Classless asshole spells name with two Gs, writes amazingly shitty column

Gregg (yes, two Gs) Doyle at CBS Sportsline has written perhaps one of the most enraging columns ever. Not because he took a shot at Marquette or the Fire or the Cubs or the Bears or Celtic or any other team that I root for. It was in fact the exact opposite.

The Wisconsin Badgers.

The team that I most love to see lose in any sport (especially in basketball) to any opponent (especially Marquette). Some of the high/low-lites of this column.

If the best team this 2007 season has to offer was at the Schottenstein Center on Sunday, college basketball needs to die and come back as something else.

May I suggest competitive hyperbole?

Perhaps rugby. Or hockey. Lacrosse? Anything but that la-schlock I saw Sunday.

Danny, can you tell us what a la-schlock is? It sounds yiddish.

Ohio State won 49-48 if it matters, which it does only in the Big Ten picture. The victory means the Buckeyes will win the conference title outright even if they lose their regular-season finale later this week at Michigan.

Yea, I'd say winning a conference title outright by winning a tough game against the #2 team in the country "matters." The loss could conceivably cost UW a #1 seed in the tournament.

But nationally? Ohio State cannot be the best team in America. Not the Ohio State team I saw Sunday.

Because the #1 team in the country never has an off day, or wins when they don't play their best. They play top-caliber basketball every single day of the year in every single game, practice, charity slam dunk contest, game of HORSE, PIG, and Jordan vs. Bird for Sega.

Wisconsin can't score enough points to beat a team fair and square -- I equate offensive prowess with fair play ... sue me

I'm sorry Wisconsin wasn't the Harlem Globetrotters to Ohio State's Washington Generals. Perhaps there's an NBA All-Star game somwhere you can watch where the first team to 140 points wins.

so the Badgers bogged down the athletically superior Buckeyes and kept this unwatchable game in the 40s, which was a shame considering the game was televised on CBS and not that rinky-dink, four-letter network that deserved a game like this more than my lovely company.

Looks like some little brownnoser is looking for a promotion. First rule of writing. YOUR knowledge of the issue doesn't matter. Just bash your opposition. It works for politicians.

Oden had 11 points. I watched the whole thing and thought he had six. Or four. Maybe I fell asleep for a few of his baskets.

Jesus, I can't wait to see this guy's column when The Masters rolls around next month. He's gonna be ready to stab someone. And finally, the piece de resistance...

Look, Ohio State has a very good team. The Buckeyes have depth and talent and a great coach in Thad Matta. They have the next David Robinson in Oden, the next Chris Paul in Michael Conley, and lots of solid complementary pieces. One of those pieces is Daequan Cook, whose scoring average has been cut nearly in half, from 15 ppg to 8.3 ppg, since the Buckeyes entered conference play. Cook has all the tools in the world, and he thinks he's headed to the NBA perhaps as soon as this summer, but he sums up this OSU team:
Tons of potential. Ought to be great. But something's missing.
I can't tell you what that missing ingredient is, but I have good company. Matta also can't figure it out, because if he knew what it was, he'd fix it.

Translation: I know more about college basketball than Thad Matta does. In fact, I know so much more about this team than the coach who scouted, recruited, drilled, and trained these players that if I were to tell you peons, you might not be able to handle it.

Wisconsin? The Badgers weren't good enough to win the national title -- period -- and that was before cryin' Brian Butch left Sunday's game with an elbow injury that might end his third consecutive disappointment of a season.

I really hope Brian Butch reads this in the hospital, gets so pissed off that he flies to wherever Gregg with two Gs Doyle lives, dislocates his elbow while he's working, and sees how much of a cryer he is, then piles on it by calling him a disappointing columnist. That would only be sweet, poetic, ironic justice.

The Badgers can make do without Butch's soft play and yucky body.

Wait, "yucky"?

What Wisconsin can't overcome is its offensive liabilities at three positions on the floor. Centers Jason Chappell and Greg Stiemsma can't score. Small forward Joe Krabbenhoft doesn't want to score. Point guard Michael Flowers doesn't shoot well enough to score. The Badgers are Kammron Taylor, Alando Tucker and Bo Ryan's quicksand.

So in other words, one of the best players in the conference, a solid supporting cast, a coach who understands what his players are capable of and a great defensive strategy?

Best team in the country? Not Ohio State. Oden is too passive

So much for the second coming of David Robinson. That was nice for the few paragraphs it lasted.

Not Florida, strange as that is. The Gators returned everyone who mattered from last season's national championship team, but they've lost to NCAA bubble team Vanderbilt and to NIT bubble team LSU in the past eight days.

What? You mean winning the NCAA tournament doesn't have everything to do with personnel? That it might include getting hot over a three week period in March? Remember. Florida lost three straight at this time last year.

So if you're asking me to name the best team in the country, I can only tell you this: The best team in America wasn't in town on Sunday.
Unless Kansas happened to be stuck at the Columbus airport

Kansas may very well be the best team in the country, but even they have had their off days [Losses to Texas Tech (18-11), DePaul (17-12), and Oral Roberts (20-10)]

Just because you lose, even to a bad team, doesn't make you unworthy of winning the National Championship. And likewise, the best team in the country isn't always going to play like the '96 Bulls (who lost to the 35-47 Denver Nuggets once in '95-'96, remember?)

The jist of this column

1.) Gregg with two Gs Doyle is a classless asshole for making fun of a man who dislocated his elbow in what looked like a very painful injury. The caption of the picture read "The action on the floor's so bad it's enough to make a man named Butch come to tears. "

2.) Gregg with two Gs Doyle probably has ADD if he keeps falling asleep during a low-scoring but from what parts of the game I saw, looked to be a very interesting game.

3.) Gregg with two Gs Doyle thinks that if the #1 team in the country doesn't beat every team they play by at least 30 points, they're too soft to win the national championship. Likewise if the action isn't full of flair and panache.

4.) Gregg with two Gs Doyle thinks that if an opponents' game plan works at all against a good team, limiting their effectiveness, and the good team still wins despite the effectiveness of the strategy, then nobody deserved to win the game. Basically, if the outcome of the game could be known in the first two minutes, that would be nice. That would solve his ADD, would be enough so Wisconsin could give up, and Ohio State could concentrate on firing off alley-oop dunks from halfcourt while fireworks go off and Jackie Chan roundhouse kicks a ball into the hoop off a motorcycle.

5.) Gregg with two Gs Doyle thinks that Florida's losses to Vanderbilt and LSU disqualify them for the national championship, but would probably fall all over himself to fellate Kansas, who lost to DePaul and Oral Roberts.