Commissioner Goddell on our fantasy league

Trying to get away from the whole Michael Vick saga, NFL commissioner Roger Goddell has decided to take a look at the fantasy league YCS staffers and friends of YCS participate in. Each team kept 6 players, with a 12 round draft last Saturday night. Here would be Mr. Goddell's breakdown of said draft and each team's rosters.

The Grifters (YCS staffer Zuch, fearless fantasy commissioner): Jesus, you actually kept Tatum Bell. Must not have not run that one by Broncos executives. Vincent Jackson taken in the second round. I don't think Jackson's parents are that high on him. Is this 2004 with Byron Leftwich actually getting drafted? It may be time to consult Dan Marino on how to handle a fantasy career without ever winning a title.

Bad Newz Kennelz (Friend of YCS Peter Sellis): I guess that taking Adrian Peterson counts as two running back spots, seeing as how the other two running backs you drafted will be inactive week one. You must have missed the memo that Tony Gonzalez would now be 75 years old and has a career back-up throwing to him. Speaking of old geezers, Isaac Bruce and Steve McNair. A hell of a fantasy combo at the turn of the century, but not quite so much in 2007.

The Replacements (YCS staffer Gavin): Eddie Kennison on a keeper league roster. If you desperately wanted a Chiefs receiver, you could have at least taken Dwayne Bowe. Pairing Kennison with Joe Horn, just ask Zuch how that combo worked for him last season. Backing those picks up by taking Amani Toomer, Eli Manning's third option. Once again, we're looking at the 2007 season, not trying to re-create the 2002 campaign. It only seems appropriate that you'd have Brett Favre quarterbacking this squadron.

Devolution (YCS Staffer Vinnie): Good lord, have you had time to digest the fact that you have to start 2 of Rex Grossman, J.P. Losman, Joey Harrington and Daunte Culpepper every week. I think Kellen Winslow has had more surgeries in his career than touchdowns. Your support of Chris Henry has just gotten him an extra year added to his suspension. If you losers can stop supporting these miscreants maybe I could shape this goddamn league up.

Counter-34 Pike (YCS Staffer Nate): Showing up to the draft drunk. Has Matt Millen's reign taught you anything? Jamal Lewis left his talent in the slammer. Maybe his example could teach these damn hellions that crime done not pay. Taking Cadillac Williams and Joey Galloway in the early rounds, you must not have watched any Buccaneers games last season. Enjoy that Jake Delhomme pick when he gets benched in week four. Also, good to see that you stayed in Chicago an extra night and took a spin in Lance Briggs's car.

Larry Horse (Friend of YCS Michael Blunda): Nice to see that you waited until round 3 to take an unquestioned starter. Terry Glenn and L.J. Smith should give your team a very formidable injured reserve. Ask Cleveland and Detroit fans how Jeff Garcia plays for shitty teams. The Mike Bell pick was so 2006. Still, this draft looks like less of an atrocity compared to the rest of the geniuses here.

PB Diddly Doodler (YCS staffer Paul): Congratulations on taking the first reach of the draft. I think this will be the only time that Bernard Berrian gets taken in the first round of a draft. Following that up by taking the back-up Falcons running back screams championship. Well that, and taking Lamont Jordan after his 2006 season. Also, mad props for drafting the first kicker three rounds before everyone else even thought of it.

The Tony Kornheisers (YCS staffer Matt): Plaxico Burress, I hope your team a strong training staff to get his fragile ass on the field. Alge Crumpler without Michael Vick, kind of like Ringo Starr without the Beatles. Ask David Carr how quarterbacking for Texans will work for Matt Schaub. Another team who mocks my disciplinarian ways by taking a scalawag like Jerry Porter. Your support of rogue ways will lead to more disappointment.

He Gone (Friend of YCS and chief bail bondsman Dan Cherwin): Deuce McAllister, Hines Ward, Ahman Green: You do realize the purpose of a keeper league would be trying to draft some young guys for the future. I don't think that David Martin's wife gave him two years to make a difference. And the point of drafting two defenses is what again? At least Tavaris Jackson is on the right side of 30, even if he sucks ass. Maybe that Ted Ginn character could be your team's elusive Fountain of Youth.

Golden Warriors (YCS staffer Danny): Yep, he's the one guy in the league who actually likes Brady Quinn and will make sure to own him the next ten years. Muhsin Muhammad and Joe Jurevicius will really solidify that receiving core. Maybe you can channel the spirit of Muhammad's 2004 season and fluke your way to a championship.