Isn't it cute when women try to talk sports?

>> Monday

It's kinda hot, really. Hot in that reminds-me-they're-subordinates sorta way. You know the charade, guys. We'll gladly force a chuckle at some hot girl's banal observation on sports and pretend that she's just made some poignant commentary even though it's something we've heard a thousand times before to spare the Super Bowl party from being a total eye candy-deprived sausage fest. They get to front like they're "cool" with the guys, which pisses off their daintier sports-illiterate friends, and we know how much women get off on their underhanded status games. Overall, it's a fair tradeoff that keeps everyone happy.

The problems start, though, when some chick steps outside her role and gets all uppity about semantics of gender equality and ruins everyone's good time. I hate that. Suffice it to say, I won't be inviting Christine Brennan to next year's Super Bowl party, and it's not just because she's a little too old and butch for my tastes. Says Chrissy:

As the father of two athletic daughters, President Obama should know all about the importance of sports for women and girls.

Which is why he should have filled out not only a men's NCAA tournament bracket but also a women's tournament bracket in his well-publicized appearance on ESPN last week.

Let me start by saying I don't at all relish the role of defending the pin-up socialist puppet Barack Hussein Osama bin Stalin. So far, I think most of what he's done since taking office sucks, and that includes his chalky, swing state-friendly NCAA tourney bracket.

But hasn't Obama done enough to prop up weaker institutions with our tax dollars that we shouldn't also call upon him to pander to lesbians and little girls by promoting the fallacy that the NCAA Women's Push-Shot Fest is on par with the real ballin' on the men's side? That would be one hell of a dishonest message to send his spoiled little brat girls, in my opinion.

Another news flash for Christine Brennan: Of the two tournaments, one of them generates tremendous amounts of interest, millions of hours of lost worker productivity, and massive flow of gambling dollars. The other generates considerably less interest, untraceable impact on worker productivity, and gambling activity from addicts only (and possibly lesbians, though I'm not sure if lesbians gamble). Can you guess which is which?

If Obama had taken the time to fill out a women's bracket, not only would it have made for even more boring and pointless TV on top of the already boring and pointless act of filling out the men's bracket, but it arguably would have qualified as the most blantant display of constituent pandering since... the last time Obama blatantly pandered to a constituency. The point is: politics--and Obama in particular--are quite phony enough without bringing Title IX into this.

He also should have insisted on saying his bracket was for the "men's NCAA tournament."

Those who don't use that pesky little adjective — and you know who you are — are acting as if there's no women's tournament at all, or it's so beneath them, it's not worth mentioning. This is rather silly. It is 2009, after all.

While I appreciate the trap Brennan tries to set up here--either specify "men's" or you're a misogynistic walking penis who only employs a secretary for the playful ass-grabbing--it's a bullshit dichotomy that ignores common vernacular and social norms. It has nothing to do (necessarily) with who's beneath whom and everything to do with habit and brand identification.

Just as I wouldn't specify the MLB World Series as opposed to the College World Series or tell you that Richmond is the capital of Regular Virginia, I don't feel the slightest obligation to tack an extra modifier onto the original and more popular NCAA Tournament. Notice I didn't even include "Basketball," and everyone still knows what I'm talking about. Suck on it, lacrosse.

While we're on the subject of adjectives, why do some schools still insist on calling their women's teams "Lady" this or "Lady" that? Is there any men's team out there that calls itself the "Gentlemen" (add the nickname)? Of course not. The best-known of the tea-and-crumpets set is the Lady Vols, who were upset by Ball State Sunday night in a tough, bruising, very unladylike game.

Defenders claim the use of "Lady" is tradition. It might be that, but it's also degrading and entirely unnecessary.

Ok, so I kind of agree with Brennan here. For 2009-2010, I propose that Tennessee be known as the Tennessee Volunteer Bitchaz Wit Attitudz.


Mike 9:17 AM  

You know, you can't have it both ways. Don Imus tried to come up with a new nickname for the Rutgers Womens' Basketball team that didn't include "Lady" and you all jumped down his throat...

Mike 9:24 AM  


"Is there any men's team out there that calls itself the "Gentlemen" (add the nickname)? "

Matt 2:35 PM  

I'm with her on the "gentlemen" thing. It adds class. The Villanova Gentlemen Wildcats has a sweet ring to it, if you ask me.

Matt 2:39 PM  

Also, I take issue with Vinnie on this:

"We'll gladly force a chuckle at some hot girl's banal observation on sports and pretend that she's just made some poignant commentary even though it's something we've heard a thousand times before..."

Bullshit. I'm way too much of an opinionated and bullheaded dick to put up with any stupidity from anyone, regardless of gender or hotness. I once mercilessly berated a female co-worker (during orientation, no less) for the better part of a minute for saying that South Park was "stupid."

Patrick 5:50 PM  

I just like the fact that Bob Knight continually referred to it as "girl's basketball" when he was doing commentary a couple weeks back

Vinnie 12:56 PM  

Matt--By "we," I didn't necessarily mean us or even me in particular, seeing as I wrote this in the voice of Sexist A-Hole Vinnie, who only borrows some elements (like ripping Pinkobama) of Actual Vinnie's personality. When it comes to debate, you know I'll gladly drop the gloves--both literally and figuratively--with a girl, with the result either being me winning an argument or her winning a fistfight.

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