Token Soccer Preview of the Week

With hundreds of games around the world every weekend, it's always tough to pick one to single out for my token preview.

This week, it's Chelsea vs. Reading in the EPL.

This game is probably the equivalent of the Tigers-Yankees series abroad. Chelsea has a payroll of 108.9 million pounds ($204,644,882) and are the defending Premier League Champions. Reading is the defending Second Division Champions, and are in their first season ever in the Premier League, where they are the feel-good story of the year so far. What's the difference? Only 3 points.

After 7 matches, Chel$ea is on top of the Premiership with 16 points (5-1-1). Newcomer Reading is off to a fantastic start as well, with 13 points from 7 matches (4-2-1). Reading gets this match at home, and is certain to have a raucous crowd eager for the upset. Reading stars and American internationals Marcus Hannehman (GK) and Bobby Convey (MF) have adapted to the pace of the EPL quite well (and on an unrelated note both are on my fantasy team), but will meet a different test in seeing all the big names (seen above) for Chel$ea walking onto the field.

Although earning an impressive 1-1 draw against Manchester United two weeks ago, the Royals have yet to meet a test as stiff as the best team money can buy. Chelsea is on a five-match unbeaten streak, but delivered a half-assed draw at home against Aston Villa last weekend. Reading has a potential to score a lot of goals (led Second Division last season) but with a firm Chelsea keeper and a more than passable backline, I figure this match to end in a draw. 1-1 most likely, wouldn't be surprised at 2-2.

My pick: Draw

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Since the Tigers Need Pitching Help, then...

They should sign Kevin Costner. Afterall, he played Bill Chapel and went on to throw a perfect game at the end of "For the Love of the Game." If "Stache" Leyland knows whats best for him, sign Costner immediately.

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Well as long it's a happy 0-16

It's nice to know that some athletes these days aren't getting all caught up in this "winning" and "competetive drive" and just learning to relax.

Dropped pass? Sheee-iiit.

Overthrow? Whad'ya gonna do.

Helmet-to-helmet on a crossing route? I don't care!...I'm soooo hiiigghhh!!

(I'm totally milking this IntaJuice logo. And don't think you've seen the last of it.)

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Just when you thought it was safe, guess who's back

With preseason optimism for the Chicago Bulls arguably at its highest point since the end of the Jordan era, this piece of news seems wholly out of place. The Chicago Sun-Times is reporting that one of the players looking to take the Bulls' last roster spot is former Marquette University underachiever Scott Merritt (shown above, looking not only like a dwarf, but like he's stoned out of his mind while Nick Collison walks away with the 2003 National Semifinal game).

Last season Merritt averaged 10.7 points and 5.8 boards per game leading the Austin Toros of the NBA Developmental League to a 24-24 record, and yes, it looks like he still has the same dirty 'stache he did when he was playing college ball. Hopefully for Scott's and the Bulls' sake he can hide in Ben Wallace's shadow as well as he hid in Robert Jackson's.

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State of Wisconsin Throws Impromptu Ticker-Tape Parade

This headline says it all:

CB Carroll released

Wait, no, that doesn't say "it all" enough.

THE PACKERS HAVE RELEASED AHMAD FUCKING CARROLL.

The reign of terror is finally over. Sleep peacefully, Packerland. You've earned it.

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Seriously, What The Hell?

Although Derek Jeter's an OK baseball player, this haircut has to go. Seriously, how tight is his death grip on the mid-90's fade that he won't change it? Jesus.

Also, despite his 15 hits tonight, I still think he's overrated.

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Thanks for the vote of confidence, Skip.

Am I seeing this right? A-Rod is batting 6th in the first game of the ALDS?

Besides the message you're sending to Rodrigez by putting him behind Abreau, Sheffield and Giambi, you're putting one of the best hitters in the game in the 6-spot! Does this seem insane to anyone else? Is Joe Torre letting the collective city of New York make his managing decisions in the postseason? Good God.

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Lock of the Week

It may only be Tuesday, but barring a curse on the Manning abode(don't all you haters wish), I believe the Indianapolis Colts should easily thwart the challenge of the Tennessee Titans. While many reasons exist why this will happen, I'll present the two most obvious ones: Tennessee has the worst pass defense in the NFL, and Vince Young will be making his second pro start. I'm sure Vegas will have an astronomical spread on the game, yet the Colts should still cover. Besides, this isn't picking against the spread, it's simply choosing a winning team. Therefore, I declare the Colts the Lock of the Week.

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It'll be kind of ironic if the stadium burns to the ground

Sometimes teams throw special promotional nights that are nostalgic (Turn Back the Clock Night), conscious of the community (Half-way to St. Patrick's Day), dangerous to all involved (Bat Day), and bizzarre (K-Fed Night, Elvis Night, etc.).

Then there's the brilliant marketing staff for the Chicago Fire.

Saturday night's contest against Columbus will be "Great Chicago Fire Tribute Night." Not a Tribute to past Chicago Fire Greats, but to the 1871 blaze that killed hundreds of people and burned most of the city to the ground. To celebrate...

---The Chicago Fire Department will play a charity soccer game against the Columbus Fire department before the league match.

---The club will partner with the Chicago History Museum to commemorate the 135th anniversary of the team's historic namesake event.

---The Chicago and Bridgeview Fire Departments will be on hand for the event to help kick off National Fire Prevention Week...at a Chicago Fire game... The Chicago Fire Department will hand out smoke detectors before the game.

---Saturday is the 9th anniversary of the founding of the club, also on the anniversary of the Great Chicago Fire.

---Active and retired firefighters who present their badge will get a discount on...."Firehouse" seats behind the North Goal. They can also purchase a "Fireman's Four-pack" that includes Great Chicago Fire Tribute Night T-shirts.

---Thousands of fans will yell "Fire! Fire! Fire!" in a crowded stadium, which is somehow different under the law from yelling the same in a crowded theater.

---And finally, fans will be treated to postgame fireworks.

I'm not sure if this is morbid, ridiculous, informative, contradictory (Fire Prevention at a Fire game), life-saving, or all of the above. I just loved how in the press release, the word "Fire" or or one of its derivations seems to be in almost every sentence.

PS: If they really wanted to go all out, they should just pour gasoline on the field and toss a match, spelling out "FIRE" on the $2 million lawn.

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Backpeddling: Vinnie's MLB Playoff Preview

Back in the spring, Pat and I wrote down our predictions for the final MLB standings on scrap sheets of paper. I can’t speak for Pat, but I kept mine. And yes, I’m a loser.

But as long as I have my sheet of predictions, I thought I would share them, if for no other reason than simple accountability. (I only predicted records of teams I thought would contend, by the way.) If you don’t give a shit, just scroll past it to my playoff predictions. If you don’t give a shit about those either, then go dick around MySpace like the voyeuristic, narcissistic waste you are.

AL

NYY 96-66
BOS 92-70 (WC)
TOR 85-77
TBD
BAL

CHW 95-67
CLE 86-76
DET 85-77
MIN 83-79
KCR

OAK 91-71
LAA 88-74
TEX
SEA

NL

ATL 89-73
NYM 88-74 (WC)
PHI
WAS
FLA

STL 90-72
CHI 85-77
HOU 84-78
MIL 82-80
CIN
PIT

LAD 88-74
SDP 83-79
ARI
SFG
COL

World Series: Oakland over L.A.

MVP: Ortiz and Pujols
Cy Young: Harden and Peavy

Not so bad. Ok, well, kind of bad. Especially on my Cy Young picks and the Cubs and Braves. But come on; who could pull the trigger on calling the Braves to finally miss the playoffs? Actually I bet a lot of people did. Screw them. And Rich Harden got hurt. So screw you.

Now one would think that because both of my World Series teams are in the playoffs that I would stick to my guns. But you think wrong. Here, in the classic YCS one-line style invented and perfected by Matt Bechtel, are my playoff predictions.

LDS round

Yankees and Tigers: This year’s darlings won’t have enough magic in Old Man Leyland’s moustache to pull it off. Call it a hunch, but I think the Yanks light up Verlander in Game 2. Expect ol’ Jimmy to be lighting up many a smoke during this series, as I don’t give Detroit Rock City much of a chance. NY in 3

Twins and A’s: After the Yankees, these may be the best two teams right now. Sucks they have to play each other in the DS. Such is life. I should probably stick with my preseason pick, but I just don’t think Billy’s Boys will get enough of their patented walks and slow, out-of-shape doubles to take this series. MIN in 5

Cardinals and Padres: The Cardinals: Pujols, Rolen, Duncan, Carpenter, and a bunch of guys I wouldn’t want on my roster. The 1-2 of Young-Peavy should be able to end this Cardinals sham of a playoff run. SD in 4

Dodgers and Mets: The Mets without Pedro are like the Destroyers without George Thorogood. When Old-man-do Hernandez and Steve “Blood on the” Trachsel are among your probables, don’t expect much. LA in 4

LCS round

Yankees and Twins: This would be a kick-ass series, so I’m really hoping it pans out this way. Call me crazy, but the Johnson-Mussina-Wang rotation is plenty good for the playoffs, especially considering Team Jeter’s offensive prowess. Maybe if snowstorms and a Metrodome inside-bees pestilence stretch this series long enough for Santana to pitch all seven, I’d go with the Twins. But that kind of thing is tough to count on. NYY in 7

Dodgers and Padres: Remember how Andruw Jones, K-Rod, and Miguel Cabrera first made their names during awesome playoff runs? Based on nothing whatsoever, I think Andre Ethier is gonna be that guy this year. Oh yeah, uh, the Dodgers are better than the Padres…or something. LA in 5

World Series

Yankees and Dodgers: A magical postseason run for Mad Dog will sadly end with a pounding in some middle game of this series. Captain Derek’s Dreamboat, led by a vengeful Alex Rodriguez, will take back the giant penholder for the first time since 2000. NY in 5

There it is—documentation to prove how little I know and how utterly futile it is to predict stuff. A lesson known everyone who’s ever tried to predict stuff in the history of predicting stuff. Now let's all watch as the A’s stick it up my ass by winning the whole thing.

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