an alphabet soup that occasionally has short words spelled out in it.

Sacremento: C
When I think Spencer Hawes, I think "bust." As in, he'll be so good that someday someone will carve his bust.

San Antonio: C
I don't see how the Spurs were able to draft Marcus Williams after he already played an entire year for the Nets. No way the league office upholds this pick.

Seattle: C
I'm not sure I like the pick of "Big Baby." And by "Big Baby," I mean Kevin Durant. He couldn't even bench 180! Pussy!!

Utah: C
Morris Almond will be a "joy" to watch, and... Oh, I already did this schtick? Oops.


Matt 5:58 AM  

Thank you for bringing up the awesome beauty of that original JamesOn Curry post.

Also, enjoy Joakim Noah, suckers.

I laugh now, but the Bucks will probably trade Yi for him. That'd get me.

Vinnie 8:41 AM  

Yeah, I completely forgot about that JamesOn Curry post until last night. It truly epitomizes the ridiculousness of this blog--or at least my contribution to it.

paul,  8:56 AM  

Yeah, I didn't get the Marcus Williams thing too... I was wondering how was able to resubmit himself to the draft. Maybe he got tired of backing up for Kidd.

I love the "Big Baby" comment.

Anonymous,  9:58 AM  

Wow, where's your grading curve?

Matt 10:02 AM  

Actually, come to think of it, this reminds me of the FJM thing where they point out that Kiper does basically this same thing for the NFL draft every year.

Bond J. Bond 10:24 AM  

Blog post of the day IMO - freaking hilarious...

Go Cubs

Vinnie 11:19 AM  

Yes, Kiper was the inspiration for this grading system.

Zuch 10:19 PM  

Yea, I figured this to be the best Mel Kiper Jr. post-draft satire ever produced. Seriously, we should just shut YCS down now, because this post will never be topped(at least without the use of Microsoft Paint and tie-ins to a random fired coach). Also, since I'm basically useless to the working world at this point, can I transfer my journalism degree to you Vinnie so someone makes use of it.

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