Danger, Slight Rant Ahead

I tried, and I just didn't get it. I guess now I know how people I try to introduce soccer to feel when they just don't see the appeal. I know that my political leanings are slightly right-of-center (or so "The Compass" test tells me), so ergo I should like it, I guess, and I know that it's quickly growing, but I just don't get NASCAR.

I just don't understand it. I may not understand the culture (I'd likely need a Winnebago and a couple coolers full of Beast to figure that out.), but I'd like to think I could at least figure out the appeal of the sport itself. Even though I don't follow the NBA, I can still express admiration when great feats of athletic talent are on display, but not NASCAR. Sorry.

I don't understand how anyone could watch cars driving in a circle for 500 miles, around.....and around....and around....and around...why not watch goldfish? Or a model train?

I don't understand why someone would shell out huge money for a ticket, and in some speedways only be able to see a small portion of the event as the cars whizz by for a split-second. OK, perhaps the appeal is just watching cars go really fast, but then why not set up lawn chairs along I-55? I'll bet you see just as much jockeying for position, and some pretty spectacular crashes too.

I don't understand why a whole weekend of qualifying is needed if "the race is won and lost in the pits."

I don't understand the need for a pregame show when the storylines usually boil down to, "His car isn't working right," (despite his mechanics all being...well, professional race mechanics) or "His car used to not be working, but it is now."

I don't understand why the TV coverage of a race will cut out when the race is still going. Can you imagine if an NBA game in the middle of the third quarter, without stopping play, said, "Alright! We'll be right back after this short break."

I don't understand the hype around Danica Patrick (OK, not NASCAR) or any woman racer. I could understand it in a sport where physical attributes come into play more (basketball, etc.), but is a woman's foot's ability to hold the accelerator down that much different? At best, it's reaching for a story. At worst, it's blatant sexism.

I don't understand how the most spectacular stuff of the sport, that ends up on the sports highlights is total failure. What always makes the highlight reels? The crashes. Name one other sport where failure without someone else succeeding, (ie: Team A scoring and Team B's goalie failing) is the lead highlight of the sport. Do basketball traveling calls ever make it to Sportscenter?

I don't understand "teammates racing against each other." It's either a team (Hendrick Motorsports, etc.) sport or an individual car/driver/pit crew sport.

I don't understand why NASCAR fans root for their favorite driver in the Home Depot Car or the Bud Light Car, but cry afoul whenever a corporation buys the naming rights to their favorite baseball/football team's stadium, or when the possibility of putting ads on their favorite team's uniforms comes up.

I don't understand why ESPN covers NASCAR, and justifies it by saying that it's "the fastest growing sport in America." Now many sports make that claim. Soccer, Lacrosse, and Arena Football among them. While each use a different criteria (revenues, attendance, participation, # of teams/stadiums), NASCAR's bill is that they are the fastest growing in terms of TV ratings.

NASCAR gets more TV time because they are the fastest growing in TV ratings. Kind of a chicken & the egg, no? Especially when you consider that NASCAR wasn't on TV all that much 10 years ago or so.

People who love NASCAR, great. More power to you. You've found something that makes you happy and you enjoy. Go for it. But I just don't get it.

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Thank God for Michael Waltrip's rules violation

I don't even know what he did or how it's against NASCAR rules. All I know is that it gave us this hilarious picture of Waltrip, sans corporate sponsor racing cap:

If you'd like to understand the details of this sordid affair, you can read all about it in Rusty Wallace's latest edition of "Rusty Nails It."

Oh, NASCAR. We didn't even need a not-very-well-done Will Ferrell movie to make satire out of you. You're self-satirizing, and you don't even seem to know it.

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