All Right, Sever--You Want 'em? You Got 'em. Vinnie Bergl Presents: Vinnie Bergl's Complaints About the All-Star Selections

I won't go too much into this because I believe we still plan on having a post within the next couple days where we give the All-Star game picks of each YCS blogger (excluding Mike who only gets to pick MLS All Star teams. By the way, watch out for that upcoming post as we see how he juggles the three-fe'r'ner limit!). That being the case, I don't wanna give too much away, or people might know our worthless opinions a few days too soon.

But I'll make a few quick comments.

Comment the first regards Ozzie Guillen. Shut up! No! I'm not obsessed with criticizing Ozzie Guillen. All I was going to say is that it's funny...that Verlander, Robertson, and Bonderman were all left off the team.

An obvious middle finger to the Tigers, right?

Wrong! Ozzie's thinking of starting Kenny Rogers. 1) Is he serious? 2) Should I be surprised? I personally thought Rogers was worthy of consideration (wink-ety wink wink), but he was at least the sixth pitcher I took...uh, I mean, considered. I guess Ozzie either A) is overcompensating for passing on Detroit's other three good starters or B) feels a kinship to his fellow incredibly tactless, imprudent lunatic.

Comment the second points out some kick-ass irony. Actually, it's pretty standard irony but funny to me because it regards bullshit overvaluation of closers.

Brewers fans--congratulations. Derrick Turnbow, Rock Star, space cadet, and Chevy spokesman extrordinare, is an All Star. But how sad--his selection most likely came at the expense of his more-deserving and more-Italian teammate Chris Capuano, who can technically still be selected in the 32nd man vote but has no shot.

I can understand two, maybe three relievers per league in a typical year. But let's not go crazy. Saves are stupid. Good pitchers are good pitchers. Good pitchers that throw more innings and pitch better are better pitchers. The 'Bow is no All-Star, though a rock star he is--officially.

Oh, and same goes for you, Brian Fuentes, Flash Gordon, and Bobby Jenks. (What I said about not being an All Star, that is. Only Fuentes of the three is a rock star. And even he's a little more folk-ish.)

Comment the thoi'd...Gary Matthews Jr.? Gary "Little Sarge" Matthews "Junior" Jr.?? I mean, I liked the guy's potential that one season he played with the Cubs, but scroll down to his transaction history. He's essentially been a career-long throwaway. Now he's an All Star. Out of nowhere. I know some people might say he was only an ORPTS (One Rep Per Team Selection--coined by me for all eternity), but look at his numbers this year. He's not that much of a stretch. (He's also great on defense, by the way.)

Godspeed, Little Sarge. Keep it up.

Comment the last expresses my heartfelt sympathy for Mark Redman.

Poor bastard. Not only does his All Star selection remind him that 80+ games of playing for the Royals still await him, but now he also gets to be Alltime Posterboy for Why the ORPT Rule Blows (eclipsing 1994 All Star Carlos Garcia). I hope Ozzie Guillen isn't cruel enough to call Redman from the pen/diabolical enough to start Redman if Kenny Rogers can't go, as I would fear the fans might boo or laugh. Oh, who am I kidding; it's Pittsburgh. Indifference--indifference would be the reaction. But even that would suck enough.

All I keep thinking of is that one Seinfeld where Jerry dates Bette Midler's understudy in Rochelle, Rochelle. The understudy finally gets her big chance but only because George has injured Midler in a charity softball game. I figure Redman must feel how this fictional sit-com character must have felt were she real.

Now to the complaint: it should've been Mark Grudzielanek. In my opinion, he was less shamefully undeserving and could have easily been accommodated by passing on Robinson Cano, who will undoubtedly make many many many All Star games as long as he stays a Yank. By quick recollection, at least three of my AL pitchers were left off the team. Another good pitcher would have been a much more valuable selection than Cano.

Plus, if nothing else, Grudzielanek is an All Star in the school of [YCS one-time poster] Patrick Scott--a slap-hitting middle infielder with a five o'clock shadow and little talent.

Plus, Grudzielanek deserves the abuse because he's a jerk for getting Steve Stone fired by WGN.