Implode the Cubs...And While You're At It, How About Taking a Wrecking Ball to Wrigley Field

As if the stench from Wrigley Field isn't bad enough, now we "die hard" Cubs fans have to bare watching this piss poor excuse for a team. We have to listen to the Rev. Johnnie B. talk about how his team showed hustle and determination in their 7-2 loss to the Astros on Monday night. WHAT????
Then we get to watch Dusty rally his troops for a 4th of July war against the hated 'stros...they promptly lose 7-2 in a game that will be remembered for the classic "2 error" play. What a fantastic roadtrip.
Many "experts" point out that Dusty is not to blame for this mess in Chicago. Both parties point out that had Prior and Wood not been injured and had a certain third baseman not been missing fat 88 mph fastballs down the middle of the plate, the Cubs would be in contention. They say Dusty is still a spectacular manager and with talent around him, will lead the Cubs charge toward the playoffs. First, let me congratulate Dusty on this spectacular observation and then politely point out that ANYONE can manage a team and win with talent. An example of this is on the South Side of Chicago with Ozzie Guillen. And Zuch, don't tell me Guillen is a good manager. He is riding the coat tails of his talented team and believe me, they are not good b/c of his "Ozzie ball" crap. This is not to bash Guillen, but just to say that he is doing what he is supposed to do.
Dusty is getting paid 4 million per year to manage the Cubs. He bitches and moans about the high expectations Cubs fans put on the team and has the balls to say that the reason this team is not doing well is because of the bad karma flowing throughout Cub-Nation. Well Dusty, I am sorry to say, criticism comes with the job. If you wanted a more lax environment, you shouldn't have pushed yourself out the door in San Francisco b/c as we all know, the people there tend to be a bit less judgemental.
But Dusty, don't worry, there are solutions!
1.) Take some of that holy water you have stored in your desk, hire a priest (like they have anything better to do on a Sunday) and have him perform an exocism cermony on Prior and Wood. This would have better results than two years ago when youi performed the ceremony.
2.) If 1 doesn't work, there's another option. Take that pistol from under your desk, and this time pull the fucking trigger.


On second thought, ask Neifi Perez to come in your office first, shoot him, and then end yourself. Ah, that seems right.

3.) If 2 was a bit grim for you (that seems impossible to me since you have managed the Cubs for 4 years, but who knows) lock all your players except for T. Walk, Big Red, Z, Golden Boy Barrett, and Cedeno in the Clubhouse while you send a wrecking ball through Wrigley. This should get rid of the shitty players and the dump that is Wrigley Field. For the 2007 season, the Cubs can play at Thillens in the pee-wee league where they can brush up on their fundamentals and feel good about themselves when they gut-out that ninth inning win over the Giants' 10 years and under squad.

This is the future of the Cubs, and it all starts with the death of Dusty Baker.