A few closing thoughts on the 2008 World Series of Professional Baseball

Roman numeral one:
Expect Joe Maddon to be the latest manager / GM / player to unfairly serve as the face for the un-truism that analytical, bookish-looking guys can't win the big one. That probably won't happen after this season considering all the genius points he scored from the Rays' drastic improvement, but if the Rays go down in the LDS the next two years, there will no doubt be those calling for the ghost of Gene Mauch to replace him. Having said that, please do not keep tabs on this absurdly hypothetical and needless prediction.

Roman numeral two:
I think it's kinda funny how fans of a certain baseball team that plays near my house slumped into pathetic self-pity in the fifth inning of the first game of the LDS when things got slippy, but the Phillies fans never wavered in Game 5--not even while getting drenched and watching their stud ace give up a lead in an inning that should have never started in a clinching game of the World Series. Granted, this is the most unfair and slanted comparison ever, but I think my point still stands.

Roman numeral three (the long one):
Here's a shock--The World Series got low ratings. I get on this soapbox at least once a year, but here it goes again:

I will always find it hilarious / ironic / sad social commentary that approximately everyone cares about the outcome of the baseball season--especially their own team's fate--but precisely no one cares to watch the freaking game. Call me old fashioned, but to me if people don't care to watch the most critical games played by the best (loosely speaking) players of a sport that they profess to love, they're imposters who are only in it for that moment when they can circle-jerk around a pile of World Series Champions t-shirts with the home team's colors on it.

And if anyone cares, it's on that high horse where I stand up for the old-school curmudgeons who detest the analysis-obsessed Nate Silver wannabes, even though I'm fascinated by the actuarial perspective of baseball. As freely as we create and rip apart fan stereotypes like the reactionary old man, drunken blowhard, and rah-rah fratboy**, I would just as well ally myself with them as with the pompous speculator who'll never understand why I turn to Youtube clips of anything baseball-related to pull me through depressing winter nights or why I visit ballparks.com and fantasize about watching a game at Shibe Park. Whether it's the loudly ignorant or the smugly detatched, I don't appreciate phonies hijacking the game that people like Bob Costas and me worship like nine year-olds.

Being a supporter of a team alone does not make you emotionally invested in the sport. It's not quite total crap, but it's next to crap. If your computer desktop is a picture of Ryan Howard, but you didn't watch any of last year's Series, you might as well be flushed out the universe.

Rant over.


**Tangential rant: Can we please can the term "fratboy" as code for "shallow," "simple-minded," "boorish," etc.? This is such a tired and horrible cliche which has persisted mostly because the types of people who take time to criticize the use of cliches are the same who enjoy using this term to elevate their intellectual cred. Neil Armstrong--first man on the moon Neil Armstrong--was a "fratboy," okay? I know this fact because my cousin is an alumnus of the same fraternity and drops this into conversation liberally. The point is--I think we all know some very intelligent, articulate, perceptive people who belong or have belonged to a fraternity. So let's cut this shit already. If you're gonna be condescending (which I fully condone), at least don't be so lazy about it. Or at least don't use a term that screams, "I still haven't gotten over being bullied as a kid." Jesus.

Tangential rant over.

Read more...

Tim Welke's idea of a playable field

Crew chief Tim Welke said the game continued into the sixth inning because the pitcher's mound and batter's box were in good shape.

"The pitchers weren't falling off the mound and the batters weren't slipping."

No... It was just like FUCKING WOODSTOCK on the basepaths.

NICE WORK, DICKHOLE.

Read more...

True Philly fans don't leave early

"Come on, dad! It's been fourteen hours!"

"For the last time, we're waiting this out!"

"But dad... We're the only ones left."

"That means we're the only true Philly fans left in this town."

"Yeah, but..."

"Listen--If we'd have left when they pulled on the tarp and we'd missed the end of the game, you would never forgive me, and I'd never forgive myself."

"Fifteen different friends have texted me saying that the game was officially suspended and probably won't resume until Wednesday."

"Good, we'll wait 'til then."

"But dad! I'm freezing!"

"It builds character."

"I think I'm getting pneumonia."

"No you're not."

"Why couldn't I have at least worn a jacket?"

"A true Philly fan doesn't hide his colors--not for warmth, not for shelter from the rain..."

"It's 35 motherfucking degrees out here!"

"You don't talk to your father that way!"

"If I die, you're going to jail."

"Not if there's a single Phillies or Eagles fan on that jury. Now quit your bellyaching."

"I'm moving in with Uncle Tom and Aunt Mary."

"Fine, you do that."

"Good. I will."

"Now where's that peanut vendor?"

"He's gone. Like everyone else."

"No he's not. I just saw him back to our left there a minute ago."

"That was 16 hours ago. You're hallucinating."

"No I'm not. You stay here. I'm gonna go find him."

"Good. That'll give me time to call the DCFS."

"If you call anyone, you don't go to college."

"Fine. I'll join the army."

"Fine. You call then."

"Fine. I will."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Read more...

Sponsor thrilled over team's success

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. -- The success of the Tampa Bay Rays this season has taken just about everyone by surprise--everyone, perhaps, except the man whose name adorns their uniforms.

Last September when the little-known Tampa Bay franchise--then known as the Devil Rays--announced that they would change the team nickname and uniforms, St. Petersburg bar owner Ray Feinman jumped at the chance to sponsor the team and name it after his bar, Ray's. The sponsorship--overlooked by most at the time--is now paying huge dividends, with the recently-crowned American League champions representing Feinman's small watering hole.

"I knew those kids would do big things from the first time I met them over the winter," says Feinman. "What they're doing doesn't surprise me at all. If I didn't think they could win, I wouldn't have put up the $150 to have our name on the jersey."

Back in April, Ray's patrons would routinely laugh off Feinman's bold optimism about the team's prospects, but now the only laughs are for sheer jubilation.

"When old Ray told me in March that we could go all the way, I told him he was bonkers," says Ray's regular Arty Bird. "I laughed and said, 'Yeah, sure, Ray. I'll go to Vegas right now and put a hundred bucks on them to win the Series.' If I'd listened, I could've had a chance to be rich. Instead, my retirement savings are going down the toilet, and I can barely afford to drink here anymore. But hey--Go Rays!"

Feinman was initially miffed by the franchise for mispunctuating the jersey by excluding the apostrophe in "Ray's," but now, he says, it no longer bothers him. "I think by now, everyone makes the connection between the team and our bar. And I can't complain too much, with all the business they've brought."

Indeed, Ray's has not only seen a boost in business from Rays fans throughout the season but from the players as well.

"The boys come in here a lot after games, sometimes still in their jocks and cleats," says bartender Louie Bataglia. "I comp their drinks, and usually one of the girls will bring them out a few platters of wings. We do whatever we can to encourage the kids."

Back in April, Bataglia had some special words of wisdom for Rays rookie phenom Evan Longoria. Before his first game with the Rays after being called up from the minors, Longoria dropped by Ray's with teammate Jason Bartlett for some MGD 64s and good cheer.

"I said, 'Evan--That's a woman's name, huh?'" recalls Bataglia. "He says, 'Nah.' I says, 'Oh. Well, you'll do fine, kid. Keep doing what you do, and you'll be a good one.'"

Thanks in large part to Bataglia's advice, Longoria earned a trip to the All-Star Game and is a front-runner for the American Leauge Rookie of the Year award.

Says Longoria's mentor, "Yeah, I'm real proud of him. Like a son."

While the World Series appearance has brought plenty of excitement to the bar, the Rays are not the only team to do the Ray's name proud in recent years.

"We had a 14 year-old Colt League team go to the sectional finals last year, and two years ago, our 40-and-over fast-pitch team won the league championship," recounts Feinman. "But this year might be the most special of all."

The Tampa Bay Rays will open the World Series Wednesday night against the Philadelphia Phillies.

Read more...

It's awesome, baby!!!!!

Read more...

Just asking

Anyone else think the new Tampa Bay Devil R....(ahem) "Tampa Bay Rays" jerseys look like a more professional version of a Beer League team from some neighborhood watering hole named Ray's?

[Insert your own comment regarding the artists-formerly-known-as-the-Devil Rays playing like a Beer League team for the past 10 years here.]

Read more...