This Week's Skip Bayless Column Almost Relates to Sports

It's so inane that it's really not worth ripping apart. But exposing Skip Bayless as an insufferable hack has become an addiction for us Yellow Chair writers. So let's do it.

The title of this week's column: American Idle (a homonymn play on words! The pinnacle of hilarity!)

I had settled in to watch the Yankees-Red Sox and Suns-Mavs games when I remembered this was the final night of "American Idol." I had checked out "Idol" here and there in its first couple of seasons. But mostly, I referred to it as "American I Don't." Because I just didn't -- watch it or get it.

That's his opening paragraph. So if you're keeping score, that's two super super lame plays on words (title included) through three sentences. And "American I Don't"? Does that even sound like "Idol"?

He missed more notes than Jose Cortez misses field goals.

Please, just ban this joke structure already.

You could find a thousand guys singing in church choirs or even in showers with better voices. But I guess that's the point. Viewers want to make a star out of some goof who's no more talented than many of them are.

Oh, so kind of like the way sports writers drool over David Eckstein? But I digress.

Make that "American Idle."

Just in case you didn't catch the title.

This is what people are wasting their time on?
My sincere wish is that no one reading this has ever watched a minute of "Idol."

Unlike Skip Bayless, who has obviously wasted his time watching many minutes of "Idol."

And America prefers Taylor "Loved by All the" Hicks?

I don't know who or what the hell he's talking about, but I do know that this joke is neither clever nor funny--even by Bermanism standards. Also, doesn't that come off a bit elitist and derogatory? Maybe it's just me.

That's because Steve Nash is doing things with a basketball that no human his size (listed at 6-foot-3) has ever done. The genius passes, trick shots, monumental 3s, contagious heart:

There it is--the obligatory mention of his boyfriend.

Here's your American Idol, even if he's from Canada.

Skip Bayless [sitting on his couch, watching the Suns play]: Ohhh Steve! You're such a dreamboat! [clasps hands together and scrunches neck and shoulders]

Wednesday's SportsNation poll asked ESPN voters to choose their Sports Idol. Tiger Woods won over Tom Brady, LeBron James, Albert Pujols and Dale Earnhardt Jr. But what does that competition have to do with "Idol"? Those sports stars (except for maybe Dale Jr.) are proven stars. They can sing.

Albert Pujols's rendition of "Walking in Memphis" is, in a word, stirring.

"Idol" has one proven star -- Simon, the snippy English judge.
So if you want to tune in to the early rounds and watch Simon humiliate contestants who have been carefully chosen because they're so awful, fine. If you want to sit with family or friends and laugh as Simon knocks 'em out of the park with his witty disdain, God bless.

Why doesn't it surprise me that Skip is impressed with Simon's fish-in-a-barrel style jabs?

Hey, at least we at Yellow Chair take the time to put ours in nicely articulated written sentences.

But if you want to listen to finalists attempt to sing great songs, I don't get it. If I want to listen to "Unchained Melody," very possibly the most beautiful song ever written, I'll listen to the Righteous Brothers.

Skip has a softer side. Well, I'll be.

Next came Prince, singing one of his new songs, which sounds vaguely like his old stuff, just not nearly as great. The old Prince wouldn't have stooped to selling out to appear on this kind of show. This is when doves cry.

And this is when I cry...over the fact that I've just wasted my time reading and critiquing Skip Bayless...and over the fact that people like Skip Bayless are famous, nationally-read writers.

That was it. I'd seen enough. Back to reality, to the beautiful music being made by a real star. Back to Nash.

Again. Again with Steve Nash.

Mercy.