Support our YCS staff! Join the campaign to fire Q101 sports guy Jim Lynam

I understand that this post will fall completely flat for anyone outside the Chicago area, as well as most of those within it, but hear me out.

If you have been living in the Chicago area for the last three months, and you aren't a pretentious snob who thinks radio is beneath you (unless it's satellite or public or some other snobby, commie bullcrap), then you've probably at least caught a bit of Q101's new morning show, "The Morning Fix."

(Still don't care what I'm talking about? Too f-in' bad.)

The show, on the whole, is usually pretty entertaining--good interviewees, decent comedy bits, fun personalities. At the very least, it's way more appropriate for a young, non-homophobic audience than "Mancow's Morning Madhouse," the relic it replaced.

However, the show has one glaring weakness: Their sports guy, whose name is Jim Lynam (pictured top), is an obnoxious stroke. He's bad news. Just hah-rrable. Don't believe me? Here's an example of Jim trying to funny from this morning Re: criticism of the Bears' defensive line for its recent low sack production:

Defensive end Adewale Ogunleye responded to the criticism by saying, "We're not going to let this stuff get to us."...Things that do get to Ogunleye, however, are mom jokes, sad movies, and comments about his weight. [forced laughter by co-hosts] You know...He's a sensitive guy!

Sadly, this joke was one of his better efforts. You also have to keep in mind that he delivers literally every story in this monologue-y, set-up-to-punchline style.

Every. Single. Story.

What's ironic is that this show was created under the premise of doing away with the shock jock format and being different, edgy, smart, etc, but Q101 picked a sports guy that is the complete opposite--loud, hackneyed, generic, and Mancowesque.

So here's what I'm proposing. We, YCSNation, start a grassroots campaign to get this clown fired. Moreover, we help our own in the process.

For those who don't personally know us (maybe six of you), two of our very own staffers, Matt Zuchowski and myself, are experienced radio personalities, both having having worked for three years at WMUR in Milwaukee. (It's a really popular radio station. You can look it up if you want.) And at the moment, Zuch finds himself between careers while I, well...I'm just a fickle dude who will more or less jump at the chance to do anything new for a living. Also, after seeing "Morning Fix" co-host Ginger Jordan's picture on the Q101 website, I sure wouldn't mind working with her. (Hot dang, what a fox!)

Zuch and I could split the sports guy job, seeing as a two- to three-day work week is more up our alley than the traditional and excessive five-day. Plus, I think I speak for Zuch also in saying that we would gladly do it for half each what Jim Lynam makes.

Professionally, we may not quite have the proper qualifications or big-time radio training, but personality-wise, we're more than qualified. Zuch knows more about sports than just about anyone in the salaried media, while I--and please correct me if I'm at all mistaken--am one of the most generally hilarious and charismatic people in the world today. And oh--talk about faces for radio! (Well, I mostly have a face for glitzy fashion magazines. But I'm sure I could make it could work on radio too.)

Yeah, it may seem like a longshot getting one of the highest-rated radio stations in the country to fire one of their on-air personalities to hire two people they've never heard of without any compelling or justifiable reason, but I have a feeling they'll think twice when their inbox (imjustsaying@q101.com) is flooded with roughly one to six emails. At the very least, they'll be happy to receive feedback other than complaints that their "Clarissa Jenkins" character is racist.

YCSNation--we're counting on you. Support our effort for better radio tomorrow, today! And more importantly, support our effort to make ourselves a name and money...also today!

If you really loved us, you would do it.

Read more...

Please explain this one to me.

I think the headline writers at espn.com have completely bottomed out.

Geaux-ing to Pasadena? LSU fans gobble up tix

At first I thought, "Maybe there's a person or place named 'Geaux' that's somehow associated with the LSU program. Then this would make sense."

But alas, I remembered this was espn.com, where there are more hats selling the stories being told.

Here's the thing: If you reach and reach and reach for that clever headline, and the best you can muster is mispelling "go" to make it more "French," I think you've gone way beyond the point of saying, "Ok, I've got nothing; I'll just go generic-factual."

But then again, this is espn.com, and--as I think all of us at YCS have long decided--they clearly have a massive staff of advertising school rejects employed solely to write these ridiculous headlines.

Alright, enough of this. I'm geaux-ing to bed. Les-teur. ("Later." Get it?)

Read more...

Bill Simmons is a Paid Professional Writer

The opening sentence from his article titled "The worst conference in history":

You couldn't even call the Eastern Conference an apocalypse -- it's more like a poopocalypse.

Bill Simmons is truly a refined man of letters.

Read more...

This may well be the strangest thing since the Animal Olympics

For several years now, I have been on the Chicago Wolves mailing list. For those not in the know, the Wolves are Chicago's professional hockey team, as opposed to the Blackhawks who are the city's NHL team. (rimshot)

Sometimes they do promotions that have nothing to do with hockey. For instance, I can remember going to a game when I was young and seeing the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders perform at the intermissions. But this takes the cake, and from the sound of it, it might take it literally. This email showed up in my inbox this morning.

Aside from failing to have their personalization template work properly ("Dear First Name,") the Wolves have decided to have an eating contest between a man who is clearly mentally ill, and a man wearing a superhero outfit with gym socks on his head. Oh well, maybe it'll be like a weird gladiator match, where the Romans' idea of a promotional contest was to pit a tiger and a Moor against a one-legged Christian and an elephant.

Read more...

Brewers Light Up The Hot Stove With Blockbuster Deal

I'm not normally one to criticize Doug Melvin and Gord Ash, who have done an excellent job of delivering the Brewers from laughingstocktitude through a number of well conceived trades and sensible free agent signings. As a whole, Melvin's hits (i.e., the Sexson trade that netted Capuano, Overbay and Ohka; getting rid of Scott Podsednik before everyone else realized what a fraud he was and trading for Johnny Estrada) have been much more frequent than his misses (read: Kevin Mench). Still, every once in a while, even the smartest people in the business happen to completely shit the bed.

In that vein, the Brewers, for seemingly no reason whatsoever signed Craig Counsell to a two year, $6 million contract with a club option for 2009. If you're keeping score at home, that's $3 million a year for a career .694 OPS. The same career .694 OPS that we already had two years ago. Someone, please explain to me what the point of this deal is? It's quite possible that I'm just mad because this means that I have to go through another season of watching his stupid batting stance. Ugh, I hate Craig Counsell.

On that note, I'll close with a quote from venerable Cleveland Indians Manager Lou Brown:

Lou Brown: "Wish we had him two years ago."
GM Charlie Donovan: "We did."
Lou Brown: "Five years ago, then."

Read more...

The offense that redefined football itself is finally back

No, not the West Coast or the Fun 'n' Gun. Not the T Formation either. Three Yards and a Cloud of Dust? Keep guessing. The Princeton Offense? Well now you're talking about the wrong sport, stupid.

It's the Run 'n' Shoop!

If you haven't heard yet, former Bears' offensive coordinator John Shoop has been promoted by the Oakland Raiders from tight ends coach to offensive coordinator.

The Raiders offense and John Shoop? Talk about a Black Hole!

For those that don't remember, the "Run 'n' Shoop offense" was, as the nickname would suggest, equal parts run--typically for zero- to two-yard gains--and "shoop"--a series of short, ineffective wide receiver screens. The offense's seminal moment, however, came during a Monday night in 2003 when the Bears--an actual NFL team playing in the NFL--unforgetably ran the quarterback option...in an actual NFL game.

We hope things go better this time around for Shoop. But considering his player personnel and the mess of an organization that employs him, we would consider even a single offensive touchdown in the remaining five games a bit much to ask for.

Also, Salt 'n' Pepa once wrote a hit song about John Shoop.

Read more...

The case against the case against Michigan

This post is really a direct response to the one Mike had up for a day before replacing it with this copout lameness. I'm responding to arguments he and others have made for selecting Anyone But Michigan to play Ohio St. in the BCS Championship game.

If anyone saw my response to Mike's original post before he totally copped out like a lame-o, I'll basically be making the exact same rebuttals. (A pox on Mike's house for making me redo my work!)

Sez them: USC beat Notre Dame, and Notre Dame rules! They won't possibly lose to UCLA (...will they?), so why are you even bringing this up?! Stop making everything so complicated!

Sez Vinnie: Well, yeah, USC probably will beat UCLA and hold the #2 spot, rendering this Michigan issue a non-issue.

But should it be this way? Sez Vinnie (you know--in case you missed it the first time): Heeeyy-ll no!

Now hold on--I'm not making a thorough case for Michigan over USC. I'll leave that to people who pay more attention to college football. I'm simply arguing that a loss should not automatically warrant a drop in the polls, nor should a marquee win automatically warrant a jump in the polls. Yet in practice, the voting always seems to work out this way, and it always has.

The same happens in college hoops, too, but seriously--who cares? That's college hoops rankings. Football rankings actually count for something. Unfortunately, voters still seem to overreact to the short-term--even late in the season when it's all the more crucial to re-evaluate each team's entire body of work on a weekly basis.

Yet I think this thought process is lacking. And I think that's the exact reason why USC is where they are right now.

Sez them: Other teams besides Michigan have only one loss. Take them! Take them!!

Sez Vinnie: Good for those other teams.

The simple fact remains: Subjectivity is an indisposable part of this process. The idea of eliminating--or even minimizing--subjectivity when comparing the results of a mere twelve games against vastly different schedules is pretty laughable, in my opinion. So the best we can do is conduct our due dilligence *five points for corporate buzz term!* and subjectively determine who among these teams is second-best.

Really, all the BCS does anyway is compile a bunch of subjective measures with a few inconsequential objective ones, spits out a number, and carries it to the fourth decimal place. And we take this as somehow more "scientific."

Well, I guess it does have numbers. Too bad they're most impacted by this obligatory impulse to drop and hike teams on a whim.

Sez them: Michigan had their chance to beat Ohio St. And they lost! That's right--They. Lost. Period!

Sez Vinnie: You know, you're right! Michigan did play Ohio St. already. How about that?

Too bad we're debating who belongs in the BCS Championship game and NOT whether Michigan deserves some staged rematch against Ohio St. So yeah, that Ohio St. game a couple weeks ago? Irrelevant! That's right, irrelevant. What is relevant? Michigan's win-loss record, Michigan's strength of schedule, USC's W-L, USC's SOS, etc.

Think about how absurd this is for a second. What people are basically saying is the following: USC is somehow more deserving, in part, because of the fact that their only loss came to Oregon St. and not to Ohio St. That is bonkers.

The fact that Michigan would be playing the same team that accounted for their only loss is purely coincidental. I repeat,

purely coincidental.

Under relevant criteria for selecting the most deserving team to play in the BCS Championship, I don't think "have already played the other guys" appears, nor should it.

Also, as if the whole argument weren't B.S. enough, I'm growing quite sick of people trying to downplay the fact that Ohio St. beat Michigan on their homefield. I realize that I've already branded this discussion irrelevant, but this deserves mentioning. Do people seriously not get how important homefield advantage is in college sports? How can anyone believe that a three-point homefield win demonstrates even a semi-significant degree of superiority over an opponent?

So if the totally agreed-upon #1 team is--by best indication--only marginally better or evenly matched with another team, shouldn't that other team be regarded in nearly the same standing as the #1 team? It only makes sense to me.

Sez them: But...but...what if--What if they do play each other again and Michigan beats them this time, and then we have the two best teams each with only one loss--to each other! Ahhhh!!! And they're from the same conference! And both really really good!... Oh, the humanity!!!

Sez Vinnie: That would kick ass.

Sure, it would be a confusing mess of a dead-end debate, but then again, the system is the system. And there's no perfect system. And if that's how it's gonna be, then that's how it's gonna be.

What's more important? A champion that 967 out of 1,000 randomly polled college football fans can agree upon or making sure the right teams get their shot? I don't know; I guess that's a debatable issue in itself, but I would stick with the latter option...Sez me.

Furthermore, let's say Michigan does play Ohio St. again and does win this time. And say they're crowned as the sole national champ on the strength of this win, even though it comes against the same Ohio St. team that beat them earlier in the season. Think now--Would this really be such an outrage?

Why do we so readily accept the fabricated be-all-end-all significance of final games or series in other sports yet so vehemently denounce it in college football? Were this the NFL and the winning Super Bowl team had lost to their Super Bowl opponent earlier in the season, would anyone give a flying fugazi? Absolutely not. In fact, I'm guessing this situation has occurred at least once in the past, but you know what--I really couldn't tell you. Because if it has happened or were to happen, nobody would care. (And double-guess what--I'm not gonna bother to look up whether it has! So there.)

What's different about college football's "big game"? It's not the product of some bogus playoff system? Uh, I'd hate to burst everyone's bubble, but as far as valuating teams by their "true" merits, most playoff systems suck bigtime. Remember a little something about a month back called the 2006 World Series? Right. How about Bucknell over Kansas? We pretend that the winners of these contests are better, but come on--deep down we all know that these playoffs are a farce.

If a "true" championship game is what people want, the subjective selection process--I'd argue--actually prevents more inadequacies of playoff systems (e.g. fluke wins, bad breaks, etc.) than it creates of its own limitations. Rather than exposing the best teams to the single-game random deviations from norm abilities over and over again before a big final game, college football says, "Ok, here's twelve games to analyze. How good is this team? How about compared to that one? And that one?"

At the end of the process, we may have a #2 team that hypothetically only has a 52% chance of beating the #3 team and only a 60% chance of beating the #7 team, but we still pin down a "true" #2. Obviously, this precision is impossible, but put in the right hands, the subjective selection process still produces a "true" #1 vs. #2 championship game more effectively than a playoff would.

But now I've gone way off topic.

Back to the original point. I think people are grasping for reasons that should preclude Michigan making the BCS Championship, simply because they don't want to see it happen. As far as I can tell, these reasons have little to do with the rules in place and even less to do with fairness. They'll probably get their wish because USC has that #2 BCS spot.

But part of me would love to see UCLA win because I really don't believe Michgan has gotten a fair shake. Sez me.

Read more...

Half of the World's Greatest Rock Band Continues to Roll in Its Grave

Macy's commercial for a bunch of Christmas-y shit. Background music: techno-poppy broad singing a mangled version of "From Me To You." Sweet Christ. Is nothing sacred?

Read more...

I'm kind of amazed this didn't happen earlier

Not sure if this has been posted elsewhere (Deadspin, etc.) already, but it bears mentioning here. No pun intended.

Crowntheirass.net

Including the story behind the legend, and T-shirts.

Read more...

Yellow Chair Science

Warning: this really doesn't relate to sports. But, while reading this article about a new study that confirms that the dinosaurs were killed off by a single meteor impact 65 million years ago (and not a giant flood caused by God [sorry, Nate's parents]), I came across this post from a commenter that relates to sports and is actually pretty witty. So, I thought I'd share it. Yes, I do realize that Vinnie and I are the only ones who will be amused by it. Shut up.

by Go Buckeyes on 11/28/2006, 14:04

The Ohio State University has been studying equivalent impacts through real-world physics experiments. They took place in collaboration with Notre Dame in Arizona last January, and the University of Texas in Austin last September. Unfortunately the demonstrations were utter failures for the Notre Dame and Texas teams, while the Ohio State team proved far more successful. Ohio State will continue back at a location in Glendale Arizona this January.

In the words of venerable newsman Kent Brockman, "I guess you could say, this barely qualifies as news." But, shut up, I'm bored, and I have to be at work for another half hour.

Read more...

Gary area writer tries desperately to recreate "Hoosiers"

Was Valparaiso's performance last night against #8 Marquette impressive? You bet. But Mark Lazarus of the (Gary) Post-Tribune tries way too hard to turn it into the feel-good story of the year.

As the Crusaders moped off the floor for the first timeout of the game, down 10 points and already hopelessly out of contention against bigger, stronger, faster Marquette,

Minor point #1
Total height of Marquette starting lineup: 384 inches
Total height of Valparaiso starting lineup: 386 inches

Also, since when is 10 points in the first half "hopelessly out of contention"?

But let's not let facts get in the way of a good story.

you wanted to grab Homer Drew by the shoulders, "Good Will Hunting" style, and in a soft, comforting voice, tell him the following:
"It's not your fault."

Ah, movie/pop culture references. The bottomless well for sportswriters.

Over and over and over again.

Yeesh, we get it. You want to caress Homer Drew's shoulders and whisper sweet nothings to him. Moving on.

The ever-ebullient Drew has been steadfast in his optimism heading into the most daunting week in Valparaiso basketball history -- NCAA Tournament appearances included. Three nationally ranked teams in six nights, including two Top 10 squads and a visit to the No. 1 team in the country, Ohio State. Drew wanted his Crusaders to be tested early and often this season. He wanted his staggeringly inexperienced team to get thrown into the fire. He wanted them to play elite teams, so the Mid-Continent Conference wouldn't seem so overwhelming come January.

OK, so the scheduling IS his fault. By the way, Butler is #19. Therefore, this would be two top 10 squads...including a visit to the #1 team in the country (in the coaches poll, #3 in the AP). The word "And" implies that Butler is a top 10 team; which they are not yet...in any poll, except perhaps among the Butler players' mothers.

But this couldn't possibly have been what he had in mind. An excellent team (Marquette), a pretty good team (Butler) and an awesome team (Ohio State) turned into three awesome teams just a few weeks into the season.

Did they improve via key free agent signings? Or were they the teams that Drew knew would be coming if he had any idea of the squads' respective talents? Also, in just a few sentences Butler has dropped from the top 10 to being "pretty good."

Drew didn't want this.

Yes he did. He helped schedule the games.

You could hear it in his voice. In the preseason, when he spoke of these games, he was exuberant, ecstatic, excited. The past week, he had been cautious, calculated, and just a tinge concerned. Tough games benefit young athletes. Massacres don't.

This crush on Homer Drew is starting to cloud his judgment. I would imagine this concern is due to his actual game preparation instead of offseason exuberance where every team thinks they're going to have a banner year the next winter.

And despite the enormous potential this team possesses, the Crusaders simply were not ready yet. Or so we all thought.

(cue lights, theme from "Chariots of Fire")

This gauntlet was supposed to be more about surviving the week than shocking the world. But here were the Crusaders on Monday night, shaking off that bone-chilling start and coming oh-so-close to doing just that in a three-point loss to Marquette that came down to the final millisecond.

Actually, the final 3.4 seconds. That's when King James II drilled an NBA-range three with a much-taller guy in his face.

For nearly 30 minutes, Valparaiso -- young, inexperienced

Minor Point #2
Valpo Starting lineup, by year: 1 senior, 1 junior, three sophomores
Marquette starting lineup, by year: 1 senior, 1 junior, three sophomores
Again. Facts. They make storytelling so much less fun.

inconsistent, sloppy and maddening Valparaiso --

80% from three-point land in the second half? Most teams don't shoot that well from that range in pre-game warmups.

was better than the eighth-best team in the land.

Actually, hate to burst your bubble, but with 10 minutes to go in the game, Marquette was winning.

Nobody likes moral victories,

except apparently you; the poor man's Angelo Pizzo.

and despite the most thrilling game at the Athletics-Recreation Center in, well, maybe forever to hear some of the older stalwarts tell it, the Crusaders fell short of history.

Through their craggly old beards and crooked prospector's smiles no doubt.

But they certainly achieved their primary goal of Hell Week.

Losing?

"All of this is to help our guys prepare themselves for our conference and get back into the NCAA Tournament," Drew said afterward. "Games like this help our team grow. I saw a lot of character, strength, togetherness and overcoming adversity out there."

Also seen were grit, determination, hustle, team spirit, and moxie.

Yes, while Valparaiso was at its most dominant, Marquette was in foul trouble and Dominic James was on the bench. But so was Valparaiso, and so was its most productive player, Urule Igbavboa.

Yes, comparisons between an All-America candidate, pre-season Wooden Award candidate, possible lottery pick Dominic James and a player who shot 2-for-6 from the field and turned the ball over three times are completely warranted and unquestioningly valid.

In the end, Valparaiso didn't win.

Ha ha. Suckers.

But that wasn't really the goal.

Unlike in basketball where the goal IS to win.

The goal was to get tougher. Get sharper. Get more confident for the brutal road ahead.

Yea, the brutal road in conference play against teams like Southern Utah, Missouri-Kansas City, and Centenary College.

And it was clear from the change of expressions on the bench -- from Drew on down on the line -- from the horrible start to the heart-pounding end -- that those goals were met. And then some.

In addition, all the players learned something about themselves, and that as long as they follow their dreams, everything is possible. Also, the center finally worked up the nerve to ask the girl-next-door cheerleader out, the point guard studied hard and got a passing grade on his Calc midterm, and cutesy violin music played in the background as Homer Drew was carried off the floor with one fist in the air. Freeze frame. Fade to black.

The game was lost. But hope wasn't.

Oh brother.

And considering how bleak things looked early on, that's an immeasurably important upset in and of itself.

But unfortunately for Valpo, games go for 40 minutes.

Read more...

"Papa" is acting like I did when I was seventeen and my high school told me to cut my hair

Hey, remember when Chicago Tribune hack Rick Morrissey wrote that column back in July saying what a veteran leader and "man" Ben Wallace would provide the Bulls? Good, you shouldn't. But I do because I wrote this ridiculously long rebuttal, call-response piece thingy about it.

Today, Morrissey wrote this. He doesn't necessarily backpedal on the July article, but it's still funny how ridiculous that original characterization looks only thirteen games into the season.

I'm not saying that I disagree with Morrissey's current take on the situation nor that I predicted Ben Wallace to fight with the coaching staff and management so soon. I'm just pointing out how silly a sportswriter can look when he extrapolates a player's or a team's personality into a nonsense caricature.

That being said, I know I'd be raising all kinds of Cain too if my team got on me about a dadgum headband. In fact, I'm not so sure I've gotten over the hair incident in high school (damned private school SOBs with their opressive mind-control rules and shit).

Read more...

YCS Staff Appearance! WOOHOO!!

For those interested in talking with some of the greatest minds in unpaid, avant-garde, out-of-the-mainstream, and grammatically flawed sportswriting, at least two and possibly three members of the YCS staff will be appearing at the Valparaiso University Athletics and Recreation Center this evening in Valparaiso, IN.

So swing on by if you're interested in seeing the faces behind the misspelled words, bitter grudges, and angry opinions, or if you want to tip off the paparazzi or have your girlfriend's boobs signed or something.

Read more...

You'll always appraise for double in my book, Robbie

Nearly lost among all the other stories from yesterday's Bears loss to the Patriots was perhaps the biggest one of them all. When the Patriots partially blocked a first-half Bears field goal attempt, it ended kicker Robbie Gould's streak of 27 consecutive made field goals (leaving Gould fifteen short of the consecutive field goal record), and perhaps more importantly, it marked the last opportunity for me to empty and/or recycle my bag of Gould/gold puns.

So allow me to express my sincerest congratulations to one solid-Gould player for a streak that shined, shimmered, and glimmered through nearly a season's worth of games. Although some less-than-solid-Gould blocking by the field goal unit caused the streak to bronze (or tarnish or whatever the hell gold does) before Robbie could create a new Gould record, Bears fans will never forget the heart of Gould that Robbie showed throughout these last fifteen games. Diamonds may be forever, but Gould is eternal.

Robbie can also take solace knowing that his index has soared throughout this streak and that Gould is now the standard for great NFL kicking. And although the Bears will undoubtedly try to hoard him for themselves come next negotiation period, NFL general managers everywhere will rush to Gould with pans in grasp, prospecting for his services, hoping to scoop him from among the silt of the NFL kicking talent pool.

The streak may be over now, but not soon will it be forgotten. To paraphrase Kenny Banya, you're Gould, Robbie. Gould!

(And I've killed it. Dead as dead can be.)

Read more...

Dateline: Bristol

ESPN.com Headline: "That's so Raven-ous"

Scene: ESPN.com Headquarters. A dark, smokefilled room, 3:00 AM. 2 staffers and an editor working laboriously to come up with a headline for the front page story about the Baltimore Ravens.

Editor: All right boys, what are we gonna use to encapsulate this story about those surprising Ravens? Remember, we need timeliness and something with a little pizazz.

Staffer #1: Timely, eh? How about "That's so Raven!" Like that show, from like 6 years ago. On the WB...

Editor: Gives angry look

Staffer #2: Uh...how about something short and sweet, like "Ravenous?"

Editor: Jesus, how much to we pay you guys to come up with this garbage?

Staffers 1 and 2 (in unison): Nothin' boss, we're Disney employees, and like all Disney employees, we're owned by Michael Eisner.

E: Christ. Fuck it. We'll just combine them both and call it a day.

S1 and S2: Woo-hoo!

Champagne cork pops, all three celebrate wildly on a job well done.

Read more...

The Griese's always greener

(Sorry, that's the best I've got tonight.)

I'll be the first to admit that my particular opinion on the Grossman-benching topic has little credibility or relevance, but since every Bears fan seems to have one, allow me to be the first YCSer to share his and stir up a little discussion.

On the whole, I think the debate itself is more interesting than a would-be decision between the Grossman and Griese. Should the Bears bench Grossman or stick with him, how drastically could the ends differ? Win the Super Bowl on fall short somewhere, I guess. But would the odds for each outcome differ much between the two options? With these sorts of questions, I typically say no. Same goes with this one.

I guess what strikes me about the discussion is the classic "grass is always greener" menatlity. Or maybe it's the "have your cake and eat it too" thing. Or maybe it's both; I've never been too good with folksy sayings. But basically what I'm collectively hearing from Bears fans and analysts is, "We like Rex's big-play ability, but we can't have a guy who's gonna make big mistakes and turn the ball over all the time, so what we really need is a guy who takes-what-the-defense-gives-him and protects the ball but who can also make a big play when he needs to, so basically we want a guy who won't make mistakes but will make those risky big-play throws--so long as he's 100% certain that they'll always work without fail."

In my limited football knowledge, my skewed take on the situation is as follows. First, I think football fans very easily forget that nearly every quarterback everywhere has ceratin strengths and limitations. There are so few Favres and Mannings (, Peyton, that is). And with most NFL quarterback substitutions, I believe teams simply opt for a different--though not necessarily better--set of strengths and weaknesses. In terms of winning contribution, what is sacrificed (say, 20+ yard pass plays) often washes out what is gained (say, turnover margin). Would Griese-Grossman be one of those situations? Honestly, following Brian Griese's career hasn't been one of my priorities as a football fan over the last ten years, so I'd only be guessing.

Also, I think people who are quick to tread on Rex Grossman also gloss over the really important common link among Rex's crappy performances. In those games, it's been total Graham Parker--"I can't get, I can't get no-ohh protection." I just wonder why everyone has mentioned the dropoff in Grossman's play but has made slight mention of the dropoff in the pass blocking. Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't Rex been throwing under tons more pressure lately? Or am I just imagining this?

Let's say that Griese plays in a few of these games and faces the same pressure that Grossman has. Maybe Griese doesn't get picked off three or four times, but what would he do instead? I'm gonna guess he A) takes a bunch of sacks, B) throws a bunch of quick four-yard passes that lead to three-and-outs, or C) does both. Over the course of a game, does this style really offer any advantage over the combo of interceptions and positive yardage?

Feel free as well to discuss the abilities of Bernard Berrian and Muhsin Muhammad because that's not my place to do so. But I do feel compelled to mention that Rex's third and fourth options at receiver have been a guy coming off a season lost to injury and another guy who hadn't really played the position until this preseason. Don't get me wrong; I love Rashied Davis (a.k.a. 'Shied-not-'Sheed, a.k.a. 'Shied-with-an-"I"), but I think a more experienced receiver would've made a better play on Rex's third interception this afternoon. Then again, third receivers are third receivers, so maybe I'm just making excuses now.

I guess my point, if I have one, is that appearances can be deceiving, and players with risk-taking styles appear worse when they fail. For the low-risk guy, failure is usually a gradual series of non-successes--individually harmless but collectively, a slow drain on the team's good fortune. The Grossman-type failures are pronounced, ugly, immediate, and occasionally catastrophic. Basically, it's the Adam Dunn debate but with a different sport.

Change-mongers also have to remember how much a quarterback substitution impacts the other players on offense, not to mention the offensive play-calling. Considering that the season is now eleven games old, could that much possibly be gained by benching Grossman to make the decision worthwhile at this point? I really have no clue.

Zuch and Matt (and ok, you too Nate)--help me out. Am I making any sense? Is the whole concept of benching Grossman ridiculous for people to bring up, or are people like me just stubborn?

Read more...

BCS Voters: No on a rematch

(edit) USC's trouncing of Notre Dame seems to have made most of last night's article moot.

Read more...

Suckers

I may not the best baseball guy on this blog, but even I can field this one. Carlos Lee just received a 6 year, 100 million dollar contract from the Astros. While Stros fans will soon regret this, Houston Taco Bell's have just received a very early Christmas present.

Read more...

What Are We Thankful For?

During the holiday season, people tend to take a step back and look at what's really important in their lives and the world. It's a time of reflection, introspection and, most importantly, hearing what we at YCS have to be thankful from a year in sports. As such, here's a look at what we (we meaning me) are thankful for on this day of feasting and sleeping on the couch during the second half of the Cowboys game. So, without further adieu (and certainly no Freddy Ado, that would be one of Mike's posts), here's what's coloring us plum grateful from the year that was 2006.

First off, Vinnie, Patrick, Mike and Zuch are thankful that the Bears are WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!

Nate and I, however, are just thankful that Brett Favre's still playing and that AJ Hawk is awesome.

Last year, Zuch was thankful because the White Sox won the World Series. This year, he's just thankful that Oz hasn't yet personally called him a fag.

Save Pat and Danny, we're all pretty grateful for the fact that Notre Dame and its fashion model quarterback have virtually no shot at the national championship.

Pat and Danny? Well, they're pretty happy that Our Mother's only got one loss.

Speaking of football, bookies throughout the country are thankful that Vinnie keeps doing his weekly Shoe In of the Week posts.

Speaking of shoes and people who occasionally wear them (what a segue!), Carl Pavano and AJ Burnett are damn grateful this year for baseball's guaranteed contracts.

In other diamond-related gratefulness, Vinnie, Pat and the Seve are plum tickled that the Cubs signed Alfonso "The Fonz" (that nickname will stick, I guarantee it) Soriano, and even happier that the Dodgers took Juan Pierre off their hands.

As for the Brewers? Well, we're just thankful that Prince Fielder and Rickie Weeks are still locked up for another couple of years.

As Marquette alums, we're all damn grateful for Tom Crean's recruiting skills, the win over duke and Dominic Fuckin' James.

Elsewhere, we're all thankful for yet another year of our beloved shady characters Chad Johnson, AI, 'Sheed and Randy Moss.

We're also happy that Moss is yet to make good on his pledge to shake his dick.

As for Gavin, whose love of the Knicks gives him little for which to be thankful, he's just happy that Nate Rob stuffed Yao Ming.

As for us as individuals...

Zuch: Real thankful for that BW3's right by his home in Skokie.

Gavin: Thankful that the Mets' latino laden lineup produces one helluva Reggaeton soundtrack when the Mets are up to bat.

Sever: Thankful that the combover is still foolin' people, 4 years later.

Vinnie and I: Thankful that our bosses/employers have no idea what we think about them and that they think we're valuable to the company.

Danny: Thankful for lovable broads that provide easy access to coveted ND football tickets.

Nate: Always thankful so long as the good people at Hamm's keep the machines runnin'.

Pat: Thankful that for the Cubs, there's always next year. Also thankful for that sweet set of gams with which God blessed him.

In all seriousness, we're thankful that people like you may be reading this, and are allowing our nerdy ramblings to be shared and (maybe?) enjoyed by people who aren't us. And perhaps most of all, we're thankful that people like Jay Mariotti, Mike Celizic, Gene Wojiciowski and Bill Simmons still give us something to bitch about. Thanks for reading.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Read more...

Shannon Sharpe is God's most annoying creation since carpenter ants

That is all. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Read more...

Vinnie's Shoe-in of the Week (Part I)

This week, I'm passing along a pair of shoes. Consider this the special bonus holiday Shoe-in, with another to follow before the Sunday games.

In the early game tomorrow, Joey's back in Detroit, and he's out for revenge. He's also really hoping for some TD passes, though mostly revenge and blood and stuff like that.

That being said, the Dolphins as road favorites (-2.5) seems like a stretch. Watch Roy Williams burn the guy who used to throw him uncatchable balls. Then watch Harrington try to drown himself in the gravy from the postgame spread.

I predict that this will happen. But mostly I predict the Lions to cover. Book it!

Read more...

Big East Preview

I have taken a little time from my previews to watch the start of the college basketball season, but here is an overview of how I see the Big East shaping up this season. I will get to individual previews for these teams at a later date.

As always, bold italics=NCAA Tournament team, italics=NIT team

Potential Elite Teams:
1. Pittsburgh
2. Georgetown
3. Marquette

Solid NCAA Tournament Teams:
4. Syracuse
5. UConn
6. Villanova
7. Louisville

Compete for Postseason Spot:
8. St. John's
9. DePaul
10. Providence
11. Notre Dame

Fighting to make Big East Tourney
12. Cincinnati
13. Seton Hall
14. West Virginia
15. Rutgers
16. South Florida

All Big East Team:
G Dominic James, Marquette
G Sammy Mejia, DePaul
G A.J. Price, UConn
G Paul Harris, Syracuse
G Eric Devendorf, Syracuse
F Jeff Green, Georgetown
F Curtis Sumpter, Villanova
F Juan Palacios, Louisville
F Jeff Adrien, UConn
C Aaron Gray, Pittsburgh

Player of the Year: James
Newcomer of the Year: Harris

Read more...

HO HO HO! ME SO SOLLY!!!

YCS Photo of the Day

Marquette head coach Tom Crean, shown above either doing an extremely bigoted impression of Asian people, or squealing like a little girl after beating Duke.

Read more...

After a win over Duke, I'd say they're Bermanism-worthy

Wrong sport for it, but I'm easily amused. Compliments of Matt Bechtel:

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze"mane Barro

Actually, the play on the first name escapes the traditional Bermanism formula. I say we coin these "Bechtelisms" instead.

For the traditional-style Bermanism, might I suggest Ousmane "Roll out the" Barro?

Read more...

Respect!!

As the resident Knicks fan (I think Danny might be too), I thought I might give some love to my team and also thought you guys might enjoy seeing this as much as I did. It is a clip of 7 foot 6 inch Yao Ming getting rejected by one, if not the smallest guy in the NBA, Nate Robinson.

Check it out.

I just can't get enough of it. And hey, it might be one of the last good things to be seen by the Knicks this season. Even though I think they can finish 8th in the eastern conference and make the playoffs.

Read more...

I wonder if Jimmy Hoffa's buried under the north goal

"I don't know if you're familiar with who runs that business, but I can assure you, it's NOT the Boy Scouts." ~Rodney Dangerfield

Word coming out of Federal court today that a RICO lawsuit may proceed against Bridgeview, IL mayor Steve Landek. The suit is somewhat related to the property where I spent many a night and hundreds of dollars this past summer, beautiful Toyota Park. Turns out this beautiful stadium may never have happened if it weren't for our good old friends in the mob.

The news stories detail the development as a "new twist" or "shocking details," but this characterization is a sham. I mean, who would have guessed? It seems you need to associate yourself with certain undesirable (Italian) characters if you want to get a shot at a $100 million construction project designed to rejuvenate your community completed in 18 months in Cook County.

Read more...

So now...

...that Marquette beat Texas Tech last night, how far into the broadcast of tonight's CBE Classic Final between MU and Duke (and NOT the surely hoped-for Bobby Knight vs. Coach K showdown) will the ESPN2 broadcast team refer to last night's game as an "upset victory" or refer to the Warriors as a spoiler? Never mind that MU is ranked #13/#17 in the country, and Texas Tech is...not.

Read more...

YCS MLB Power Rankings--Week of 11/20

Merely in the interest of one-upping ESPN in absurd oversaturation, I'm starting my "YCS MLB Power Rankings" today--two weeks before the winter meetings even start and presumably months (ok, days) before ESPN comes out with their own.

Week of 11/20/06:

1. LA Angels of A. I had these guys pegged to win it all in 2007 during May of last season. And now they're talking about getting Manny? It's over!

2. NY Mets. The Latino mu-cheene grows stronger yet. The acquisition of venerable pissy-handed outfielder Moises Alou gives the Metropolitans another excellent veteran presence and glue guy.

3. Boston Red Sox. I watched Daisuke Matsuzaka pitch in Japan, and he's the real deal. You can book him for 20 wins and probably 25. I would know--I saw him pitch in person.

4. NY Yankees. Even the scourge of A-Rod's presence can't stop their returning group of all-stars. Also, look for Andy Phillips to have a monster breakout year as a superb role player.

5. Chicago White Sox. The Sox got complacent after winning it all in '05. Look for a return to the classic Ozzie-ball style that ended their 88-year World Series drought.

The worst:

26. Pittsburgh Pirates. Maybe this offseason the Pirates will bring back Barry Bonds, and with him, the glory days of his first go-'round with the Buccos. Yeah, and maybe TomKat will raise their daughter Catholic.

27. KC Royals. Say, is George Brett still playing these days?

28. Baltimore Orioles. Say, is Cal Ripken still playing these days?

29. Washington Nationals. Hey Bud, is it too late for that whole contraction idea?

30. Chicago Cubs. They signed Soriano and Ramirez, but losing Juan Pierre's ability to create, manufacture, engineer, fabricate, fornicate, masticate, and matriculate runs will sink the Cubs' chances this year.

Read more...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(Suckers.)

Read more...

KeithLaw #26: "Old middle-relievers are AWESOME."

I think FJM did something on this a while back, but I just really paid attention to these tonight. They're Keith Law's free agent rankings (here if you're a sucker with Insider, here in less detail if you don't).

Before you look at them, I'll give you two lists, and I want you to guess which one has every player on that list ranked higher than every player on the other list.

List A
Gary Matthews Jr. (32 year-old CF coming off an all-star season)
Vicente Padilla (29 year-old SP with ERA+ of 116, 114, and 104 in only three full seasons)
Aubrey Huff (29 year-old 3B with an .819 career OPS)
Moises Alou (40 year-old ageless wonder with a .923 OPS last season)

List B
Justin Speier (33 year-old middle reliever with only 51 IP and 1.32 WHIP last year)
Joe Borowski (35 year-old RP with a reconstructed arm and 1.38 WHIP last year)
Mike Stanton (39 year-old RP with a 1.43 WHIP last year)
Dave Roberts (34 year-old journeyman CF with no power)

List A: #34, #32, #31, #36
List B: #17, #27, #29, #18

He also ranks Ted Lilly at #11 ahead of, well, almost everyone. (Ted Lilly is awful.) He ranks Mike Piazza, a man with no position, at #20, sixteen spots ahead of Alou, who amazingly continues to post offensive numbers similar to his prime. Also, he demonstrates zero balls by not ranking Gagne.

KeithLaw #27: "I'm Keith Law, and I'm a big nerd with a huge forehead, and I think Ted Lilly is better than Vicente Padilla."

Read more...

Woo-hooo!!!!!

Cubs get it right for once

Now just please, please don't trade Murton, you clowns. And don't sign Zito.

Read more...

Vinnie's Shoe-in of the Week

After two weeks since assuming the role of Lead Guy Who Gives Bad Betting Advice on this blog, I'm off to a soaring start (0-2).

So to change my luck this week, I'm dipping into the well. While I could fruitlessly dissect other lines to find a more intriguing pick, I'm just gonna play it lazy and pick against the Raiders (@ Kansas City -9.5).

If being really really bad weren't enough for the Raiders, Randy Moss has been especially unhappy lately ("It's done sort of set in, man, and I'm tired of it," Moss said on his weekly Fox Sports radio spot Friday), and this week they play in the famously difficult Arrowhead Stadium road atmosphere.

Also, Aaron Brooks returns as the Raiders' starting quarterback this week, which should provide them a spark. And by "them" of course, I mean the Chiefs. The over-under on this game is 36, but that could just as well be the line, as far as I'm concerned.

Chiefs win big. Book it.

Read more...

For the love of the game...

This entry is for the sole purpose of preventing further entries. This Michigan/Ohio State is possibly the biggest college football game of our lifetimes, and I'll be damned if we clutter it with sentimental bullshit, overanalyzed predictions, or biased opinions (and I say this as a very, VERY biased fan). There are enough of those videos out there already. And there are some good ones.
For once, let's just enjoy what this sport is meant to produce. This is why we love football. This is why we love rivalries. This is why we love sports.



















...GO BLUE!

Read more...

Keith is the Law

Thanks to espn.com's generous Insider free preview, I got me a good laugh out of this blog post by writer Keith "Martial" Law. In it, he argues that Frank Thomas is not a good fit for the Blue Jays primarily--of all reasons--because it gives the Jays too many right-handed hitters. I think that's enough said. I won't even expand on this.

Anyway, you've sold me ESPN. Now I'm hooked on Insider, so I guess I have no choice but to sign up. Here, let me get out my checkbook...I just need to check my...Boy, wouldn't you know it; I left it out in the car. Of all the luck. Well, maybe some other day. (Not.)

Read more...

"Motown Philly Back Again?"

Hoops fans beware, there’s a new phenom in the NBA, and his name is Kevin Martin. Not only is he averaging 24.1 points per game and 5 rebounds per game, but man can he harmonize. Coming straight out of the early 90’s and into your hearts. With those baby face looks and that sweet fade, women must be throwing themselves at him. You cant help but to love this kid.

Read more...

Why Are We So Quiet?

At last count, I have attended home games in person for 33 different professional, college, or international teams, in 8 different sports (#34 is coming in 12 days). In this time, I've been able to see a lot of fans. They range from passive (Cubs) to pretentious (Notre Dame Basketball) to completely shit-drunk off their gourd and full of the most foul-sounding whiskey-tinged profane misogynist comments I've ever heard and sometimes partaken in (MU Women's Soccer).

However, one thing has always puzzled me. Why are North American (USA and Canada) fans so.....sedate? Not to say that North Americans are bad fans, but it seems to be a phenomenon unique to the northern half of the New World. Why are we so quiet? At least untill the guy on the PA tells us to "MAKE SOME NOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!" and plays the first few bars of "Welcome to the Jungle." Just think for a minute. If someone stands up in front of you at a game to yell support for the team or to hurl a derogatory insult about the sexual practices of the opposing playmaker's mother, what makes most people think or say "Down in front!" instead of joining in? Remember that one Tennesee fan who was reprimanded for cheering the whole game? Think about how quiet the stadium is even when the national anthem is being played.

At first, I thought the reason for the difference was just the sport and the pace of play. Sports that have fewer stoppages would seem to lend themselves better to extended fan support. Soccer is likely the perfect example of this. Almost no stoppages for 90 minutes result in flag-waving, songs, and everyone on their feet to support the team.

Likewise, look at football. Pause. Play. Stop. Pause. Play. Stop. Pause. BIG PLAY! EVERYBODY WAVE THE TOWELS! Touchdown. ROAR. The game set up kind of makes any sort of continual support difficult. But this can't be the answer because what sport has more stoppages than basketball? Dead balls, fouls, violations, out-of-bounds, free throws, coaches' timeouts, TV timeouts, intentional fouls, the lot. And college basketball fans go bananas during the course of a game, the sound doesn't stop. The chants may be simple (Let's go Duke! Let's go Duke!) but that enables them to catch on quickly. Then I see a video showing fans in Greece going completely bonkers. It looked like something out of the World Cup, untill I looked in the background and saw a basketball court, with the run of play going on. These guys are going completely fucking mental and making the Cameron Crazies look like the barflys watching Tuesday league night at the local bowling alley.

Is it a cultural difference inherent in our national sports? If you're from the U.S., the first sporting event you probably went to was a baseball game, where you sat back in the bleachers with your parents, ate hot dogs, peanuts and cracker jack, maybe kept score, hoped for a foul ball to come your way, and if you're Vinnie, came up with a new kind of sabermetric to determine whether or not the middle reliever was worth his pay. If you're in Greece like in the above video, the first thing you probably saw as a kid was a soccer match, with drums and flags and flares and smoke and everything. Then do you just bring that mentality over into every other sport? I don't think so, because during the World Baseball Classic, teams from the Dominican Republic had fan support that I can best describe as "Soccer-ish" while fans of the US team sat back and chanted "USA USA" whenever the Stars and Stripes loaded the bases (which must not have happened often). The Dominican Republic's standing in the admittedly-flawed FIFA rankings is 160th, and even then, baseball makes a stronger case for being the national sport of La Republica. That kind of performance doesn't really get the passion out that would carry over across sports.

My other theory for the difference could be the lack of a community involvement with the team. People will support a crap team if they're considered a part of the community, and sometimes that isn't the case in North America. Just think about how many teams have relocated cities since 1990. Remember any of these guys?
The Winnipeg Jets, The Minnesota North Stars, The Quebec Nordiques, The Hartford Whalers, The Charlotte Hornets, The Vancouver Grizzlies, The old Cleveland Browns, The Houston Oilers, The Montreal Expos, The Los Angeles Raiders, The Los Angeles Rams? How many teams wear commemorative patches every 5 seasons, as if staying in the same city for 10 and then 15 years was a milestone to be struggled towards?

With competition in North America based on a franchise model (where teams pay a fee to operate in an area and can relocate at will), rather than on a club model (For instance, 6 of the 20 teams in the English Premiership are based in London, while no league in the US has more than 2 teams in one city in any league), there would appear to not be as much local attachment to a side as is seen elsewhere, where a club represents your neighborhood. As such, they couldn't think of moving anywhere.

But the franchise system can't be the reason either, because Mexican and to an extent Australian sport also operates on a franchise system as well where teams pay a fee for the right to exclusively operate within a given area, and its fans can always be counted on to go completely batty at games.

Is it because teams abroad are often associated with strata in society as well as neighborhoods? For example, in Scotland, Celtic is the Irish-Catholic team, while archrival Rangers are the Protestant-Unionist team. In Italy, Livorno is the socialist team and Lazio is the fascist team. This can't be the reason why either; look at baseball. The Cubs are the "Rich, North Shore Yuppie team" and the Sox are the "South Side Working Man's team." Those teams are a part of their neighborhoods' culture.

Why do people hate the Yankees? The first thing out of people's mouths usually isn't "Because they've been so successful" it's "Because they have so much money." Notre Dame's a bunch of snobs, Louisville's a bunch of rednecks, UWM's a bunch of slobs, UW's a bunch of pinkos, Marquette is the shining light of the world. We've all heard this, so self-identification with a movement or social class is no stranger to North American shores, and as such, can't be the reason for the disparity.

Then it hit me. Money. After all, the ultras fan support movement in Italy began when top clubs lowered the prices on select sections in their stadiums. When the "working man's spirit" enters the fray; someone who is more likely to go to a game with his beer buddies than to entertain clients, does the support for the team increase? Perhaps, but tickets for bottom-feeders in European top flights can still go for about 60 bucks to sit in the cheapest seats, and the stadiums are rocking.

I'm at a total loss. What is it about North American culture that seemingly shuns fans who overtly support their team. As Vinnie put it "An uptight Joyce Center fan scolded us for cheering too proudly--not even for using profanity or taunting ND players--but for cheering on our own team."

Read more...

Be careful around the hot stove. You just might burn your babalones.

To begin what will unoubtedly be a sprawling, semi-coherent, Bill Simmons-style post, I'm gonna invoke another shallow, sprawling, semi-coherent, Bill Simmons-style analogy:

Free agency is a lot like planning a wedding reception. You either splurge on what you want and make sure it's quality, or you don't do it at all. No one should foreclose on their house just to show their friends and family a good time, but then again, please--none of this cashbar bullshit.

The live band blows your budget? Fuck it; rent a nice sound system, and hook up an iPod. Can't afford two entrees and sweet table? Make it one entree, forget the sweet table, and stock the bar with black-label booze.

Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. Free agency.

I've long been a believer in this wedding reception approach to free agency. And as a Cubs fan, I have good reason to be. Why? Because I've seen how collosally the opposite approach can often fail.

So now I'm gonna pull another Bill Simmons move and use homer anecdotes and homer facts to make a homer point. But I believe it's relevant. First of all, the Cubs have had the economic flexibility to be competitors for most major free agents in recent years, therefore giving us a concrete example to analyze. And secondly, if anyone has demonstrated the failed version of the win-through-free-agency model in recent years, it's the Chicago Cubs. Or the Orioles. But remembering and looking up stuff about the Orioles is more effort for me. So the Cubs it is.

Let's start with two simple lists.

Top shelf guys the Cubs should have and could have signed through free agency throughout my cognitive baseball years:
Greg Maddux ('92, that is)
Barry Bonds ('92 also)
David Cone (after '94)
Moises Alou (after '96)
Albert Belle (after '96)
Kevin Brown (after '98)
Randy Johnson (after '98)
Robin Ventura (after '98)
Scott Rolen
Jason Giambi
Miguel Tejada
Carlos Beltran

Second-shelf guys the Cubs used that well-apportioned cash to sign in aforementioned time period (first year with Cubs, average annual salary and brief subjective commentary on thier performance in parentheses):
George Bell (1991, $2mill; all-star in '91, resurgent season turned into trade value)
Jose Guzman (1993, $3.6mill; out of baseball after one year, paid for three more)
Randy Meyers (1993, $3.9mill; durable, good for a reliever, reliever nonetheless, therefore overpaid)
Jaime Navarro (1995, $1.3mill; pitched well, was a bargain)
Jaime Navarro (1996, $3.6mill; less of a bargain, still pitched well)
Terry Mulholland (1997, $2.4mill; pitched admirably, averagely)
Mel Rojas (1997, $4.6mill; famously awful, mercifully traded)
Jeff Blauser (1998, $4mill; was awful, a joke)
Rod Beck (1998, $3.6mill; one year of good glamour stats, average actual production, weight problem)
Todd Hundley (2001, $5mill; was awful, became almost-sympathetic figure, drinking problem)
Tom Gordon (2001, $2mill; a bargain for his first year, can't be blaimed for getting injured the next)
Jeromy Burnitz (2005, $4.5mill; astoundingly average)
Jacque Jones (2006, $6mill; decent, can't field, played to that description)
Bob Howry (2006, $3.6mill; good, see Randy Meyers)
Scott Eyre (2006, $3.6mill; okay, see Bob Howry)

A few notes about these lists:

1) Some of the wish-list guys are interchangeable, i.e. Kevin Brown and Randy Johnson. They should not and would not have signed both.

2) I used my own fuzzy, selective memory and judgment (which is still way better than most people's selective memory and judgment and also most people's skewed researched opinion) to make these lists. There are undoubtedly glaring ommissions and errors, so I'm putting it on you, the reader, to call me out and make additions/subtractions.

3) I tried my absolute best not to be hidsight-20-20-ish. Thus, I included guys like Kevin Brown, who, given subsequent injuries, ended up as relative busts, and guys like Jaime Navarro, who ended up being worth the dough.

4) I'm not saying that every substitute for the marquee guys was a total louse, per se. Again, I'm trying my best to analyze these players at the time of their availability as best I can.

5) The second list only includes the skimp signings the Cubs have made over this time period. I'll address a few others in the next paragraph.

(Next paragraph:)

The Cubs did splurge a few times over this time period, and actually fared pretty well. They came through on their second chance at Alou before the 2002 season (three very productive years at a market-value price). They were also wise enough to extend Sammy Sosa for market value prior to his best season in 2001 (which he would follow with two more very good seasons before falling off significantly).

The only truly marquee, top-dollar (literally) signing that backfired on the Cubs, that I can remember, was the 1992 contract given to Ryne Sandberg. Yeah, it's hard to pick on a guy whose slightly resemblant bronzed face now rests in Cooperstown, but his highest-in-baseball-contract turned out to be a bust (one productive but unspectacular year, followed by retirement). But then again, at the time they offered him the contract, he was very much worth it and did nothing to foreshadow a severe decline.

Anyway, enough rehashing of the past.

Allow me to begin my free agent analysis with a few graphical exhibits. They basically sum up, in highly scientific parameters, my theory on free agency.

Exhibit A.1.a.1.:

Exhibit A.1.a.2.:

As we see by these exhibits, Mark DeRosa probably is only worth $1 million, or a couple million at the most. Neifi Perez, by comparison, deserves federal minimum wage, and Albert Pujols deserves a blank check and his own sovereign nation.

If these graphics seem absurd, it's because they are. If they seem inaccurate, that's also because the are (except for the "Neifi zone" of the curve, which is irrefutably accurate). But if you're a weird-ass freak like me who understands all concepts--even abstract ones--in graphical format, these should make sense. They convey a philosophy on baseball economics, which essentially is this:

(The crux of this entire post)

All, all, free agents are overpaid. Compared to non-tenured young guys, non-roster invitees, and other such bargains found on each and every major league roster, any tenured, free agent eligible player is comparitively overpaid. People seem to forget this. Even taking into account the magic of arbitration, open-market free agents make more than they are worth to any major leauge roster.

Look at it this way: A free agent-eligible, semi-established player with a few good years under his belt will probably make five-to-ten times what a non-tenured player would make. But throughout the duration of such a contract, how much more production do these players typically provide versus a series of hypothetical average, middle-of-the-bell-curve non-tenured players? In my wildly inexact estimation, I would say almost none. Which is to say, over the duration of such contracts, the generic second-shelf free agent offers no more production long-term than a series of well-utilized non-tenured players.

(Aside: Is it just me, or did I just use a ton of hyphens? Anywho...)

I guess it all comes down to one simple question for GMs: Why bother?

Why bother spending money on a supposedly established player if his established reputation is a player only equal to or marginally better than a replacement making a fraction of the price? What GMs and baseball fans need to realize is that free agency can only go so far in altering the balance of talent and the inevitable ups and downs of every major leauge franchise. Single-offseason patchwork creations typically have no net positive effect for a baseball team.

But then again, there are those other guys. There are guys like Albert Pujols, Alex Rodriguez, Greg Maddux, Ken Griffey Jr., and Pedro Martinez. These are guys who, in their primes, absolutely blow up the bell curve of talent. For a temporal yet relatively expansive period in their careers, these guys contribute what almost no other individual can. They literally contribute as much to winning--if you're a Win Shares person--as three or four other fourth-quintile-type players. And how often can teams can find that kind of production from the young talent pipeline and low-tier free agency alone?

Free agency is about turning salary-committed money into a frivilous thing for the sake of winning and--more importantly--for making a high-risk investment toward the long-term marketability of a franchise. Does a guy like Jeff Suppan or Mark DeRosa truly contribute to those goals at the cost of five times a non-tenured player?

I always wonder how often agents and quality GMs double over in scotch-spitting laughter after convincing some clueless team that a eighth-year third baseman with a .700 OPS is worth $7 million or that a guy who throws 80 innings per year with 1.35 WHIP while racking up 45 meaningless tokens known as "saves" is worth $10 million.

(Another aside: As everyone throws their panties at Dave Dombrowski for being The Man Who Turned Around a 119-Loss Franchise and Got Them to a World Series Three Years Later, let us all remember that he was also The Man Who Thought a 35 Year-Old Troy Percival Was Worth $6 Million a Year.)

Again, I'd hate to reduce this whole argument to flimsy analogies, but quite simply, free agency does come down to paying top dollar for a true value or paying big money for generic quality in a slick package.

Which gets to my next point.

Contrary to popular opinion, top-notch free agents are not paid such sickeningly extravagant salaries because fans and owners put them on too high of a pedestal. Rather, they are compensated fairly (i.e. proportionate monies per rarity and quality of skills, based on the Bergl curves) compared to other free agent signings. The outrageous salaries are the creation of GMs and agents convinced that guys like Jeff Suppan are worth $6 million per year. By comparison, of course Alfonso Soriano is worth $19-$23 million.

So now getting back to the Cubs, what does my know-it-all ass think they should do? Very simply, sign Soriano. They wisely re-signed Ramirez, and now the only other guy out there worth the free agent plunge is Alfonso Soriano. Carlos Lee? Almost. Zito? Nah. (I can offer up a whole post on why the Cubs should not sign him and would be more than glad to if challenged).

Sign Soriano; he's not quite Beltran, but he's still special. And then have a good laugh and a scotch toast to the poor sons of bitches who spend $5 million on Jeff Suppan.

Then again, I'm only wishing. The Cubs themselves will probably be those poor sons of bitches.

Read more...

Another Reason to Respect AI

Most of you know that I'm a huge Allen Iverson apologist. I love the guy, I think he's an electrifying talent and one of the toughest sons of bitches to ever play in the NBA. He does run his mouth sometimes, but unless you're old, white and crotchety, you realize he's just being himself and ain't tonin' it down for nobody.

This recent story is just another reason to love the guy. He's apparently going to pay for the funeral of a kid who was killed because he refused to give up his #3 Iverson jersey. First off, that's unconscionable but sadly not that surprising in our society. Second, Iverson should be praised for doing a classy move on this and is making a nice gesture in an obviously horrible situation. Seriously, the guy deserves your respect, old, angry white America.

*Hattip Deadspin.

Read more...

Just when you thought the stupid campaign ads were gone...

It seems DC United defender and future US international Bobby Boswell is a nominee for Cosmopolitan's Bachelor of the Year. However, this poorly-conceived campaign video found on YouTube may be the worst argument for election to anything since Michael Steele ran on his pro-puppies platform. It also brings up several questions about Boswell's candidacy.

- Why is there a tip jar in the DC United locker room? Who are they tipping? The janitor?

- Does Boswell only eat McDonalds because he's a "typical bachelor" or because his MLS salary is only around $30,000? Moving one step further, is it possible that Boswell is a bachelor in one of America's most expensive cities BECAUSE his salary is only around $30,000 a year?

- Could Boswell's opponent in ping pong have lobbed it up any easier for him?

- Does Bobby Boswell think he's funny?

I'm usually on here talking about how great soccer is, but here I gotta ridicule the man, cause he looks ridiculous in this forced MLS-HQ handed down PR stunt to try and get more comely lasses' asses into the seats at RFK.

Read more...

Deadspin--What a Bunch of Lames

I'm growing convinced that the guys at Deadspin are easily offended. No, seriously.

At least, I belive, they're really squeamish about linking or posting anything that's racially sensitive. As you guys know, lately I've been sending them links to our more interesting, well-conceived efforts in order to boost our readership slightly (for individual posts, at the least).

Based on the few they've ignored, my sensitivity suspicions would seemingly hold true. Two of my ignored posts--and so you know, I'm really self-centered and therefore don't remember the rest of yours nearly as well--were the "Super Bowl Shuffle" parody and last night's goofball piece on Daisuke Matsuzaka, both of which contain semi-edgy racial humor and, arguably, racial stereotyping.

So either they A) don't link stuff that isn't informative or scoop-y (doesn't seem to be the case), B) didn't find these funny (Impossible!), or C) have some racial sensitivity stick up their asses.

Am I jumping too quickly to conclusions? Yeah, probably. Ok, definitely. But I'm still gonna stick by it until proven otherwise because I have really biased and unfair judgment like that. Of course, there's always the highly likely D)--that they're threatened by our vastly superior talent and are afraid that showcasing us too much will draw attention away from them. Yeah, that must be it.

All that being said, I still plan to link them tomorrow with a long-ish post I should have up tonight.

Read more...

Finally, A Bit of Common Sense

Dan Wetzel, one of the top sports columnists in America, gives some much needed perspective on the whole Bobby Knight issue. Seriously, this overreaction of Knight simply getting a kid's attention indicates how this country keeps going to hell in a handbasket.

Read more...

Getting 2 Know U (BetR thn PreVS-ly B4): Daisuke Matsuzaka

This week, MLB teams bid for the right to negotiate with superstar Japanese pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka. As most baseball fans know, the Boston Red Sox bid an astounding $51.1 million to win this right. However, most baseball fans still don't much about the man that caused this bidding frenzy.

Well, we at YCS are here to help. That's why we bring you the first installment of our newest segment...

Getting 2 Know U (BetR thn PreVS-ly B4): Daisuke Matsuzaka

One of the biggest stories throughout he upcoming 2007 MLB season will be the anxiously anticipated arrival of Japanese pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka. Previously a superstar for the Japanese Leauge's Seibu Lions, Matsuzaka will debut amidst a hype not seen for any foreign import since Hideki Irabu. However, after the Boston Red Sox spent more than $50 million merely for the right to negotiate Matsuzaka's contract, baseball fans hope that Matsuzaka, by comparison to Irabu, will not turn out to be so fat.

Matsuzaka, according to scouts, is a proven commodity, as well as a probable gate draw. In addition to his mitt, cleats, toothbrush, and no-more-than 40 mililiters of hand soap, Matsuzaka brings over from a Japan a reputation as an exceptionally creative pitcher. Rumored to throw nine different pitches--though some speciologists believe it to be as many as 55--his most famous creation is the fabled "gyroball," a pitch whose movement has drawn comparisons to a fatigued Bert Blyleven in RBI Baseball 2.

Matsuzaka's most dangerous pitch, however--according to Matsuzaka himself--is the makari manhiju (translated "death from the underworld"). The "makari-ball," when thrown properly, will burrow itself below the playing field--incredibly without hitting the ground--and reemerge just a few feet from the batter and cross home plate at his knees. While Matsuzaka has not mastered the pitch well enough to throw it more than once every few games, he said recently through a translator, "In my vice this pitch has yet not been tamed, but once to it I rule as master, I shall overtake many enterprises."

Like many great athletes, Matsuzaka has a remarkable, almost legendary, competetive drive. A now famous example of this spirit occurred last offseason when Matsuzaka and a close friend took a week-long trip to the North Pacific to angle for salmon. Throughout the trip, the two friends tracked their total catch to see who would come back with the larger haul. On the last day, it had become apparent to Matsuzaka that he was well behind and could not catch up. So while his friend was making a small repair in Matsuzaka's line that morning, Matsuzaka snuck up from behind and threw him off their boat, taking not only the competition but his friend's haul of salmon as well.

When told of the angling story during a recent interview, Matsuzaka's former Seibu Lions manger Tsutomu Itoh chuckled and said, "That's just Daisuke being Daisuke."

Added former teammate Hiroyuki Nakajima, "[Daisuke] brought the salmon back and shared it with us during the exhibition season, and we had sushi. Somehow, he brought 29 pounds of meat but said he only caught nine pounds of salmon.

"Wait a minute..."

During his time in Japan, Matsuzaka was also known for a lively sense of humor. Last July, the Seibu Lions held a Daisuke Matsuzaka bobblehead promotion during one of their home games. In the late innings of the game, with the Lions enjoying a 13-4 lead, Matsuzaka climbed atop the dugout steps to catch a pigeon that had been flying around the Lions' on-deck circle for much of the night as it momentarily settled on the dugout roof.

With his teammates watching in wonder, Matsuzaka then bit the head off the still-live bird and replaced it with the springy head from one of the promotional dolls. For the remainder of the game, Matsuzaka performed a hilarious ventriloquist routine with his creation, which came to be known as kaszuki johawiama, or "relief pigeon," and which would continue to entertain his teammates until it rotted.

Matsuzaka is expected to be far more reserved with the Boston Red Sox, particularly in his first few years as he adjusts to American culture, a new set of teammates, and his language gap. However, the Red Sox expect Matsuzaka's personality traits to blossom and allow him to become a fan favorite as he grows more comfortable in his new situation.


So hopefully baseball fans everywhere now know a bit more about future MLB sensation Daisuke Matsuzaka. And remember--if you hear anything that contradicts any of the facts contained in this piece, it's a damned dirty lie.

Read more...

YCS College Basketball Preview-Laziness Has Set In

The shocking thing about this is that it did not happen sooner. I will go back to my garguantally long preview for Big Ten and Big East, but in the mean time here are abriged write-ups for the ACC and SEC. Also, my lazy ass completely ignored editing this MoFo since I'm not competing in the grammar rodeo anytime soon.

ACC:
1. North Carolina-Freshman of the year Tyler Hansbrough and talented wing Reyshawn Terry will lead the talented young pups. Three freshman, forward Brandan Wright and guards Tywon Lawson and Wayne Ellington, will likely start with Hansbrough and Terry. Wright's an athletic swingman similar to Kansas's Julian Wright, Ellington's a complete scorer, and Lawson is UNC's latest jet quick point guard. Another freshman, Alex Stephenson, should be the first big man off the bench. Three sophomore, Bobby Frasor, Marcus Ginyard, and Danny Green will be perimeter reserves. Frasor can play both guard spots, and is a solid perimeter shooter and capable floor general. Ginyard may be UNC's best defender, and Green does a little bit of everything. Tremenous talent and ridiculous depth make Carolina my preseason pick to win it all.

2. Florida State: Picked with my surprise teams, I really think Leonard Hamilton's crew puts it together.

3. Georgia Tech: The Jackets played much better than last season's 11-17 record. The arrival of point guard Javaris Crittendon, a missing component last season, will turn their close losses into wins. Of course, that Thaddeus Young cat should also fire up Hot-lanta. These two will nicely complement returing guards Anthony Morrow and Lewis Clinch. Also, big man Re-Sean Dickey will have an all-conference type of season.

4. Duke: Their inclusion among my disappointing teams may look foolish since Greg Paulus's broken foot miraculously healed in two weeks. I still think they will not be a top 10 team, but they'll likely outperform any disappointment talk.

5. Boston College: Al Skinner's crew always overachieves, but the incoming talent in ACC may knock them down a peg this season. Jared Dudley should still be an all-conference player, but they will badly miss Craig Smith. Tyrese Rice should score more as a sophomore starter, and Sean Williams could rank among the nation's best shot blockers. Also, big guard Sean Marshall will be a steady scorer this season. Junior forwards John Oates and Akida McClain will play major minutes up front. Freshman guard Daye Kaba and forward Shamari Spears also could earn minutes.

Virginia has a great backcourt in Sean Singletary and J.R. Reynolds, but need better production upfront. Maryland once again has plenty of talent, but will need freshman guards Eric Hayes and Greivis Vasquez to be the Terps primary ballhandlers. Virginia Tech has a nice veteran roster, but they have to live up to their potential. Wake Forest has a strong freshman class, but may be a year away from returning to top of the ACC. NC State will miss Herb Sendek's steadiness, and will battle with Miami and Clemson to avoid the cellar.

All-Conference Team:
G Sean Singletary, Virginia
G/F Jared Dudley, Boston College
F Al Thornton, Florida State
F Josh McRoberts, Duke
F Tyler Hansbrough, North Carolina

Player of the Year: Hansbrough
Newcomer of the Year: Toney Douglas, Florida State

SEC:
East Division:
1. Florida: They return their strong starting five, and they've been featured in many college basketball previews. Joakim Noah can do everything but shoot it well. Al Horford is an athletic bull down low. Corey Brewer has become a complete player on both ends of the floor. Lee Humphrey drains the Gators outside shoots. Point guard Taureen Green does a nice job of balancing setting up his teammates and looking for his own shot. The Gators will have four solid reserves off the bench, led by senior big man Chris Richard and sophomore combo guard Walter Hodge. The other two top reserves are freshman, sharpshooting forward Dan Werner and developing big man Marreese Speights.

2. Tennessee: Listed with my surprise teams, Bruce Pearl's squad should harass the SEC once again.

3. Georgia: Dennis Felton has done a great job cleaning up the mess left by Jim Harrick. The Bulldogs should compete for an NCAA Tournament, but may be a bit short up front to sneak in. They have a very solid back court with Levi Stukes, Channing Toney, Sundaita Gaines, Mike Mercer and Billy Humphrey. Stukes, Toney and Gaines start, with Mercer and Humphrey providing an offensive spark off the bench. Upfront, the Dogs suffered a major setback when heralded JuCo post player Takais Brown was declared academically ineligible. Brown would have started at the 4 spot, and could have been the low post presence to life Felton's squad back to the Big Dance. Servicable senior Dave Bliss and freshman Albert Jackson will now be the primary frontcourt options, and they will struggle handling the front lines of Florida, Alabama and LSU.

4. Kentucky: Mentioned with my disappointments, the Cats streak of 15 straight NCAA Tournaments will be snapped this season. Even with Tubby Smith's excellent coaching ability, they do not have the talent to compete in the talented SEC.

Vanderbilt and South Carolina will battle to stay out of the SEC East basement. Vanderbilt has an incredibly talented shooter in Shan Foster and a strong wing player in Virginia transfer Derrick Byars. South Carolina has to replace last season's two best players, Renaldo Balkman and Tarence Kinsey. The Gamecocks have won the last two postseason NIT's, but they will likely not qualify for the three-peat this season.

West Division:
1. LSU: A true big man, Glen "Big Baby" Davis will lead the Bayou Bengals to the top of the SEC again this season. The defending SEC player of the year, Davis will have a better chance to repeat after shedding 40 pounds this summer. Sophomore Magnum Rolle and senior Darnell Lazare will compete for the starting spot vacated by Tyrus Thomas. Rolle has tons of potential, and could be the SEC's most improved player this season. Garrett Temple, Tack Minor and Marquette transfer Dameon Mason will man the Tigers backcourt. Temple is an outstanding defender, and complements the slashing ability of Mason and Minor. Texas Tech transfer Terry Martin may also earn minutes in the backcourt. The Tigers likely lack the playmaking guard to make a return trip to the Final Four, but they be among the best in the SEC once again.

2. Alabama: The return of star guard Ronald Steele and emerging big man Jermareo Davidson make the Tide extremely tough once again. Steele does everything well, and Davidson has a strong inside-outside game. Talented sophomores Alonzo Gee and Richard Hendrix should be nice complements to them. Gee does a nice job of getting the basket, and Hendrix will bang with anyone down low. Pesky guard Brandon Hollinger returns to play tenacious defense and hit the open perimeter shot. With the graduation of Jean Fucking Felix, the Tide does not have a proven option off the bench. However, their top four players can play with anyone, and Mark Gottfried always does a good job at getting the most out of his talent. Alabama will be a real tough out come March, and if a couple of reserves step up, they have a chance to be playing on the final weekend of the season.

3. Arkansas: The Razorbacks have to replace talented guards Ronnie Brewer and Johnathan Modica, but Stan Heath's crew should make a return trip to the NCAA Tournament. An outstanding froncourt with Charles Thomas, Steven Hill and Darian Townes leads the way. Thomas and Townes can both be bigtime post scorers, and Steven Hill is a shot blocker supreme. Cyrus McGowan, Vincent Hunter and freshman Michael Washington give the Backs an extremely strong frontcourt rotation. A young, but talented backcourt will try to complement the big guys. Swingman Sonny Weems was the top rated JuCo player, and Mississippi State transfer Gary Ervin should thrive in Heath's up-tempo attack. Freshmen Patrick Beverly and Stefan Welsh will compete for the final spot, with Beverly likely to win the job. A strong scorer, Beverly will be a very nice SEC player if he can reign his game in. Stan Heath has the Arkansas program back on track, and with no seniors on the roster they should be a real factor these next couple of seasons.

Mississippi State has a nice one-two punch with Charles Rhodes and Jamont Gordon. They should improve on last season's 15-15 record if those two get any help. Korvotney Barber could be a break-out player for Auburn, but Jeff Lebo's squad lacks the firepower to compete with the SEC's best. Dwayne Curtis could be all-league for Old Miss, but Andy Kennedy has a major rebuilding job on his hands.

All-Conference Team:
G Ronald Steele, Alabama
G Jamont Gordon, Mississippi State
F Joakim Noah, Florida
F Al Horford, Florida
F Glen Davis, LSU

Player of the Year: Noah
Newcomer of the Year: Duke Crews, Tennessee

Read more...

My Posts Always Have Shitty Titles

As ESPN.com reports, Jim Leyland and Joe Girardi have been named managers of the year. Remember Joe Girardi? He got shitcanned a week after the regular season ended because the Marlins owner is fucking insane.

Now, before I get into this, let's all remember one thing - I (along with Vinnie, your resident baseball experts) don't believe managers have a gigantic amount of influence on a given team. At most, I think they're only able to affect the outcomes of maybe 7-10 games a year (or 50 if that manager is Larry Bowa).

A lot of times - as you saw this postseason with the Grizzlefest of Jimmy Leyland - managers are given a really disproportionate amount of credit for what they actually do (how good is that Tigers team if Bonderman, Rodgers and Verlander don't pitch like absolute madmen throughout the entire season?). The bottom line is this: there is no way to manage bad players into being a good team, regardless of who's flashing the signs from the dugout. I don't care whether it's Joe Torre sitting there doing nothing, Jim Leyland chain smoking and stroking his mustache or if it's Tony LaRussa calling 15 pitching changes and 4 suicide squeezes in one inning; without the ponies, you ain't winnin' the derby.

As such, my praise of Girardi is somewhat limited. I think Girardi did "surprisingly" well only because the young talent they had (guys like Hermida and Uggla who are phenomenal young talents) were just unheralded, not bums. It's not like he managed a team full of guys like Kevin Seitzer and Bobby Kielty to an NLCS birth, he won a bunch of games with a solid core of young talent.

That being said, the motherfucker got jobbed. Getting fired after a season like this just because of some meaningless tiff with Jeffrey "Fire Sale!" Loria is as ridiculous and unjustified of a termination I can think of in sports. If there is a bright side to this story, it's this:

"It's nice that people who watch the game every day understood what we accomplished," Girardi said, adding he wasn't particularly surprised to win. "We had a lot of good things happen."

Translation: "Fuck you, Jeffrey Loria."

Also, don't feel bad for Joe Girardi, because next year he'll be in the Yankees broadcast booth. Presumably with Jim Leyritz. Man, those guys were clutch and gritty. They paved the way for these new young punks like Eckstein.

Read more...

The headline basically says it all

DeRosa cashes in on career year, to sign with Cubs

Corny Bill Simmons-style analogy: The Cubs are kind of like that dorky, slightly clueless guy who tries really hard to keep up with fashion, but no matter what he does, he always seems to be a trend behind the people in the know. He goes to the designer stores and checks out the clearance racks, and something always catches his eye. But he always second-guesses himself. He thinks, "This looks really cool to me, but I'm unsure because it's marked down so much." After fretting about it for a few minutes and trying it on a few times, he decides to buy it. Later on when people see him wearing it, they either snicker a little at his charming but vain efforts if they're a fashion buff, or they simply don't notice. In the end, no one really cares or notices much, and he's squandered a small sum of money that could've been saved for the transmission leak on his car.

And for the hell of it, let's call this slightly clueless guy Mike Sever.

Read more...