Because we love kickin' 'em while they're down

Seems YCS's old friend Mike Hunt is up to his old tricks. The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's unfortunately named columnist has stated that Wisconsin must not sell its soul for BCS glory. Without a doubt, the transformation of University of Wisconsin athletics over the last two decades has been remarkable. But like Lenny in Memento, Hunt seems to have forgotten a few things along the way.

"Face it, Wisconsin has what a lot of schools would commit various crimes and misdemeanors for: For the most part, the Badgers recruit good citizens, take academics more seriously than most public institutions, don't get in trouble with the NCAA, fill an 80,000-seat stadium and win."

This is pretentious at best and selectively forgetful at worst. At the very least, it's a generous use of "For the most part." Hunt goes on to elaborate how UW faces a unique set of challenges including academic eligibility/recruiting to a northern climate, etc.

Good citizens? Yes. As much as I hate the Badger sports teams, most of the people I know who went there are fine, upstanding individuals. At least, the ones that I know went there and weren't students through the magic of photoshop. However, UW has had its fair share of problems over the past few years in keeping its players out of trouble with the law. While problems like this surface at every school, it's laughable for Hunt to claim UW student-athletes as a paragon of virtue that hampers their recruiting efforts. The Athletic department has been hit with similar problems and has only recently gotten off of probation.

As for academics, forgive me if I don't realize this because I only spent 3 1/2 years in the Dairy State as a proud member of the hated Jesuit school down the street, but while UW-Madison is above and beyond the best public university in Wisconsin, are its academic standards really that much more demanding than any other state school with a big-time football program? More so than Ohio State? Than Michigan? Than USC? Than Florida?

Is the climate in Madison that much different than other powers with similar issues? Madison is at about the same line of latitude as Flint, Michigan. Flint is about a 45-minute drive north of apparently tropical Ann Arbor. Follow the line east, and you'll find Manchester, NH, only about an hour outside of Boston; home to a BC team that has a pretty strong emphasis on academics, has to deal with New England winters, and somehow made it to the ACC Championship game. Madison is actually farther SOUTH than Eugene, Oregon, who a few weeks ago had their Ducks in the National Championship hunt.

Combining climate and academics, Notre Dame also deals with a northern wintry climate, and while the Irish are on the downturn now, and perhaps annually overrated, ND has done what has been needed to get into three BCS bowls (2001, 2006, 2007), which at the moment, is one more than Wisconsin. While I won't be audacious enough to claim that at Notre Dame, all the players are budding geniuses and there's no way any of them were brought in primarily for their football playing ability, I won't be like Hunt and claim that such is the case at UW, and that their academic standards are the Badgers' cross to bear alone.

But the bottom line may come in that UW is not a national elite power because UW is barely...or not even a CONFERENCE power. UW has not beaten Michigan and Ohio State in the same season since 1981. While Big Ten scheduling difficulties have played a part in that in recent years, UW has had many opportunities to take on both traditional powerhouses in the same season. Even in many of the campaigns where they only played one or the other, failed to beat that one. Without at least one quality win in conference, UW will not be able to compete nationally with Floridas, Ohio States, and Texases. However, there were plenty of nonconference resume padders against San Diego State and UNLV in that span though...

It's no secret that Michigan-Ohio State is THE GAME for the Big Ten every year. At times it seems the other games just lead up to it. It's probably why the game is played on the last weekend of the season instead of in August or September. Even when the Conference Champion turns out to be someone other than Michigan or Ohio State (Northwestern in 1995 comes to mind), the game has a pivotal role to play in its outcome. Wisconsin has only won one Big Ten title outright since JFK was shot (1999), and shared two others (1993 and 1998). This puts them in the same Big 10 title eschelon as Northwestern (outright title in 1995, shared in 1996 and 2000). Until Wisconsin can regularly add its name to the Old Firm mix of Michigan and Ohio State, they will be forever playing third fiddle.

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Marquette 81, Wisconsin 76

Suckersssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

(courtesy of the Onion?)
You Will Suffer Humiliation When The Sports Team From My Area Defeats The Sports Team From Your Area.
As you can see from the calendar, the game is coming up this weekend. I'm sure you are as excited for it as I am, as our cities are rivals and have been for quite some time. Your confidence in your team is high, but rest assured, you will suffer humiliation when the sports team from my area defeats the sports team from your area.

On numerous occasions, you have expressed the conviction that your area's sports team will be victorious. I must admit that every time I hear you make this proclamation, I react with both laughter and disbelief. "Ha!" I say to myself with laughter. "What?!" I say to myself in disbelief. How could you believe that your sports team could beat my sports team? It is clear that yours is inferior in every way.

When the sporting contest begins, the players on your team will be treated as though they are inconsequential. It will be remarkably easy for my team to accumulate more points than yours. There are many reasons for this, starting with the inferior physical attributes of the players representing your area. Strength, speed, and agility are just three of the qualities that the players on the team from your area lack. The players representing my area, on the other hand, have these traits in abundance.

Underscoring your team's inferiority is its choice of colors. It is ludicrous to believe that your team's colors inspire either respect or fear. Instead, they appear to have been chosen by someone who is colorblind or, perhaps, bereft of sight altogether. The colors for my team, on the other hand, are aesthetically pleasing when placed in proximity to one another. They are a superior color combination in every way.

While we are on the subject of aesthetics, let us compare the respective facilities in which our teams play. While my team's edifice is blessed with architectural splendor and the most modern of amenities, yours is a thoroughly unpleasant place in which to watch a sporting contest. I know of what I speak, for I once attended a game between our respective teams in your facility. Let's just say the experience left me wishing that my car was inoperable that day due to mechanical problems, rendering it impossible for me to get to your area to attend the game.

If you need another reason why the sporting franchise representing my area is superior, look no further than the supporters for the two sides. Not only are the supporters of the team from my region more spirited, but they are also more intelligent and of finer breeding than you and the rest of your ilk. In addition, the female supporters of the team from my area possess more attractive countenances and figures than yours. Some of the women from my side that I have observed could make a living by posing for pictures for major men's magazines. The women who cheer for your team, I'm afraid, are far too unattractive to do so.

One of the more pathetic aspects of the team from your area is the fact that only people in your immediate area possess an affinity for it. By means of contrast, the team from my area inspires loyalty and affection in individuals who live in many other geographic locations.

To illustrate this point, let me tell a brief story: Recently, I was on vacation in an area of the country far away from my own, and I saw many individuals wearing items of clothing that bore the insignia of my team. I approached one such individual and asked him if he originated from my area. He said no, explaining that he simply liked the team from my area and had for many years. Interestingly enough, during this trip, I saw no clothing or other paraphernalia bearing the insignia of your team.

Do you still doubt that the team from your area is inferior to the one from mine? Just look at our teams' respective histories. In the past, we have defeated you on any number of occasions. Granted, there were times when your team beat my team, but those were lucky flukes.

The day of the game will soon be at hand. And no matter how hard you pray to a higher power or how many foam accoutrements you wear in support of the team from your area, your team will be defeated. We will win and you will lose. This is your fate.

Prepare for humiliation. It shall be upon you at the designated hour.

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Classless asshole spells name with two Gs, writes amazingly shitty column

Gregg (yes, two Gs) Doyle at CBS Sportsline has written perhaps one of the most enraging columns ever. Not because he took a shot at Marquette or the Fire or the Cubs or the Bears or Celtic or any other team that I root for. It was in fact the exact opposite.

The Wisconsin Badgers.

The team that I most love to see lose in any sport (especially in basketball) to any opponent (especially Marquette). Some of the high/low-lites of this column.

If the best team this 2007 season has to offer was at the Schottenstein Center on Sunday, college basketball needs to die and come back as something else.

May I suggest competitive hyperbole?

Perhaps rugby. Or hockey. Lacrosse? Anything but that la-schlock I saw Sunday.

Danny, can you tell us what a la-schlock is? It sounds yiddish.

Ohio State won 49-48 if it matters, which it does only in the Big Ten picture. The victory means the Buckeyes will win the conference title outright even if they lose their regular-season finale later this week at Michigan.

Yea, I'd say winning a conference title outright by winning a tough game against the #2 team in the country "matters." The loss could conceivably cost UW a #1 seed in the tournament.

But nationally? Ohio State cannot be the best team in America. Not the Ohio State team I saw Sunday.

Because the #1 team in the country never has an off day, or wins when they don't play their best. They play top-caliber basketball every single day of the year in every single game, practice, charity slam dunk contest, game of HORSE, PIG, and Jordan vs. Bird for Sega.

Wisconsin can't score enough points to beat a team fair and square -- I equate offensive prowess with fair play ... sue me

I'm sorry Wisconsin wasn't the Harlem Globetrotters to Ohio State's Washington Generals. Perhaps there's an NBA All-Star game somwhere you can watch where the first team to 140 points wins.

so the Badgers bogged down the athletically superior Buckeyes and kept this unwatchable game in the 40s, which was a shame considering the game was televised on CBS and not that rinky-dink, four-letter network that deserved a game like this more than my lovely company.

Looks like some little brownnoser is looking for a promotion. First rule of writing. YOUR knowledge of the issue doesn't matter. Just bash your opposition. It works for politicians.

Oden had 11 points. I watched the whole thing and thought he had six. Or four. Maybe I fell asleep for a few of his baskets.

Jesus, I can't wait to see this guy's column when The Masters rolls around next month. He's gonna be ready to stab someone. And finally, the piece de resistance...

Look, Ohio State has a very good team. The Buckeyes have depth and talent and a great coach in Thad Matta. They have the next David Robinson in Oden, the next Chris Paul in Michael Conley, and lots of solid complementary pieces. One of those pieces is Daequan Cook, whose scoring average has been cut nearly in half, from 15 ppg to 8.3 ppg, since the Buckeyes entered conference play. Cook has all the tools in the world, and he thinks he's headed to the NBA perhaps as soon as this summer, but he sums up this OSU team:
Tons of potential. Ought to be great. But something's missing.
I can't tell you what that missing ingredient is, but I have good company. Matta also can't figure it out, because if he knew what it was, he'd fix it.

Translation: I know more about college basketball than Thad Matta does. In fact, I know so much more about this team than the coach who scouted, recruited, drilled, and trained these players that if I were to tell you peons, you might not be able to handle it.

Wisconsin? The Badgers weren't good enough to win the national title -- period -- and that was before cryin' Brian Butch left Sunday's game with an elbow injury that might end his third consecutive disappointment of a season.

I really hope Brian Butch reads this in the hospital, gets so pissed off that he flies to wherever Gregg with two Gs Doyle lives, dislocates his elbow while he's working, and sees how much of a cryer he is, then piles on it by calling him a disappointing columnist. That would only be sweet, poetic, ironic justice.

The Badgers can make do without Butch's soft play and yucky body.

Wait, "yucky"?

What Wisconsin can't overcome is its offensive liabilities at three positions on the floor. Centers Jason Chappell and Greg Stiemsma can't score. Small forward Joe Krabbenhoft doesn't want to score. Point guard Michael Flowers doesn't shoot well enough to score. The Badgers are Kammron Taylor, Alando Tucker and Bo Ryan's quicksand.

So in other words, one of the best players in the conference, a solid supporting cast, a coach who understands what his players are capable of and a great defensive strategy?

Best team in the country? Not Ohio State. Oden is too passive

So much for the second coming of David Robinson. That was nice for the few paragraphs it lasted.

Not Florida, strange as that is. The Gators returned everyone who mattered from last season's national championship team, but they've lost to NCAA bubble team Vanderbilt and to NIT bubble team LSU in the past eight days.

What? You mean winning the NCAA tournament doesn't have everything to do with personnel? That it might include getting hot over a three week period in March? Remember. Florida lost three straight at this time last year.

So if you're asking me to name the best team in the country, I can only tell you this: The best team in America wasn't in town on Sunday.
Unless Kansas happened to be stuck at the Columbus airport

Kansas may very well be the best team in the country, but even they have had their off days [Losses to Texas Tech (18-11), DePaul (17-12), and Oral Roberts (20-10)]

Just because you lose, even to a bad team, doesn't make you unworthy of winning the National Championship. And likewise, the best team in the country isn't always going to play like the '96 Bulls (who lost to the 35-47 Denver Nuggets once in '95-'96, remember?)

The jist of this column

1.) Gregg with two Gs Doyle is a classless asshole for making fun of a man who dislocated his elbow in what looked like a very painful injury. The caption of the picture read "The action on the floor's so bad it's enough to make a man named Butch come to tears. "

2.) Gregg with two Gs Doyle probably has ADD if he keeps falling asleep during a low-scoring but from what parts of the game I saw, looked to be a very interesting game.

3.) Gregg with two Gs Doyle thinks that if the #1 team in the country doesn't beat every team they play by at least 30 points, they're too soft to win the national championship. Likewise if the action isn't full of flair and panache.

4.) Gregg with two Gs Doyle thinks that if an opponents' game plan works at all against a good team, limiting their effectiveness, and the good team still wins despite the effectiveness of the strategy, then nobody deserved to win the game. Basically, if the outcome of the game could be known in the first two minutes, that would be nice. That would solve his ADD, would be enough so Wisconsin could give up, and Ohio State could concentrate on firing off alley-oop dunks from halfcourt while fireworks go off and Jackie Chan roundhouse kicks a ball into the hoop off a motorcycle.

5.) Gregg with two Gs Doyle thinks that Florida's losses to Vanderbilt and LSU disqualify them for the national championship, but would probably fall all over himself to fellate Kansas, who lost to DePaul and Oral Roberts.

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