Devin Hester: Not Much of a Son and One Very High-Maintenance Girlfriend

On holding out from camp:

"You should pay me like I'm one of a kind,'' Hester said. "It's like dating a girl. When you find somebody who is real special, you're going to do whatever it takes to keep her. You might cut back on what you're giving your mom to give to her. And that's how I feel they should treat me.''

Wow, Devin. Is that what you do to your mother? The woman who bore and bred you? That's disgraceful, skimping on your mom's gifts like that. And for what--to impress some floozy you met at the roller rink?

I know I'd never do that to my mother. I'm a good son. Right, Mom? See, I know my mom reads our blog because she supports me and is proud of what I do, like any other mother. That Tony LaRussa post was hilarious, huh Mom? Devin, you need to realize that your mom is your number-one supporter, and it's not some new squeeze you took out for ice cream a couple times. Your mom deserves nice, thoughtful gifts. Speaking of which--what do you want for your birthday, Mom? Whatever I get, it'll be something real nice, I know that! See, Devin? That's how you treat your mother.

And guys--Don't go dating Devin Hester, even though it seems like a good idea because he's really popular and you think he's cute. He's just a gold-digging hussy who's only out for lemon phosphates and carnival tokens. Go find someone who's nice and sweet and reminds you of your mom. That's my advice.

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You Wish You Were This Cool

In the newest SI, there's an interview with Devin Hester where he's talking about growing up as a huge Deion Sanders fan. While Hester was at Miami, Neon got wind of Devin's fondness and left him the following voice mail:

"Hey, it's Prime. I want to be part of your life. Let me know."

They've been close friends ever since.

And, I know what you're thinking - Yes. Deion refers to himself as Prime. Not Prime Time, mind you, but just fuckin' Prime. Bad. Ass.

I demand this become a catchphrase.

Also, before you ask - yes, I did try to find only the most tangentally related picture for this post. Deion's jheri curl is out of control in that picture. Prime Time indeed, ladies.

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