The Other Side of Darkness

Guest author Ted, a man who's been in a coma since spring of 2001, weighs in on the early NFL free agent moves:

Oh man... I think my Vikes are really gonna make a run next year. I just hope they can convince Robert Smith to come back another season and then trade up to draft David Terrell to replace Chris Carter when he calls it quits. He'd be the perfect complement to Moss--I know it.

Wait--what?! Randy Moss is a free agent? How did that happen? Great! Typical Vikes... we finally have a star player, and we let him walk as a free agent after three seasons. Unbelievable. Denny Green needs to be fired. The Vikes are the only team dumb enough to employ him, and I guarantee he never works again once they finally can his ass.

And what's this--the Rams cut Isaac Bruce?! But what'll become of the greatest show on turf?? They have such a good thing going.

Jevon Kearse was cut too? He's one of the best young ends in the game. What are they SMOKING in Tennessee? Whatever it is, I bet it comes from Afghanistan or whatever that country where we get all our drugs. Or is it Khazakstan? Whatever--like anyone knows them apart anyway.

This is unbelievable... Ty Law was cut too?! Wow. The Patriots. What a mismanaged franchise. I don't know why they would ever get rid of Pete Carroll to hire some retread who couldn't win in Cleveland. And I bet those dumbasses let Bledsoe walk after the season. Have fun in last place next year.

Shit, I'd better get going. Busy day at Arthur Andersen tomorrow. Accounting--it's a bitch sometimes, but at least I know I have stability.

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New Inta Juice location to move in next to Cheers

Well, I can't really confirm that, but I just had to comment on the trade of one of YCS's all-time favorite athletes Randy Moss. I aslo had to find an excuse to recycle this hi-larious MS Paint masterpiece by yours truly:


Now I'm no big city NFL talent scout, but has Randy Moss's game really declined that much that he's only worth a fourth-round pick? If I were Joe Buck, I might even call it "disgusting." I mean, yeah, his production was awful last year, but so were his quarterbacks.

More importantly, Randy Moss, unlike most athletes, has admitted to the fact that he only plays hard when he feels like it. Were I on a 2-14 team that couldn't convert a first down, I know I wouldn't play hard. Hell, I'd probably fake an injury or even retire.

But no matter team he went to--be it the Packers, Patriots, whomever--he would automatically be in a way better spot where he would be way more motivated to play. All I'm saying is that even a slightly motivated Randy Moss had to be worth more than a fourth-rounder. He's not a kid anymore, but he's not ancient either. That could just be bias talking, but I really think Randy is gonna come back and make the Raiders look... well... even dumber.

And this time, Randy will shake his dick.

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