Exclusive interview with Daunte Culpepper

We're here with the newest Oakland Raider, Daunte Culpepper. Daunte, how are you liking the Raiders so far?

DC: Man, it's great to get out of Miami. Down there, Dwyane Wade is everything and when the football season rolls around, they cheer for Joey Harrington. Joey fucking Harrington! And then they go and get some guy who spent half of last season thinking he was a member of the Miami Sharks? Naw, fuck that, it's good to be in Oakland.

Well you certainly seem to have some fire left in you. Do you think you'll be able to keep the starting job all year with JaMarcus Russell waiting in the wing?

DC: Who?

JaMarcus Russell...the #1 draft pick

DC: I don't even know who you're talking about. I haven't met no JaMarcus in camp.

Well yeah, he's not in camp because of his holdout. I mean, isn't that kind of the reason you're here? The whole rent-a-QB thing?

DC: Rent?! Man, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard anyone say. They signed me because I'm a hall-of-fame bound quarterback. Man, I have one bad year in Minnesota and then the assholes in Miami bench me...I put up a 110 QB rating in '04, remember that? Yeah, 39 touchdowns. Bitch.

So you think you can return to your old form?

DC: Damn right I can return to my old form. Just ask Randy.

Do you still stay in touch with him?

DC: Actually, that's the weird thing. I came to Oakland and he didn't even stop by to welcome me, so I was kind of pissed. Then I hear on ESPN this morning that he's hurt, and that's why he's not in camp. You know, it would be nice for the Raiders to tell me these kinds of things.

Wait, Daunte

DC: I'm just saying, they could work on their communication.

Daunte, you know Randy Moss was traded to New England don't you?

(long pause)

DC: What the hell are you talking about?

Yeah, he was traded on draft day to the Patriots.

DC: Oh Jesus no...

Are you okay? You don't look so hot.

DC: Who does Oakland have? Who are their receivers?

Um, Jerry Porter, Ronald Curry...Travis Taylor.

DC: Oh man. I've made a terrible mistake.

(Culpepper quickly leaves the room while writing a text message)