An NFL regular season awards post! A little belated? Sure. Still relevant? Maybe!

I meant to do this at a time when it still would have been a hot-stove issue (i.e., like a week or two ago), but I want to delve into the NFL regular season awards and talk about who my choices were and explain what I think separates them from some of the runners up. Additionally, I've made up some awards, because in addition to liking the sound of my own voice, I also get pretty satisfying erections from reading my own thoughts in print. It's weird, but I deal.

Disclaimer: You'll notice that my picks seem to just have copied the actual winners in a lot of categories. Not the case, I assure you. It's a mixture of coincidence and the fact that I kick an inordinate amount of ass.

MVP/Offensive Player of the Year
Winner: LaDanian Tomlinson RB/San Diego Chargers
If I (or anyone else) still has to explain to you that Tomlinson had one of the most dominant seasons in the modern era, you haven't been paying close enough attention. Or any attention. Seriously. What's your problem? You don't like football? This is America. Go take your flag wavin' north of the border. Fag. I bet you don't like those John Mellencamp Chevy commercials either. Pussy.

Anyway, like I said, Tomlinson's season in '06 stands with Peyton Manning's 2004 campaign on the short list of most dominant seasons my a single NFL player in history. Tomlinson led the NFL in rushing with 1,815 yards, had 500 receiving yards and had more rushing touchdowns by himself than anyone in the NFL. And by "anyone in the NFL" I mean every other NFL team. Also, he had more rushing yards by himself than half the teams in the NFL. Seriously, read that last part again. Then, for good measure and maybe a little bravado, he tossed 2 touchdowns. Whatever, no big deal. By the time he broke the single-season scoring record (oh yeah, he also did that this year) in week 16, the MVP award was essentially a foregone conclusion.

Runner Up: Drew Brees QB/New Orleans Saints
In throwing for a league-best 4,418 yards and 26 TD, Bress led the year's most surprising team to a 10-6 record and the first first-round bye in the team's history. Most impressive, however, was the way in which he showed absolutely no ill effects from the devastating shoulder injury he suffered at the end of the '05-'06. In fact, he's probably been better this year than at any point in his career, crediting an increased range of motion in his throwing shoulder for his improved arm strength in 2006. It also bears mentioning that Brees excelled in '06 while playing mostly with either young or unproven receivers, relying heavily on super rookie Marques Colston and third year pro Devery Henderson due to an extended absence of veteran Joe Horn. Though his performance wasn't as thoroughly dominating as LT's, Brees deserves a lot of credit for his part in the quick and drastic turnaround of the Saints.

Also Worth Mentioning:
Larry Johnson RB/Kansas City Chiefs
Second in the league in rushing, set a single-season records for carries and the catalyst for Nate Franklin's fantasy team making the playoffs.

Peyton Manning QB/Indianapolis Colts
Led the league in QB rating at 101.0, league high 31 TD passes, basically carried the Colts to the playoffs (again) and shattered both the NFL's single season and career records for most products endorsed.

Defensive Player of the Year Award
Winner: Jason Taylor DE/Miami Dolphins
This season was essentially the icing on what has been a stellar (and relatively under-publicized) career for Taylor. Although he finished fourth in the league in sacks with 13.5, Taylor's performance this year far exceeded the traditional expectations of a 4-3 Defensive End. At times, Taylor performed more like an Outside 'Backer, as he amassed 62 total tackles. Other times, he was more like a DB, intercepting 2 passes with 11 passes defensed. More accurately, he was simply a one man wrecking crew, as he scored 2 defensive touchdowns and had a ridiculous 9 forced fumbles. Taylor's dominance was especially pronounced in games like Week 9, where his numbers were incredible (3 tackles, 1 sack, 1 forced fumble, 1 int, 1 defensive touchdown, 2 passes defensed and an assload of "holy shit, did you just see what that guy did to me?"s from Rex Grossman) as he took over the game en route to a Dolphins upset of the Bears.

Runner Up: Shawne Merriman LB/San Diego Chargers
Ok, before we Pandora's Box of Awesome Pills and Injections that will make you crazy like Shawne Merriman, let's make one thing clear. The use of steroids is probably very prevalent in the NFL. Probably as much, if not more, than in Major League Baseball. The only difference is, aside from extreme cases like Bill Romanowski and Mark Gastineau, they receive very little coverage. It's almost as if fans in the NFL are willing to give a tacit acceptance of the improbable in football just to retain the numbing shell of naivete. After all, does it really shock you that steroids can be prevalent in a game populated by 6'6'' freaks of nature more chiseled than Greek gods that can run the 40 yard dash in 4.4 seconds? Get serious. That said, I agree (sort of) with the argument that Merriman shouldn't win the award the same year he was suspended for apparent use of steroids -- but kind of for a different reason than you'd think. Because he was suspended, he missed 4 games, and because of that, his overall numbers fell short of Taylor's total performance. Although Merriman led the league with 17 sacks, he didn't quite have the same completely excellent performance that Taylor did, and for that, I think he's runner-up.

Also Worth Mentioning:
Champ Bailey CB/Denver Broncos
League-high 10 INT (one returned for a TD) and the glue that held together what was otherwise a pedestrian Denver defense.

Aaron Kampman DE/Green Bay Packers
Second in the NFL in sacks with 15.5 and amassed 89 total tackles, a solid number for most linebackers, let alone a defensive lineman.

Rookie Of The Year
Winner: Vince Young QB/Tennessee Titans
Played consistently productive football on a team with relatively unimpressive talent despite a massive amount of pre-season skepticism from idiots like me and Merrill Hoge (who still, apparently hates Vince Young). Moral: don't hate. Led the Titans on a span of six straight wins (including three against eventual playoff teams) in which he threw 7 TDs to just 3 INTs and also ran for three scores. More remarkable than his overall statistics is the fact that he demonstrated exceptional poise and a high football IQ, demonstrating much better decision-making skills than anyone realistically predicted (especially me, and you know, Merrill Hoge). Time will tell if Young will end up being a great NFL QB (the jury's still out among most experts), but if his technical skills continue to advance and supplement his athletic ability, the future looks bright.

Runner Up: Reggie Bush RB/New Orleans Saints
While many say that Texans DE Mario Williams faced the most pressure to produce this year, I think it's important to acknowledge that almost anyone you ask assumed that Bush would step in and become an immediate and dynamic difference maker for any team he joined. The pressure on Bush wasn't to justify his selection, it was to be the savior to a franchise and legitimaize the Gayle Sayers/LT comparisons. For the most part, Bush's season was relatively typical for a rookie Running Back, as he struggled to find his niche in the running game and dealt with inconsistent game-by-game production. Though his standout games were few (week 13 vs. SF was his best of the year), his overall numbers were solid, as he finished in the top 10 in the league in receptions and amassed 1,300 total yards. As the coaches in New Orleans continue to identify and experiment with his exact role in an NFL offense, Bush will continue to produce and will be a dynamic playmaker for years to come. Maybe he won't be Gale Sayers, but he'll be solid.

Also Worth Mentioning:
Marcus McNeill LT/San Diego Chargers
Anchored perhaps the best offensive line in the NFL playing perhaps the second-toughest position for a rookie. Additionally, played all 16 games, demonstrating an uncommon durability among rookie offensive linemen.

Marques Colston WR/New Orleans Saints
Over 1,000 yards and 8 TDs coming out of nowhere to emerge as Drew Brees' go-to receiver in New Orleans. Not bad for a 7th round pick from Hofstra. Wayne Chrebet went there.

DeMeco Ryans LB/Houston Texans
Second in the league in tackles and the star of the defense despite having to steal the spotlight from first overall pick Mario Williams.

AJ Hawk LB/Green Bay Packers
Over 100 tackles and 2 INT, proving to be as good as advertised while nailing Brady Quinn's sister on a nightly basis.

Coach of the Year
Winner: Sean Payton/New Orleans Saints
Led out-of-nowhere revival of a team that was homeless as recently as a year ago, leading the Saints to the playoffs and the #2 seed in the NFC.

Runner Up: Marty Schottenheimer/San Diego Chargers
Made the Chargers the concensus best team in the NFL despite facing an incredibly tough schedule and numerous off the field distractions (including Merriman's suspension and the Steve Foley shooting).

Also Worth Mentioning:
Eric Mangini/New York Jets
Turned one of the worst teams from '05 into a playoff team, getting improved production from a healthy Chad Pennington and a solid core of young talent.

Breakout Player of the Year
Winner: Frank Gore RB/San Francisco 49ers
Third in the NFL in rushing yardage and turned potential into production, leading the 49ers from obscurity and desolation to legitimate playoff contenders in 2007.

Runner Up: Steven Jackson RB/St. Louis Rams
Emerged as a top flight running back, demonstrating an aptitude in the passing game in addition to excellent power running skills.

Special Teams Player of the Year
Winner: Devin Hester KR/Chicago Bears
Proved to be Chicago's top offensive weapon, leading the league in punt return yardage while returning 5 kicks and a missed field goal for touchdowns. Justified (maybe...) his second round selection in the '06 draft.

Comeback Player of the Year
Winner: Javon Walker WR/Denver Broncos
Returned from a devastating knee injury suffered in week 1 of 2005 to amass over 1,000 yards and 8 touchdowns. Still a douche, though.

Runner Up: Drew Brees QB/New Orleans Saints
Came back from shoulder injuries with improved arm strenth and consistently stellar play leading one of the NFL's best offenses.

Also Worth Mentioning:
Chad Pennington QB/New York Jets
Returned from previous status of "always injured" to solid NFL QB, leading the Jets into a surprising AFC playoff berth.

Carson Palmer QB/Cincinnati Bengals
Showed few ill-effects from a vicious knee injury suffered in the 2005 playoffs and cemented his place among the cream of NFL QBs.