Chris Mortensen - American Wordsmith

>> Wednesday

Chris Mortensen is bad at typing. I mean really bad. And I know, I'm probably being a typical English major spelling/grammar nerd, but I don't care. And, I understand it's only a chat and that has a lot to do with the typos, but come on. He's a professional journalist. These are more funny than they are all that condemning of Chris Mortensen.

A few gems:

Joe (Boston, MA): If you had to give the Patriots a Draft Grade, what would it be? Chris Mortensen: I'd give them an A because their track record is so good and the key - which almost is never spoken - is that they know how to develop their players.

The phrase "...the key - which is almost never spoken..." makes absolutely no sense to me.

On the New England Patriots:
They have a lot of guys and they'll coach up a bunch.

This sentence is hilarious. I particularly like Mortensen's irrefutable reference to the Patriots having a "lot of guys."

In response to a question about the Bears' defense-oriented draft:
That's opne pointn of view.

Opne? Pointn?

Talking about pre-draft talent evaluations:
I also think that it carries a lot of weight when former QBxs like Jaws, Simms and Young weigh in with the idential evaluations on the QBs (Cutler).

Funny for two reasons: the QBxs thing and the fact that he refers to Jay Cutler as multiple quarterbacks.

On Da Bearssss:
If Grossman can stay healthy and Bradley come back, this offense should be a lotr better.

I'm convinced this one was taken from one of Matt Zuchowski's away messages.

The Ravens might have taken Whitner if Ngata was no there.

Chris Mortensen is still learning the nuances of english.

In addition to misspelling 'commit' (thanks Nate), this sentence sounds like it was written in a foreign language and then translated back into english:
I think the Titans would committ to McNair for two years but there are differences in money and now they have burned a bridge.

I love the last part of this one:
The Ravens never deviate from their board. Ngata was ahead of Whitner. What I told you is the truth. You can accept it or not.

Why not just explain this one now?
I believe [Matt Leinart] would have been the 49ers pick, although the 49ers are saying that;s not so. Nevertheless - and I hope to explain this sometime soon - I think Leinart stayed at USC for all the right reasons.

Was Chris Mortensen the inspiration for the stereotype of the way Asian people supposedly speak english? (Believe it or not, this was his complete answer.)
The Lions wanted Huff or Sims and would have traded back to take Whitner. Traded back, ok?

Chris Mortensen makes up a word and then defines it:
The biggest knock I heard on Howard is that he isn;'t very isntinctive, which means you don't play as fast as you are.

Chris Mortensen: Well, gotta go. Remember, the key to the draft is whether or not teams develop these guys. That's the key to the draft. A lot of these guys have potential but development is an equal part to the deal. God Bless!

God Bless you, Chris Mortensen.

3 comments:

Nathan 9:21 PM  

No typos here, this sentence just sounds like it was written in a foreign language and then translated back into english:
I think the Titans would committ to McNair for two years but there are differences in money and now they have burned a bridge.

No typos, huh? Committ? With two Ts?

Matt 9:25 PM  

Dammit! Well done, Nathan. You've bested me for the last time.

Vinnie 10:18 PM  

So THAT'S why the Bears lost in the playoffs. They didn't "coach up" enough. Damn it, Lovie!

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