Ladies--You can call me "Pacman"

If you haven't heard today, Cowboys cornerback Adam Jones has publicly announced that he is dropping his former nickname "Pacman," in the hope of distancing himself from his turbulent past.

Well if you ask me, a nickname that good shouldn't just go to waste. So now that Jones has publically dropped the name, I'd like to publicly stake claim to it here on this blog. That's right--from now on, you will only address me as "Pacman" unless I permit you to do otherwise.

Not only is this awesome because people will now associate me with a guy who once started a riot in a strip club that ended up leaving a bystander shot and paralyzed after he inexplicably took exception to a stripper keeping the wads of singles that he'd showered upon her as though she was supposed to collect and return them, but also, people would think I'm awesome. Here's how:

When I walk into a room, people would be like, "Make it rain, Pacman!" I could go up to ladies and be like, "Wanna be Miss Pacman for a night? No, not 'Ms.'... I don't do feminists. If you are, I'm not interested. Let's go eat floating cherries and get chased by ghosts together. They don't call me 'Pacman' because of my appetite but because of what I'm packing in my pants." Oh man, this is great! Now all I need is a portable audio device to play the song from the game when I enter a room and the Pacman-dying sound effect when I leave. It'll be super-aweseome!

Too late to change your mind now, Adam. Your loss is my gain!

This bit of nonsense was simply my way of acknowledging that I'm back from vacation and will resume actual posting soon (including my narrative account of my first Giants home game). As I always promise but never back up: Substantive material coming soon!