Al Franken, please buy the Minnesota Vikings

So we can settle the debate like men. On the field. Owner of the team that doesn't win has to retire from public life. Hopefully it ends in a tie.

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Random Political/Sports Cameo of the Day

Team USA has called in the big guns in an attempt to land either the 2018 or 2022 FIFA World Cup: Henry Kissinger.

Kissinger was previously part of the US Bid Committee in 1986 that tried to be the backup host after Colombia relinquished the World Cup due to drug violence (the effort was unsuccessful, and the World Cup ended up going to Mexico).

Even if history repeats itself and the US doesn't get to host the World Cup, it will all be worth it if I can hear Kissinger say "Steve Cherundolo" or "Josmer Altidore" in his creepy German mad scientist voice.

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Stimulate me

Apparently Jeffrey Loria spent some of hot stove season lobbying in Washington. Among the scores of questionable projects that will be funded by the $800+ billion stimulus package (assuming it passes) is $150 million to fund a Metromover extension to Marlin Stadium.

That's right--the federal government is planning to fund a mass transit extension to a stadium that may not even be approved by local government which will house one of professional sports' least suuccessful franchises.

What I don't know is whether the extension is contingent on the approval and construction of Marlins Stadium, but if the public works spending in the bill truly is limited to shovel-ready projects, I'm leaning toward no. The big problem here is that apparently there's nothing else to see or do in that neighborhood if, in fact, the extension is built without a stadium in place.

Yes, I realize that expanding public transit is worthy cause and that the project will create jobs (3,000, though? How?). But I'm getting really sick of people justifying items in the stimulus bill by noting that they're pro-environment, pro-child develpment, pro-education expenditures. Saying they're worthy projects is not the same as saying they're worthy of a huge chunk of government cheese that doesn't exist right now, except in the Bank of China.

But as our country continues raping third-world countries for cheap resources to stay economically viable for the next several decades, at least we can rest assured that 5,000 Marlins fans will make it to the game on time.

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Now With More Spinoffs Than Law & Order

In response to no demand, we (meaning mostly Sever and I) have created Yellow Chair Politics, your place for even more of our poorly-researched opinions. Vinnie and Zuch may also put up some stuff over there, and if you'd like to add your two cents, send us an email.

So, at long last, we've finally found another way to make our struggling friendships even more tenuous through childish namecalling. Check it out.

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Fortune's always hiding...

British bookmakers have offered potential gamblers odds that Illinois rookie Senator Barack Obama will trade his meteoric rise in politics for a shot at the Premier League. Odds are presently listed at 10,000-to-one that Senator Obama will abandon his Presidential campaign to take over as the head coach at London-based club West Ham United. Hammers coach Alan Curbishly resigned today.

Obama has allegedly been a Hammers supporter since visiting England five years ago. Usually with huge, long odds like this one, it's almost worth it just to put down like 5 bucks and see what happens. (i.e.: Really wish I'd put some money down on Sarah Palin three months ago when I first heard her name bandied about for the GOP VP position.)

But even here it's a waste of money.

Stat geek sidenote: There's better job security in politics than in the EPL. Only four managers have been in their current posts longer than the 3 1/2 years Obama has been a Senator: Sir Alex Ferguson (Man United), Arsene Wenger (Arsenal), Rafa Benitez (Liverpool), and David Moyes (Everton).

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I don't really give a shit who's elected president...

...But this weird stunt with Obama's little girl yelling, "Hi, Daddy!" to his satellite-fed, Wizard of Oz-like projection on the Pepsi Center stage may be one of the more bizarre moments I've seen in a long time. I'm really hoping they didn't put her up to that--though I wouldn't doubt it for a second, either--because that would be rather disgusting.

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Sons of Scotland...

With the controversies from the 2008 Olympics still under investigation, the controversies for the 2012 London games are already under way. The earliest controversy includes the sports of Men's and Women's Olympic Football. In each Olympics, as in other single-site tournaments, the host nation is granted an automatic place in the tournament. (Hence Greece somehow managing to scrape together enough baseball players to furnish a team.) Other nations may need to go through qualifying stages.

As such, Great Britain is allotted an automatic spot in the Olympic tournament for every team sport. The problem however, is that the International Olympic Committe recognizes "Great Britain" whereas FIFA, soccer's world governing body recognizes "England," "Scotland," "Wales," and "Northern Ireland." As you can guess (or infer from this present Olympics), there is no Great Britain team in existence...nor has there ever been. England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland have been independent footballing nations for decades.

It seems like a relatively simple problem to fix...just combine the sides into a one-off team for the 2012 Olympics. But it is not as simple as that. First, how would such a team be picked? By the best players available? Or by quotas (Say....a 23-man roster with 12 English, 6 Scots, 3 Welsh and 2 Northern Irish?) However, this would likely not work, because in no sport more than soccer and in no place more than the United Kingdom does it appear to be wrapped up in national identity. The Scottish National team is one of the few cases on the world stage where Scotland is Scotland, and not part of the United Kingdom; where Scots can cheer on their own country. Secondly, even if such a team were to be formed, it would undoubtedly pick the best players available, and frankly, most if not all of them would be English, if only due to the larger population and talent pool, not to mention facilities and training infrastructure.

Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond has made it clear that he is not impressed , and does not want Scotland to play any role in a "Team Great Britain." And frankly, he has a point. Why uproot 100+ years of tradition of Scotland as a footballing nation just to put 3 players on a one-off U-23 team. Why even risk it?

This whole argument lends further support to my suggestion that Olympic soccer should be discarded. With the Court of Arbitration for Sport ruling allowing club teams to withhold their star players from the Olympics, now is a perfect time to leave top-flight international soccer to the World Cup and Continental tournaments.

Let Scotland be Scotland....Land of where they play the Braveheart speech at games apparently...

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Vitale: It's Mr. Obama!

With the 2008 United States presidential race heating up by the hour, YCS is doing its best to stay on top of every twist and turn. As part of our coverage, we're seeking out the top analysts in the world of sports to share their unique perspectives on the most recent developments in the race. In the third installment of our series, colorful college basketball analyst Dick Vitale takes a moment out of his offseason to weigh in on Senator Barack Obama's clinch of the Democratic presidential nomination.

Wow, what an exciting presidential primary season! After all the anticipation, we finally have a Democratic nominee, and his name is Barack Hussein Obama!

Hillary Clinton fought hard all the way, but in the end, Mr. Obama was just too tough. Now only one more opponent stands between Obama and becoming the first ever black American president. What a remarkable accomplishment! Just think--Five years ago, Barack was an unknown state senator from Illinois, and now he's one step away from the most powerful position in the world.

Wow.

Wowwww.

...

...Wooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I remember the first time I saw Barack Obama when he gave the key-note speech at the 2004 Democratic convention. I was watching it with Digger, and I said, "This kid is going to be special. The charisma, the poise--This kid is SPECIAL. His stock is going way up. I'd like to buy some stock in Mr. Obama!"

When I heard last year that Barack would run for president, it didn't surprise me at all. I said to Mike Patrick, "I think this kid can go all the way. He has all the tools to do it, and he has so much momentum right now.

"But if there's one person who could beat him in the general election, that man is Robert Montgomery Knight. But if he doesn't run this term, I think only one other candidate could match up with Obama. And his name is John Sidney McCain III."

Wow--What an incredible battle this is going to be. The two powerhouses head-to-head in November: Jonathan Sidney McCain and Barackary Hussein Obama. I've got goosebumps! Feel my arms, Dan Schulman! I've got goosebumps!

I can't wait until the fall! 2008 should go down as one of the all-time great elections in the history of politics! It'll be awesome baby!!!!!

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Wishful Thinking Might be Putting it Mildly

There is a group looking to generate support for a joint Israel-Palestine bid to host the 2018 FIFA World Cup. I can't really tell if this is a joke or serious. On the surface, the effort appears to be a joke, but as The Simpsons would have it, "If that's not Flanders, he's done his homework." The group has a relatively slick website, a professional-looking politically conscious promo video, and apparently a fair number of supporters. So perhaps they're only half-kidding.

Assuming it's not a complete joke, (because almost all jokes have a grain of truth in them) The plan calls for four Israeli stadiums (Jerusalem, Haifa, Tel-Aviv, and Mitzpe Ramon) to join alongside 3 stadiums in the Palestinian territories (Gaza, Ramallah, and Tulkarem). However, there are a few problems with the bid.

1. It's Israel and Palestine. They have a hard enough time working together on advanced initiatives like "NOT blowing up busses full of kids" or "NOT detaining people who don't speak Hebrew as 'medium risk threats'. "


2. It's still Israel and Palestine.


3. Half the "proposed stadiums" appear to have been proposed BY THIS GROUP.


4. One of the sites, Mitzpe Ramon, is in the middle of the desert. The fucking desert. Two hours from anywhere. The town has a population of 5,500, and this group is talking about building a 55,000-seat stadium. So fortunately, every resident of the town will have 10 seats to themselves to stretch out. Fun-with-math Side Note: Were Chicago to build a stadium with similar capacity relative to its population, it would seat 28 million people.


5. The bidding process for the 2018 World Cup is set to be the most competitive ever. With the World Cup ending its "rotation" policy, which brought the World Cup to places that probably didn't deserve it (South Africa 2010, Brazil 2014, etc.) FIFA will be looking to make a huge profit on this World Cup. England, the United States, Australia, Canada, Russia, China, Mexico, Greece, Spain-Portugal, and Holland-Belgium-Luxembourg are all expected to bid. England, USA, Spain-Portugal, and Australia should be the front-runners. Solid bids from China and Russia could well fall in the "also-ran" category. Israel-Palestine, if legit, does not have a chance.


6. Israel's team doesn't even PLAY Palestine, or any Arab country for that matter. Arab countries refuse to play against Israel, as a form of protest over Israel's existence.

So....Good luck with that Israel-Palestine 2018... It's got about as good a chance of working out as your more pressing issues.

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Walton: Obama's Performance Horrible

Blame Vinnie for starting this series, but Barry Melrose would not be the only sports pundit who has thoughts on Tuesday's primary. Taking some brief time away from focusing on the NBA playoffs, Bill Walton sat down with YCS to give his thoughts on last nights Pennsylvania primary.

"Barack Obama's performance last night can only be characterized as horrible. That deplorable effort in not putting away an overmatched, fatigued Hillary would be terribly unacceptable and not indicative of a future president. Insulting the voters by calling them bitter and clinging to religion would be the worst strategy since our gameplan against N.C. State on that fateful day in 1974. Now, even the great John Wooden had an occasional off day and hopefully Mr. Obama can rebound from this performance and finally deliver that knockout blow in Indiana. We need Mr. Obama to take control of this primary and not allow for John McCain to crawl his way back into this presidential race that the American people want to give back to the Democratic party that deserves this opportunity to take control like the 1986 Celtics did once they acquired my services. I plea to the American people: end this silliness now and unite in our quest to bring about change."

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Melrose: Clinton proves she's a fighter, winner

With the 2008 United States presidential race heating up by the hour, YCS is doing its best to stay on top of every twist and turn. As part of our coverage, we're seeking out the top analysts in the world of sports to share their unique perspectives on the most recent developments in the race. In the first installment of our series, popular hockey analyst Barry Melrose breaks down Senator Clinton's win in the Pennsyvania primary.

With yesterday's win in the Pennsyvania primary, Senator Clinton proved once again what a fighter and a winner she is.

People have been talking a lot lately that she should give up or do this or that, but Senator Clinton is a tough kid and a true competitor and never backs down from a fight. She's a savvy veteran who's been through battles and taken her lumps and come oat on top, and yesterday she proved again that she's a true winner.

Everyone's talking about the numbers and delegate counts and saying it's over, but I don't care aboat any of that nonsense. The name of the game is to just win baby, and that's what she did on Tuesday. You never give up in this game of politics because you never know when the momentum is gonna turn in your favor.

I like Hillary Clinton's chances in Indiana because winning the Democratic presidential nomination takes a fighter and a winner, and that's what Hillary Clinton is.

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Free Tibet? OK. I'll have some.

With the Summer Olympics drawing near, it's time for everyone's favorite pasttime. I'm of course referring to using sport as a metaphor for your country's national history , or in using sport to express your political aims.

Talk has cropped up on a couple of cable new shows speculating on whether the United States will boycott the Olympic Games in Beijing due to recent Chinese crackdowns in Tibet. You may remember Tibet as the country most famous for not being its own country.

Anyone who argues we should boycott the games is spewing pure, total bullshit, and here's why.

1.) Olympic Boycotts accomplish nothing in terms of real, actual foreign policy gains. The United States boycotted the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow to protest the USSR's 1979 invasion of Afghanistan. Surprise! It didn't work, and the Soviets remained in Afghanistan for another 10 years. While each US President had their own approach to Containment policy during the Cold War, President Carter's was perhaps the most bizarre. Truman went to Korea, Reagan outspent the Soviets on defense, Nixon opened diplomatic relations with China, LBJ sent troops to Vietnam, and Jimmy Carter said, "You invade Afghanistan? Oh yea? Well guess what, buddy? We're not going to the Olympics! Yea! We got you now! Now you're going to win EVEN MORE gold medals than you usually do!" A boycott of China would accomplish exactly the same. It reeks of the kid who doesn't like the way the game is being played, so he's taking his ball and going home.

If you really want to play the tough love game with China, then take a step that at least LOOKS like it might accomplish something, along the lines of "don't import from them", like the trade embargo we have with Cuba (who has a similar human rights record, but there's apparently no problem with the US National team potentially heading there for World Cup Qualifiers later this year). Loss of trade and commerce with China is really undoable at this point for a variety of reasons, so that is not an option. Fortunately for pols playing to their fanbases, an Olympic boycott would look like we were actually accomplishing something, and many would be too stupid to know the difference .

2.) Unlike the kid who takes his ball home, a boycott will not hurt the Games substantially. In reprisal for the 1980 American-led boycott, the Soviets boycotted the 1984 Summer Games in Los Angeles, and those games are widely considered to be among the best in history. Given the United States' relative standing in the foreign arena right now, I think we can count on even fewer countries to join in the boycott as did in 1980. The Beijing games will be a success.

3.) Don't act all surprised that China reacted swiftly and harshly with a clampdown on Tibetan protestors. Don't be appalled at China's actions just because they are laying the hammer down on Richard Gere's crew. If you're going to be appalled at anything, be appalled at the PRC's human rights record over the past 60 years. The recent transpirings in Tibet is nothing new. China has repressed political freedoms, committed hoardes of human rights abuses over the years, and most unforgivably, has banned Yellow Chair Sports' subversive message from the masses.

4.) A boycott is unfair to the athletes. The United States sends one of the largest delegations to the Olympics every year. Each of these athletes are at the pinnacle of performance, and have spent their entire lives training just to have a chance to compete for a medal and wear their country's colors. Many of these athletes have the Olympics as their sole avenue for glory, as many sports (swimming, track, gymnastics, etc.) are not revenue generating on the level that football, basketball, and baseball are. To have all that work undone possibly by one State Department official announcing an official boycott is the height of unfairness. China will not change its policies as a result. The only people that will get hurt are the athletes.

5.) Plus, a boycott may not even stop the athletes from competing under the Olympic flag (as neutrals), as a number of countries including Australia and Denmark did in 1980. So the end result would be the United States (or any boycotting nation) look like the kid who wants to take their ball and go home.....who leaves the ball on the playground and goes home anyway.

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Clemens Testimony Transcript

Clemens: Did Not!

McNamee: Did to!

Clemens: Did Not!

McNamee: Did to!

Clemens: Did Not!

McNamee: Did to!

Clemens: Did not did not!

McNamee: Did to did to!

Clemens: Did not did not times a hundred!

McNamee: Did to times a million!

Clemens: Did not times infiniti!

McNamee: Did to times double infiniti!

Clemens: There's no such thing as double infiniti!

McNamee: Moooooooom!!! Roger says there's no such thing as double infiniti!

Random Member of Congress: Aren't we fighting a war somewhere?

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This guy uses the inflated Mel Kiper Jr. grading curve

Commentator (didn't catch the name) just now on CNN:

In my column in Time I give a grade to the candidates after each debate. For tonight, I gave Obama an A- and the other two a B+.

Clearly, Obama was in a class by himself.

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Beasley faces racist fans....Irony lost on everyone

USA International DaMarcus Beasley scored the winning goal in last night's 1-0 victory over Montenegrin champions FK Zeta in a Champions League qualifying match. After the goal, Beasley (formerly of Manchester City, PSV, and Chicago Fire), was then subjected to racist taunting from the Montenegrin fans. Slurs and monkey noises were directed from the stands at the American midfielder.

UEFA authorities are stunned, despite the fact that it has also happened time on time again in Europe the last few years, a phenomenon blamed on a wave of immigrants to Europe. Before, most countries were very self-contained and ethnically homogenous. (ie: France was populated by French people, now France is populated with French, North Africans, Muslims, and Blacks from the Caribbean). This has led to a clash of national identities as Europe deals with race issues on a whole new level.

The irony in the Beasley situation is also lost on just about everyone. Beasley's Glasgow, Scotland-based club; Rangers FC, is notorious for its virulent anti-Catholic, anti-Irish supporters. Songs from Rangers fans include the heart-warming lyrics, "We're up to our knees in Fenian blood/Surrender or you'll die!" and "We are the Glasgow Rangers/We don't need your Davie Hay /Fuck the Pope and the IRA," and "We hate Roman Catholics/ we hate nuns too/we hate bishops and priests (They're shit!)/ but the Rangers we love you."

So while racism is a terrible thing and is definitely a stain on European football, I'm having a little hard time getting around the irony of the fact that Rangers whips up its ethnic sectarianism perhaps more than any other club in the world, then bemoans the fact that one of its players is subjected to racist attacks.

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YCS Asian Cup Roundup

Iraq over Vietnam 2-0.

Iraq advances to Semifinals, wins Battle of Unpopular American Military Campaigns.

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Don't Sweat It, Sam

It's not like it will cost you the election. You didn't really have a chance to win anyway.

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