I'd rather go to the camp with Coach Jay

If the absence of new posts the last few days ruined your weekend, then a) you don't have much going for you and might want to consider joining a monastery and b) we apologize. But the reason none of us posted was that we were holding our quarterly YCS business meeting, during which we convene at YCS headquarters in Milwaukee to revisit our company policies and reflect upon how the previous three months' work has upheld our fundamental pillars of quality, consistency, insight, and overuse of the word "fuck." After much deliberation and thoughtful debate, it was decided: We probably shouldn't say "fuck" so much.

Ok, so maybe we just spent all weekend watching college hoops, playing video games, and bowling. And we may or may not have watched a sizable portion of Hot Shots, Part Deux.

Anyway, right about the time we were all at the Bradley Center watching the officials in the Marquette-Georgetown game completely, indisputably fuck us over (whoopsie), Mike Krzyzewski was over in Raleigh celebrating his 800th college coaching victory. Say what you will about Duke, but it's an amazing accomplishmet--not only due to the longevity and success such a huge win total requires, but also because Coach K's success, all things considered, defies intuitive logic. Honestly--How did this man get where he is? Consider:

• He played and previously coached at Army. Maybe I'm stereotyping, but it's hard to imagine that the nobodies he'd coached and played with in his previous experience had a ton in common with the high-flying PTPer diaper dandies he's gone onto recruit and coach at Duke.
• He's stiff and supposedly not very accessible. Unlike other coaches who are charismatic and awesome, Coach K is a weirdo who seems to take himself too seriously and rarely cracks a smile.
• He's 5'10" and may be a member of the rattus genus. (That is, he looks like a rat. I just wanted to say it like a pretentious nerd.) How did he land such good recruits before the days when the program's reputation sold itself? It's a well-researched fact: To the tall and handsome go the spoils--whether that's a job, a mate, laughs, or public office. You think, "Oh, some college kid deciding where he's gonna play ball doesn't care what the coach looks like." Think again. Looks, to a large extent, dictate success in every aspect of life.
• He has a stupid, impossible-to-spell Polish last name. Again, you doubt that this matters? Wow, you have a lot to learn. It's called "branding," and it matters a ton. As a coach, you're selling your program and you're selling yourself as an individual. I would never buy anything named "Krzyzewski" unless it were pickled herring or something.

Please help me out, fellow hoops fans. How did this man ever become such a successful college basketball coach? Was it simply because he took over an already-successful program and got lucky landing a few nerds like Johnny Dawkins and Jay Bilas who could play well and whose mom and dad wanted their boy to go play for a military gentleman who could pass for the local reverend, and then the program just took on a life of its own?

All I know is if I'm a responsible parent of a top-flight recruit, I'm telling my kid to play for Bruce Pearl. And to bring his little sister with.