Weau is me

(Oh, right, we have a blog...)

Prior to Tuesday night's game, Grammy Award-winning singer Sheryl Crow performed the Star Spangled Banner at Busch Stadium.

But she didn't sing O Canada -- and neither did anybody else. Instead, an instrumental version of Canada's national anthem was piped through stadium speakers.

After the game, the 28-year-old Morneau told reporters that Major League Baseball could have handled the situation better.

"I wasn't very impressed with that to tell you the truth," he said Tuesday night. "You figure they could find somebody to come and sing the song. They have a hockey team here, the Canadian teams play here.

"It's something that didn't really go over too well. I think if it happened the other way around, if they were playing in Toronto and they did that, it would have been a lot bigger deal. But nothing you can do about it."

Oddly, the Dominican-born players--who outnumber Morneau's countrymen almost seven-to-one league-wide but didn't hear their anthem played via boombox, MIDI, kazoo or any other audible medium--had no complaints.

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Yay! My daddy made the All Star team and here come the rest of the guys and oh, SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.....

If you haven't seen this yet, it's worth your time. Corey Hart's postgame press conference from yesterday in which he (with his young daughter) get showered with beer in celebration of Hart's making the All Star team. Ryan Braun, et al enjoy it way more than Hart's daughter does.

Corey hart
by bsap11

Also, two things:

1. Nice Jesus t-shirt, Dave Bush. GAY!

2. Who else was waiting for Prince and Sabathia to come running in at the end and yell, "MONKEY PILE!"?

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Are any of this year's All Stars on the All-Time All-Mandatory Rep All Star team? Read on for the answer to this annoying teaser.

Ahh, MLB All Star selection day. I love it. The day when people like me get all worked up over who gets to play in a game that most fans of the sport won't even watch--a day bested only perhaps by Pro Bowl seclection day.

Every year, one of the biggest reasons for the griping is the at-least-one-rep-per-club rule and its obvious beneficiaries, or as I like to call them (as of today), "the Asostorfetes"--that is, the All Stars Only Selected Thanks to the One Reprepsentative From Each Team Edict (a brilliant forced acronymn if I've ever seen one). To celebrate this year's All Star selection day, I thought it would be fun to compile one of those fictitious rosters based around some nebulous theme--in this case, a team composed entirely of such players throughout the history of the All Star Game.

(Aside: Coming up with this roster was much more annoying and not nearly as fun as I'd hoped, so you miserable ingrates of YCSNation had better freaking appreciate this triviality, espcially seeing as it's one of our rare posts requiring research and effort and such.)

Unfortunately, having neither access to huge databases of MLB data nor the capacity to use said databases, I had to limit myself to recent history. I set my semi-arbitrary cut-off to 1987, or as I call it (again, as of today), the "Post-RBI Baseball Era."

Without further set-up, I give you the All-Time All-Mandatory Rep a.k.a. Asostorfetes All Star team.

Starters

SP - Mark Redman, Kansas City Royals, 2006

Redman is the no-brainer ace of this team. He is arguably the greatest asostorfete of all. In '06, the Royals were woefully devoid of any reasonable all-star candidate, and Redman was the guy who took the bullet. He entered the break with a 5.27 ERA and as many walks as strikeouts (32) in 82 innings. However, as the only Royals pitcher with a winning record (6-4), he was Ozzie Guillen's choice. His ERA would rise to 5.71 by season's end, with his K/BB ratio only modestly improved.

C - Greg Olson, Atlanta Braves, 1990

Before there were the '90s Braves, there were the '90 Braves--a last-place outfit of promising young guys and mediocre veterans. Despite break-out seasons by Ron Gant and David Justice, it was the rookie catcher Olson who got the call to represent the ATL. To his credit, Olson was hitting .289 with a .370 OBP at the break but in only 166 ABs. Olson would finish the year with a more modest .262 and .332 in 298 ABs.

1B - Ron Coomer, Minnesota Twins, 1999

The '99 Twins were bad, but their all-star selection, Ron Coomer, was just a bit worse. Playing the corner positions of 1B and 3B, the Coomdog managed just a .263 average, .307 OBP, and 16 dingers that season, good for an 82 OPS+.

2B - Carlos Garcia, Pittsburgh Pirates, 1994

The great lasting image in mandatory rep lore (at least for me) was watching the hometown Pittsburgh fans go nuts during the player introductions for their .267-hitting, .307 OBP-ing, 3 HR slugging second baseman in the 1994 All Star Game. It was perhaps the only highlight for the Pirate faithful that season and one of the few for Garcia in his career. By 1997, the all-star with the 75 OPS+ would be irrelevant and on his way out.

3B - Scott Cooper, Boston Red Sox, 1993

As hard as it is to imagine, there was once a time when the AL All-Star team wasn't loaded with Yankees and Red Sox. 1993 was one of those years, and the Red Sox lone representative was the young 3B Cooper. Cooper entered the break hitting .282 with just 6 HR and would finish at .279 with 9 HR and a 98 OPS+, numbers that might make a fringe all-star out of a slick-fielding shortstop but not a 3B. Cooper would repeat his all-star trick the next July, with a resume only scarcely better.

SS - Ozzie Guillen, Chicago White Sox, 1988

Before Ozzie Guillen was selecting undeserving White Sox all-star representatives, OzzieBeingOzzie was himself an undeserving White Sox all-star representative. In '88, Ozzie hit .261 with a .294 OBP and a 65% stolen base success rate. Of the 1.1 million fans to watch the 71-win juggernaut at Comiskey that year, not a one walked away with an Ozzie Guillen homerun ball, as Oswaldo was shut out in the dinger department for the only time in his career.

OF - Robert Fick, Detroit Tigers, 2002

Fick had a perfectly acceptable first half of the 2002 season--.290 average, .352 OBP, 11 HR--but in the words of Mr. October, they don't boo acceptable guys. The Fickmeister would finish the season hitting .270 with 17 HR for the 55-win Tigers.

OF - Rondell White, San Diego Padres, 2003

Rondell White hit just .275 with 16 HR and a .328 OBP in the first half of the 2003 season. Though his production did come in a pitchers' ballpark, he has his 64-win Padres teammates to thank for his opportunity to play in the '03 midsummer classic. He would finish the season at .289 with 22 HR, playing for the Royals after a trade.

OF - Roberto Kelly, New York Yankees, 1992

As hard as it is to imagine, there was once a time when... oh wait, already said that. The 76-win Yanks had more qualified candidates in Melido Perez and Danny Tartabull, but when AL manager Tom Kelly went a-combin' over their roster, he stopped at his namesake, who was hitting just .281 with 7 HR. Roberto would finish the year at just .272 with 10 HR and a .322 OBP before temporarily changing his name to "Bobby."

DH - Ken Harvey, Kansas City Royals, 2004

If not for careful discretion, this fictional team may have ended up being called "Royals All Stars from the '90s and Aughts" given their wealth of candidates. Harvey was hitting .305 with 10 HR at the break, which would have made him very deserving were he a second baseman in the Deadball Era. But as a 1B/DH in the '04 American League, his only qualification was the KC on his hat. Harvey would end up hitting just three more dingers that year, finishing with a .287 average and .338 OBP. A mere 45 ABs later, Harvey would see his MLB career come to an end.

RP - Mike Henneman, Detroit Tigers, 1989

Mike Henneman was a bizarre choice for the 1989 All-Star team. Coming off a spectacular '88 season, Henneman struggled to a 4.17 ERA with 33 Ks and 26 BBs in 45 innings through the '89 break. What makes his selection as the only rep from the 59-win Tigers so puzzling was that he didn't even have the save total to dupe the public, finishing the year with just eight, and that Sweet Lou Whitaker had banged out 18 bombs by the break. To Henneman's credit, he would log 90 innings by season's end but floundered to a 1.50 WHIP and just 67 Ks.

Reserves

SP: Jose Rosado, Kansas City Royals, 1997
SP: Ted Lilly, Toronto Blue Jays, 2004
SP: Jason Dickson, Anaheim Angels, 1997
SP: Shane Reynolds, Houston Astros, 2000
SP: Esteban Loaiza, Chicago White Sox, 2004
RP: Lance Carter, Tampa Bay Devil Rays, 2003
RP: Jeff Montgomery, Kansas City Royals, 1996
RP: Mike Williams, Pittsburgh Pirates, 2003
RP: Todd Jones, Detroit Tigers, 2000
C: Brad Ausmus, Detroit Tigers, 1999
1B: Pat Tabler, Cleveland Indians, 1987
2B: Harold Reynolds, Seattle Mariners, 1988
3B: Aaron Boone, Cincinnati Reds, 2003
SS: Alex Gonzalez, Florida Marlins, 1999
OF: Jeffrey Leonard, Seattle Mariners, 1989
OF: Devon White, Arizona Diamondbacks, 1998
OF: Luis Gonzalez, Arizona Diamondbacks, 2005

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Strip the players of their vote, now.

It was troubling enough that the fan vote almost elected Jason Varitek to the All Star Game. But the players?!?! They don't know any better???

.219, 7 HR, .301 OBP, .360 SLG

Friggin' popularity contest.

...Mercy!

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Less than 11 hours left, 25 votes to burn, and I can be bought

Hey there, MLB stars!

More specifically: Hey there, Kevin Youkilis, Justin Morneau, Dustin Pedroia, Ian Kinsler, Jason Varitek, Joe Mauer, Vlad Guerrero, Bobby Abreu, J.D. Drew, Hanley Ramirez, Miguel Tejada, Kosuke Fukudome, and Ryan Braun!

I know how badly all of you want to start the All-Star Game, but unfortunately, only half of you will. The other half will come tantalizingly close, only to fall short by a handful of votes. Sure, you may still have a chance of being picked as a reserve, but you really don't want to sweat that one out, do you? For some of you, losing this vote will cost you your last chance to ever play in Yankee Stadium. And how about all those Hall of Famers that will be attending? You surely wouldn't want to miss that.

Well guess what. The only thing that stands between you and that crushing heartbreak is me. Me and my 25 online votes through MLB.com. I haven't spent a single one yet, and I have just 10 hours and 42 minutes left to use them. And while a man with scruples might use his votes to ensure that the most deserving players win these tight races, I prefer to use my leverage for selfish means.

So here's how this will work: You offer me bribes of luxurious gifts, and I give you my vote. Of course, the caliber of gift I will expect is proportional to how deserving you are, how large your lead or deficit is, and how likely you are to be selected as a reserve. So if you're, say, Hanley Ramirez, and you're leading the less-deserving Miguel Tejada, a decorative fruit basket should cover it. However, if you're Jason Varitek, and you're not only trailing the more-more deserving candidate Joe Mauer but also putting up Paul Bako-like numbers at the plate, I would expect nothing less than a Louis Vuitton custom handbag for my girlfriend.

To make this easier, I've gone ahead and assigned an approximate cash value of gift that I expect from each player.

Kevin Youkilis: $45
Justin Morneau: $50
Dustin Pedroia: $75
Ian Kinsler: $40
Jason Varitek: $750
Joe Mauer: $10
Vlad Guerrero: $70
Bobby Abreu: $100
J.D. Drew: $45
Hanley Ramirez: $25
Miguel Tejada: $200
Kosuke Fukudome: $85
Ryan Braun: Ineligible (religious reasons)

Also to help you out, here's a list of stuff I've been wanting to buy:
-iPhone
-food processor
-archery bow
-Alaskan cruise
-Yorkshire Terrier
-hanglider
-Waterford carafe
-Chicago Bears beanbag chair
-cordless drill
-fake passport

Hopefully that gives you some good gift ideas. I will expect your final offers in my inbox (guywhostillhasall25votes@earthlink.net) by 10pm CDT--no later. Please include any necessary contact information for arranging the delivery of luxurious gifts.

And may the highest bidder win!

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Jeffrey Maier revisited?

As did I'm sure billions of other people tuned into the All-Star Game last night (who may have also posted this same comment on their own blogs), Zuch and I immediately earmarked Carl Crawford's homerun--which appeared aided by a reaching fan--as a potential source of controversy. We decided that the AL would need to win by at least two runs, or else that homerun would be called into question later.

Of course, thanks to Soriano's ninth-inning dinger, that did not happen, and now I'm here to question the validity of the game's outcome.

But before I go all Hawk Harrelson on this ("That is BS! That is absolute BS!"), I'd like to know if there's an explanation. Are Zuch and I that blind? (We really don't have very good vision, either of us.) Or is there something that I don't know about Telephone Provider Park's ground rules? Zuch and I were in a crowded public place watching the game, so perhaps Buck and McCarver eloquently explained--as they're so inclined to do--exactly why that homerun was allowed to stand.

Otherwise, you're dadgum right this game will be under protest! And this is one protest that's gonna be upheld! I guarantee that!

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Sez John Donovan of SI.com

Offering justification for why the AL has won interleague play the last few years, most of the last World Series, as well as their current streak of All-Star wins...

"We can go back and forth with the reasons that the AL is a better league, or we can probably boil all the interleague debate down into one tradition-shaking fact: The designated hitter makes AL lineups deeper and more dangerous, and that probably makes the league's pitchers tougher."

Que?

OK, maybe Donovan's right...maybe. But if his diagnosis is correct, then I'd have to understand this is a fairly recent development. Before the AL's recent run of success in the All-Star game, the NL had won 8 of 12 All-Star games in AL ballparks since the DH was adopted in 1973 ('73, '75, '77, '79, '81, '85, '87, and '95). The All-Star games in NL parks would not feature a designated hitter, so at least in practice, the DH could not help the AL in those games.

However, even when all parks are taken into consideration, in 16 out of 24 All-Star games from the time the DH was adopted in 1973 to 1997, the DH failed to help the AL's "deeper, tougher, more dangerous" All-Star Lineup win the All-Star game. If we follow Donovan's conclusion, we can only assume that the DH started making the AL "tougher and more dangerous" nearly a generation after it was adopted , and even then, has barely brought the AL above .500 (17-16-1 since 1973) during that time span.

Am I missing something here?

Does the AL have the better players these days? Sure, but don't chalk their recent All-Star dominance up to the adoption of the DH over 30 years ago, because the scores don't support that conclusion.

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Mindless commentary on the Home Run Derby

All right, I’m sitting down to watch the Home Run Derby with a Baby Ruth (which I admittedly bought partly because it offers a chance at winning World Series tickets…I didn’t win them) and several beers. Since it’s just me and the kid, I don’t really have anyone to talk to (I say, “Can you believe that Alex Rios has more home runs than Albert Pujols at this point?” and he just shits his pants). So I’m gonna give a half-assed, increasingly drunken running blog of this event.

Before it gets started, let me just say that I am a fan of dunk contests, home run derbies and such. I know most of the blogging sports fans hate anything with this kind of fanfare and lack of meaning, but as Vinnie once put it, Ken Tremendous is not the boss of me. These events are entertaining. There is no deep explanation why I enjoy watching a bunch of guys hit baseballs five times as far as I ever could. I just do. Okay, we’re ready to go.

Introductions: this is obviously influenced by my hometown bias, but Chris Berman is a fucking idiot introducing Prince Fielder. Not only does he play on the father/son thing (which, thanks to SI, everyone knows is not Prince’s favorite topic) but he emphasizes the surprising Milwaukee Brewers. Surprising? To the casual baseball fan, maybe, but if you work for the biggest sports entertainment industry in the world (or if you’re a fan who closely follows the game) it really shouldn’t surprise you that the Brewers are doing well, just like last year’s Tigers shouldn’t have really surprised you. Okay, homer rant over.

Hey, did you know that Justin Morneau is Canadian? I bet he dresses in all denim, smokes a lot of weed and hunts moose.

Waldo caught the first home run. And Berman is quickly establishing that he’s going to do the “backbackbackback” routing for every fucking home run. (CB: “Man, this will never get old. Baseball, peanuts, beer and backbackbackback.”)

How many fewer home runs would we see if they only gave these players nine outs? Every year there’s at least one guy that hits like three or four homers on the final out. Or maybe the players try extra hard for the “State Farm Gold Ball” because it goes to some kind of charity. Doesn’t it? I’m not sure where that money goes.

You know that guy that you invite to your poker game because your buddy backed out at the last second and you need to get a few more dollars in the pot, but then the bastard takes all your money? Matt Holliday could be that guy.

People who criticize Barry Bonds for not participating in the Derby…get real. The man is old by normal people standards, not to mention athlete standards. Can you imagine if Bonds participated in the Derby, and pulled something or tore something, and couldn’t get those next four home runs? Yeah, yeah, “That’d be awesome! The integrity of baseball would be upheld.” Whatever. Bonds would be the biggest idiot in the world if that happened.
Also on Bonds: he’s sitting here complaining that he’s being judged by third parties who don’t really know him. That’s what being an athlete is all about! Nobody’s saying that Barry Bonds is a horrible person who should be locked up (well, almost no one). People are upset that he’s cold towards the media and that he used steroids. Those are the things that we do know about him.

Commercial break. This gives me an opportunity to mention a hypothetical event that would be even more fun than the current Home Run Derby. That is a home run derby made up of players who generally hit for average and decent hitting pitchers. Wouldn’t everyone love to see Big Z face off against Scott Podsednik or David Eckstein in a home run contest? I know I would.

I know Vlad, Prince and Howard haven’t hit yet, but honestly, who though Alex Rios and Matt Holliday would be winning this thing at any point?

I love Joe Morgan calling Prince Fielder “overlooked.” The fact that he was voted into the All-Star Game ahead of Pujols proves that he’s widely recognized. It’s a pretty solid rule that whenever Joe Morgan calls a player “overlooked” or “underrated” he is either referring to a small white player that sucks, or he’s referring to a guy that everyone except Joe Morgan has recognized as a great young player.

Well Prince’s first try at the Derby was disappointing, but not all that surprising. This sun factor could be interesting, with the pitches now coming out of the sun into the shadows. We’ll see how it affects the rest of the field.

Wow, Ben Sheets’ son looks even dumber than his dad.

Hahahahahahaha! Joe Morgan on the Brewers’ success: “I actually have to pat myself on the back here, because I went to one game in the preseason and said ‘If these guys stay healthy, they’re going to be good.’…” (emphasis Joe’s) One game! This from the man who is constantly saying “I haven’t seen (insert team/player here) enough to comment on them.” Man, Joe Morgan is the dumbest person alive.

David Ortiz should be at every Home Run Derby for as long as he’s alive. He makes it more fun for everyone.

Justin Morneau almost nailed a small kid with a line drive to right field. I may be a sadistic fuck, but the kid deserved to get plunked for not paying attention. I mean, you get a chance to shag balls for some of the best Major Leauge hitters and you’re out there picking your butt? God damn.

Quick odds on Pujols beating Marneau’s one home run: 8/1

There it is. Berman did the Alcatraz reference. Jesus, is this guy predictable or what?

More Berman: “Holliday puts this ball on a holiday.” What does that even mean? In no way, in no person’s brain, could this statement make any sense.

Holliday just hit one 469 feet. Ryan Howard called him a pussy.

Also I’m calling it right now: Holliday will come in second. He’s wearing himself out in the second round, and the championship round starts from scratch. So mark it. Matt Holliday for second place.

Now Berman tried to explain his previous statement: “In Canada they say when you go on holiday, you go on vacation. He put a couple of these balls on holiday.” Okay, first off, that still makes no sense. And second, the Canadian reference doesn’t even make sense. Finally, I don’t know if you got Holliday and Morneau confused, but what’s with the Canada reference at all?

Wow. Alex Rios. Just…wow. Caught me off guard. I’m cheering for him now.

During commercials and inane chatter, I am working on filling out child support papers (hold your jokes, it gets better) and my favorite section is “If the Location of This Parent is Not Known…” and the following questions are “Has this person ever been arrested?” “Date of Arrest or Conviction,” “Name of Parole/Probation Officer,” and finally “Is this parent currently incarcerated?” (Okay, now you can let loose…Bechtel, I’m looking at you)

I’m rooting against Vlad simply because Joe Morgan picked him to win.

Well, my Holliday for #2 prediction is done. I could just go back and delete that prediction, since none of this is being posted in real time. But I’m leaving it in there to preserve my integrity. Or maybe I went back and put that in to make me look more honest than I really am. Or maybe I left it in there so you would think I went back and put it in there to make me look more honest than I really am. Did I just blow your mind?

Great. Vlad has to hit three home runs to win the Derby. Enthralling. I’m on the edge of my seat. They need to bring David Ortiz into the “booth” to make this interesting.

Vlad just got robbed by Pixar. The fucking “Cars” advertisement, which rises above of the left field wall blocked what would normally have been a home run.

ODELE! We have a champion! Good night folks.

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Stupid questions get stupid answers

When you ask someone "What is your strategy for the Home Run Derby?" exactly what kind of answer are you expecting?

Well, here's Prince Fielder's complicated strategy: "I'm just going to try to hit the ball high and far, I think."

This of course, is a contrast to Alex Rios' strategy: "I'm just going to swing the bat as hard as I can."

I can't wait to watch the chess match that is the Home Run Derby.

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It's as if I created this story myself

Someone alert the queen--Brian Fuentes was stripped of his title as Colorado Rockies' closer!

Excuse me for reveling a bit in someone else's failure, but it's rare that a single story indulges me with such a convenient illustration of so many favorite baseball rants: the overselection of closers in the All-Star Game, the banality of the save stat (as well as that of its more retarded cousin the blown save), the fickleness of bullpen production, the superfluousness of the "closer" title, the profuse stratification and categorization of players on MLB rosters... They're all right there in a tiny purple and black package, personally gift-wrapped for me!

So to you, Brian Fuentes, the player I was most displeased to see on an All-Star roster besides Freddy Sanchez, thank you for being my anecdotal evidence. I truly appreciate it.

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Congratulations, Freddy Sanchez!

You win the 2007 Award for Least Deserving Guy to Make the All-Star Team Who Only Made it in Because His Sorry-Ass Team Needed a Representative and No Other Combination of Adequacy and Fielding Position Would Fit on the Roster!

Thanks to everyone's favorite little-league style rule that mandates at least one rep per team, you win this year's ALDGMASTWOMBHSATNRNOCAFPWFR, and us fans get treated to your slap-hitting style and .707 OPS in sports' best exhibition showcase.

Keep on truckin', little guy!

P.S.: Someone needs to tell Tony LaRussa / the voting players that closers are not as good as regular pitchers, and that's why they're closers. Yeah, we all love to see them do their one-inning thing, and the ASG sort of lends itself to that, with the frequent pitching changes and all. But come on; six of the twelve NL pitchers being closers? That's lame. Maybe this is LaRussa basking in his own legacy as the guy who sort of invented / popularized the modern closer, and if that were the case, he's a jerk. And he's a jerk anyway.

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