What's a contract but a silly piece of paper?

As upset as I was when Mike D'Antoni first signed on as the Knicks' coach, I, like most Bulls fans, am all the more pissed ever since the Bulls' ping pong balls proved to be this year's version of the '07 Blazers' ping pong balls.

D'Antoni made his panting lust for Derrick Rose well-known prior to the lottery, and it would have been a near certainty that the Bulls would be drafting him next month if D'Antoni were coach. Now--despite Rose's hometown ties and the PR bonanza said ties would reap--I'm not so certain that John Paxson will draft him. As we all know, some GMs--though I'm admittedly not sure where the Pax-man stands on this issue--explicitly avoid bringing in guys who will be playing in their hometown. Plus, Lord Paxington has taken a lot of heat in the past few seasons for not acquiring a good low-post scorer, hence some pressure to take Beasley.

My own worries aside, it's of course D'Antoni who should be--and no doubt is--upset right now, and if it were possible, he might be considering a retroactive "just kidding!" on his contract. Instead of coaching Rose and big men like Joakim Noah and Tyrus Thomas who can run the floor, he's stuck with Jamal Crawford, Eddie Curry, and Snack-Attack Zach, one of the most stationary and team offense-killing big men in the game (the D'Anti-Christ?).

People who believe that the last five years in Phoenix proved D'Antoni's system to be flawed may certainly have a point. Whether it's the case that the type of players needed to run the system properly aren't equipped to win a playoff series against a super-elite team or that the type of players needed to beat super-elite teams can't fit the system or neither, the results never fully panned out for him in the past. But as a spectator in the Bulls' media market, I lament never having the chance to see him try with Rose at the point, even if it failed over and again. Even when Phoenix was losing the last few years, it always looked like it was working, and most importantly, it was purty.

Championships are fun, as all us Chicagolandians got to find out last decade, but they also got sorta old after a while. Maybe Rose (if the Bulls draft him) can score "us" some more. But for me, crazy up-and-down, free-flowing, high-scoring basketball has never gotten old, and unfortunately, it might be a long time until D'Antoni can make it work with the Knicks, if he ever can.

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Let us pray

Pater Noster, qui es in ping-pong balls, sanctificetur nomen tuum. Adveniat regnum tuum. Fiat voluntas Stern, sicut in caelo et in United Center. Derrick Rose nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus Tyson Chandler-for-P.J. Brown. Et ne nos inducas in 2009 NBA Draft Lottery, sed libera nos a John Paxson.

Amen.

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True or false:

"This fine is an appropriate response to the remarks Tyrus made concerning his participation in the slam dunk contest."

Answer: False

Of course, Tyrus Thomas was only telling the truth, and for something as trivial as the friggoty dunk contest, I can't imagine any motivator that would better promote its quality.

But of course, John Paxson, being the uptight, reactionary-type guy he is, had to teach young Tyrus how to be a good, little, submissive basketball player cub. And regretably, Thomas (sort of) obliged with this mealy-mouthed statement, through his agents, plural:

"I truly feel honored to be invited to participate in this year's slam dunk contest during next week's NBA All-Star Weekend in Las Vegas," Thomas said. "The opportunity to represent the Bulls and the city of Chicago on a global stage is a privilege that I do not take lightly. I regret the extent to which my comments indicate otherwise."

At least it's so transparently saccharine that we know he's full of shit. Good work, Tyrus and agents.

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