U.S.A., U.S.A.

American sports has a new hero, and his name is Phil Pfister. In a herculean effort, Pfister won the last five events to claim the 2006 World's Strongest Man Title. In an epic duel with three-time former champ Mariusz Pudzianowski, Pfister's feats of strength in the Atlas Stones, Car Pull and Fingal Fingers will be emulated on many Festivus holidays to come. While this surely went unnoticed to those people who actually have lives, Pfister's efforts last night inspired even the biggest Scrooges during this Holiday season. And hell, at least an American can finally claim victory on the world's biggest stage of sports.