Live blogging Puppy Bowl IV

2:01 - I can't believe how many of these dogs are either lying on all fours or playing with chew toys during the national anthem. That's plain disrespectful.

2:03 - As the anthem ends, they all howl. I think that's like the equivalent of booing in Romania. Strike two, muts.

2:05 - The first "touchdown." I can't believe this is actually a three hours show. My bet: By hour three, the puppies are all asleep or gnawing their paws.

2:06 - There's a puppy who appears determined to tear off another puppy's taint, and yet the camera remains fixed on this brutal scene.

2:09 - I am bored out of my mind.

2:11 - You can vote online for Most Valuable Puppy! My early pick: Panda. He's like the Desmond Howard of Puppy Bowl IV.

2:13 - A commercial. Thank God.

2:16 - Show resumes. They're introducing a new "lineup," which I'm guessing happens after each commercial break. So much for my bet.

2:17 - New MVP favorite: Bruin, a 44-pound killer Alaskan hunting dog that "loves fish." I fear he will devour one of the other dogs (probably the one that looks most like a fish). He is literally three times larger than any other dog out there.

2:18 - I feel bad for the guy playing the ref. "Puppy penalty! Holding." He will be haunted by this gig the rest of his life.

2:19 - I am bored out of my soul.

2:20 - There's a camera in the water bowl that lets you see the dogs' faces through the water as they drink. It's adorable, by which I mean disgusting.

2:22 - Turns out Bruin is a big lazy oaf, but there's some other large dog (part golden lab, I think) who's out for the kill right now. Go for the throat! The throat! Kill him!

2:24 - "This game has gone to the dogs!" I am shocked they waited a full 24 minutes to say that.

2:24 - Second commercial break. Ok, I'm done. I have places to be. I can't believe there's three hours of this nonsense... Three hours.

2:44 - No longer watching Puppy Bowl but the NBA instead, and Bill Walton just used the phrase "unbridled enthusiasm." I think he's been reading too many Billy Mumphrey stories.

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