What's wrong with the world, and more specifically, baseball

Before we get into the World Cup and the NBA Finals, there's one more baseball-related topic I've been tossing around in my head for a couple days. Now, apparantly all it takes to become a professional sports writer for ESPN, Sports Illustrated, or any other publication is the ability to form lists of "The Best...," "The Worst...," "The Most Memorable...," etc. So let me give this ol' format a try. Here are my top 10 things that need to go in baseball. And they involve everyone's participation: fans, umps, players, managers, and even commissioners.

10. Steroids, human growth hormones, horse tranquilizers and whatever else players are injecting into their bodies. Of course, this will never happen, but this list would not be complete without the obligatory mention of the headline-dominating drugs. So I'm putting it at the bottom of the list, but on the list nonetheless.

9. The designated hitter. I'm leaving this somewhat low on the list because I can at least understand where DH advocates are coming from. You want to see more hitting. You want to see great hitters extend their career. You don't want to see players like David Ortiz try to field because it's just not pretty. But I see the DH purely as a ticket seller. More runs equals more money. This is a shame, because what makes baseball great is the strategy. If you want to play a great hitter, you have to take his defense along with it. If you want to keep a pitcher in the game you have to let him step into the batter's box.

8. The overuse of the hit and run, and other "small ball" techniques. There are a few rare situations where small ball works. The White Sox won the World Series supposively because they played that style of baseball (it probably helped that the Sox were 5th in the league in home runs, and it was their pitching that won them the series) so everyone has been eager to embrace it. So if the Sox were able to turn us on to it, shouldn't their recent play be enough to turn us off forever? As a Brewer's fan, it is infuriating watching Milwaukee try to apply some of these techniques, and the most frustrating of all is the hit and run. Sure, a hit and run can sometimes avoid the double play or get a player from first to third, but more often than that it's going to result in an easy double play or the runner getting throw out at second. It's a simple case of possible harms v. possible benefits, and the hit and run seems to be a no-brainer.

7. Variety in ballpark menues. This is an "old man" complaint for sure, but I went to a game last year and sat in the box seats where they bring you a menu. First off, who the hell needs a menu at a baseball game? This thing had gyros. GYROS! At a baseball game? And margaritas. Nothing says America's pastime like a greek sandwich and a mexican drink.
Baseball food options should be limited to the following: Hot dogs, brats, peanuts, ice cream in a plastic hat, beer and soda. If you want more options go to a damn restaurant.

6. The Wave. This goes for every other sport as well. I don't need people standing up in front of me every 30 seconds for no real reason and blocking my view of THE GAME! I was at a Brewers game a couple years ago when Lyle Overbay hit a home run; the crowd responded with a delayed roar that slowly grew louder as people realized what had happened...they were too busy trying to get the wave started.

5. Booing pick-off attempts and step offs. Another sign of the average baseball fan's ignorance. You boo bad calls. You boo bad managerial decisions. You boo errors. You boo Barry Bonds. You do NOT boo pick offs and step offs. They're part of the game. I just don't get why people boo this.

4. Warnings to both benches. This is one of the most unfair calls an umpire can make. Not only are you taking away the inside of the plate from every pitcher for the remainder of the game, you are giving a mental advantage to one team. Generally what happens is that a player from team A gets throw at, usually unintentionally, and in the bottom of the inning (or top of the next inning...you know what I mean) the pitcher from team A intentionally beans a hitter from team B. This is about when the ump issues warnings to both benches, giving team A the victory. Because team B never got to intentionally throw at a player, they lose the mental edge.
Let them play. Let them throw at each other. Eject a pitcher if he's intentionally going after people. But don't issue a warning to both benches. It's just stupid and unfair.

3. Body armor. In fact, if a team is allowed to get into a beanball war, it's not like someone's going to get hurt. When players are coming up to the plate dressed in Stormtrooper outfits, a Randy Johnson fastball to the elbow feels more like you got hit by a wiffle ball, or a David Eckstein throw (buuuuuuurn). Forget steroids for a second; it's the body armor that is really giving hitters a huge advantage over pitchers. Pitchers have a hell of a time going after the inside corners because if they miss by just a little bit, they hit the batter's plastic elbow and he trots down to first unscathed. Give the advantage back to the pitchers. Make the batters box a scary place to be.

2. Ground rule doubles.This has long been my least favorite rule in baseball. Umpires are expected to make judgment calls on balls and strikes, balks, whether a player's bat goes through the zone, etc. etc. Yet if Juan Pierre is flying around second and halfway to third when Todd Walker's ball bounces over the wall, the ump can do nothing. I'm not saying the umps need to make judgement calls on whether the right fielder would have been able to make that throw, whether the runner could have knocked the ball out of the catcher's mitt, or anything like that. Most ground rule doubles that leave a runner stranded at third leave no question that the runner would have been home standing up. So let them.

1. East Coast bias. It's sickening. Just sickening...aside from Vladimir Guerrero, every leading vote-getter for the AL All-Star team plays for a team either named the Yankees or the Red Sox. Joe Mauer is leading the Majors with a .370 batting average. But who, according to All-Star ballots, is considered the best catcher in the American League? Jason Varitek of the Boston fucking Red Sox. His on base percentage is .037 short of Mauer's BA. Of course, the best statistic to determine a batter's worth is OPS, and Mauer's .978 smokes Varitek's .737 .
And Mauer's not even third. Pudge Rodrigez's name-recognition has him ahead of the Minnesota star.
Johnny Damon is getting more votes than Magglio Ordonez. The Yankee's Robinson Cano is somehow worthy of an All-Star bid (he's got a slight lead on Boton's Mark Loretta). Not Brian Roberts, Jose Lopez, or Tadahito Iguchi, all of whom are better choices than Cano or Loretta.
As if it's not enough that these players are overrated and overhyped, we have to watch every game of the overrated, overhyped Boston/NY series on ESPN (and I do watch them when they're the only baseball game on because, come on, it's still baseball).
Here's to hoping the wild card comes out of the AL Central.