NFL's preseason screws everyone

Look, I know everyone hates preseason football. It’s about as interesting as public access television and for most of the games, features even less talent. But anyone who thinks the NFL should cut its exhibition schedule from four to two games (or abolish it completely) clearly doesn’t give a shit about those of us who like place a few wagers every Sunday each fall.

In fact, if it were up to me, there would be more preseason games. Or I would force teams to play their first team more. I mean I still would rather drop acid and watch music videos than watch games that A)don’t mean anything and B) I can’t bet on (my douche bookie doesn’t take preseason wagers) but at least teams would be prepared when the actual season started.

Every year this shit happens. You might as well flip a coin for the first two weeks of the actual season because no one knows what the fuck is going on. This week, 10 teams didn’t cover the spread and I wouldn’t be surprised if New Orleans made It 11 tonight. I’ve lost more of my parents’ money already this season than I spent all summer on booze, drugs and fast food combined. Now I have to charge idiot freshman $10 to drink cheap jungle juice instead of $5 to make up for my losses. See what you’ve done, NFL? You treat weeks 1 and 2 like the preseason and I’m forced to rip off kids who think I’m cool because my apartment has a beer pong table and a “fuck room.”

But this isn’t even about my problems. I mean it kind of is. But it goes deeper than that. The Dallas Cowboys decided to take the preseason off and look at what happened. They’re 0-2 and as every writer in America will point out this week, being 0-2 means you’re more likely to miss the playoffs than those who are 2-0. Obviousfuckingly.

Dallas isn’t the only team that did this. Minnesota let Brett Favre dick them around for far too long and now they’re suffering too. That’s not to say that some of the 2-0 teams are being rewarded for taking the preseason seriously. It’s just that early in the season, when no one quite has their offensive or defensive game plans figured out, anything can happen. And anything has. I mean Tampa Bay and Kansas City are 2-0. Combined I can name about four players on those teams. Maybe that’s why I’m broke.

Or maybe it’s because the NFL preseason system is broken. But the solution isn’t just to get rid of it completely. There is no reason for teams to be treating the early part of the season as a tune-up. This doesn’t happen in baseball. I guess it does happen in basketball, but that’s only because the entire regular season is like an exhibition before half the league reaches the playoffs. The answer is to take the preseason more seriously and actually play your top guys for more than four series in four games.

As a gambler, I’m furious right now. But as a fan, I’m downright disappointed.