Does Jaimie Trecker actually watch soccer?

Jaimie Trecker, feature columnist for Foxsoccer.com is a hit-or-miss columnist, and this one missed the mark and the point completely. Trecker has picked his own FIFA World Cup All-Loser Team. Trecker apparently is taken in by the idea of "clutch performance," "stepping up," and feels that as little as three games as enough to validate a player's worth as a "loser," and one you "wouldn't want to have on your team."

If his all-loser team were a real club, they'd be winning league titles like nobody's business. Let's take a look at his lineup.

Kasey Keller (USA, Borussia Mochengladbach)
--- While Keller looked a bit slow in the Finals, he was holding down the nets behind a weak defense and against the toughest group in the tournament. Against Italy, Keller singlehandedly kept the Yanks in the game when down to 9 men. In addition to being one of the better keepers in Europe, the man is 37 years old. Most footballers his age start thinking about retirement. Keller is still playing in a Big Five league (The German Bundesliga).

Wayne Rooney (England, Manchester United)
--- Is Rooney hot-tempered? Of course. He's also a hell of a player and integral to an England team whose play in this tournament could politely be described as "lacksidaiscal." Trecker chastises Rooney for "breaking your foot before the tournament for a reckless tackle on your national team counterpart John Terry in a league game when your team hasn't a prayer of winning the league title." Actually, in that game, had United won, they would have been within striking distance of Chelsea. If I recall correctly, they would have been 4 points back with 2 matches to play. "Some will blame his coach, Sven Goran-Eriksson, for deploying him as a lone roamer, but that overlooks the dearth of depth on England's side." OK, Jaimie, so England isn't a very deep team, and Rooney was deployed as the only forward. Every team that has used 1 striker is watching the tournament on TV. Explain how this is Wayne Rooney's fault, again.

David Beckham (England, Real Madrid)
--- Beckham may be a "loser" in Trecker's book but without his free-kick goal against Ecuador, England is embarassed by the fourth-best team from South America (The South American confederation only has 10 members). Trecker then says that Beckham "threw up (on his chance)." This is an obvious reference to Beckham heaving on the pitch in the late minutes of England's Round of 16 matchup with Ecuador (where Becks scored the only goal). Trecker ignores the fact that the game was played in blistering heat, and that Beckham seemed to will England to victory. The man has stones to yak on the field, score the game-winner, and keep on playing.

Frank Lampard (England, Chelsea)
---Trecker says Lampard was "exhausted" because before the tournament he played an "ungodly number of games, most as a starter, for Chelsea." Yea, this guy's a real bum. He's only a regular starter for arguably the best soccer team in the world. Give me a break. He also says Lampard's legacy is disgraced because of his missed PK against Portugal in the Quarterfinals. Trecker ignores the fact that two other Englishmen missed kicks in that shootout. Then again, the truth would get in the way of Trecker's point, that Lampard is a bum and he blew England's best shot at the World Cup in 40 years.

DaMarcus Beasley (USA, PSV Eindhoven)
---American soccer talents in Europe are a rare commodity. The very fact that DaMarcus is the first (and only) American to play in a Champions League semifinal made him a marked man from the beginning of the tournament. Then US manager Bruce Arena foolishly played him out of position just for the sake of having him on the field. Beasley is a "loser" for not being able to pick up an entirely new position on the fly. At the club level, Trecker claims DMB is "burning his bridges," but Beasley started 18 games and was subbed in for 9 more as PSV won the Dutch league for the second year in a row. Beasley also started in 4 of PSV's 8 Champions League games.

Landon Donovan (USA, Los Angeles Galaxy)
---Trecker's right. This guy's a total failure on the big stage.

Eddie Pope (USA, Real Salt Lake)
---This isn't a disappointment. Everyone knew Pope was older than dirt and wouldn't be able to keep up with the Czechs, Italians, and Ghanians. I was amazed he made the team in the first place. When you expect nothing and receive nothing, I'd say you got what you expected! (rimshot)

Andriy Schevchenko (Ukraine, AC Milan)
---Chelsea is in the process of signing Schevchenko. Chelsea doesn't buy slouches and they don't buy them cheap. Didier Drogba's transfer fee from Olympique Lyonnais to Chelsea would be enough to sign A-Rod for almost 2 years. As for the international stage, Ukraine had never been to the World Cup before, and in their first appearance, they make it to the Round of 16. I'd say that's a pretty good result for a country that didn't even exist 20 years ago.

Didier Drogba (Cote d'Ivoire, Chelsea)
---OK. Here's your challenge. Name your SECOND-FAVORITE Ivorian footballer. Here's some easier ones. True/False, Drogba scored 12 goals in the Premiership last season, on a team where everyone wants the ball. True/False, Drogba also scored 9 goals in World Cup Qualifiers, the second-highest total in the African section. True/False, the man has 24 goals in 34 international appearances. Against more elite opposition, the Ivorians group draw included Argentina and Holland, and yet he still managed to score in Ivory Coast's first World Cup apperance.

Ruud van Nistelrooy (Holland, Manchester United)
---Yea, he's a real bum. He only scored 21 goals in the Premiership last season (2nd-most). His goal against the Ivory Coast enabled Holland to take the victory. The forward has 28 goals in 53 international appearances, most against European opposition. Also under consideration, Holland got jobbed by the officials in their Round of 16 matchup with Portugal (a game in which van Nistelrooy did not play, coincidentally).

Ronaldo (Brazil, Real Madrid)
---The man scored 3 goals in 5 games this tournament! When he was out of shape! What more do you want!?!?!

Ronaldinho (Brazil, Barcelona)
--- World Footballer of the Year. Nothing more needs to be said. Any team would drool over the prospect of Ronaldinho suiting up in their colors.