Dear IOC,

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Over here, we call it a "lift"

Isn't this basically the same as a Chicagoan tourist overseas hearing "Ya ya, Chicago... Mi-khel Zhor-dan, ja no ees good, si?" everywhere they go or like when I met a Scottish girl at Pitchfork last week and started talking Proclaimers within about two minutes of introducing myself? I guess when you're a certified true-hoopin' juke-jivin' president of the ballin'-est country in the world, it's a slick diplomatic stroke of genius and not a pathetic attempt at ingratiation or precursor to an attempted camera theft.

I'm just curious, though--For all the wonderful things Obama said about Ghana when he visited a few weeks back, why no love for Pops Mensah-Bonsu?

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Brilliant promotional idea for the White Sox

I've already lent my genius consulting services to the Brewers. Hopefully, it caught the eye of the White Sox people too because I just came up with a brilliant idea for them. That's what we do here at Vinnie's Brilliant Ideas, Inc., and it's a fool-proof business model. We pay me to think; I churn out brilliant ideas, which is a matter of habit for me. Just another day at the ofice.

So what's this latest great idea from the Vinnie's pipeline? Simple--Invite a special guest to sing the seventh inning stretch during the Cubs-Sox series at the Cell this year. Who, you ask? Why none other than P.R. Chief in Chief, Barack Obama.

The reasons to stage this promotion are multifold and obvious. 1) As we all know, Barry's a huge Sox fan, and since being innaugurated, he's already shown up once at the Cell--to throw out the first pitch on opening day this year. 2) He should have the time, now that he's finished flubbing the big decisions on the economy. 3) It would piss off Cubs fans who feel that they own the celebrity-performed (and occasionally sortafamousperson-performed) seventh inning stretch tradition. 4) We'd get to hear Barry sing! 5) It would settle the current mess in Iran... at least in some alternate reality construed by the lefties in the mainstream media.

Now, some Sox fans might object and be all like, "No! That's something gay the Cubs do, and they're fags who suck! We don't wanna suck like them!" But of course--as seasoned Chicago baseball fans know--the singing of the seventh inning stretch began as a White Sox tradition.

It would be great. They could even have the Motivational Speaker in Chief join Hawk and Stone Pony in the booth to call a few innings and try to catch foul balls with Harry's old fish net. Harrelson-Stone-Obama: What a dream team! My palms are sweating just thinking about it. (Oh wait--that's just because I've my hands in my crotch for the last hour. But still!)

I think the Sox need to act fast on this idea, though, and do it during this year's series before rising unemployment gives rise to civil unrest and ultimately a violent coup, at which point Obama will be just another refugee seeking asylum from the Limbaugh Liberation Militia. In the meantime, though, it'll be fun at the ol' ballpark, Obama-style.

So what do you say, Chairman Reinsdorf? Is it a go? Hell yeah, it's a go! No, thank you, Chairman Reinsdorf. You can send my check to:

Accounts Receivable

Vinnie's Brilliant Ideas, Inc.

1010 Awesome St., Suite Idea

Badass, IL 60606-$$$$

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Fergie Jenkins should be one of Obama's economic advisers

"I don't think they [proven users of performance enhancing drugs] belong in the Hall of Fame," Jenkins said. "The drugs probably enhanced their performances about 20-30 percent. Sammy was in his 30s when he was apparently using and it gave him an edge in homers and RBIs."

Rule #1: Any numerical estimate is valid when the baseline is pulled from your ass.
Rule #2: When no one has the right answer, there's no such thing as a wrong one.
Rule #3: As long as you're popular, people will believe you.

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I used to think I'd never find a media outlet more anti-soccer than us here at YCS (With the possible exception of Jim Rome, the Bill O'Reilly of ESPN).

Then who rides to the rescue? As always, Fox News.

I'm not sure if this segment is meant to be "news" or "infotainment." Yet amazingly, this video from Fox not only makes the YCS staff look incredibly intelligent and witty (like we needed anyone else to be known for that), but also makes even the staunchest soccer-hater on the blog (Nate?) look like the biggest Stella-swilling, scarf-sporting, song-singing, alliteration-amiable soccerphile.



Note how everyone misses the point of the quote from USSF President Sunil Gulati, which more or less says, "Well, it couldn't hurt."

If they're trying to be funny, they fail miserably at every turn.

If they're trying to be serious, there's too many errors to even know where to begin.

If they're trying to be both, well....despite no posts in a week, we still do it better than they do.

In conclusion, fuck you Fox News. From all of us here at YCS. Yes, even YCP's token conservative.

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Filling out Obama's cabinet

If you've been paying attention to political news lately, much has been made of the fact that President Obama's cabinet and team of advisors is heavily comprised of ex-ballers. Education Secretary Arne Duncan, National Security Advisor Jim Jones, Attorney General Eric Holder, U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, Mideast envoy George Mitchell, and, of course, Obama himself were all former college basketball players. (Shockingly, Energy Secretary Stephen Chu was not.)

As awesome as this team would be, it's still not complete. As of today, one cabinet post and one other key advisory position remain unfilled. Of course, with everything going on in the country right now, I know the president has enough on his mind already to worry about some silly job interviews:


That's why I'd like to help. And if I must say, President Obama, I have two perfect choices:

Why Mr. Wallace is qualified to be FEMA Director:

What better way to put away the shortcomings of the Bush administration than to replace one of its most criticized posts with the man who refused to talk to G-dub following his NBA Finals win? As we all know, Mr. Wallace is persistent in rectifying injustices:



And it's unlikely he will be accused of not caring about black people.



Though his chances of being approved may be hindered by the fact that he only finished two years of college, keep in mind that these two men are the product of higher education:



Why Sir Barkley is qualified to be Secretary of Commerce:

Chuck's intention to enter the political arena have long been known, and I can't think of a position that suits him better. Who else besides the federal government has squandered such large sums of money on bad gambles?

Also, Barkley should have no problem acclamating to the culture of the Village. Nothing says "Washington establishment" quite like getting a DUI while being serviced by a call girl.

Last, and most importantly, we could rest assured that the federal government will never spend anoter dime on FLAKY WHITE STUFF.

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Gross

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We're Getting the Olympics

Upon Barack Obama's election, one of my first thoughts was "Well, there's no way Chicago isn't getting the Olympics now."

Seems the head of the Japanese Olympic Committee agrees with me.

Tokyo, Chicago, Rio de Janiero, and Madrid are the finalists. The selection of the 2016 host city occurs in 11 months.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

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Fortune's always hiding...

British bookmakers have offered potential gamblers odds that Illinois rookie Senator Barack Obama will trade his meteoric rise in politics for a shot at the Premier League. Odds are presently listed at 10,000-to-one that Senator Obama will abandon his Presidential campaign to take over as the head coach at London-based club West Ham United. Hammers coach Alan Curbishly resigned today.

Obama has allegedly been a Hammers supporter since visiting England five years ago. Usually with huge, long odds like this one, it's almost worth it just to put down like 5 bucks and see what happens. (i.e.: Really wish I'd put some money down on Sarah Palin three months ago when I first heard her name bandied about for the GOP VP position.)

But even here it's a waste of money.

Stat geek sidenote: There's better job security in politics than in the EPL. Only four managers have been in their current posts longer than the 3 1/2 years Obama has been a Senator: Sir Alex Ferguson (Man United), Arsene Wenger (Arsenal), Rafa Benitez (Liverpool), and David Moyes (Everton).

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More YCS Politics - Obama and Biden and Osama Bin Laden

This post is totally not sports related, but earlier this week, Vinnie did already post on politics -- which has the sports-like elements of competition and a scoring system. Moreover, I'm hoping to generate some serious hits with this post.

Anyways, my current/temporary roommate pointed out tonight that "Obama and Biden" sounds a lot like "Osama bin Laden." He's right, and he's probably not the first person to observe this phenomenon.

However, I do think YCS will be the first forum on entire internet to post an official "Osama Bin Laden" graphic. "Change is so naive, man" was the closest match to "Change we can believe in" that I could conceive in less than 90 seconds.

Now, I hope this post and graphic don't offend the couple of diehard Democrats at YCS. Remember, I don't dislike Obama; I'm just more of a Bob Barr guy. Good night.

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I don't really give a shit who's elected president...

...But this weird stunt with Obama's little girl yelling, "Hi, Daddy!" to his satellite-fed, Wizard of Oz-like projection on the Pepsi Center stage may be one of the more bizarre moments I've seen in a long time. I'm really hoping they didn't put her up to that--though I wouldn't doubt it for a second, either--because that would be rather disgusting.

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Vitale: It's Mr. Obama!

With the 2008 United States presidential race heating up by the hour, YCS is doing its best to stay on top of every twist and turn. As part of our coverage, we're seeking out the top analysts in the world of sports to share their unique perspectives on the most recent developments in the race. In the third installment of our series, colorful college basketball analyst Dick Vitale takes a moment out of his offseason to weigh in on Senator Barack Obama's clinch of the Democratic presidential nomination.

Wow, what an exciting presidential primary season! After all the anticipation, we finally have a Democratic nominee, and his name is Barack Hussein Obama!

Hillary Clinton fought hard all the way, but in the end, Mr. Obama was just too tough. Now only one more opponent stands between Obama and becoming the first ever black American president. What a remarkable accomplishment! Just think--Five years ago, Barack was an unknown state senator from Illinois, and now he's one step away from the most powerful position in the world.

Wow.

Wowwww.

...

...Wooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I remember the first time I saw Barack Obama when he gave the key-note speech at the 2004 Democratic convention. I was watching it with Digger, and I said, "This kid is going to be special. The charisma, the poise--This kid is SPECIAL. His stock is going way up. I'd like to buy some stock in Mr. Obama!"

When I heard last year that Barack would run for president, it didn't surprise me at all. I said to Mike Patrick, "I think this kid can go all the way. He has all the tools to do it, and he has so much momentum right now.

"But if there's one person who could beat him in the general election, that man is Robert Montgomery Knight. But if he doesn't run this term, I think only one other candidate could match up with Obama. And his name is John Sidney McCain III."

Wow--What an incredible battle this is going to be. The two powerhouses head-to-head in November: Jonathan Sidney McCain and Barackary Hussein Obama. I've got goosebumps! Feel my arms, Dan Schulman! I've got goosebumps!

I can't wait until the fall! 2008 should go down as one of the all-time great elections in the history of politics! It'll be awesome baby!!!!!

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Walton: Obama's Performance Horrible

Blame Vinnie for starting this series, but Barry Melrose would not be the only sports pundit who has thoughts on Tuesday's primary. Taking some brief time away from focusing on the NBA playoffs, Bill Walton sat down with YCS to give his thoughts on last nights Pennsylvania primary.

"Barack Obama's performance last night can only be characterized as horrible. That deplorable effort in not putting away an overmatched, fatigued Hillary would be terribly unacceptable and not indicative of a future president. Insulting the voters by calling them bitter and clinging to religion would be the worst strategy since our gameplan against N.C. State on that fateful day in 1974. Now, even the great John Wooden had an occasional off day and hopefully Mr. Obama can rebound from this performance and finally deliver that knockout blow in Indiana. We need Mr. Obama to take control of this primary and not allow for John McCain to crawl his way back into this presidential race that the American people want to give back to the Democratic party that deserves this opportunity to take control like the 1986 Celtics did once they acquired my services. I plea to the American people: end this silliness now and unite in our quest to bring about change."

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This guy uses the inflated Mel Kiper Jr. grading curve

Commentator (didn't catch the name) just now on CNN:

In my column in Time I give a grade to the candidates after each debate. For tonight, I gave Obama an A- and the other two a B+.

Clearly, Obama was in a class by himself.

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Read this entire post, or you'll have made me waste the last twenty minutes

Obama invite Bonds? Probably

Tribune
August 9, 2007

Asked at a news conference in Oakland on Wednesday whether he would invite Barry Bonds to the White House if he were president, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama said he "probably would."

"It's a remarkable achievement," Obama said. "And he deserves, I think, our congratulations. I remain concerned about the cloud that exists not just in baseball but in everything from basketball to the Tour de France. I mean you just get a sense right now that sports is suffering from a crisis of confidence and my hope is that all the various sports leagues take those responsibilities seriously. I left out Michael Vick and what's happening in the National Football League.

"So you basically have every single sport suffering from some major questions."

Asked how he would have combated the growing steroid problem over the past decade were he president, Obama responded, "First of all, I would not have entered into an illegal war based on false pretenses," to which the crowd responded with a thunderous ovation. "But when I'm president, if we have actual information about big time athletes using steroids, and if Commissioner Selig won't act, I will."

Obama then further detailed his plans to address improprieties in professional sports were he elected president.

"If that means having federal agents storm Tim Donaghy's house with helicopters and tear gas, we will do that," Obama said. "If it means sticking a catheter in Floyd Landis's urethra while he sleeps to draw a urine sample, we will do that too. Or if it means dipping Michael Vick in corned beef hash and tossing him to a pack of starving pitbulls, we can do that also."

After several audience members chuckled in response to the latter comment, Obama added, "No, for real. Thanks to laws passed since 9/11, that's actually legal, and I would gladly do it."

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