Mike's Extremely Half-Assed EURO Final Preview

>> Thursday

With Germany set to face off against Spain, the cliches are out in full force. On one side, the free-flowing, attacking, passionate, hot-blooded, flairful Spaniards nicknamed La Furia Roja or "The Red Fury." In the other corner, the efficient, clinical, efficient, controlling, efficient, aggressive, calculating Germans. Even their nickname, Die Mannschaft is efficient since it only means "The Team."


No doubt the Final, broadcast as part of a doubleheader Sunday after Becks' LA Galaxy visit suddenly-hot DC United, will also be awash in historical allegory. The Germans are looking to cement their fourth EURO title. The Spaniards looking to end decades of choking in major tournaments. Hitler. Franco. Catherine of Aragon. Kaiser Wilhelm. Maximus. Sergeant Schultz. Each of them will be suiting up for their respective sides and will have an influential role to play in the outcome of the game.

As for the game itself, I'm not even going to bother doing a preview. One, because I honestly have no clue who is going to win. Two, because picking soccer games at this level is always a crapshoot. Three, because I am too biased in favor of my one-quarter-countymen, the Germans. Four, even if I weren't, Germany looks better on paper, but the Spanish look like a team of destiny...if not for the fact that they've never been a team of destiny. So while the Spanish may be looking to head Germany their biggest ass-kicking in Austria since the Von Trapps, I gotta go with the Germans.

My call: Germany 3-2. Sorry for wasting your time.



4 comments:

Anonymous,  12:33 AM  

Ahhhh stereotypes, at what point do you guys cease to be a sports blog and become a racial profiling blog? You would alternate between being black power, white power, brown power, yellow power and salmon power(damn siggers) based off whoever the media liked currently and Zuch felt should be labeled as "overrated".

Matt 1:28 AM  

Have you been paying attention? Deep down we're just a bunch of black guys trying to keep the white man down. Case in point: our collective disdain for all things gritty and Eckstein and our unnatural love of Rasheed Wallace, Randy Moss, Allen Iverson and any shady character you can conjure.

It's all black power, all the time.

Vinnie 1:34 PM  

When was the last time we wrote a post that didn't ivolve the labels "half-assed," "filler," "stupid," "ridiculous," or "crass"? It's been a while.

Mike 11:06 AM  

With Spain's 1-0 victory, the field for next year's FIFA Confederations Cup in South Africa is looking strong (provided all teams accept their invitations)*.

European Champion: Spain
South American Champion: Brazil
World Cup Champion: Italy
North American Champion: USA
Asian Champion: Iraq
African Champion: Egypt
Oceania Champion: Likely New Zealand
Host Country: South Africa

*= If Brazil or Spain decline their invitations to this tune-up tournament, their places will fall to Argentina and Germany respectively.

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