Give Skip Bayless some C-Y-A-N-I-D-E

>> Friday

...for writing yet another typical Bayless one-sided piece of trash.

I don't have the energy to do a full-out Bechtel/FJM-style mutilation of this article, but I have to highlight a few exceptionally awful parts.

Kobe Bryant scored a career playoff high 50 points. The Lakers lost in overtime 126-118.

I assume he scored those 50 points by jacking up tons of ridiculous shots--I'm guessing like 100--since Skip Bayless uses this stat to depict Kobe as having played a selfish game. And as we all know, Skip Bayless is never anything short of deadly accurate on these matters. And since he offers only the fairest treatment to all his subject matters, I'll just wait until the part of the article where he breaks down Kobe's shooting percentage rather than looking it up myself.

Justice prevailed.

Whoa there, John Ashcroft.

Remember the scene in "Caddyshack" in which Danny Noonan is running things until caddymaster Lou gets back, so Noonan is locked safely behind the screened-in counter of Lou's office?

What if I said "no"? Not only does this sentence become irrelevent (and hopelessly clumsy, I might add), but so are the next four. As it turns out, this scene does not exactly come back to me vividly, though I've seen the movie several times. Secondly, what in flizzity fuck is he talking about??

No, Nash isn't Kobe. He wouldn't have a prayer against Kobe in a game of one-on-one. And he'll never be the tabloid or TV draw that Kobe is.

Does this count? (Side note: the caption calls him a "philosopher king." Sweet Jesus.) And I'm sure there's plenty more where that came from. (Help me out, vapid bimbos.)

So, for five games, the refs allowed Kobe's team to get away with almost as much thuggery as Tony Soprano's crew.

God. This kind of joke structure sucks more than the Hoover 8000XL. No wait, it's lamer than Dr. House on a rainy day. Better yet, it's gayer than Elton John touring the Liberace museum in a pink tiara. (See how easy this is?) And Tony Soprano? That reference is more stale than "as"-blank-"as"-popculture joke structure. (And yes, I just made the same dig four times.)

Commissioner David Stern said the other day that his refs are wrong only about 5 percent of the time. On that play, they were 300 per cent wrong.

That obviously makes no sense.

Kobe forced up a lot of shots -- and he made a lot of those.

Ah, here we go...that statistical breakdown I was waiting for. It's a little late, but I knew he'd get to it eventually.

He went 20-of-35.

20 out of 85??!! Holy crap, Skip, that really is unbelievably self-...
...Oh shit, nevermind. Twenty out of thirty-five. For a second there, I almost thought Skip Bayless had a point. Things make sense again.

Too-cool Kobe got in a run-and-gun game with Nash's team, and predictably, Nash beat him. Nash had 32 points and 13 assists, with only three turnovers. Five of Nash's teammates scored in double figures.



Those are actually three consecutive "paragraphs" if you can believe it.

Too-cocky Skip wrote a really stupid article, and predictably he got ripped apart for it.

Off with his head! Off with his head!


Also, does anyone else get the visual of Skip of throwing on a pair of shades and cocking a pistol here?

Raja D'Annunzio is waiting.

Who? Oh, right, that Caddyshack reference that no one got the first time.

Go play in traffic, Skip.

(P.S.: Bechtel, I just totally bogarted your gig.)


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