Pony up dat cash

Sometimes, when I step back to consider all our loyal readers and the tremendous outpourings of support we receive every day, I think, "Wow, we really are special. They really, really love us."

But inevitably these delusions give way to the realization that you really only come here for one selfish reason--to profit from my frighteningly accurate gambling advice. I'll admit that it makes me feel somewhat used and a little bit cheap, but I've learned that rare gifts are meant to be shared, not hoarded, even in the absence of reciprocity.

So it's in that spirit that I give you my prediction for today's Kentucky Derby. Of course, the big news out of Churchill Downs this morning is the late scratch of favorite I Want Revenge, who had been sitting at 3-1. That leaves us with co-default favorites Pioneerof the Nile--trained by the legendary Bob Baffert--and Dunkirk, who both sit at 4-1.

None of that matters, though, because neither horse will win. While past Derbys have resulted in stories of redemption, surprise, and overcoming long odds, the story of this year's Derby, I'm afraid, will be a bitter pill to spoil Ellie Mae's mint julep. 

At 15-1, Desert Party has received little respect from the oddsmakers and early bettors. This, of course, is unsurprising, as Desert Party finds himself in hostile territory in Bible Belt Kentucky. Venezuelan jockey Ramon Dominguez is [totally speculatively speaking] an ardent supporter of U.S. nemesis Hugo Chavez, and the trainer, Saeed bin Suroor is, by all evidence, a probable terrorist:

That's to say nothing of the horse's name, which brazenly evokes images of Middle Easterners whoopin' it up after the UAE native takes down our pool of domestic entrants on their home dirt. And in a year which has seen cruel comeuppance topple so many of America's sacred cows, it would only be fitting for our horses to go down as well. 

At a generous 15-1 payout, the omens are too powerful to ignore. Desert Party will win the 2009 Kentucky Derby.

Book it, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!