Approved by the Punmaster General

Fungo-cide: Zambrano kills injury worries in Cubs' rout

I can just imagine the headline writer wrestling this one over: "Do I use the 'fungo-cide' thing now or do I bide my time and wait for a better opportunity? Ideally, I would save it for when someone actually gets killed by a fungo, but that's like a one-in-a-billion chance. I might be retired by then. Plus some people might think a pun is a poor fit for a death story. But it's too clever not to use...And who knows if a fungo bat will ever make news again. Alas, I've waited so long already. I'd better use it now...But how? 'Zambrano kills Mets'? 'Injury concerns put to death'? 'Zambrano lays memory of bat scare to rest'? Wait, I've got it! 'Zambrano kills injury worries'! That's it!"

Coming soon: former Minnesota Twin Kent Hrbek's obit piece, "Herbie-cide."