It's awesome, baby!!!!!

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I would have chosen a different caption

MLB.com chose "Actor Jim Belushi leads Cubs fans in a song during the rally."

I would have chosen Bart Simpson's classic line of "Come on, snipers! Where are you?!?!"

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Gyrations

A few moments ago during the Indians-Red Sox game, Timmy Mac referred to one of Dice-K's pitches as a "gyroball."

First of all, has anyone used this term since spring training? I thought we were all over this would-be sensation.

Second, the pitch was, what I'd call, either a tailing changeup (81 mph on the gun, dropping away from a lefty, released with a "turning-it-over" motion) or perhaps a borderline screwball. Back in spring training, I remember watching some Youtube videos tagged "Gyroball" where he throws this same type of pitch. This is not proprietary technology. Many good pitchers--Maddux, for one--have been throwing this for years.

Now to those of us gullible dreamers believing there was a magical new pitch out there, a Gyroball was supposed to be a pitch with changeup speed and a vicious, late, right-to-left lateral break. It sounded impossible, and evidently, it is. Or at least Dice-K doesn't throw one.

One more random observation for those of you watching this game: Is the NFL Films-style effect employed in the head-on pitcher close-up intentional, or is some FOX engineer just screwing with the technology? I missed the first inning, so maybe this was explained as FOX's newest gay gimmick. Help me out, folks.

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My lord, it's come to this

The TBS studio broadcast team is so bad, so dry, so utterly deficient of charisma and insight that the network had to fish the well for Mr. Instant Ratings himself, Sir Charles Barkley--a man who knows little-to-nothing about baseball--to bail them out. Which tells me one thing: The mere presence of Charles Barkley--speaking on any topic whatsoever--is more profitable to TBS than the combined baseball insight of a four-man studio crew.

That leads me to wonder: Where the hell is Steve Stone for these LCS?! They're wasting their best asset! This is bogus! Just bogus.

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Giving credit to some great fans where some real credit is due

The Phoenix Snakes and the Denver Rocky Mountain Highs (YCS needs to get on board with this revised team name too)... You have to admit that neither of these teams have much history (well, the Snakes did win a World Series on a lucky jam-off-the-handle single), but I really have to give credit to these fans.

The Colorado and Arizona fans were wild towel-waving freaks in their respective series. I was kinda shocked about the level of energy in Arizona and Colorado; the level of energy was insane. And because these series were broadcasted on TBS, you know that the crowd noise wasn't some ploy by Fox Sports to make the game seem more intense than anyone could ever imagine.

I do have to say that in a way, the enthusiasm seems a little contrived. The MLB sticks a new team into a high-population area and hopes that fans buy into the buzz. On the other hand, you have to give credit to fans who really went all out for teams that started as bunches of schmucks plopped into a profitable metropolitan area and grew into successful franchises.

Also, you have to admit it's "easier" for Cubs fans, Bo Sox fans, and Spankees fans to buy into the long traditions and/or supposed curses of their clubs, get really riled up for the playoffs, and cheer their asses off for a tradition that really have little part of. But it takes a real fan and a really proud inhabitant of the Southwest to cheer for teams that have no more than a decade and a half of a comparatively un-storied history.

Thus, I congratulate the Snakes and the Highs on their well earned berths into the NCLS. The fans earned it, and so did the teams. Please though, put down the towels -- that goes for fans of all professional and non-professional teams. We're all getting really sick of inhaling towel threads.

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Vinnie's regular season wrap-up and playoff preview extravaganza!

First, some accountability. I did ok, picking all four AL playoff teams (not very hard) but whiffed on all but the Phillies in the NL. The computahs called three in each league, so the lesson is, don't try to think for yourself. I also made some pretty egregious bad calls on the Rangers, Astros, Marlins, as well as on several specific predictions embedded amongst the bad jokes.

This year, the real team story, in a historical sense, was the D'Backs (or "Snakes" as we are lobbying to have them officially renamed). Their season already has and will continue to make people ask how a team could get outscored for the season, yet outperform their Pythagorean W-L by a whopping eleven games and make the playoffs. They were 14th in the NL in runs scored and last in OPS+, but they were fourth in ERA, first with the park adjustment. So maybe it's as simple as good bullpen = inordinate number of wins in close games, bad offense = inordinately small number of blowout wins. Either way, I think it's lazy and probably inaccurate to attribute it all to luck. I'd swallow that explanation if a team made the playoffs finishing, say, 14th in pitching and tenth in offense as the Cardinals threatened to do into September.

And since Pat already covered the individual awards, I'd just like to recognize a few players whose fantastic seasons were largely ignored because of the awful teams they play for. So to Aaron Harang, Carlos Pena, Hanley Ramirez, Miguel Cabrera, and Eric Bedard, congratulations on fine seasons. Now go tell your teamates and GMs to stop sucking.

And now for some mood music...



If that doesn't make you wanna hike up your stirrups, feather your hair, and pull on your elastic wastebanded baseball pants, you must be in a coma.

With that, here's my futile attempt to handicap the world's most majestic series of coin flips, the MLB playoffs.

ALDS

Angels vs. Red Sox
I picked the Angels to go all the way before the season, so I've gotta stick by my boys, right? Last year I turned on my preseason pick the A's when the playoffs came, but I'll be more loyal this year, against my better judgment. The Sox are out of their league in hitting, but as we know, the pitching is what's really important. And when you compare the guys who will actually appear in this series instead of comparing the entire regular season staffs, you realize the disparity is small. Yeah, that justifies it I guess. Actually, forget that. I'm going with better judgment. Red Sox in 4.

Yankees vs. Indians
There's no getting around it. The Yankees' pitching is very weak for a playoff team. Even their good pitchers aren't all that good. They're probably gonna need to take advantage of Byrd's start and touch up either Sabathia or Carmona. With the two Rafaels (Betancourt and Perez) in the bullpen, there's no excuse for the Indians using BP pitcher extraordinare Joe Borowski with the game on the line. If the Yanks are trailing by a few in the ninth, you can pretty much book a three-run rally. I predict this costs the Indians a game (bold!), but they bring back Carmona and Sabathia on short rest to pull out games 4 and 5. Indians in 5.

NLDS

Cubs vs. Snakes
The Snakes might get a win from Webb in Game 1 or from Davis in game two given the Cubs' troubles against bad lefties this year, but if they send out Livan Hernandez in any game this series, they're asking for a loss. I'm really surprised they've announced him for Game 3 over Micah Owings, experience be damned. Owings's last two starts (albeit vs. the Pirates and Giants) were great, and let's not forget, the dude can rake! (4 HR and a 1.033 OPS in 60 ABs) Unless Phoenix (yeah, we're changing that too) can tag Rich Hill for a few dingers in Game 3, I don't see them scoring much on the Cubs rotation. Cubs in 4.

Phillies vs. Rockies
The Phillies haven't announced their Games 2 and 3 starters after Hamels, but I'd imagine it would be Moyer and the 22 year-old rookie Kyle Kendrick or perhaps Lohse. That's not so good, Al. At the same time, the Rockies' likely 2 and 3 starters Cook and Fogg put the ball in play a ton, and that's not a good thing against that lineup. Like most people, I don't really buy into the "momentum" factor, but that's kind of a wash anyway if you believe in such things. The Phillies bullpen has been terrible all year, and even if you shrink it down to Meyers, Romero, and Gordon, it still doesn't look good. Unfortunately, I think that dooms them, especially with the mediocre rotation. As much as I'll be rooting for my preseason NL champ, I think I'm gonna have to pick Colorado. Rockies in 4.

ALCS

Red Sox vs. Indians
What's more futile than predicting the DS? That's right, picking the winners of subsequent series that may not even happen. Last year, I went 0-4 in the DS, so I'll try to do better this year. Ok, done trying. Anyway, I'm pulling hard for the Indians, but the Borowski factor really does make me nervous. There's not a lot else separating these teams, but I guess the Sox are overall a little better. Red Sox in 6.

Cubs vs. Rockies
Cubs vs. a '93 expansion team in the NLCS? Sound familiar? Eh? Eh? Yeah, since this matchup more than likely won't happen, that's all the analysis I'm gonna bother with. Rockies in 7.

World Series

Red Sox vs. Rockies
Ditto above. But for the sake of argument... the Rockies! No, the Red Sox! Yeah! That's the answer! Red Sox in 5.

Hopefully this year I get at least one series right, but I make no guarantees.

Ok, so this was the only place I could find this music online (Just pretend the little kid is Steve Garvey or something):



Enjoy the playoffs, everyone!

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Mets Thrilled to Miss Playoffs

The champagne and beer flowed freely in the locker room, music blared, specially-made t-shirts were busted out and the New York Mets players and coaches smoked cigars and celebrated being eliminated from the postseason by the Philadelphia Phillies clinch of the NL East.

"This is truly a team effort. Without the help of every ballplayer on this roster, we could not have achieved our goal of missing the playoffs," said a champagne-soaked Carlos Delgado.

"It started to look pretty bad about a month ago. The team was pulling away, and it looked like we would make the playoffs. I know the fans probably wanted us to win the division, but dude, seriously. How many games do you want us to play? We already played 162 this season, plus pre-season games. Are you not entertained? It's always more with you people. I mean, we've been at this since February and frankly, we're all kinda tired of it. So the team pulled together, bucked up, and set our goal on missing the playoffs. Judging by how we played in September (7 games up with 17 to go), I think you can say it worked!"

Pitcher Pedro Martinez agreed. "Man, have you ever been to New York in October? It can get cold, dude. Like, real cold. When deciding between freezing my nads off in Queens in October, or sitting on the beach with a bottle of rum, or playing some golf, or getting some home cooking, it really wasn't a question. We just couldn't risk going to the playoffs."

Paul Lo Duca reiterated the grave possibilities the Mets could have faced, "Who knows what could have happened if we'd gone to the playoffs, I mean, I know we were all itching to get home and we spend the season in New York City! Motha-fuckin' capital of the world and EVEN WE were starting to get bored. I can't imagine what would have happened if we had to play a team from a sticks-city like the Diamondbacks in the first round. Those guys have been surrounded by Gold Bond, shuffleboard, and adult diapers since Valentine's Day. They'd probably be so anxious to get the hell out of Dodge that they'd probably let us throw three straight no-hitters against them. Then we're in the NLCS, so that's another week working."

Lashing out at critics who said the Mets' catcher's approach to the postseason was "jaded and selfish," Lo Duca responded, "I know you say that playing baseball is supposed to be fun, but dammit, people! This is our job. This is work for us. It's not some stickball game with you and your buddies over a case of High Life. And we couldn't take any more. How would you like it if your boss wanted you to go to a conference during your two-weeks vacation? Not much I bet. Well, it's the same for us with the offseason and I'm not about to miss my fishing trip to Mexico next week for work."

So what's next for the Mets?

"I'm going to Disney World! Proclaimed David Wright as he launched another cascade of champagne over the room, "This has been such a ride! I just hope if we keep the team together, we can miss the playoffs again next season!"

The celebration lasted late into the afternoon, untill the players left the stadium, where they were pelted with rocks from distraught Mets fans.

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Shoe: "Don't worry about me. I'll be here next weekend."

Looking to reassure critics who have assailed him for being tardy at least, and at best, neglecting his job, Other Shoe today announced that he is not past his prime, and will in fact be dropping next week.

"I know a lot of people have been on my case now that the Cubs are in the playoffs, but don't worry you guys, I'm still gonna drop like I always do. Then we can put this whole thing to bed, and watch a World Series with the Yankees or Red Sox vs. NL Patsy just like you've come to expect."

The news came just as Cubs fans recovered from their drunken night of celebrating the team's first Division Championship in four years. Said Jeffrey Wilson of Oak Park, "I'll admit. Something just didn't seem right seeing the Cubs covered in champagne. I've seen this kinda thing before in '84, '89, '95, '98, '01, '03 and '04 was wondering what happened to the Other Shoe and if he was ever going to drop. Today's news reassures me that the Cubs will eventually tank it, and I won't have to get rid of that "Wait till next year" t-shirt I bought. Cause I mean, that cost like 20 bucks, dude."

Other Shoe declined to give any details of exactly when he would drop, preferring instead to leave the element of suspense. "I'm a showman," said the piece of footwear through fresh new laces, "You'll just have to stay tuned, wait, and see." Shoe did state that fans can expect to see him as soon as next weekend. Right around Game 4 or 5 of the NLDS.

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