"How about 'Loser' by Beck or 'I'm a Loser' by the Beatles or 'Even the Losers' by Tom Petty or--" "Hey man, get off the stage! You suck!"

Last March, I highlighted one Chicago radio, NCAA Tournament-themed polling gimmick. And now this year, I direct your attention to this--a 16-song "bracket" established by several Chicago radio stations to determine what will be played when the Cubs take the field opening day.

Let's--for a second--put aside the fact that these are possibly the most cliched choices that these radio stations could have chosen (with apologies, perhaps, to "Welcome to the Jungle"). But I'm more than a tad perplexed by Ron and Pat's offering. "Margaritaville"??? As a make-some-noise, on-your-feet, raise-the-roof, it's-game-time-woo! song? I can only imagine the conversation that led to this nomination.

Pat: Well, Ronny. What song should we enter into the "March to Opening Day" contest?
Ron: Aww, gee, Pat... Gosh... I don't know...
Pat: Boy, Ronny, there are so many good songs and artists to choose from.
Ron: You know it, Pat.
Pat: Perhaps "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones.... Or a Buddy Holly tune... maybe the Electric Light Orchestra... Of course, "Blitzkrieg Bop" is always a ballpark favorite.
Ron: Gee... I'm not sure I remember that one...
Pat: Well, it's a bit more recent, Ron. It's by a band called the Ramones.
Ron: The Ramones, you said?
Pat: That's right... Like the man's name "Ramon" but with an E-S at the end.
Ron: Huh... I don't recall them.
Pat: They wore leather jackets and tight blue jeans... white t-shirts typically... sunshades... long-ish hair--"shaggy," as it is often referred to nowadays...
Ron: What about the one... umm.... what is it, Pat... uh... Sinatra...
Pat: "Summer Wind"?
Ron: You got it! Boy... Nothing gets past you, Pat.
Pat: Well, Ronny... One of our listeners emailed me and suggested "Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffett.
Ron: [intrigued] Ohhhh.... Well, I'll be... I didn't think of that one.
Pat: Of course, Jimmy was the first artist to perform live at Wrigley Field few summers ago.
Ron: Yep.
Pat: That's always a fun song.
Ron: You've got that right, Pat!
Pat: Well, how about it, Ronny? Should we go with the listener's suggestion?
Ron: [spills his glass of grape Crush] Oh, GEEZ!

And Len and Bob--the two broadcasters who performed at the House of Blues and talk more about music than about baseball on their telecasts--went with a Semisonic song. I do give them a thumbs up for being less predictable, but--beeeee-ewwwwuuuurrrrrr [rotating my wrist to thumbs-down position]--on song choice.

Most of these radio stations are shit, and I expected nothing better. But I must say, I'm very disappointed in WXRT, which--if you don't live in Chicago--is easily the best FM radio station in the city (at least under the umbrella "music of the common man"), if not the entire country. "Beautiful Day"? Come on Lin Bramer and co.--You coulda done way better than that.

I guess if I had to make a choice between a giant douche and a turd sandwich (and fourteen other options) in this bracket, I'd endorse "Stronger" even though it's in that awkward no-so-new, not-so-old limbo stage where it needs to be shelved for a few years to let it replenish its appeal. But at least it sorta has that stadium energy-generating quality that pretty much every other song in the bracket lacks.

You know what--forget that. Vote for "Margaritaville," if for nothing else than to see the look of disgust on Carlos Zambrano's face when that comes piping through the PA as he trots to the mound.

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