If you've been paying attention to political news lately, much has been made of the fact that President Obama's cabinet and team of advisors is heavily comprised of ex-ballers. Education Secretary Arne Duncan, National Security Advisor Jim Jones, Attorney General Eric Holder, U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, Mideast envoy George Mitchell, and, of course, Obama himself were all former college basketball players. (Shockingly, Energy Secretary Stephen Chu was not.)
As awesome as this team would be, it's still not complete. As of today, one cabinet post and one other key advisory position remain unfilled. Of course, with everything going on in the country right now, I know the president has enough on his mind already to worry about some silly job interviews:
That's why I'd like to help. And if I must say, President Obama, I have two perfect choices:
Why Mr. Wallace is qualified to be FEMA Director:
What better way to put away the shortcomings of the Bush administration than to replace one of its most criticized posts with the man who refused to talk to G-dub following his NBA Finals win? As we all know, Mr. Wallace is persistent in rectifying injustices:
And it's unlikely he will be accused of not caring about black people.
Though his chances of being approved may be hindered by the fact that he only finished two years of college, keep in mind that these two men are the product of higher education:
Why Sir Barkley is qualified to be Secretary of Commerce:
Chuck's intention to enter the political arena have long been known, and I can't think of a position that suits him better. Who else besides the federal government has squandered such large sums of money on bad gambles?
Also, Barkley should have no problem acclamating to the culture of the Village. Nothing says "Washington establishment" quite like getting a DUI while being serviced by a call girl.
Last, and most importantly, we could rest assured that the federal government will never spend anoter dime on FLAKY WHITE STUFF.