Trail Blazers ping pong balls win NBA Draft lottery
>> Tuesday
In what many people deem the most important NBA Draft lottery in history, the Portland Trail Blazers were the big winner, getting the #1 overall pick when Trail Blazers ping pong ball #17 emerged from the scramble.
"While several other teams' ping pong balls put up a fight, it was clear that the slew of Blazers ping pong balls simply wanted it more," said NBA Deputy Commissioner Glassesface Nerdguy. "Their chemistry was unmatched."
While Blazers ball #17 will be best remembered as the ball that broke through, it was the unsung contribution of Blazers ball #40, selflessly throwing itself in front of a late charge by Grizzlies ball #181, that sealed the victory. Without ball #40's sacrifice, ball #17 would not have been first through the chute.
Though considered a long shot coming into the draw, the Blazers ping pong balls used the experts' doubt as motivation.
"We heard all them cats naysaying and putting us down, but that don't mean [anything]," Blazers ball #22 said afterward. "People can say this and that about who's got the better odds and all that, but we don't listen to that [stuff]. Ain't nobody besides us knew what we were capable of, and the naysayers just found out. Ye-ah."
The Trail Blazers are expected to take Ohio St. center Greg Oden with the pick.
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7 comments:
God I love that ping pong ball... what a trooper.
Boston's balls are a bunch of overrated punks that can't come through in the clutch.
Everyone knows that Celtics ball #87 has had the world handed to him on a silver platter, as the son of a PowerBall, and never learned any real sense of hard work.
Also, let's not forget that the Grizlies star ball, #102, was injured the week before when 13-year-old Kevin O'Brien got pissed about losing to his younger brother in a ping pong game and stomped on #102. His replacement simply did not have the fire of the original, and that could very well be why Oden is headed to Portland.
...and I'm done.
And let's not forget that Knicks ball #46 became property of the Bulls as a result of the Eddy Curry trade. As such, #46 inherited Curry's weight problem....and let's face it, an overweight ball just has no shot at finding that opening...
Ball #112 potentially saved the Sonics from moving, showing the deftness of a Jack Sikma post move in alluding the other balls on their way to Kevin Durant's 25 PPG.
The Bucks balls', #'s 175-468, were all too hung over from the night before and said fuck it, Yi Jianlian is good enough for us, and then proceeded to check the Seacauscus bar specials.
Zuch wins. Well played.
Speaking of which, Zuch, since you're the guy who actually knows this stuff, how does your big board shake down after Durant? Or is it too early to make this post?
I'd say the guy I'm next highest on would be Brandan Wright. My big sleeper would be Acie Law, who I have rated higher than Mike Conley Jr. Still working on my rankings that are greatly subject to change, but there's a couple of opening nuggets.
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