I Wish the Royals Never Traded Johnny Damon

Maybe then he would simply be regarded as a good baseball player and not Insuppressible Rebel Spirit Johnny Damon. Anyone remember 1999 or 2000? (I know--I was also surprised to learn that he didn't sprout from a Fenway Park centerfield cabbage plant on a blustery April 2004 eve. It turns out that's just when he became a character* and elevated his game**.)

One game into the "Johnny Damon Used to Play for the Boston Red Sox And Won a World Series But Now Plays for the Arch Rival New York Yankees Can You Imagine Such an Ironic Twist" Era, and I already want to kill ESPN. ESPN and East Coast Bias actually...Look out, I'm coming after you.

Yes, Johnny Damon is a good player. But lots of guys hit .290 and slug .431 for their career. I wonder if Augie Galan (Scroll down to "Similar Batters" and look at #3 on the list) enjoyed this kind of celebrity. Then again, baseballreference.com doesn't include the park-adjusted Outfield Wall Collisions sabermetric (OWC+), nor the Looked Like Jesus factor. You know, they really should.

Seriously though, Johnny Damon isn't even that handsome. What? He isn't. I'm just sayin'...


*Under HR 114.4453, long hair and untamed facial hair are automatic qualifiers in the U.S. for "character" status ("deep" status as well)
**"elevated his game" is a euphamism for moving to the east coast, usually a requisite to have one's existence acknowledged in the sports world